DAWN
i just killed off what was left of the optimist in me
She can see him crumbling before her, and she can’t tell if she loathes herself for hurting him or if she loathes him for abandoning her, only to come crawling back when it’s become convenient. She takes deep, unsteady breaths as she tries to control herself – tries so desperately to push the bear back down, the bear won’t help anything, the bear only hurts – and is only halfway successful. The wild, rage-induced part-transformations halt, leaving behind a hideous, half-bear, half-horse standing before the bay-and-green stallion. She looks the part of a monster, and some part of her feels that way as well as Clayton swings around to face her, pleading for her to love him back.
Dawn watches him with sad eyes, knowing that no matter what he says, there is no taking this back. The anger fades away as she examines the hurt in his hazel eyes, but she is already shaking her head before he finishes speaking. She can’t do this, not right now... maybe not ever. “Clay, stop,” she whispers, blinking hard against the emotions that threaten to knock her down. “Once I thought... once. Maybe I loved you. I don’t know.” She has undergone so much heartbreak in her short years, from Sunny to Lie and Kensa and now Clayton. Things are better with Lie, and so much brighter, but she knows that she hurt him in ways that are irreparable, even as they merge their strengths together.
She just can’t do this. “I... I don’t think I know what love even is,” she murmurs, not meeting his eyes. “And I must leave the Cove – Lie and I, we agreed... agreed to rule together from Pangea.” She doesn’t mention the tender make-up sex that ensued at the end of their conversation, or the child currently growing within her. She doesn’t want to hurt him anymore than she already has, though she knows it is probably inevitable. “I will visit as much as I can, but... I don’t know how often that will be.”
Her golden head finally lifts and she catches his eyes, a fierce sadness glowing there. “The children... they all want to stay. Isilme nominated herself to care for the Cove, and we have granted it to her. Please stay, for them. Get to know our son and daughter; you will love them just as fiercely as I do. But I can’t stay.”
@[Clayton]