[private] upon a billion blooded seas - Printable Version +- Beqanna (https://beqanna.com/forum) +-- Forum: OOC (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=24) +--- Forum: Archive (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=81) +---- Forum: Lands (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=98) +----- Forum: Hyaline (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=92) +----- Thread: [private] upon a billion blooded seas (/showthread.php?tid=30377) Pages:
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upon a billion blooded seas - firion - 10-07-2021 FIRION He doesn’t know how to breathe anymore. Doesn’t know how to think around the ragged hole in his chest where he knows his love for his mother lives. When he sleeps, he dreams of her face. Of her soft smile and the gentle, sure way that she would pull him in for a hug. He thinks of her laughter and what a quiet sound it had been—how much it had rung through his very core, the knowledge she did not laugh enough. so as our grief falls flat and hollow upon a billion blooded seas @Mazikeen RE: upon a billion blooded seas - Mazikeen - 10-07-2021 Mazikeen
Grief has settled over Hyaline like a fog, thick enough Mazikeen thinks she can sometimes smell it on the wind. Her heart aches for the loss of Ryatah, worse now after trying so hard to keep the angels safe, but though her pain is genuine, she is far more worried about the family left behind. Selaphiel who was already so prone to sadness, Atrox and his fury. The prey of Hyaline had seen a few seasons of respite after the absence of Gale, and Mazikeen cannot bring herself to pity the terror they face now. And Firion. She doesn’t miss the way he has not been eating and she feels that weighty helplessness of knowing she can only be a comforting presence. She cannot fix this for him, there is no fix to be had at all. Even revenge wouldn't change anything. She has her suspicions on who is responsible but Mazikeen has not yet found Gale to find out for sure. Her intentions of never seeing him again are easily overridden by the protectiveness she feels for the family that had so thoroughly rooted themselves into her heart. When Firion appears before her, wherever her thoughts had been drifting they snap back into focus on him. She takes in the subtle changes of his face - maybe only noticeable because she’s been seeing so much of it lately - and the roughness of his voice. And then she does not hesitate to close the distance between them, moving with a surety she only mostly feels. They are still learning one another and Mazikeen constantly worries she’ll do something wrong that will cause them to crumble apart. Just as he hadn’t told her things would be okay when he had found her by the sea, and moments since when the nightmare of the last few years catches up to her, those words don’t leave her mouth. Mazikeen moves forward, a soft brush of her muzzle first to encourage his head up over her shoulder where he can rest it. Her horns disappear, leaving no sharp edges as she fits herself against him. If he tries to move away, if this contact is too much today, she’d step aside without hesitation. But if he’ll let her, she’ll press close and maybe there will be some small comfort to be found there where gold and white meet. She hopes so. Just as she hopes that though words fail her, he will know that she is here for him, whatever he needs, as her mouth makes slow, gentle movements across his gold and black skin. @firion RE: upon a billion blooded seas - firion - 10-16-2021 FIRION Firion knows enough to know that he is not the only one saddled with this grief. He knows that there are others—his half brother, the rest of his siblings, his father, oh god, his father—but as is the case with such grief, he struggles to look outside of himself. He only sees that which applies to him. He only sees the way that it eats at him. The way that his mind twists around the rage and the pain, twisting it further and further until the knife settles so surely into his chest that he’s not sure he will ever be able to extract it. so as our grief falls flat and hollow upon a billion blooded seas @Mazikeen RE: upon a billion blooded seas - Mazikeen - 10-16-2021 Mazikeen She is not close with her parents but they are alive as far as she knows. Mazikeen can sympathize with Firion’s grief but she does not know what it is to lose a parent. There have been other losses but she is still burying those as deeply as she can, a habit that she cannot seem to break. Maybe even one she is scared to. For a moment, Mazikeen thinks that almost-groan is a protest at her closeness. She is only just forming the thought to move away but then he pulls her close with a sure force and she forgets all thoughts of any space. She holds Firion as fiercely as she can through every shudder and sob, her own tears drawn out by his pain and they leak quietly from her closed eyes. Every sound through his gritted teeth slices at her and makes her want to alter worlds just to fix this for him, to find a way to undo death itself. She’d seen Gale do it with their daughter, it had to be possible. Gentle, wordless noises rise from the back of her throat as she holds him because that’s all she can do for now. She does not even consider shifting into something that can more thoroughly embrace him. She doesn’t want to be anything but herself with him - so she only has her body and the strength he had helped her rediscover. Such small gifts to offer and yet of course she will give whatever she can. Mazikeen does not pay attention to the passage of time, it is of small importance as they cling together. He eases his hold on her a little and she only shifts a little. Just enough space that the rise and fall of her breaths only brushes against his skin instead of being fused with it. Her heart breaks again at his mangled words and Mazikeen briefly wonders how she ever could have thought Firion incapable of emotion or attachment. It had been such a very finely crafted mask, what he had shown her when they were younger. If there are proper words to say in this moment, she doesn’t know what they are. So she only offers quiet words as she buries her muzzle in his mane and presses a soft kiss against his skin as if she could send her resolute belief in this truth through that touch. “It’s not your fault.” If anyone could have saved Ryatah, she knows with certainty it would’ve been him. It is a little strange how her faith in Firion has solidified inside of her heart. Even if she is unsure of some things, other parts of them have become her bedrock. She does not think it is simply because he had been the first face she saw in this life - though she is glad that he was. Instead, it feels like something that could have been there all along if either of them had given it a chance to grow. @firion RE: upon a billion blooded seas - firion - 10-17-2021 FIRION This thing between them is not what it was meant to be—not what she deserved. It hadn’t started with shy flirtations or the cautious time of getting to know one another. It hadn’t been friendship that had bloomed into something more. It wasn’t even the racing heat of passion that swept them together. so as our grief falls flat and hollow upon a billion blooded seas RE: upon a billion blooded seas - Mazikeen - 10-17-2021 Mazikeen She shakes her head instantly at his question, even though it is without venom. Even if it is just filled with exhaustion, she doesn’t want him thinking that for a second that what happened was his fault. If they really wanted to blame someone, if her suspicions about who it had been are right - the fault was more Mazikeen’s than it would ever be Firion’s. It would be so easy to sink into that guilt, to let it wash over her and drown her, but before it can she holds onto the lifeline that is the soft, golden warmth she can feel in her heart. Nestled next to her faith in Firion is something else that grows with affection for him, for the piece she went so long without seeing that wants to save and protect. This piece that cares so deeply it makes him want to change things he can’t. Another side of whatever had inspired him to soften the side of a mountain or pull a blanket of shadows over her so she would be more comfortable. It's something they have in common and it is enough to let her hopes run wild that maybe they stand a chance. That the ease with which she can stand here with him, even when both exposed and broken, is not fleeting. He pulls back and when their tear-bright gazes meet she can feel that warmth spike and spread. But this can’t possibly be the time to speak of it, even though he says he wants to think about something else. So she keeps it tucked tight inside her along with the wish that there will be plenty of other, better, opportunities in the future. Mazikeen reaches out to touch his golden cheek when she finally answers his question, just because it still thrills her that she can. And because she appreciates that he cares enough to ask, even if it is only in part for a distraction. “I’ve been okay.” It’s such a small, simple word to sum up the complicated twist of emotions inside of her but it is the closest thing to the truth she can manage without dragging them both back down. Especially if they are trying to change the subject. “I’m worried about Malik. I don’t… I don’t know if I can undo the lessons he learned... when I was... well. You know.” Mazikeen frowns, turning her head away for a moment. Not intentionally to hide her troubled expression but like she can somehow read the answer to her problem in the lines of the mountains and trees. It had been easier to be a mom when she wasn't herself but trying to unravel the damage she and Gale had caused felt like a full-time job. Which reminds her of her other full-time job, the one she often neglects and though it is so insanely trivial compared to everything else she finds herself saying the thought that appears anyway. “And I guess I need to figure out something to do with Silver Cove. It’s been sitting empty for too long.” There's a small apologetic smile in her orange gaze when she looks back to Firion, because she knows how silly of a concern that sounds considering everything else. Surely she can find a better way to distract him. @firion RE: upon a billion blooded seas - firion - 10-29-2021 FIRION It feels almost normal—standing here like this, discussing family, her home, their lives. It feels like the kind of thing they might have done had the circumstances been more different. Had they not spent so many years at each other’s throats. He wonders what that life would have been like. What it would have been to know her as a friend, to have told her that she could run away with him. What then? so as our grief falls flat and hollow upon a billion blooded seas @Mazikeen RE: upon a billion blooded seas - Mazikeen - 10-29-2021 Mazikeen Had she recovered quickly when she was a foal? She’s pretty sure she hadn’t, the grudge she had held towards Firion lasted for a long time and the echoes of her first death as a yearling had haunted her for years. But maybe that is just a flaw inside of her and it is different for everyone else. Firion's assurance that giving who she truly is now would be enough, and the tender touch to her cheek as he says it, sends a wave of emotion through her so strong she needs to close her eyes for a moment to keep it under control. It is such an old fear, one that does not have the same bite as it once did but which still exists inside her. That she wasn't enough - not in the long term. It did not feel like things in her life were built to endure and it means so much to her that Firion continues to stay, that he might possibly think that she was enough. This touch is brief, but she leans into it slightly and nods - wanting to believe him and the hope his words inspire so much she does not even think of arguing. Somehow, even though it had been such a random thought to bring up, speaking of Silver Cove starts out being the easier topic to speak about. “We could visit it sometime. It’s beautiful at night.” She is momentarily distracted by imagining Firion standing amongst the silvered surf, resplendent in the moonlight. This can’t possibly be the time to let herself get lost down that trail of thoughts so while there is a flash of a private grin, and a faint tickle of heat on her cheeks, she remains fixed in the present and answers the question. “But no, no ideas.” None that were plausible anymore, and as is a habit of hers now she shares her thoughts with Firion instead of keeping them locked inside. “I did a very good job at chasing most of those I would trust with it away to the point where I don’t know where to find them.” Even though she had been the one to stay it, she recognizes the dark trap of those thoughts and steers herself away by focusing on Firion. “And I’m selfish enough not to even want to consider asking you. Because even though I trust you -” The sincerity behind those last three words is a miracle for so many reasons, and in them there is both a weight that grounds her and a sweetness that makes her feel like floating. But she fumbles to find the words to explain the rest of her thoughts without making herself a burden. She knows she has a habit of phrasing her thoughts in ‘I want’ sentences and she’s learned that this is a selfish thing to do. Both by being told that and knowing when she had her emotions scattered, what she wanted was the only thing she cared about. And if it had been a default while she had been like that, it just seemed to make sense that she should strive to be better now. It is really only a tiny pause before she continues, the corner of her mouth tugging cautiously into a smile that matches her soft tone. “I like having you close.” And even a neighbouring land, separated by just the mountains, simply would not be close enough. @firion RE: upon a billion blooded seas - firion - 11-09-2021 FIRION If he notes the catch in her breath or the heat in her cheeks at the thought of him, he doesn’t show it. He is not a noble man by any measure, but there are several lines in the sand that he has drawn for himself—the value of privacy being one of them. Regardless of the depth and scope of his newly found magic, he could never imagine himself overstepping them, tempting as it may be. He had no desire to crack open Mazikeen’s mind and take her thoughts for himself. It was far more alluring to guess at what lay beneath. so as our grief falls flat and hollow upon a billion blooded seas @Mazikeen RE: upon a billion blooded seas - Mazikeen - 11-09-2021 Mazikeen There is a thrill she can feel in her heart at the combination of that upward curve of his lips, the sound of her name in his voice, and the words that proceed it. It’s the beginning of a confirmation that what she was feeling wasn’t one-sided. She’s not quite sure what to do with the addition, though - that he likes being close more than he should. What did that mean? The easiest thing to do is not think about it - and Mazikeen can recognize the signs in her own mind that she’s about to overthink instead so she remarks on something else first. “I love it when you call me Maze.” She’s always liked it, which was why it had made her so mad. Back before when it had been a tease at a connection she had been sure he did not want. And now did he? They had talked about being a we but while that meant one thing to her she actually wasn’t sure what it had meant to him, or if it had just been a word and all he wanted from her was friendship. Which would be just fine. Maybe it was too much to hope that they could be anything more after everything. A unique form of determination settles on her. At least she can give him the option, she can try to let him know where she stands. She was not going to let this be a fear she avoids dealing with. Her eyes remain focused on Firion and it is a bizarre combination of bravery and ease that loosens her tongue. “And as far as I’m concerned, you can like being close as much as you want.” Her smile is just as soft as her tone and just as cautious as her movements when she reaches out again so her lips can brush against his cheek. There is so much uncertainty choking her mind (this isn't the time, you're reading too much into everything, you're too broken to be wanted) but she pushes forward anyway, ignoring the darker thoughts and her nerves. Even her breath against his golden skin is gentle as she tries to find the balance between being unobtrusive and upfront. “And be as close as you want, too.” It’s all a question, not a demand, as she pulls back to look at him with that same cautious look in her eyes. Because even though she has her hopes about what this is, she's not sure what to expect. There is no chance at attempting to build defences to prepare herself for a rejection - Firion had been there when she had been laid bare, had held her and comforted her through some of her lowest points. Any walls that she might attempt to put up would have him on the inside anyway. It is too late for her to pretend otherwise, at least with herself. @firion |