I wait on you, at the bottom of the deep blue sea; Lynx

[Persea]

All of the voices inside of my mind will never be silenced

She is still so young, so naive, that the full extent of the deception and cruelty that exists in the world hadn’t made itself so boldly known to her. She struggles to wrap her head around the thoughts spilling from her mother’s mind, piecing them to the words that she speaks. The admissions she makes. Her own parents had never been anything but loving, and to see that Lynx’s parents (her grandparents) had shared that too, before breaking and splintering apart, is a concept she finds a little difficult to visualize.

Her own thoughts tumble through her mind as well, wondering if that might happen to her own parents too. Wondering if her own reaction would be so heartbreakingly bitter. She can’t imagine not loving her father. Can’t imagine feeling the anger she now knows her mother feels towards her grandfather.

She remains silent as Lynx continues, slowly digesting her revelations, her final, almost halting, admission. Her mother’s experience had been so vastly different from her own so far, and she wonders at that too. Wonders at the world her mother had grown up in. Wonders at those pieces of herself she had inherited from the marbled woman.

But then she thinks too of her father. Of everything she has gleaned from his warm, unfaltering love and open thoughts. In spite of his endless good humor, she knows he is not as naive to the world as so many expect. He seems to understand her mother so well, despite his inability to read her thoughts. And she wonders at those pieces of him she had inherited as well. Makes her wonder at why it is he is so unfailingly kind and happy.

After a moment, she looks up at her mother’s stark, lovely features, peering through wayward strands of teal hair. “I suppose… you’re right. Things change.” She pauses brief then. “Like me.” Her voice is a little small, a little uncertain, as she says that. “But what if the ones who are hardest to love are the ones that need it the most?”

She knows her mother will see her thoughts as she says that. Will see the influence of her father in them. But maybe, just maybe, that’s right too. She’d needed her mother’s love just now. To remind her she isn’t unloveable, even if she is a little bit broken right now.

until I can find a way to let go of what we left behind

persea