"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
A residual sense of reassurance is left on Castile’s shoulder when they peel apart even after only having barely brushed. Warmth blossoms across his skin, spreading like vines taking root and diving beneath to continue working away at his heart. Ilma accepts his gesture, closing her eyes as his lips press to her forehead. This, even, settles the monster inside him and brings a glimmer of hope to his mismatched eyes. If a practical stranger can accept his notions of adoration, surely Solace and Sabra can?
But for a fleeting moment, Castile does not think of his two women. They slip discreetly to the back of his mind as his thoughts flood with Ilma and the unexpected kindness and generosity her mere presence has provided him. A balm, yes, to his gaping wounds. He hadn’t expected it from her when she initially approached, but here they are with their shoulders creeping closer as though drawn to each other’s internal flame. ”A big heart,” it’s more of a thought spoken aloud by mistake as his imagination roams parallel to her story. She had been young coming here and she has found her niche since then in Hyaline. It isn’t at all a boring tale; there is happiness and purpose but also a shaded excerpt that made her stronger.
”Do you visit them?” There is a gentleness in his voice that doesn’t match the scars or his wild features. There is no inclination as to what he truly is, or what he can be. With his emotions greatly suppressed and the animal inside him caged, Castile is able to full-heartedly focus on Ilma rather than jerk his attention back and forth to practice self-control. It’s a beautiful thing, he briefly muses, as a sense of calm washes over him like the tides of Nerine. ”Your children, I mean.” In case she hadn’t jumped to assumptions. Listening with piqued interest, he eventually engages furthermore in the conversation as children slip to the subject. ”I have two sets of twins, amazingly.” His expression melts into a distant thoughtfulness as he tries to picture what they would look like or how they would sound or if they could fly with him. ”I plan to find them,” he admits almost sheepishly, hating how much time he has missed in their lives and how easily it is to confess to Ilma. ”Family was important to my parents. They instilled that in me…” despite his shortcomings and mistakes, the wont is there, humming loudly in his core.
And there's a lesson waiting to be learned the firestarters always get the burns and the good guys never get the girl
Their skins and breaths are a warm contrast with the cooling air, and had she understood what drew him into Solace’s and Sabra’s arms she might have stopped and held her reserve, knowing that the three women may have something in common in his eyes: strength and warmth and a tender light skin, wings to match. If that was still his type after all that had happened, she might be in danger of crossing a line - but she’s not aware that it is Sabra who’s his other partner, and even if she was, she could not say that she knew the woman well enough to be a judge of her character.
In short - she goes with it, for a while. It is, to her, not the kind of attraction she felt for Ashhal, who’d simply been a mysterious handsome stranger - same with Artithmetic, frankly. But to feel a connection with a kindred spirit was far more dangerous. Perhaps she’s lonely now, now that the only other man of similar spirit was beyond her reach for over a year. Perhaps she’s just too easily knocked off her feet. But no - she does not go there. Not today. If Castile still wants to mend things with Solace, then she will not move without her friend and queen’s blessing, and besides - besides, there is still the other one, lingering in the back of her own mind. Castile and her should be friends for now, nothing more - don’t go there, don’t touch. It’s simple and the hardest thing to do at the same time, but once the contact is broken, a little more doable.
When she tells her story, he whispers about a big heart, and she passes over it like it had just been a thought unspoken. Better not to engage. She snaps her eyes at him when he asks if she visits them, assuming he means the children’s fathers. She’s about to say no, she doesn’t even know where they live or wander, but he says “the children” and her frown turns into a light chuckle. ”They live in Hyaline. I suspect Llowell may leave soon, he’s nearing two years in age. But Tähti has returned to us to stay, I think. At least for a few more years.” She brushes her tail against her right hind leg, thoughtlessly patting a fly off her skin. ”I’m sure they’d love to see and get to know you.” They may have been asking Solace, as well as the other woman, or they may not have, like Tähti felt that if her mother didn’t tell her then maybe she did not want or need to know. But sharing her own story, she wonders about his own. ”What about you, Castile? Aside from two sets of twins, what have you done in your life before?” Was there a reason he did not elaborate on the past besides his latest actions for which he resented himself? Was it that bad? Perhaps then it would be better to get that off his chest also...
and shooting stars cannot fix the world
@[Castile]
Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this: men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget.
He should stop, retract from her warm touch. Really, he shouldn’t do it again, but he’s a glutton for affection.
But with enough will – and reminders that flash across the back of his eyelids when he blinks – Castile withdraws. There is a tenderness in his expression, even as a cold space gnaws at his shoulder where Ilma had originally been. She doesn’t protest to the added space, and so he holds steadfast and funnels his attention on her admission. Two children, both in Hyaline with her. One is clutching to her side on those grassy hills while the other toys with the prospect of exploration and independence. A reminiscent grin accompanies his childhood memories. Once, he slipped out from mother’s intensive watch so that he may see what lies beyond Nerine’s borders. With her list of enemies on the rise, Nayl wanted to keep her family within arm’s reach and away from potential harm. She was a good mother, yes. It hadn’t been long until Castile returned to her side, eager for her attention and protection.
If only he had been as bold as Ivar to stay away and to find his place in the world.
What snaps him back and out of his memories, he isn’t sure. What she said hadn’t escaped him, fortunately. ”I will have to make a trip to Hyaline sooner rather than later, I guess.” To meet her children, and also his own. While it’s a pressing matter on his agenda, Castile is still reluctant to face the ones he has failed most. What will they say? How much will they hate him?
No, no, don’t think of that.
He is changing – has changed – for them. Shouldn’t that matter like Ilma suggested?
A breath catches in his throat as he sifts through answers he could propose to her. While a friendship is blossoming between them, should he tarnish it with painful truths? It could plant a seed of fear and mistrust in her. Ilma could look at him in an entirely different light – darker, negative.
”Well,” he begins after having weighed over his past experiences. A long enough moment had passed that could’ve made her think he wouldn’t answer, but Castile is willing and open enough. ”I was born and raised in Nerine as a prince, I suppose. During that time, however, it was a matriarchal society, so what kind of role can a prince really play?” He chuckles at this as he reflects on the irrelevant position he inherited. It’s all moot now. ”Eventually, I became a Regent in Loess and an Alliance contender. Nothing too terribly exciting, I’m afraid.” He doesn’t confess what he is, or how it led to Solace’s injury and his departure.
That would be too much right now, for both of them.
And there's a lesson waiting to be learned the firestarters always get the burns and the good guys never get the girl
Castile is lost in thought often throughout their entire conversation, but it does not turn her away. Lile she said, he was already changing himself and making the best effort to be a good man, and letting go of his past. Sure, he’d sired children, but if looking at Solace while she had been pregnant with the twins was any indication, he had not forced them into existence.
Which made him less a monster in her eyes than be could possibly believe, she thinks.
He is reminded by the story of children, to come over to Hyaline and she nods. ”Whenever you’re ready, they will be. Do you want me to tell anyone that you’re back?” Possibly he would want to come see them on his own time, possibly he would like to tell them himself. But maybe that was scary. Maybe he needed an outside force to tell them he was back so he could force himself to go. Whichever suited him best was fine, she figured. As long as he came around. He could still be a father to them.
He stalls at her other question. Clearly he does not want to share every detail, but she has been accustomed to that by now; his hiding the darkesf secrets. But as long as he grazes over them and considers them himself, she believes that he secretly, deep down, is still healing. That would be all tbat was needed of him today. Today he doesn’t need to visit Solace or his children. Today he can talk to a near-stranger and reconsider.
His story involves Nerine and Loess, and she nods. ”You may be pleased to know Nerine has changed and lets men in their ranks now, and is tied to Ischia as a sister kingdom which holds mostly men and a few women in their ranks. I don’t know how to feel about Loess as they’re so opposed to what we stand for nowadays, but perhaps you wish to form your own opinion. There have been leadership changes both there and in Sylva, the latter of which I would not recommend stepping around lightly. It houses....” she gives him a wry smile. ”Monsters. The unchanging kind.” she tells him. There, at least now he’s up-to-date with most kingdom business although she has not gone into Loess in-depthly. Something is up with the horses in there. Something Hyaline is not too happy to be a direct neighbour to, but she does not know Castile well enough to know if he likes or hates it’s change, so she leaves it at that.
and shooting stars cannot fix the world
@[Castile]
Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this: men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget.
