06-23-2020, 02:50 PM
YADIGAR
there’s a hole in my chest but it’s mine, baby, it’s all i got.
Why would he want to leave? The answer is so immense that he can only laugh in response, but the sound comes out bitter and melancholy. Their lives are so wonderfully different that he cannot begin to grasp the opposite question – why would she want to stay? If he only knew, he would be crippled by his jealousy of her home life. Oh, the things he would do for a father who loved him and a mother who could see her husband for what he is. But his parents’ marriage, their love has warped their family into something dreadful.
He has seen the hideous face of love and he wants to rip it apart.
His ears turn forward when she answers him, and it breaks his heart into glittering fragments. The sound of her tired breathing fills the void between them as he stares at her small hooves. Slowly, he lets out the breath he’d been holding in. Yadigar lifts his gaze as she bridges the gap between them with excited little steps.
“I want to leave because this world is awful. I’m tired of being hurt and hurting others. I want to be small and unimportant, I want to never stay long enough for anyone to love me,” he explains, and the words just keep spilling out like a dam has burst open. “Because when you love a monster, you become one. You can’t see right from wrong anymore.”
And he wants to beg his family to see what he sees. He wants to hold his sisters’ eyes open and show them what their father really is when he is cooing over them or praising them. Yadigar wants his mother to take them all to Loess, to the one place he hates to step foot. But he can only beg and cry when they don’t see it – just like Breach won’t see it either. He is in a room of crowded people and not a single one can hear him screaming, it seems. None of them except his father.
He has seen the hideous face of love and he wants to rip it apart.
His ears turn forward when she answers him, and it breaks his heart into glittering fragments. The sound of her tired breathing fills the void between them as he stares at her small hooves. Slowly, he lets out the breath he’d been holding in. Yadigar lifts his gaze as she bridges the gap between them with excited little steps.
“I want to leave because this world is awful. I’m tired of being hurt and hurting others. I want to be small and unimportant, I want to never stay long enough for anyone to love me,” he explains, and the words just keep spilling out like a dam has burst open. “Because when you love a monster, you become one. You can’t see right from wrong anymore.”
And he wants to beg his family to see what he sees. He wants to hold his sisters’ eyes open and show them what their father really is when he is cooing over them or praising them. Yadigar wants his mother to take them all to Loess, to the one place he hates to step foot. But he can only beg and cry when they don’t see it – just like Breach won’t see it either. He is in a room of crowded people and not a single one can hear him screaming, it seems. None of them except his father.