Let me apologize to begin with...

Sometimes I feel like I have been wandering for ages. I mean, I kind of have. It's been, what? Two years almost? So yeah, ages. Half my life. Well, actually, my whole life, if you count all the time before.

Before, when I still bothered trying to find my family. I've stopped now. It's so pointless, they've never wanted me. Only one horse had ever seemed to want me around. I haven't seen her in a while, but I miss her. I had somehow managed to misplace her a while back (don't ask me how - story of my life). I keep hoping I'll see a flash of her red, red hair, but I haven't yet. Sometimes I think I do, but then it never is.

It's been a long and lonely few years, but I'm used to being alone. So really, it's just life, trudging on like it always does.

It's winter again, or the tail end of it at least. I can smell spring in the air, but patches of snow still crunch under my feet. My bay coat is thick and shaggy still, my dark mane now long and tangled, the feathering around my feet shaggy and gray with mud. I could be handsome, I suppose, if I ever bothered to clean up. But really, what's the point? There's no one around to impress.

I trudge onward through the trees, not really paying attention to where I'm going (I've seen it all a hundred times before anyway), so the appearance of another actually surprises me. What surprises me more is that, after a moment of rather dumbfounded staring, I actually recognize the red and black form.

”Litha?” I ask softly, tone equally skeptical and hopeful. My teal eyes find hers, and I wonder for a minute if perhaps I'm dreaming.

Moment

accident-prone son of Offspring and Lirren

Let me apologize to begin with...

So much has changed since I last saw her. We’ve both grown, both changed. Though she more so than me, it seems. She doesn’t have wings anymore. That threw me off a bit at first, maybe why it took me a minute to recognize her. It also makes me wonder what she had traded them in for.

Of course, we all know the story. Of the Reckoning and the fairies and the exchange of gifts. Hers had been her wings, gone now. Mine is a horn, a long spiral that still pierces from the center of my forehead. If I could help it, I would never trade it in for my old trait. I had hated it so much, the way that others seemed to fear me, the way accidents always happened around me. It had been a blessing to have it taken away, removed as though it had never been.

I still live in fear of the day they might decide to return it though. They’re such fickle creatures, these fairies. I can never be quite certain what they might do.

But that is a worry for another time. Now, Litha is here, in front of me, so very real and solid. My heart fills with pure happiness when she responds with my name. Or rather, the nickname she had given me. A grin stretches my lips as her frame (only slightly smaller than mine) collides with mine and we’re wrapped in a warm embrace. I tuck my chin against her shoulder, breathing in her scent (familiar but somehow new and different at the same time), silly grin plastered to my face.

”Me too Litha,” I respond quickly, excitement and joy echoing in my tone before it turns a bit melancholy. My eternal state of being apparently. ”For a while there I thought maybe I had dreamed you up.”

It wouldn’t have been entirely unthinkable. I met her when I was at my loneliest. It only makes sense that I might dream up a friend.

Moment

accident-prone son of Offspring and Lirren

Let me apologize to begin with...

I press close, muzzle resting heavily against her shoulder as I soak in the warmth and comfort of an old friend (in truth, my only friend). I wish the moment could last forever, that we could stay like this always and pretend the world doesn't exist.

But alas, these moments are always fleeting in nature, and even this one must end. Though why it has to end with me feeling like a total heel, I'm not quite sure. Her words snap me out of my reverie and I flinch a bit internally, my heart breaking as my culpability sinks in.

I had never meant to be like the rest of my family, to disappear on the only other horse who had ever seemed to care for me. The weight of guilt sinks deep into my breast as my breath catches in my throat. ”I'm so sorry, Litha,”, I whisper quietly, almost inaudibly.

There are a hundred things I could say, a hundred excuses I could give, but they all seem so trite now. So very poor and inexcusable. ”I'm here now, I won't leave again. I promise.”

Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I pull back as she does, my teal eyes rising to meet her golden ones. I smile a small, tremulous smile, hoping she won't notice the tears that threaten (I always seem on the verge of crying around her. I never seem to have this problem any other time, but maybe that's just what happens when you're with those you care about. I wouldn't really know, I have so few).

”Mo is wonderful. I've been ok, I suppose. Surviving.” I laugh a bit half-heartedly at that, eyes ducking down briefly before finding hers again. ”And you Litha? You look really good. And your wings, they're gone!” I continue, eyes once more lighting a bit. ”Tell me everything.”

It is a welcome distraction, and one I'm hoping will make her overlook the fact I hadn't shared much of my story. It's boring really, and rather sad. I haven't managed to do much yet besides waste my life away doing a whole lot of nothing.

Moment

accident-prone son of Offspring and Lirren

Let me apologize to begin with...

I should never have made promises I couldn't keep, but my intentions had always been pure. Even now, I can't imagine a reason good enough to leave. But I've done it before, and even as the promise slips past my lips, I know it was a mistake. Her lack of answer is proof enough.

Still, I squeeze her a bit tighter. A part of me hopes that maybe, if I just hold on to her tight enough, I'll be able to keep her with me always. Another, more sensible part of me knows it for the fallacy it is. I don't answer her either, knowing there is nothing I could say to make the truth go away, or to make such abandonment any less painful.

I know abandonment all too well.

I haven't really thought of my family in ages. It all seems so distant. But being here, with Lilitha so near and her familiar scent in my nostrils, it brings it all back. And her hesitation makes it all so much worse, her acknowledgement of her adoptive father by his name rather than a more familiar title hits so close to home. "I'm so sorry," I say again, apparently unable to say anything else. I brush a gentle caress across her shoulder, soothing and heartfelt in its warmth. I know too well that pain.

In some respects, she is fortunate to have had a father. In others, perhaps I am more fortunate to have never known mine. At least I didn't have to experience the pain of abandonment twice.

"Lilitha." I test her full name on my tongue before offering her a small, teasing grin. "So grown up. And here I thought we'd never grown up."

My features turn serious once more as I shift my teal gaze to consider the forest. After a few moments of silence, I turn back to her to ask quietly, almost hesitantly "Do you want to find him? Romek?"

Moment

accident-prone son of Offspring and Lirren

Let me apologize to begin with...

Life is so lonely without someone to share it with. And whatever else could be said, I’m so happy that she’s here. I could stand here all day, soaking in the warmth of a good friend. She seems content to do the same, and that makes me happy. For the first time in a long time, a tiny tendril of true happiness blooms in my chest, bringing a happier smile to my lips.

I shake my head a bit as she continues, though not in disagreement. ”I think maybe I had quite a bit of growing up to do,” I respond a bit sheepishly. Not in the literal sense, though that is true as well. I had to grow into myself, and that’s something I think one has to do on their own. Even now though, I still sometimes feel like I’m just a little yearling again, and that nothing at all has changed in life.

But she reminds me that things always change. Perhaps it’s not always a bad thing either. I’m older now, wiser. I know and understand so much more than I did the first time Lilitha and I met.

I remain silent for a long time after she turns the conversation back to me. Back to what I’ve been doing with my life. And though I don’t move away from her embrace, I glance away, a bit embarrassed at having to admit that I’ve been rather aimless.”Yeah, me too. I guess I’ve mostly just been wandering. Alone. There’s not much to tell I guess. I mean, I’ve seen some fantastic things. I’d like to show them to you, if you want. I think they’d probably be so much better with someone to share them with.”

I pause then, frowning a bit as I turn my bright teal gaze back to Lilitha, considering a bit more closely. ”I mean, only if you want.” Pause. ”What do you want to do?” I think perhaps that is the most important thing I probably should have asked sooner.

Moment

accident-prone son of Offspring and Lirren