kagerus
and in my dreams, i kissed your lips a thousand times
If I could read his mind, we'd have one more thing in common.
It's not that I don't want a relationship with my son; in fact, I want it more than ever now, powerfully, with a maternal instinct I'd thought did not belong to my demented self.
But I agree that I don't deserve it; that Rapt should be enough. Motherfathergod.
In the same breath, I also know as he does, that we will be happy - one way or another, there's peace on the horizon and he's agreeing to chase that sunset with me. Speaking between clenched teeth, in a tone that I wouldn't have recognized from him before. It almost scares me, to hear him that close to saying no instead of yes; that there should ever come a day where Rapt does not do as he's told would flip my life around.
He is allowed to say no, of course, he deserves to - but I will never be expecting it.
"No dreaming," I agree, trying out a smile and being thankful that it's not totally fake. Awkward, maybe, but not fake; he wants to try. He wants to reach the sunset of peace before its last light flickers below the horizon. "I promise."
Turning, I look back at him, inviting him to come alongside me. For a time, we walk in silence, quickly approaching the looming peaks of Hyaline that are visible from Rapt's nook in the river. Then, I cannot help but to submit to the familiarity I'd forgotten exists between us, speaking up with a hopeful quirk of my lips and perk of my ears. "We haven't spent much time anywhere besides the dreams, hey?" I try a laugh, but it dies; it's too fresh for such light hearted joking, and I leave that thread of conversation hanging there uselessly. We are trying to find peace - not perfection.
As we cross the scentline of Hyaline, still traveling next to the river, it is not long before its crystalline heart unfolds before our very eyes from between mountains. Swallowing hard, I gently whinny for the others, not knowing who will come, but hoping that if they do, they'll be polite.
The last thing Rapt deserves is to be hated for the decision that I'd made so foolishly, all that time ago.
It's not that I don't want a relationship with my son; in fact, I want it more than ever now, powerfully, with a maternal instinct I'd thought did not belong to my demented self.
But I agree that I don't deserve it; that Rapt should be enough. Motherfathergod.
In the same breath, I also know as he does, that we will be happy - one way or another, there's peace on the horizon and he's agreeing to chase that sunset with me. Speaking between clenched teeth, in a tone that I wouldn't have recognized from him before. It almost scares me, to hear him that close to saying no instead of yes; that there should ever come a day where Rapt does not do as he's told would flip my life around.
He is allowed to say no, of course, he deserves to - but I will never be expecting it.
"No dreaming," I agree, trying out a smile and being thankful that it's not totally fake. Awkward, maybe, but not fake; he wants to try. He wants to reach the sunset of peace before its last light flickers below the horizon. "I promise."
Turning, I look back at him, inviting him to come alongside me. For a time, we walk in silence, quickly approaching the looming peaks of Hyaline that are visible from Rapt's nook in the river. Then, I cannot help but to submit to the familiarity I'd forgotten exists between us, speaking up with a hopeful quirk of my lips and perk of my ears. "We haven't spent much time anywhere besides the dreams, hey?" I try a laugh, but it dies; it's too fresh for such light hearted joking, and I leave that thread of conversation hanging there uselessly. We are trying to find peace - not perfection.
As we cross the scentline of Hyaline, still traveling next to the river, it is not long before its crystalline heart unfolds before our very eyes from between mountains. Swallowing hard, I gently whinny for the others, not knowing who will come, but hoping that if they do, they'll be polite.
The last thing Rapt deserves is to be hated for the decision that I'd made so foolishly, all that time ago.
@[Solace] @[Aeris] (Valdis) @[Clegane] @[Svedka] @[abysm] @[rapt] @[Khaedrik]
FAMILY REUNION TIME? Read the full thread if you'd like to get some back story and also a peek into how awfully awkward this is about to be. weeeeee
![[Image: kag]](https://78.media.tumblr.com/2e8039018ce4dff6112c167ec23e886a/tumblr_p72zjit7wC1s5a0qvo1_100.png)
dreamweaver