"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
There had been so much betrayal in beqanna, betrayal and pain. Horses injured, attacked from behind and all kingdoms played a role.
Though Clayton was not an innocent man, he held the biggest betrayal of them all. He left when Dawn and the Cove needed him most. He left his pregnant lover, and the throne he was promised.
He had no reason why, and never returning seemed to be the easiest answer for him, but Dawn deserves better. His child deserves better, a father unlike Mandan.
So he swallows his pride and steps foot into the home he grew up in. He looks for his pale lover, his queen, that his heart ached for. Dawn, he calls out for her, fully aware that she could have found someone else in the mean time.
06-12-2019, 11:37 PM (This post was last modified: 06-12-2019, 11:38 PM by Dawn.)
DAWN
i just killed off what was left of the optimist in me
Loneliness has made a home in her bed.
Her children are here, of course, but they are not making the best of companions as of late. Isilme and Austra are furious at her, as she had expected them to be, and Nolin and Athena don’t make the best conversational friends as they are so young. Some days it seems as though it is only Caelestra and herself within the Cove’s walls, and those walls press in on her further and further with each passing day.
Her mind falls to Clayton – she can almost swear she can smell his scent on the breeze coming off of the ocean, but she wonders if it is too good to be true. He had missed the twin’s birth and naming, the war, and everything in between. Out of all of the betrayal she has felt lately, his hurts the worst, because she had figured out of all of them, he would be the one to stick around. He should’ve been the one to be on her side through it all, but he had vanished just like the rest. Left her with four young children that he should have been here to help her raise, and been at her side to restore the Cove to something better than it had been.
Impossible – the gentle call falls to her ears and she turns toward the sound, fighting the nausea and anger that rises in her as she heads in his direction. She crests a hill and there he is – the bay-and-green horned stallion that should have been her King. The man who should have been everything, but he gave it all up and abandoned them. She wants to run to him and tear at his skin and make him bleed for all he has done to her, but there is a longing too, a desire to fall into his arms and sob and beg for him to stay.
It is a nauseating war that is raging inside, but on the exterior she is cold and calm, watching him with with an expression that gives nothing away. “You’re back.”
It was almost as she expected his return on this day. He calls and when she comes she does not seem phased, he.can onlu watch in awe as she travels closer. It had not been that long since they last met, but already she has tackled the role of queen, like shes been doing it for years.
Of course he expected nothing less. He half smiles as he watches her regally approach him, though he can tell she is deciding how to respond to him.
When she halts before him she simply says youre back, . No hint of anger, or joy, and in turn he wasn't sure exactly how to act. His heart still belongs to her, and his dedication to the Cove. But he has damaged the trust they once shared and it won't be a simple task to regain it.
He extends his maw to hers, but allows her to return it if she wanted. Yes, he responds, his gaze searching for hers. I'm sorry I gave no notice....I had to see beqanna for myself amidst the war...I know it wasn't good timing...I never meant to hurt you Dawn... He steps closer to his once lover, I still love you Dawn. He couldn't make up for lost time, but he was here to support her in any way.
i just killed off what was left of the optimist in me
She may have learned how to wear her crown diligently, but the cold, queenly aura that surrounds the young woman is nothing more than a façade, and she has to fight hard to keep her golden face expressionless as he gives a half-smile to her. She wants to break down and scream at him, but she has so many responsibilities now, so many that are outside the realm of breaking her peaceful demeanor. She cannot – will not – let herself break, and though her face is a mask, her eyes begin to burn with a slow fury as he starts to explain himself.
He tries to brush his nose against hers but she doesn’t return the sentiment – he doesn’t deserve her gentle touch, not now. The words trickle from his mouth and he takes a step closer, but once again she makes no move, either towards him or away from him. It is only when he says his last piece – I still love you – that her frozen body melts, and she steps away from him with an incredulous snort.
“You still love me?” she snaps, ears flat against her head as she steps further backwards. Her tail lashes angrily and if she were her mother, smoke would be curling from her nostrils; instead, hooves shift half into bear claws, and she tears up the ground under her feet as she distances herself from her would-be lover. “Do you know what you’ve done to me?”
She has been losing control so much lately – Tephra before this, and now here, and a small piece of herself hates herself for it. Even still, she cannot stop the venom that laces her words as she snaps at Clayton again and again, her teeth shifting to fangs and the fur along her mouth flashing white as the bear threatens to explode from her skin. “You’ve never even met your children – a son and a daughter, not that you would know. You’ve been gone for over a year! And you come to me with your half-assed apologies and a ‘I still love you’?!”
Taking a deep breath, she turns away from the horned stallion, trying to regain her composure. “You should probably go, Clayton.”
He attempts to smooth things over, offering gestures and apologies but she did not accept them. His heart slowly crumbled as he gazes at her, he can sense her anger but she won't show it, not until he finishes speaking.
You still love me!?
She snaps the words at him, instantly doubting hin. She backs away, creating the seperation that she truly wanted from him. Her body gives all the signs of anger, her tail whipping, her hooves now paws that claw away at the innocent ground.
She asks if he knew what he did to her, and trutfully....he didn't. Her teeth turn into that of her predatory bear form, snapping at him. Her fur turns white, she was nearly in the bear form and he wonders what she intends to do should she fully shift.
He still stands before her, listening while she scolds him, a son and a daughter. He wants to smile with pride but she certainly would kill him with her own paws if he did. He wonders what they look like, what there personalities were like. But the scolding wasn't done, she goes on to disregard his apology and as she turns away she attempts to send him on his way with it.
A year? Had it been that long, he swears it was only half that long, not that it's any better. The bay brute moves to face her once again No! he wouldn't give up on them, he loves her still! Dawn, his voice pleading. Of course if he knew she carried the seed of Litotes inside her the situation wouldn't be the same. I know that I messed up, but I still love you Dawn, have you lost all yours for me? His gaze looks for her, she had to still love him...right?
i just killed off what was left of the optimist in me
She can see him crumbling before her, and she can’t tell if she loathes herself for hurting him or if she loathes him for abandoning her, only to come crawling back when it’s become convenient. She takes deep, unsteady breaths as she tries to control herself – tries so desperately to push the bear back down, the bear won’t help anything, the bear only hurts – and is only halfway successful. The wild, rage-induced part-transformations halt, leaving behind a hideous, half-bear, half-horse standing before the bay-and-green stallion. She looks the part of a monster, and some part of her feels that way as well as Clayton swings around to face her, pleading for her to love him back.
Dawn watches him with sad eyes, knowing that no matter what he says, there is no taking this back. The anger fades away as she examines the hurt in his hazel eyes, but she is already shaking her head before he finishes speaking. She can’t do this, not right now... maybe not ever. “Clay, stop,” she whispers, blinking hard against the emotions that threaten to knock her down. “Once I thought... once. Maybe I loved you. I don’t know.” She has undergone so much heartbreak in her short years, from Sunny to Lie and Kensa and now Clayton. Things are better with Lie, and so much brighter, but she knows that she hurt him in ways that are irreparable, even as they merge their strengths together.
She just can’t do this.“I... I don’t think I know what love even is,” she murmurs, not meeting his eyes. “And I must leave the Cove – Lie and I, we agreed... agreed to rule together from Pangea.” She doesn’t mention the tender make-up sex that ensued at the end of their conversation, or the child currently growing within her. She doesn’t want to hurt him anymore than she already has, though she knows it is probably inevitable. “I will visit as much as I can, but... I don’t know how often that will be.”
Her golden head finally lifts and she catches his eyes, a fierce sadness glowing there. “The children... they all want to stay. Isilme nominated herself to care for the Cove, and we have granted it to her. Please stay, for them. Get to know our son and daughter; you will love them just as fiercely as I do. But I can’t stay.”
She was fighting her inner demons, he can tell by the way she breathed. He hadn't meant to ever hurt her, he just wanted to love her.
When she finally meets his gaze her own was ice cold. He knew what he was about to hear, but he didn't want to admit, no, he had to hear it from hee mouth. And that is exactly what he got.
She pleads with him, begging him to stop, an attempt to make it easier on them both. She says his name and he memorizes the way it sounds, as he will most likely never hear it again in such a manner. When she continues speaking she says she loved bim once, maybe.
Maybe?
The answer causes him to tilt his head, how do you maybe love someone? He had nothing to say, so when she continues to say she doesn't know what love even is he falls deeper into silence. Did she not feel his love when they were together? Would she not have given her life for him like he would for her? He had so many questions, but instead he sits silently, his heart breaking in every moment and he is sure she can hear it.
But his beating wasn't done, no, she continues. She tells him she is leaving the Cove for Pangea, and the best part yet, Litotes has taken his crown. Litotes? Just hearing the name instantly grows a fire within him, his anger and frustration could easily be seen on the outside. He knew that he messed up, but he didn't think she would punish him like this, why the fuck did she choose a traitor like Lie?
She says she will visit as much as she can, even haa the audacity to announce that they crowned Litotes child to rule the Cove. His home since day one, the one he dedicated his life too and was once promised to rule. She begs him to stay, for the children, an excuse perhaps to keep him within reach.
When she finally falls silent an irritated laugh escaped his maw and he meets her gaze with one that was now just as cold as hers. Litotes? The word slithers past his mouth with hatred. You strip me of my crown and then give it to that traitor? He huffs, if he could shift into an animal this might have been the moment he fought with her bear. You really must never have loved me Dawn, if I am so easily replaceable to you....do you bare his child again Dawn? His gaze lookd with curiosity, but on second guess time will tell. No, don't answer that, and don't visit for me Dawn. I don't ever want to see you again. Dedicating my life to this home, and this is how you repay me? Your new king was gone longer than me, but I guess thats forgiveable. He backs up putting more distance between them, his heart shrinking to nothing, broken, again. I will be there for my children, don't worry, but I want nothing to do with you. His gaze shifts to the side You should probably leave now, your king will probably be waiting for you. He wants to watch her leave, taking the last of there love with it
i just killed off what was left of the optimist in me
It is his turn to be angry, and she makes no move to extinguish the flames that grows in his eyes and the discomfort that grows in his belly. He makes no move to speak until she finishes, and though she prickles at his angry laugh, she doesn’t try to stop the onslaught of words he has cooked up for her. Let him try to hurt her, and he’ll find that she’s made of tougher stuff than he could even imagine. She has lost so much in such a short lifetime that at this point in time, she doesn’t mind one more loss – Clayton has already abandoned her once before, and she’s proven time and time again that she doesn’t need him in order to be strong.
He tells her to leave, and for the first time she laughs, a cold and cruel laugh. “Unfortunately for you, I don’t owe you anything,” she tells him, inky black talons gripping the earth beneath her paws.
“You fucked me,” she says, her voice cold and her eyes chips of flint, “and you left me. Before I even knew I was pregnant, you were gone. You didn’t even show up to your own coronation. So, please, tell me again how I stripped you of the crown you never even showed up to claim.” She ignores the question about her pregnancy – it is none of his business, after all, whom a queen chooses to bed, and who better fitting than a king? She continues on as if the comment means nothing – for truly, it means nothing to her. “And I never said I would visit for you.”
Her body is tense, as though before a fight, but her expression never wavers from one carved of stone. “Isilme is acting as a figurehead, nothing more. The Cove is now just a territory, and her members that do not belong to Hyaline will belong to Pangea. If I were you, I’d fall in line. Don’t presume to think what is best for me to do, either. As Queen of the East I will not tolerate insubordination, and it seems as though you are toeing a very fine line, Clayton.” Her voice is full of disdain as she turns away from him, not bothering to look back as she leaves the broken bay behind.
![[Image: clayton_by_cowgirlconrad-dcmmo18.png]](https://orig00.deviantart.net/8f0d/f/2018/254/c/4/clayton_by_cowgirlconrad-dcmmo18.png)
