"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
let my eyes be the rhythm, let my mind be your freedom
”I want to,” she agreed, and he turned to guide them to it, that special little spring tucked away where no one seemed to roam. It was beautiful, the trees so dense with low-hanging vines, thick canopies blocking out the sky save for little pinholes of light. A hidden little oasis just for them. She snuggled closer into his side as they walked, brushing along his neck and making his skin tingle. ”Thank you,” she murmured, and he pressed a light kiss to her cheek. ”Of course. I will always want you to be happy.”
He led the way to the water, hearing her disappointment that they were walking on top, instead of bathing within. His pulse kicked a little faster just thinking about it, about the water slicked down her sides again, but he kept it from reaching his smile as he stomped the surface and sent a splash flying towards her. He laughed, watching her dip her head to almost splash him back. But she stopped, and just trailed her nose through it instead, a smooth caress that looked so solemn and sad to him.
His mirth died away and he walked back to her, coaxing her down with a blanket of a wing to lay beside him. ”I really am sorry I walked away that night,” he told her quietly, kissing her neck just beside her cheek. ”But I had to. I wanted you too badly. In ways that I shouldn’t.” His voice faded more and more as he continued, guilty for being so wrong, and guilty for still wanting it. He was trying to do right, as Father taught him, but sometimes what was supposed to be wrong just felt so right, and it was hard to keep it straight.
”So, you see now? It wasn’t because I didn’t want you. It was because I wanted you too much.” He still did, he still fought it, tried to be good as Father told him. Tried to do the right thing. It was still a work in progress, maybe, but he was trying. He didn’t want to be like their grandfather. He didn’t want Dad to say his name in that same way.
html code by Toli, design idea based on "Dovev" by Laura
He tells her "ooh love".
He wants her to be happy, he says. Then why was he behaving so strangely? She didn’t want this other Kharon, she wanted hér Kharon. The one that would hold her close, would treasure her, hold her. Smothered with attention and care and love.
Kylin allows him to draw her down with him, gently landing on her knees before folding them underneath her. Right next to Kharon, leaning slightly against his more muscular body. She stares ahead in the distance, only glancing sideways to him so now and then. His words, they make her tense and confused. Why shouldn’t he want her? ”Why not?” she asks softly, her dished head tilting slightly to look at him.
She doesn’t know if his words make her feel better or worse. How could it be they shouldn’t? Why was it wrong? Kylin wanted him and he wanted her, simple right? So she shakes her head, eyes tearing up again. God, she hated those tears, she hated to look ugly when crying. And she had cried so so much already. She didn’t want to anymore, she didn’t want the hurt anymore.
For a while she keeps silent, teary gaze ahead at some random point again. His words swirl in her thoughts, but no way she tries to turn or twist them makes her able to understand. She simply doesn’t, cannot either. Weren’t they meant to be together? ”I don’t, Kharon.. I don’t..” she eventually murmurs softly, shaking her head as she refuses to meet her gaze. Kylin didn’t want him to see her like this, even if he had already.
She doesn’t move away though, instead leans closer against him, hoping he wouldn’t pull back. She needed his touch, his comfort, loneliness would only make her feel worse right now. Something, or someone, had to be the anchor that kept her grounded.
With a deep breaths he squeezes her eyes shut, and when she opens them again her gaze finds Kharon’s gray eyes. She hesitates, only for a moment. ”I want you.”
let my eyes be the rhythm, let my mind be your freedom
She didn't understand. He could see it in her beautiful face, in the deep sad of her eyes. In the pinch of her brow, and the way she stared off instead of looking at him. In her thoughts, too, obviously. And in her trembling voice when she tried to say it, but couldn't quite get the words to leave her lips.
"I dont, Kharon... I don't..."
His heart hurt so badly at her confusion, her pain. His own pain, too. She leaned into him more and he nibbled at her neck, craving the touch to soothe himself as much as for comforting her. This hurt him, too. He had always thought they would be together always. Born together, live together, die together. Always the two of them. Deep down, a part of him had known it was wrong to want her this way. And then Dad had caught him staring too hard, admiring her too much, and tried to teach him.
"I want you," she said, finally turning to him again and meeting his eyes. He couldn't help the eager light brightening his gray eyes, nor the suddenly swifter beat to his pulse. Nor even the way his gaze slid to her lips. "Um," he mumbled absently, distracted. Conflicted thoughts and emotions twisting and tangling within him. Wanted her. Couldn't have her. Shouldn't have her. Really wanted her. But Dad said. And grandfather. Reilly would hate him too. Maybe Mom. Badden. Kali. Kylin. Grandfather. Dad.
Really wanted her.
"Um," he repeated again, much quieter, still struggling. Still locked onto those lips. His eyelids were getting heavier this time, though, and he was pretty sure he was leaning closer. Damn, he missed her. Why couldn't it be okay? Why were they wrong? Why did it have to feel so good? Why couldn't it be okay? ...Fuck it.
He kissed her. His lips claimed hers as they should've been doing this whole time. I can't do this, he whispered to her mind, even as he pressed his mouth to hers more firmly. His heart raced, thundered in his chest, and his kisses grew more urgent, more demanding. Dammit. He groaned, anxious and hating himself, worried he would get caught, frustrated that they couldn't be this way. Wanting to pull back, just stop, back away from her, and instead taking more from her.
I can't, I can't. But he still was, and pressing his body more against hers.
html code by Toli, design idea based on "Dovev" by Laura
He tells her "ooh love". ”Um.”
The soft sound makes her tilt her head and she’s frowning slightly too. What um? It sounded distracted and absent, not really like something he meant to say. Kylin cannot read his mind like he can read hers, she doesn’t know what is going on in his head, but it’s clear that something ís. The conflict he’s facing shows in his features, the way he looked like something really troubled him or took a lot of effort. Kharon was thinking real hard. And she was desperate to know whát exactly was going on in his mind. Perhaps that would make her help understand.
Even if she didn’t want to understand. All she wanted was him.
A second “um”, softer and still struggling, but that she can forgive him, as he’s slowly itching closer. Kylin’s breath stocks in her throat and eyes widen slightly as she breathlessly watches him. Please, please let him kiss me. She cannot stop the thought from crossing her mind.
And he does.
Kylin releases a breath she didn’t realise she had been holding and her eyes flutter close upon impact. The flutters in her stomach are back and her heart happily skips a beat. Finally he’s kissing her again. ’Like it’ is on her mind, and ’oh please I want more.’ More she gets. The distance between them is almost non-existent, and yet Kylin presses desperately closer against her brother’s.
Her lips never leave his for long. One kiss, two kiss, three kiss, and so on. By the time she pulls away – only because she absolutely has to – she’s breathless. She doesn’t break the contact between them, the velvet of her nose trailing his skin. The corner of his mouth, where she presses a sweet kiss, then up to his cheek and she can even reach the curve of his jaw and neck from their position. Happy tears wet her eyes, finally he had come back to her. ’Please don’t have him stop,’ her thoughts way too clouded to realise that he could hear everything she thought.
She doesn’t want him to ever stop. But there it was, the little ”I can’t” in his thoughts. It makes her flinch and eventually pull back. Happiness hope and relief crushed in one go, but no, she wouldn’t allow it to happen. Stubbornly Kylin shakes her head, leaning in to press another kiss on his lips, this time taking the initiative and not giving Kharon a chance to avoid her. ’You can. We can. We belong together, I want us to be together’ she reaches out in her mind to his, opening her whole to him.
let my eyes be the rhythm, let my mind be your freedom
She welcomed it. Of course she did, she always would. But he shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t. He could lose Dad if he found out. Dad would be so pissed. Maybe he’d even be mad at Kylin, too. Kharon definitely didn’t want that. And yet he kissed her. And she kissed back. And in her mind, she begged for more, made him hum with anticipation. Even still, he murmured that he couldn’t. He couldn’t do this. He really shouldn't. And she was breaking away with a gasp for air, and that hazy look of satisfaction in her eyes.
Gone so quickly with his words though. So, so swiftly replaced with hurt and hopelessness. Afraid he meant it, that they wouldn’t do this anymore. He did mean it, though, didn’t he? Dad would be so pissed. What if he separated them? Or even kicked him out? She shook her head in denial, determined to keep this, and pressed her lips to his again. His eyes closed instantly and he kissed her back. It was just so natural to do it. But then he was the one to break away this time, picking up her thoughts as he did.
You can. We can. We belong together, I want us to be together.
He groaned, shaking his head with tears starting in his eyes. I can’t, Kylin. I can’t You don’t understand. His head turned away, but he remained pressed to her side, needing at least that much while his heart broke. I don’t want to be like grandfather. He was a terrible person. He’s the one that took our home from us. He spared her a pained glance, his hurt slipping wetly down his cheeks. I’m NOT like him. I won’t be anything like him, I won’t! I can’t, he added in a whisper.
He tried to reach for her, tried to stroke his lips along her neck, his favorite thing to do. Hesitant. Afraid she would be the one to turn from him this time.. I don't know a way to make this okay. I've tried, I've spent so long trying to think of ways. And I can't. His mouth fell away from her skin, his eyes falling too. Hurting, wishing things were different. Wishing he knew a way to make this work and still be.. not him.
html code by Toli, design idea based on "Dovev" by Laura
Like a flower waiting to bloom.
Hope rises with each and every kiss they share. He even closes his eyes as her lips touch his. But before the weight can lift of her shoulders, hope gets broken. Crushed even. Just before he speaks and turns away, Kylin can see the tears well up in his eyes. And the sight puts tears in her own eyes right away.
Her heart breaks, both because she got turned down and because of his pain. He can’t, that’s what he says, and she doesn’t understand. Kylin really doesn’t. Doesn’t want to either. ”K..k-kha..” she mumbles, voice breaking and trembling, lips quivering as she does. Except for the tears that roll down her cheek she’s frozen, staring at his turned away face as her breath turns into soft gasps.
Kharon talks about their grandfather, and how he was terrible and Kharon not wanting to be like him. It only confuses her more. She does remember the takeover, the invasion of their island, but never had she known that their grandfather was behind it. Nor what Kharon exactly mean with terrible. Or what Kharon meant at all actually.
She doesn’t move when he turns back to her and touches her, just stares at him while silently crying. She wants to brush the tears from his cheeks – she hates to see him crying – but at the same time does she want to move away, to walk away. She does neither, sits just frozen in place as her heart is torn, ripped out of her chest. And yet, she silently begging him to not pull away, to not turn back on her. That might shatter Kylin’s heart beyond repair.
