12-03-2021, 09:47 PM
Mazikeen
Only their agreement not to talk about deserve keeps Mazikeen from drifting down that road, keeps her from giving any attention to the thoughts screaming at her saying she may be something worth loving now but she had not always been. So she focuses on the present, on the way a soft noise is coaxed from her as his mouth trails up her neck. The pleasant touch paired with the too-kind words is almost too much, but after almost a year of having Firion close Mazikeen finds it easier to remind herself that kindness is not always chased with cruelty.
And then there is a laugh from her too when he says he can’t believe she hadn’t killed him before they got here. But she can’t unstick her tongue to joke about that - she had tried, after all. Even if her anger and hatred had just been a mask for something else.
Something she's only just been able to see clearly lately.
Naming the feeling, saying that out loud to him, had been the easy part for Mazikeen. It was everything else, all the little things and confessions that fed into it that were harder to say. Pieces of herself she would be offering up for scrutiny, holding out in the open for him to take. And because it is Firion, because she trusts him, even though it is hard to share these pieces - she continues to try. She sorts out the thoughts spinning in her mind and gives him quiet confessions in exchange for the ones that he offers her. “Sometimes I think this, us, is a dream but then I wake up and you’re still there.”
The brush of her lips against his golden skin is soft, as though testing to see whether he was really here even now. “I’ll never stop being grateful that you didn’t give up on me and that you stayed. It's one of the reasons why I love you.”
“I think… I think there was love there all along for me too but the first time I could've known if I wasn't so deep in denial was when I first heard you laugh. Really laugh. When I stuck my tongue out at you.” That day in the meadow, before they had sharpened their blades and started taking stabs at each other, before she had tried to kill him. But she lets the darker end to that meeting fall away as she smiles, shaking her head against his neck and at her past-self. Marvelling at how obvious the reason for her aggravation towards him was in hindsight. “The way it affected me… I just refused to even think about what that meant.”
Mazikeen remembers being haunted by that laugh, feeling it taunt her and linger in the air. Even the clarity of those meetings with Firion in her memory should've been a clue.
“Better late than never, right?”
Now she can let the smile grow into a warm and wonderful thing against his skin as she takes her time exploring the black rosettes that stand out against the gold - learning the powerful lines of his neck and enjoying the game of seeing if she could coax a reaction out of him like he had her. It is a miracle that they are here together and it feels like they have all the time in the world to simply enjoy being a safe harbour for each other.
And then there is a laugh from her too when he says he can’t believe she hadn’t killed him before they got here. But she can’t unstick her tongue to joke about that - she had tried, after all. Even if her anger and hatred had just been a mask for something else.
Something she's only just been able to see clearly lately.
Naming the feeling, saying that out loud to him, had been the easy part for Mazikeen. It was everything else, all the little things and confessions that fed into it that were harder to say. Pieces of herself she would be offering up for scrutiny, holding out in the open for him to take. And because it is Firion, because she trusts him, even though it is hard to share these pieces - she continues to try. She sorts out the thoughts spinning in her mind and gives him quiet confessions in exchange for the ones that he offers her. “Sometimes I think this, us, is a dream but then I wake up and you’re still there.”
The brush of her lips against his golden skin is soft, as though testing to see whether he was really here even now. “I’ll never stop being grateful that you didn’t give up on me and that you stayed. It's one of the reasons why I love you.”
“I think… I think there was love there all along for me too but the first time I could've known if I wasn't so deep in denial was when I first heard you laugh. Really laugh. When I stuck my tongue out at you.” That day in the meadow, before they had sharpened their blades and started taking stabs at each other, before she had tried to kill him. But she lets the darker end to that meeting fall away as she smiles, shaking her head against his neck and at her past-self. Marvelling at how obvious the reason for her aggravation towards him was in hindsight. “The way it affected me… I just refused to even think about what that meant.”
Mazikeen remembers being haunted by that laugh, feeling it taunt her and linger in the air. Even the clarity of those meetings with Firion in her memory should've been a clue.
“Better late than never, right?”
Now she can let the smile grow into a warm and wonderful thing against his skin as she takes her time exploring the black rosettes that stand out against the gold - learning the powerful lines of his neck and enjoying the game of seeing if she could coax a reaction out of him like he had her. It is a miracle that they are here together and it feels like they have all the time in the world to simply enjoy being a safe harbour for each other.
@firion