Ciri
She was prepared for red hot anger. For yelling and screaming and blind rage. Not for this coldness, this heartless way he flippantly throws her words of love back in her face. She is stunned. She knows deep down that he is hurt but she never thought he could be this… Unfeeling. Shutting her out so quickly, driving a wall between them.
The offer to leave is met with no resistance. He basically tells her it doesn’t matter one way or another and it’s like a stake to her already torn heart. She is practically panting with the effort to call her shield down around her against the sun, as if the stars could protect her from the cold iron barbs of his words. ”Then I’ll go.” She finally responds flatly, trying to harden herself much like he is.
Perhaps time would make this clear. Perhaps time would heal this wound. Or perhaps it was too damaged, too big to fix.
It is only when she tries to make the plea for their friendship that he breaks down before her. She is anguished by his complete meltdown and she hovers between the indecisiveness to reach for him or keep back. In the end she takes the risk, shaking as she moves to his side. To press into his neck, to hold him. To love him. ”But you are!” She cries in despair, searching the scaled lines of his face. ”Of course you’re good enough. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
How she wishes she could show him how she feels. The strangeness of the situation, how it had just happened. That her love for him was real, as real as the tree that threatens to make her sick all over the place. ”I can’t explain it. I don’t know how to explain it.” The words rushed in her desperation to try and make him understand. That it wasn’t him. It wasn’t his fault. ”it just… happened. I don’t know why I feel this way.” Her own tears raw and glistening in the dull reflection of silver, wishing that she didn’t. Wishing things were easier. Wishing this didn't make her feel so awful, physically and emotionally. How she wishes her stomach would settle and she could concentrate better on how to fix this.
But her life had never been simple. She was not a simple mare just as she had not been a simple child.
”Please believe me, akmar. My moon, my love.”
All she can think of is the need to find Jah. To sort out her thoughts. To run away from the chaos she has caused and her own broken heart. But she stays, waiting for the abuse she rightly deserves. Waiting to take his anger, hatred, and sorrow. For this must be what love is, this must be the price to pay.
all of time and space, everywhere and anywhere, every star that ever was
@[Amet]