 I can remember a time when I was so afraid when even my shadow wouldn't follow me There was a steady beating of her heart, rhythmically within her golden breast at the nearness they stood, knowing she was no longer alone, staring out at each other. They know there are things they have lost. She wonders if Lilli thinks the same thing she does, what will become of those that they have left behind, what had happened that there were others that had come into their lives and been gone so quickly: Brynn, Benji, Beylani, Valerio (not gone but never here). Like the way a falcon’s talons pierce the flesh of a rabbit, grief and sorrow were suffocating, longing and missing everyone. In the end, there were really only two options... Dwell on the loss and refuse to move on, or recognize the heavy loss and try to keep on moving, to remains steadfast in courage and faith and move forwards. Hoping that there lay grandeur in the future. Life was never meant to be easy after all. But with Lilli in her life, Elaina felt at least she could handle what may come. “Thy eldest clan in all the land,” she says, slipping into the old timey voice attempting to mimic the elders they had known in Paraiso and Murmuring Rivers. It is a poor attempt with her youthful chime, but an attempt made to make her friend smile all the same. “I don't think I could ever sound both as young and as wise as Jay,” she laughs. The boy had been intelligent and compassionate for his age, a year older than Elaina and Lilli, but around Orani, she saw all of that slip away and he became a silly boy. “I can guide you Lilliana, but only you can make your path,” she says in that mystical voice once more. Those amber eyes that peer out from dark lashes though say that her words are the truth. She could not tell Lilli to travel north, but only point out to her which star it was in the sky. Lilli is the plea Elaina has asked for, a desperate cry to not entirely erase her past, but to hold onto something good that she pulls out from under her pillow every night before slipping into slumber. She feels steadier here, stronger, in the close proximity of the one person that knows her better than anyone, that knows her better than her own parents. Elaina had come to the realization that she had known her chestnut cousin longer than she had known either her mother or her father. The thought makes jagged scars in her heart, but Lilli is there, with smiles and familial hugs to patch them up as quickly as they appear. The night is quiet, but it far from lonely. Her heart aches to breathe Lilli in once more to ensure she is real, to never leave the comfort her embrace provides. Elaina has known love. Has known the love of her parents, of grandparents, of uncles and aunts. She has known the love of a mate, and the lust of another. But, what Lilli gives her, this unconditional type of love and affection, Elaina is not sure she will ever find someone quite like her cousin. “Wow, Murmuring Rivers, yeah, I remember that bend,” she says. Elaina and Lilli were always so similar, even now, it can be seen in the ways they gravitate towards things that are familiar, comfortable. “A lot has happened since then, I sometimes wonder what Marcelo and Ori are up to,” she says with a smile. A natural feeling, Marcelo had held a hand in raising Elaina and Ori and she had been nearly as close as sisters. Caught in the throes of adolescence without their parents to guide them. “When I got back Lilli, I just…couldnt anymore. Seeing your mom, seeing Aerwir, I knew I couldn't stay. That either I would have to return to Windskeep or go some where new, anything but the sameness of that place,” she admits. “When I found out you had left, I don't know, I felt maybe, happy? It was the push I needed,” she says honestly. Elaina admired Aletta’s loyalty to Valerio and she nodded in response. “Duty so often comes before love,” she says and it is heartbreaking, because she has pulled the same stunts. And often, when love is put first, Elaina knows how that ends too. She visited the very grave of the man who put the love for his daughter before himself. “And maybe one day, they will,” she says, but Elaina’s heart, it is as uncertain as the breeze. “Remember when Liam farted on her?” Elaina begins laughing uncontrollably at the memory. Liam was always a rambunctious child and a great reprieve from all the stoic faces she so often saw. “Yes, I don't think Brielle would do well with a son,” she adds. Brielle, in a lot of ways, had become the big sister to Elaina that she never had. She would spar if the golden girl asked, never saying that was only for boys. She was quick to offer advice before storming off after Roland. Elaina wishes the best for them, they needed it, both of them. Lilli’s touch is light, but the golden sunflower child leans into it, so comforted by her presence, Elaina feels the peace only Lilli can bring her. In a way, Elaina’s growth has forever been stifled. Her adult self takes little Elaina by the hand, apologizing over and over again for the pain she was going to endure. How she needed to soak in every kiss, every embrace, every smile from her parents. Listen to every word and play them over and over again so she wont forget their voices. Savor the smell of when she sleeps between them, so that she can still sometimes, even after they are gone, will smell that linger scent when she awakens: alone. To take in every fun time, every memory with them so when her heart feels heavy and the ache is deep in her bones, she will turn away from that dark place in her mind that she has clawed her way out of before, but just barely. “I think we could both use some quiet,” she says and laughs. “We have had far too many complications, I think it would be nice, to live a life, without anymore of them,” she says and smiles. But Elaina hardly knows what has settled in Lilli’s heart for a palomino stallion, nor does she see her own future, buries down her body, her heart wrenching and reaching for the affection she desperately craves, but refuses to believe she actually needs. “I would settle for quiet any day.” A pause. She looks to the stars as she listens to Lilli’s voice touch her ears like the hum of bees and summertime. “Lilli, you’re my best friend, you know that right?” benjamin and beylani's sunflower-girl |
@[lilliana]