"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
01-16-2017, 09:10 PM (This post was last modified: 01-16-2017, 11:27 PM by Lilitha.)
Fire slicked along black skin, leaving white hot agony in its wake. Golden eyes drifted closed as a shiver ran through her still-broadening frame, two and a half years bulking out her shoulders and hips, thickening her legs, leaving a solid growth of feathering along her lower legs, lengthening her hair to a thick tangle of crimson flowing down her neck.
Two years, she had been on her own. Two years since Beqanna itself had turned her away from her home and her family, had warped and twisted the fire in her veins until it burned her with every touch, a fickle friend flickering between warmth and searing pain in the space of a heartbeat, beckoning her close and sinking fangs into her skin, dragging the sharp edges along her neck, her shoulder, her spine.
It had brought tears to her eyes at first, and screams to her throat. Now, though? Now it glazed her golden eyes and made her heart race, and when it passed it left her wanting more. Today, with the final dregs of winter still clinging to the earth, the last snow still clinging to the ground in slippery glaze that collapsed beneath heavy hooves, today she wore that fire like a cloak, shimmering along her skin, warming a body that had never quite adjusted to winter’s bite, had never quite grown a thick, shaggy coat to protect from her icy touch. What need did she have of such things when the fire kept her hot, and did so with a delicious fervor that lit an altogether different kind of fire in her blood?
The ice cracked and crunched and compressed beneath her hooves, a sound that grated on Lilitha’s nerves far more than the hiss and sizzle of steam when her steps were shrouded in flickering flame but did far less damage to the plant life slumbering beneath the surface, waiting to burst forth with the springtime thaw. Still, she could hardly stand still until the ice was gone, and restless energy stirred in her chest in a way it hadn’t in ages, almost since the fire came back to her so long ago now. It pulled her, all unwilling, out of the depths of the forest where she had retreated a turn and a half of the seasons past or more. Just Lilitha and the fire, and the vicious, delicious pain it woke with every use.
But now...
Once interacting with others of her species had come so easily to Lilitha. Once, what felt like lifetimes ago, she had been gregarious, a bright young butterfly flitting from one person to the next with a hapless flutter of her magnificent wings, black edged in red just like the rest of her.. Now? Only jagged scars remained of those glorious wings, and it had been long enough since she’d interacted with others of her kind that she had rather forgotten how to do so.
She glanced around, drifting through the forest that had once fit her like a second skin and now felt like jangling metal and jagged glass, stark and sharp and dangerous. In her restless wandering, she cast about for a familiar face...or perhaps an unfamiliar one would be better. She wasn’t the same wide-eyed girl she had been; darkness warred with the firelight in her golden eyes, and she roamed the woods, treading through the shade of towering trees where once she would have pranced and frolicked and stumbled carelessly.
So little had changed here in the forest, though seasons passed, one year spilling into another, into another. The world had settled into its strange new rhythm, and strange was not so very different from the one before. And yet. There was still no place for Lilitha, not in a world that had turned its back on her when she was young.
01-16-2017, 11:18 PM (This post was last modified: 02-06-2017, 05:46 PM by Moment.)
Let me apologize to begin with...
Sometimes I feel like I have been wandering for ages. I mean, I kind of have. It's been, what? Two years almost? So yeah, ages. Half my life. Well, actually, my whole life, if you count all the time before.
Before, when I still bothered trying to find my family. I've stopped now. It's so pointless, they've never wanted me. Only one horse had ever seemed to want me around. I haven't seen her in a while, but I miss her. I had somehow managed to misplace her a while back (don't ask me how - story of my life). I keep hoping I'll see a flash of her red, red hair, but I haven't yet. Sometimes I think I do, but then it never is.
It's been a long and lonely few years, but I'm used to being alone. So really, it's just life, trudging on like it always does.
It's winter again, or the tail end of it at least. I can smell spring in the air, but patches of snow still crunch under my feet. My bay coat is thick and shaggy still, my dark mane now long and tangled, the feathering around my feet shaggy and gray with mud. I could be handsome, I suppose, if I ever bothered to clean up. But really, what's the point? There's no one around to impress.
I trudge onward through the trees, not really paying attention to where I'm going (I've seen it all a hundred times before anyway), so the appearance of another actually surprises me. What surprises me more is that, after a moment of rather dumbfounded staring, I actually recognize the red and black form.
”Litha?” I ask softly, tone equally skeptical and hopeful. My teal eyes find hers, and I wonder for a minute if perhaps I'm dreaming.
02-06-2017, 12:39 AM (This post was last modified: 02-06-2017, 12:39 AM by Lilitha.)
And suddenly hers was not the only set of footsteps crunching through the last remnants of winter’s icy grip. Suddenly two drumbeats danced in harmony, a second rhythm rising to join hers as it echoed through the frigid air. A wave of nervous energy rushed beneath her skin and she slowed, turning to face the oncoming stranger - or perhaps not-so-stranger, as it happened. “Litha?” his soft voice asked, and something in those teal eyes quieted the fire, soothed the pain of it that lingered on her skin. She blinked, too startled to speak for a moment, and then--
“Mo?” Her voice was just as subdued, just as hesitant, heavy with that same skepticism even as hope buoyed it up. Smoke and pain and two years of hard growing up had left her voice huskier, deeper than when last they’d seen each other, though that was hardly the only thing that had changed. They’d both grown up, and she’d lost the wings she’d once used to blanket them, traded feathers in for ugly scars and fire that sent agony screaming through her body with every touch.
She took a careful step forward, but those were her Mo’s eyes, hidden in a frame of shaggy winter brown and a long tangle of black. Before she knew it one step had turned into another, and another, and she was tucked up against him, wrapping herself around him, pulling him close. “Mo,” she breathed out softly, hugging him tight. “Oh, I’ve missed you so. It’s been far too long.”
Will you fight when it all burns down?
@[insane] I'm sorry it took forever and is soooo short but ahhhh <3 <3 <3!
02-06-2017, 05:45 PM (This post was last modified: 02-06-2017, 05:47 PM by Moment.)
Let me apologize to begin with...
So much has changed since I last saw her. We’ve both grown, both changed. Though she more so than me, it seems. She doesn’t have wings anymore. That threw me off a bit at first, maybe why it took me a minute to recognize her. It also makes me wonder what she had traded them in for.
Of course, we all know the story. Of the Reckoning and the fairies and the exchange of gifts. Hers had been her wings, gone now. Mine is a horn, a long spiral that still pierces from the center of my forehead. If I could help it, I would never trade it in for my old trait. I had hated it so much, the way that others seemed to fear me, the way accidents always happened around me. It had been a blessing to have it taken away, removed as though it had never been.
I still live in fear of the day they might decide to return it though. They’re such fickle creatures, these fairies. I can never be quite certain what they might do.
But that is a worry for another time. Now, Litha is here, in front of me, so very real and solid. My heart fills with pure happiness when she responds with my name. Or rather, the nickname she had given me. A grin stretches my lips as her frame (only slightly smaller than mine) collides with mine and we’re wrapped in a warm embrace. I tuck my chin against her shoulder, breathing in her scent (familiar but somehow new and different at the same time), silly grin plastered to my face.
”Me too Litha,” I respond quickly, excitement and joy echoing in my tone before it turns a bit melancholy. My eternal state of being apparently. ”For a while there I thought maybe I had dreamed you up.”
It wouldn’t have been entirely unthinkable. I met her when I was at my loneliest. It only makes sense that I might dream up a friend.
God, it had been so long since anyone had held her, had touched her, had even been near her. Lilitha sighed against Moment’s skin, pulling him closer and savoring the warmth of his body, so much more solid and steady than the flickering flames that kept her warm on her own. She couldn’t bring herself to let go, not even when his happiness faded into quiet, aching melancholy.
She pressed her lips to his shoulder and murmured back, “Me too. You disappeared like a dream, and I almost thought you were one. A lonely little girl’s imaginary friend, or a fleeting daydream of a sweet boy to hold close and feel safe with.” Someone who could be family when her family was once again lost. Somewhere along the line, Lilitha had stopped believing in the word, but it had been a lovely little dream while it had lasted.
Just like every other time she’d had a family.
Golden eyes closed, jaw clenching against a sudden wave of sadness that threatened to drown her beneath the weight of so many memories. Goodbyes no one bothered to speak, hope fading and home dispersing into mist without a word. Family was a fantasy that lasted only a few precious moments before dissolving once again, carried away on the wind and so rarely carried back.
Lilitha drew in a steadying breath and pulled back, pasting a smile on her face with enough determination she almost managed to fool herself. “But here you are, and here I am, so I guess we’re real after all. How have you been, Mo? Is Mo still okay, or do you prefer Moment now?”
I press close, muzzle resting heavily against her shoulder as I soak in the warmth and comfort of an old friend (in truth, my only friend). I wish the moment could last forever, that we could stay like this always and pretend the world doesn't exist.
But alas, these moments are always fleeting in nature, and even this one must end. Though why it has to end with me feeling like a total heel, I'm not quite sure. Her words snap me out of my reverie and I flinch a bit internally, my heart breaking as my culpability sinks in.
I had never meant to be like the rest of my family, to disappear on the only other horse who had ever seemed to care for me. The weight of guilt sinks deep into my breast as my breath catches in my throat. ”I'm so sorry, Litha,”, I whisper quietly, almost inaudibly.
There are a hundred things I could say, a hundred excuses I could give, but they all seem so trite now. So very poor and inexcusable. ”I'm here now, I won't leave again. I promise.”
Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I pull back as she does, my teal eyes rising to meet her golden ones. I smile a small, tremulous smile, hoping she won't notice the tears that threaten (I always seem on the verge of crying around her. I never seem to have this problem any other time, but maybe that's just what happens when you're with those you care about. I wouldn't really know, I have so few).
”Mo is wonderful. I've been ok, I suppose. Surviving.” I laugh a bit half-heartedly at that, eyes ducking down briefly before finding hers again. ”And you Litha? You look really good. And your wings, they're gone!” I continue, eyes once more lighting a bit. ”Tell me everything.”
It is a welcome distraction, and one I'm hoping will make her overlook the fact I hadn't shared much of my story. It's boring really, and rather sad. I haven't managed to do much yet besides waste my life away doing a whole lot of nothing.
Moment’s whispered apology had the breath catching in Lilitha’s lungs, and she held him tight all over again, drawing him in, sinking into the warmth of his skin. “Oh, honey, it’s okay. You aren’t the only one who disappeared.” She hadn’t been the same since the fire had come back to her, since it had begun to set pain nerves ablaze with every touch, since it had burned away the wings she’d come to love so dearly. She hadn’t looked very hard, part of her preferring to be alone even as her desperate heart ached with the solitude.
She brushed her lips against his shoulder, letting his promise roll off her skin and fall to the ground unanswered. How many times had she heard such words, a vow that she’d never be alone again? Each time she’d believed, no matter who had spoken it. And each time that vow had been broken. Instead, she just nodded, giving the illusion of acceptance without letting her heart hope for once it would be true.
Oh, but she couldn’t resist that smile. “Okay, Mo,” she murmured, an answering smile stealing its way onto lips that had almost forgotten how. “I...thank you. I don’t know where to begin, not really.” She looked away, finding it hard to meet the shy warmth in his teal gaze. “The fire came back, and it burned away my wings. I suppose that’s most of it, really. Mostly it’s been just me since then.
“No sign of my…” Was he even her father anymore? He’d taken on the name willingly enough, but she’d barely seen him since she’d defied Beqanna and been banished from his newly-won homeland. Not at all since she was quite small. “No sign of...of Romek,” she reluctantly amended, closing golden eyes against the fissures running through her fragile heart. “Nor of any of the friends I made when I was young. Other than you, of course,” she added with a tentative smile, tucking herself up against him a little closer.
“I guess that’s all there is to tell.” Or at least all she was willing to let out. No need to go into weeks and months and years of agony, nor to bring him down or add to his already evident guilt. Instead she rubbed her cheek against the side of his neck and fought to keep up the pretense. “I mostly go by Lilitha now, but...well, you can keep calling me Litha if you like. You’re my Mo, after all.”
I should never have made promises I couldn't keep, but my intentions had always been pure. Even now, I can't imagine a reason good enough to leave. But I've done it before, and even as the promise slips past my lips, I know it was a mistake. Her lack of answer is proof enough.
Still, I squeeze her a bit tighter. A part of me hopes that maybe, if I just hold on to her tight enough, I'll be able to keep her with me always. Another, more sensible part of me knows it for the fallacy it is. I don't answer her either, knowing there is nothing I could say to make the truth go away, or to make such abandonment any less painful.
I know abandonment all too well.
I haven't really thought of my family in ages. It all seems so distant. But being here, with Lilitha so near and her familiar scent in my nostrils, it brings it all back. And her hesitation makes it all so much worse, her acknowledgement of her adoptive father by his name rather than a more familiar title hits so close to home. "I'm so sorry," I say again, apparently unable to say anything else. I brush a gentle caress across her shoulder, soothing and heartfelt in its warmth. I know too well that pain.
In some respects, she is fortunate to have had a father. In others, perhaps I am more fortunate to have never known mine. At least I didn't have to experience the pain of abandonment twice.
"Lilitha." I test her full name on my tongue before offering her a small, teasing grin. "So grown up. And here I thought we'd never grown up."
My features turn serious once more as I shift my teal gaze to consider the forest. After a few moments of silence, I turn back to her to ask quietly, almost hesitantly "Do you want to find him? Romek?"
It felt so good to be held. It had been so long, maybe since the last time they’d been curled up together even. Lilitha melted into her Mo’s embrace, sighing and holding him close, feeling the warmth of his body seeping into her skin. “It’s okay, Mo. It is. I needed…” She trailed off, resting her chin on his withers and struggling to find words to express something she barely understood herself. “I think maybe I needed to go it alone for a while, you know? Please don’t blame yourself. I could have tried to find you. It’s on me too, love.”
He tested out her full name, and warmth bloomed in her chest at the sound of it on his lips. She blushed and ducked her head, pulling away to grin up at him. “Everybody grows up eventually, Mo. Even us.” As he turned to study the trees around them, Lilitha sighed and rubbed her cheek against his shoulder, soaking up the feel of a warm body against her, breathing in the smell of friendship and safety and connection for the first time in far too long. Her Mo.
But his words interrupted her quiet reverie, and she stilled in the middle of gently nuzzling the curve of his neck and scritching at a stray bit of hair with her teeth. She paused, biting her lip and quietly considering. Did she want to find Romek? It had been so long, and he had been a part of her life so briefly.
“I...I don’t think so,” she whispered, looking away and struggling to keep her lips from giving into the sadness suddenly weighing them down.. “I think...I think if he wanted to find me, I would have seen him in the last few years. He has a life and a family, and I can’t be a part of that if I’m banished from his home. It’s okay though. I’m used to being alone. What about you? Tell me more about you, Mo.” As subject changes went, it was hardly subtle, but Lilitha could barely think over the ache in her chest. It would have to do.
Life is so lonely without someone to share it with. And whatever else could be said, I’m so happy that she’s here. I could stand here all day, soaking in the warmth of a good friend. She seems content to do the same, and that makes me happy. For the first time in a long time, a tiny tendril of true happiness blooms in my chest, bringing a happier smile to my lips.
I shake my head a bit as she continues, though not in disagreement. ”I think maybe I had quite a bit of growing up to do,” I respond a bit sheepishly. Not in the literal sense, though that is true as well. I had to grow into myself, and that’s something I think one has to do on their own. Even now though, I still sometimes feel like I’m just a little yearling again, and that nothing at all has changed in life.
But she reminds me that things always change. Perhaps it’s not always a bad thing either. I’m older now, wiser. I know and understand so much more than I did the first time Lilitha and I met.
I remain silent for a long time after she turns the conversation back to me. Back to what I’ve been doing with my life. And though I don’t move away from her embrace, I glance away, a bit embarrassed at having to admit that I’ve been rather aimless.”Yeah, me too. I guess I’ve mostly just been wandering. Alone. There’s not much to tell I guess. I mean, I’ve seen some fantastic things. I’d like to show them to you, if you want. I think they’d probably be so much better with someone to share them with.”
I pause then, frowning a bit as I turn my bright teal gaze back to Lilitha, considering a bit more closely. ”I mean, only if you want.” Pause. ”What do you want to do?” I think perhaps that is the most important thing I probably should have asked sooner.
