"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
ring the bells that still can ring, forget your perfect offering there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in
She had been expecting this day, but expecting is nothing like experiencing.
It wasn't often that Solace was caught off guard. Rarely did the sight of another cause her chest to constrict, or force her to fall from her place in the sky with more speed than grace. Few could rouse such confusion (fear?) and hope simultaneously in Hyaline's Caretaker. But he had always done that - this was nothing new.
Did he know? The question beets like a drum line in her mind as her aquamarine eyes float over his frame, as if there would be some clue as to where he had been hidden there.
Had he flown watchfully over the mountains on cloudy days when there was little chance of his presence being noticed? Had he seen his son, his daughter flourishing on the lake shore? She wants to think he has, that one of the dark shadows which had crossed her was his. That he knows them, that he has come back to know them better.
They are so like him, she thinks, as her heart twists again, surely one look at the pair would confirm any suspicion he may have had.
She lands before him, her sky-blue wings disrupting a flurry of fall leaves, and thoughts of his past sin scatter.
She carries the scents of her kingdom - ripe autumn and frosty nights.
The scents of motherhood - warm milk and babies breath.
The scents of her wife - sex and sleep and messy hair.
and still, and still you missed him. you have everything and you missed him. you selfish bitch. you're more like Tangerine than you ever knew, when all is said and done.
'I missed you.' She nearly breathes the words (and maybe the confession shows in her eyes; she had never been an actress) but she her lips remain pressed together. It would be wrong for her to say it.
"They miss you," Solace says instead, her voice burning, yet light, like warm wax across skin.
08-22-2018, 08:24 AM (This post was last modified: 08-22-2018, 08:38 AM by Castile.)
It was only a matter of time until he was found. The minutes melted into hours as anxiety paralyzed him and rooted him to the meadow. Here, in the open field, he is exposed to their roving eyes. Castile doesn’t try to hide himself any longer, nor does he take flight to soar far from the looming accusations. Deep in the chasms of his heart, he is excited to see both Sabra and Solace, but also thrumming beneath the skin is his fear of rejection and his failure.
An occasional glance grants him a brief observance of the clouds as they slowly drift across the sky of blue. An underlying expectance to see Solace seizes him and when it actually happens – her lithe body and azure wings – his breath catches in his throat. He glimpses her for a heartbeat while she soars, but then his metallic eyes fall in shame, and he wonders if she will regard him or simply pass him by.
The muffled thud in front of him provides the answer.
Inhale… Exhale…
Castile steadies his breathing before lifting his eyes to her, expecting to see fury or disappointment or hate. Much to his surprise, there is something deeper, gentler, but he doesn’t speak until she has. They? His gaze flickers to the side as though the subject of her admission will appear from thin air. Solace doesn’t elaborate; she doesn’t even touch him like she once did. He finds himself craving it like a drug, his heart beginning to hammer in his chest. ”Who is they?” The memory of their evening flashes to the forefront of his mind, playing in sickeningly vivid detail. A smile almost makes it to his lips, but he harbors it. There had been intention that night from both parties. Castile knew what would come about. It was only a matter of time until Solace delivered their first child, but he didn’t know that she actually conceived twins.
Even now, when she says ‘they,’ Castile cannot fathom the prospect of more than one child.
A step is taken forward all while he drunkenly inhales the richness of her scent. It isn’t only her; there is Hyaline, children, her herd. Together entwined makes up the enticement of her, but still, Castile doesn’t reach to touch her. There is likely another in her life; he could never have expected her to wait for him, not when he hurt her both physically and emotionally. Yet, he can still see a deep churning in her eyes. Did she still want him? Did he ever cross her mind? For a long moment, Castile holds her gaze, searching her.
And then his voice finds ground, but it is low, only for her to hear. ”Tell me you didn’t miss me.” He dares her to contradict what her eyes are telling him.
Ring the bells that still can ring, forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.
She watches the ebb and flow of his emotions as they wash across his face in waves. He had always been a creature of passion, dark and brooding as the heart of a thundercloud, he had always been electric yet fleeting.
To her at least.
'Who are they?' he asks, even as she sees recognition dawning on him and an almost-smile lifting the corners of his eyes. But any hope she selfishly harbored is already plummeting. He had no idea, she realizes. You didn't matter to him, they don't matter to him.
With this realization, the light in her eyes grows hard as the void created by her fading hope is filled with another emotion - one whos rise is as unexpected as it is powerful. In his absence, she had over invented him into someone he wasn't - the silent guardian, the invisible king. The ever watchful father above, ready to swoop in should the need arise.
But that wasn't who he was.
"Your son, your daughter." She reminds him in a flat voice, which feebly shades her deeper feeling. "They want to know who you are. They ask about you, questions I can't answer."
He steps forward and she feels the vibration of the earth travel up her legs, and the musky scent him washes over her. The wild light has returned to his mismatched eyes; alive with the same look which drew her in again and again when she was a younger queen. He lowers his voice, husky, masculine, wanting, and she her eyes slide closed under the magnitude of it.
"That doesn't matter."
He dares her, and she refuses. She had been ready to give him everything, she had been ripe, desperate (in love?) and in need of him. But another had sown up for the harvest. His weight had nearly smothered her, the night when she had first felt the grasp of a lover - when the clawing, panting dragon had clasped her under his talons. His bones had cracked on top of her, the creamy perfection of her pale skin had been permanently scarred. She had hated him that night.
But like a bitch in heat, she had gone back.
But not again.
"Don't look at me like that," Solace commands, "If you think you're going to fuck me again you'll have to summon that monster to hold me down."
The yearning in her eyes (she missed him and wondered where he had been) gives Castile a flicker of hope, but before he can grasp it and treasure it, it’s gone. Following his question, Solace blinks, and an anger suffocates what tenderness she had. This is what he expected – rage, hate, regret – but when faced with it, he flinches and inches back. He isn’t so proud as to mask his emotions and to appear stoic and unfazed. A thunderstorm of energy, yes, that is what he is. An inferno. Nearly a minute passes until realizing he had been holding his breath, watching her with unwavering intensity. ”I didn’t know… I thought…” but does it really matter what he thinks anymore? ”Twins?” The sense of failure nips at his heels, drawing blood now. It wasn’t just Solace he failed. The tally is increasing day by day, it seems.
Mother. Father. Solace. Sabra. Two sets of twins.
Four fucking children.
The weight of it hunches his shoulders and drops his head. Even his wings, proudly nestled, slide to the ground in defeat. There is a silence that lasts an eternity as the memories replay again and again until he is able to meet her eyes again. Solace, holding steadfast, speaks with a distant frigidity that he should have anticipated, but simply cannot accept. A lungful of air is drawn in, and it carries with her the enticing scent of what was and what currently is. There is still Hyaline and children, but there is a potent scent of another. It catches his attention albeit briefly because he masks it with what he remembers of them together, when she was his.
When they belonged to each other.
What distance he added between them is lost as he edges closer to her, lifting his metallic eyes to hers. He could touch her if he wanted, relive what they had, but he refrains. Would it drive her away? No, he won’t risk it. Castile is selfish; he wants her to stay right here with him, to keep her all to himself. ”It matters to me,” he finally quips with a sharpness in his tone that even he is unfamiliar with, but it doesn’t last. They’ve always been tender with one another – sweet caresses and kisses along their necks and shoulders – which he, even now, cannot let go. The sugary taste of her name is on the tip of his tongue, teasing him as his gaze traces along her despite her command. Unable to take it seriously, his lopsided, boyish grin stretches across his lips. Their eyes meet and steadily hold. ”I mean, if that’s what you’re into now, Solace.” His laughter is deep and rich in the space between them, luring her to abandon her guarded wall and to return into his embrace.
”We have a family,” he reiterates, more for his own realization than hers. They, together, created not just one but two beautiful children. While disappointed in his shortcomings, Castile cannot suppress the joy that blossoms in his gut. He wants to finally meet them, to reassure them that they have a father that cares for them. Searching Solace’s delicate face (he avoids searching for the scars he had bored into her flesh), he admits in a most tender voice, a tone so unlike the monster that lingers within him. ”I think you underestimate how much I care for you,” he murmurs, his breath warm and smoky, ”and always will.”
There is a pause as he finally reaches forward, smothering his fears of frightening her away, to touch the soft curve of her jaw and to sate what he has been wanting most. ”No matter what.”
Ring the bells that still can ring, forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.
Disappointment weighs down the robust stallion's every gesture, and she sees that he knows he has let them down. That he truly feels it, his wrongdoing, and this slowly begins to soften Solace. Despite what her mind is telling her, a spark of hope flairs in Solace's breast as his metallic eyes lift to meet hers. He would not deny their existence at least, all the stories she had told the twins of their sire would not be contradicted by the man himself.
Maybe he reads her and sees this change, but his disappointment is lifting visibly, replaced by the emotion which had lit their reunions with a golden light in her dreams. Joy. His delight threatens to unravel her, as it dulls the sharp pain of disappointment - the heartache she has been carrying for days.
He edges closer and tells her she's wrong, that he cares, and she want's to be wrong. As savory as nicotine, she draws his scent over her tongue, and it goes to her head. The significance of his presence to her story was undeniable - there is comfort in the way his broad shoulders would appear for her to lean on during turning points in her life. Whenever she found herself at a crossroads, Castle had emerged from the shadows, from the sky.
"I care about you too, Castile, I always have..." She wouldn't deny that, not to anyone. "I looked for you for months. I hoped you were just holding back until you learned how to control it, but I didn't imagine you had just left." The ice in her tone has melted, and there is nothing but broken honesty left. She does not accuse him, only reviles her feelings regardless of the cost.
'I think you underestimate how much I care for you, and always will... no matter what"
The lacerations from Kagerus last words are still raw, a slow bleed that will not stop. It had been her first true fight with her co-ruler and mate. The experience had left her reeling, alone, and more susceptible to the lure of comfort his presence offers her.
But as he finally reaches to close the gap, to consummate the feelings they both are so bad at hiding, she becomes untouchable.
His muzzle passes through her as if she did not exist - as if he stood speaking to a daydream - and the feeling of derailed expectation is sickening. She looks into his eyes with a strength that is not defiant, but it is steadfast, and she wonders if he understands the implications. He could never hurt her again. For all the power he possessed, they would never again press skin to skin unless she asked for it.
Things were different now. She had grown, and she wonders, if for all his professions of unconditional feeling, his promise will remain.
"Come to Hyaline, Castile." is her only response, "Velk and Valdis want to meet you, and they are still young enough to forgive you."
But she wasn't sure if she was.
@[Castile] so to clear up any confusion, she had 'phasing' now!
”I was too dangerous,” he mutters, his embarrassment reflected in the sheepish way he suddenly avoids her eyes. ”I couldn’t protect anyone, not even myself. I was afraid something would happen when our child was born.” The image of her blood flashes across the back of his eyelids when they drift shut. A battled raged inside him when his body shifted that day. Solace was victimized and the scars puckering her skin are constant reminders. It could have been worse, Castile once consoled himself as though that made it better. She was cut, yes, but more damage could have been inflicted if Castile had not been fighting himself. If it completely took over, Solace could have been killed. Their child – no, children – could have been killed.
Unfortunately, Castile cannot expect Solace and Sabra to see it that way. He left them without a word, without even a farewell. What good is he?
A reassuring touch is all he wanted – no, needed – from her, but instead his muzzle passes through as though she were a dream. Castile blinks once, twice, as he withdraws from where she should have been. Although she materializes again immediately, it takes a few long moments until Castile musters enough strength to meet her unyielding gaze. ”Okay,” he whispers with a defeated breath, understanding against his will. It cannot end like this, his musings blaze, but there isn’t anything he can do. Solace has made her decision, has built a wall to protect her heart from him. It would be so easy to be angry at her for this, for denying him, but he is stronger than that now – or, trying to be. Somehow, he swallows down the lump of emotion caught in his throat and reminds himself that this was to be expected. What they could have been – should have been – was destroyed when his mind buckled underneath the immense power of the monster inside him.
He won’t give up on her, but he will respect her decisions.
With a sigh weighted by his regrets, Castile finally admits, ”I’ve learned to control it.” He pauses briefly because he had mapped out how he would tell her, but that was before she coldly rejected his touch. ”I had done it for us, for our children.” The words almost catch in his throat and choke him, but with a surge of determination, they pour out. They will likely fall on deaf ears as Solace succumbs to her own inner battle between what she knows is right and wrong, and what she needs versus what she wants.
There is a thoughtfulness in Castile’s eyes as they sweep across Solace, then the open meadow. Valdis and Velk, their twins. He wants to smile, wants to brim with joy and elation, but something shackles his legs and suppresses what he wants. The maelstrom of thoughts are propelled from every direction, a chaotic swirl of past, present, and future. ”What have they been told about me, Solace?” Suddenly, he wonders how he is perceived by his children, and even by the rest of Hyaline as they watched their Queen raise a set of twins alone (or was she alone?). ”What do they think?” He doesn’t elaborate on who ‘they’ are, keeping the question open-ended and vague. Deep down, he means it as their twins and Hyaline
… and even the woman whose scent mingles so strongly with hers.
She knows all about his danger. He has often reminded her of its looming presence over their relationship, yet when she refuses his touch it is as if she has wronged him. The defeat in his voice strikes her - she is not heartless- but she does not flinch.
It was important that he know. He may believe he had mastered the beast he had been battling his entire life, but she couldn't be sure. He had to realize they he, it, couldn't hurt her, that they were safe from it. But when he fails to meet her gaze for a painfully long string of moments, she doesn't think he understands.
Maybe she should speak up, smooth away the tension that would forever haunt their time together, but something stops her.
Solace's disappointment in Castile had hit her hard, but it is fading quicker than she would like. She had spent an entire year building up his image in her mind; picturing him just beyond the nearest cloud, out of sight but always close, ready to rain fury on any who dared to hurt his young. But it was a lie. He had been far away, finding himself, finding others meet his needs. And that was a reality that took more than a moment for her to accept.
Her skin shimmers from the use of magic, it was still so new. But she takes a moment to put together her pieces, releasing a breath that she had unintentionally been holding. By the time he speaks again, she feels the anger fading and the void-returning.
And then he's asking more about them, and she the emotion which fills the void is soft and warm.
"I have," she replies and wistful smile softens the line of her blush lips. Solace had never shied from the twins questions. They had been free to ask her anything about their sire, and she had always done her best to answer. "I never spoke poorly of you," she answeres because that is what he is truly asking. "I told them what i could of you, that you would come back someday, but you had to leave. They admire you. They want to know you, and my simple answers will not be enough for them for long."
As their eyes meet again, Solace doesn't have to remind herself that he is here to fix things - to wright his wrong and make good on the promises she has told her children. She had gambled on him, knowing they would never forgive her, if he should never return. But she wanted to believe in him. She reaches for him; finally collapsing into the need to feel him, to confirm that he is finally here. They are close enough already, she doesn't have to step forward, yet she does. Solace brushes her muzzle across his cheek, pressing on to rest against the rugged strength of his chest if he will let her.
"They wanted to know what kind of man you were." She tilts her head against him, tired of fighting the storm of emotions, worn down from the damage of Kagerus' parting anger.
"Please, Castile, let them have the chance to find out for themselves that their father is a good man."
S
olace
we're reeling through an endless fall we are the ever-living ghost of what once was
