Why does everything else have to be so hard? Wrapped beneath their midnight blanket, with the air clean and crisp with Autumn coming, the thought comes so clearly to Lilli. Everything else around them has been so complicated and jagged, sharp corners threatening with serrated edges ready to rip her open. It catches in her throat then - grief, loss, exhaustion, confusion - and Lilliana feels so tired. She can feel it want to rise, the emotions begging Lilli to give them life but even now she refuses.
She peers at her cousin from underneath her forelock and Lilli wonders if Elaina knew how much she admired her. Surely by now, she must know. But since the time they were fillies, Lilliana has wanted nothing more than to be like her fire cousin. She has wanted to be brave, to be bold, to be able to greet each dawn with that determined face of courage. Even more so, Elaina had the power to heal what was broken. The first memories are hazy but Lilli can remember watching with amazement as the palomino had sewn sinew and skin, had made a foalhood injury disappear under her (then) limited knowledge of Legado's gift.
She had thought that maybe like Elaina, she might find a way to mend what was broken.
Lilli did not know anything about healing. She had no skill in wielding power like that even the help of the Falls. But the seed had planted in her mind that maybe she could help smooth the rough corners of others, that she might find a way to help ease and soothe the souls of others. She has tried so hard: Aletta and the way she closed herself off completely, refusing to let the world know how broken her heart was. Elaina who had so many scars of her own and Lilli tried to ease them with words, with actions, with whatever she could do to let her cousin know that in their little home, she was beloved. She tried it with Orani, another little girl hurting from an absent father. She tried with Malachi and Brielle and Jay and all of them.
She had worked so hard to mend, to weave the aching parts into something else entirely. Lilli, for as much as she buries her hurts, had tried to make the broken hearts and the grief and the pain of others into something beautiful. To let them know that they are beautiful and that whatever they think is broken only makes them strong.
How ironic is it hat the girl who has wanted to save everybody else can't save herself?
This moment between them is achingly easy, so simple and beautiful in a way that nothing else is in Lilli's world. The ease that they come together only highlights that fact so blatantly. "Oh mystical being," she teases before she presses her head into the curve of Elaina's lovely neck. "I have the navigational abilities of a rock. Any path I take is bound to lead me to a dead end." Her breath comes warm and she smiles, giving it as an offering to her cousin. Elaina makes her feel whole, takes those ragged corners that she tries so hard to conceal and makes them soft, more forgiving. She exhales and pulls away, allowing the cold air to slip between them again.
"I loved that bend," she whispers, remembering wildflowers and the sound of laughing water. It was a memory from a past life. Her face warms and softens at the mention of their cousins and Lilli hopes that wherever they are, they have managed to find some happiness. "I'm sure they're all together in Paraiso." Her smile quirks, "And I'm sure that Alvaro is the ball of sunshine he has always been." She misses her eldest brother, his serious thoughts and his sage words. She misses his bright smile, a reward that never came often enough.
Her expression changes, the smile fades and she looks to Elaina. It isn't a sympathetic look but one of complete understanding. If anyone understands that feeling, it would be Elaina and Lilli. "I know," she adds, almost sadly and gives the golden mare a similar answer to the one she gave Wolfbane. "It was insanity. I couldn't do it anymore. I just saw all my days passing by, doing the same thing, waiting... waiting for what?" she asks rhetorically, the reply the closest the crimson mare will come to bitterness. There is an angle to her jaw, a steeliness to her blue eyes that make her a mirror of her warrior father at that moment. "Duty before love," she whispers. "What a price it demands, Elaina. How do they pay it?"
The night envelops Lilli again and she huddles closer to her cousin, letting her familiar form melt and meld with Elaina's. The two of them fit together as they always have: from awkward adolescent angles to the soft, rounded curves they now carried. Lilli closes the space where the chilly air had once been and basks in the warmth of her cousin. Her gaze is speculative and the chestnut mare is uncharacteristically melancholy at that moment, all the talk of her parents and what wasn't and what should have been still lingering in the front of her mind.
She exhales gently though she doesn't look to Elaina. Whatever has gripped itself around Lilli's heart is released into the air around them and the chestnut mare thinks. An ear flicks and then Lilli manages to look at Elaina, love illuminating every corner of her face. "You think so?" A quiet life could be well warranted after everything they have been through. Life beneath the solace of the Redwoods could be what she has been seeking. The question lingers between them and the more that Lilli contemplates it, the more tempting that peace sounds.
The chestnut softens and glances sidelong at her cousin, that familiar impish smile mixed with affection and tenderness. "Really? I didn't know that," she teases as she gently presses her shoulder into Elaina's, feeling secure and whole beside her. And for a minute, the teasing facade falls replaced only by her genuine concern that her cousin knows how important she is. "Your mine too. I couldn't do this without you, Elaina. I'd be lost without you."
@[Elaina]
She peers at her cousin from underneath her forelock and Lilli wonders if Elaina knew how much she admired her. Surely by now, she must know. But since the time they were fillies, Lilliana has wanted nothing more than to be like her fire cousin. She has wanted to be brave, to be bold, to be able to greet each dawn with that determined face of courage. Even more so, Elaina had the power to heal what was broken. The first memories are hazy but Lilli can remember watching with amazement as the palomino had sewn sinew and skin, had made a foalhood injury disappear under her (then) limited knowledge of Legado's gift.
She had thought that maybe like Elaina, she might find a way to mend what was broken.
Lilli did not know anything about healing. She had no skill in wielding power like that even the help of the Falls. But the seed had planted in her mind that maybe she could help smooth the rough corners of others, that she might find a way to help ease and soothe the souls of others. She has tried so hard: Aletta and the way she closed herself off completely, refusing to let the world know how broken her heart was. Elaina who had so many scars of her own and Lilli tried to ease them with words, with actions, with whatever she could do to let her cousin know that in their little home, she was beloved. She tried it with Orani, another little girl hurting from an absent father. She tried with Malachi and Brielle and Jay and all of them.
She had worked so hard to mend, to weave the aching parts into something else entirely. Lilli, for as much as she buries her hurts, had tried to make the broken hearts and the grief and the pain of others into something beautiful. To let them know that they are beautiful and that whatever they think is broken only makes them strong.
How ironic is it hat the girl who has wanted to save everybody else can't save herself?
This moment between them is achingly easy, so simple and beautiful in a way that nothing else is in Lilli's world. The ease that they come together only highlights that fact so blatantly. "Oh mystical being," she teases before she presses her head into the curve of Elaina's lovely neck. "I have the navigational abilities of a rock. Any path I take is bound to lead me to a dead end." Her breath comes warm and she smiles, giving it as an offering to her cousin. Elaina makes her feel whole, takes those ragged corners that she tries so hard to conceal and makes them soft, more forgiving. She exhales and pulls away, allowing the cold air to slip between them again.
"I loved that bend," she whispers, remembering wildflowers and the sound of laughing water. It was a memory from a past life. Her face warms and softens at the mention of their cousins and Lilli hopes that wherever they are, they have managed to find some happiness. "I'm sure they're all together in Paraiso." Her smile quirks, "And I'm sure that Alvaro is the ball of sunshine he has always been." She misses her eldest brother, his serious thoughts and his sage words. She misses his bright smile, a reward that never came often enough.
Her expression changes, the smile fades and she looks to Elaina. It isn't a sympathetic look but one of complete understanding. If anyone understands that feeling, it would be Elaina and Lilli. "I know," she adds, almost sadly and gives the golden mare a similar answer to the one she gave Wolfbane. "It was insanity. I couldn't do it anymore. I just saw all my days passing by, doing the same thing, waiting... waiting for what?" she asks rhetorically, the reply the closest the crimson mare will come to bitterness. There is an angle to her jaw, a steeliness to her blue eyes that make her a mirror of her warrior father at that moment. "Duty before love," she whispers. "What a price it demands, Elaina. How do they pay it?"
The night envelops Lilli again and she huddles closer to her cousin, letting her familiar form melt and meld with Elaina's. The two of them fit together as they always have: from awkward adolescent angles to the soft, rounded curves they now carried. Lilli closes the space where the chilly air had once been and basks in the warmth of her cousin. Her gaze is speculative and the chestnut mare is uncharacteristically melancholy at that moment, all the talk of her parents and what wasn't and what should have been still lingering in the front of her mind.
She exhales gently though she doesn't look to Elaina. Whatever has gripped itself around Lilli's heart is released into the air around them and the chestnut mare thinks. An ear flicks and then Lilli manages to look at Elaina, love illuminating every corner of her face. "You think so?" A quiet life could be well warranted after everything they have been through. Life beneath the solace of the Redwoods could be what she has been seeking. The question lingers between them and the more that Lilli contemplates it, the more tempting that peace sounds.
The chestnut softens and glances sidelong at her cousin, that familiar impish smile mixed with affection and tenderness. "Really? I didn't know that," she teases as she gently presses her shoulder into Elaina's, feeling secure and whole beside her. And for a minute, the teasing facade falls replaced only by her genuine concern that her cousin knows how important she is. "Your mine too. I couldn't do this without you, Elaina. I'd be lost without you."
@[Elaina]
but it's all in the past, love
it's all gone with the wind