11-04-2017, 12:17 AM
if there's a light at the end, it's just the sun in your eyes
The moment begins to blur, taking time with it, and there is nothing else in existence as he searches her frantically for more wounds that he will need to repay to whoever had touched her. He is blind to the anxiousness in Ciri's face for now, fueled by his own tumultuous emotions. His overwhelming desire to leave immediately and find the perpetrator is matched so perfectly by his desire to remain in Hyaline, to care for Ciri and to nurture her. To remind her that there are good things in this world, just as he had once needed that reminder.
He has Ciri now, though, and that is all the reminder he will ever need.
She is silent after he confesses his love, but perhaps that is his doing ─ he has moved passed the statement quickly, his attention drawn to the scent of Castile that clings to her smoky black hide. His jaw aches with the pressure of his teeth pressed together and his lips have curled, exhibiting an anger that he has never before felt, nor expressed. Ciri's exclamation draws him back to her, but only slightly. It had not been Castile. He believes her. And if Castile had been there, perhaps he knows the identity of the mystery mare. The one who will pay.
He is sedated. Momentarily.
The starry-eyed girl closes the distance between them and his heart aches for the pain she has endured. He leans into her touch, willing it to calm him the way it had done when Kolera had stepped hoof into Hyaline. His heart threatens to explode from his chest, though, and as much as the leather-plated King wants to lose himself in her touch, he cannot escape the anger.
I love you.
His anger is gone. His exhale is ragged and breathy, as if from a punch in the chest, but it's love that lights up his amber eyes. The King you are. The stallion you have become. He presses back into her and when she pauses, he whispers, "Then let me help ─" he wants to finish, wants to tell her that he needs to fix this. He needs to take care of it, otherwise he will never forgive himself. Castile's name brings an uncomfortable twinge to Amet's stomach, a curious feeling to experience just after his akmar has confessed her own love for him. He tries to push that down, too, and hide it with the anger that is still festering.
Ciri pauses again and he whuffs his nostrils into her mane, full of warmth and adoration.
Like I do for you.
His insides shatter. There is no anger. Not immediately. Instead, his body faces it with numbness. The way he had faced Him in his youth. Amet's scaled body is cold as he pulls away from the smoky black mare, the disbelief growing and growing until his nose stings and his eyes threaten, again, to spill over. His amber eyes can see the way her silver ones plead and his instinct says to console her, to tell her that he understands, but the gilded King cannot find the words. He takes another step backwards, retreating to protect the heart he had just offered to her. Only to her. "How?" he whispers to himself, unsure whether or not the starry-eyed girl can hear him. How is he never good enough? Not for his mother, nor for Tang. Or for Ciri.
He feels small again. Ashamed. Embarrassed that he had thought they would be each others' only when everyone else in Beqanna seemed so blatantly okay with sharing the ones they loved. "Should have talked to you sooner, just like Jah-Lilah said..." he whispers, trailing off into nothing as his amber eyes avert themselves. The cold settles in his belly, in the tips of his ears. "I can't," he finally says to her, disgusted with his own selfishness, "I can't do what Jah-Lilah and Circinae and Canaan do. I love you. Only you." His words have grown terse, the hurt within them shining through. He will not tell her to choose. He is not that stallion. He will not place that weight on her shoulders. But he knows that she deserves to know how he feels about it.
Amet takes a shaky breath and retreats another step, his golden body pivoting away from her so that she cannot see the depth of the aching in his eyes. "I'm going to the River to figure out who did this to you," he says bluntly as he wills his lips not to quiver.
Amet
@[Ciri]