09-03-2019, 10:42 PM
 I can remember a time when I was so afraid when even my shadow wouldn't follow me She misses her, the snowy hair girl does. Oh she misses her so much even as she stands beside her, Elaina can see her with golden amber eyes, as she feels the warmth of her. She supposes, this is how it will be forever now, a string of razor-wire pulled taut against the ailing fiber of her heart. Keeping tears out of golden amber eyes when all she wants is her crimson cousin beside her. She is not thinking any ill of Lilli, because to be angry with her cousin would be to be angry with herself. Though, Elaina would always find a far easier time to be angry with her own self than ever to feel even a tremor towards the one she calls a sister. Elaina is blind to Lilli’s flaws. To her, Lilli will always be the one who dreams too big and allows her heart to open to anyone who needs it, whether they are deserving or not. It is something Elaina has always admired about her, and, perhaps, had they not been so close, if she did not love Lilli so much and so deeply fight only for her crimson cousin to have the best life she can, Elaina would feel that sting of jealousy for all that lilli was and for what Elaina will never be. “Oh, Lilli,” she says in a way a mother may speak to a child, but her tone, so full of endearment and esteem, holds no patronization. “You could have and in many ways you already have, made it without me,” she says and her eyes sting. This truth is easy to admit because Elaina has never hid it, she wears it like a badge of honor on her sleeve for all to see. “It was me who always needed you.” There is a hint of a frown in her voice, only because she has missed her so much and misses her still. The pair of them had grown close in such a short amount of time. Elaina, when first arriving to Murmuring Rivers, had been closed off, distant, scared, as so many children of grief are. But that fateful day when Frostbane had made his way into the meadow they had been getting to know each other in. And from that point on, that pivotal moment, they had been nearly inseparable. “All our secrets would be told,” She says like it would be the very end of the world if those girlish secrets were leaked. Though, in truth, it had been more than secrets Elaina had shared, she had shown Lilli her heart and everything that came with it. Elaina’s own gaze shifts away from Lilli’s then, so she wont see the guilt plaguing the back of her hidden behind a thin veil of amber. And the girls are suddenly no longer looking at each other, but each formulating an answer as they stare into the darkness as if it may come to them from the shadows. “I know what is waiting for me back there,” she says. Aerwir: love, children, becoming the epitome of family. “But I don't know if I want that anymore,” she admits. And in truth, she knows, she knows she doesn’t. “And Windskeep, i cant walk by my parents’ graves every day and know that I am not living the life they wished. I cant bare that shame,” she says, but she doesn't mention how she wants to see the world for all three of them, how she wants to make a difference so that she knows they are not truly gone from this world. They live on in their daughter. “I know what you mean,” she follows quickly, tagging along to Lilli’s answer like the tail of a kite. She thinks back to when they had arrived in paraiso. All the excitement. She remembers how Brielle and Roland had immediately wandered off to ensure all their old spots were still there and just how they had left them. How Marcelo, Ruth, and Ori had traveled to their little grove, to sleep in spots still laid flat from the years. And how Elaina had wandered to all the spots her parents had been, but in the end, she just could not figure out how to live her own life or forge her own path. Lilli searches for her and Elaina quickly meets her eyes of blue. A promise she had made so long ago, that they had both made: to always be there for each other. Elaina looks to Lilli with something like resent in her eyes, but it is hardly (would never be) directed to the red haired girl. “It was certainly as fleeting as one,” she says, there is a bitter taste in her mouth with those words, and she hates the way it feels rough against her tongue. Everyone had stayed behind, as if it had been an easy decision. Alvaro, Marcelo, Ori, Starlett, Valerio. THe names pile up so high Elaina can no longer see the top, until they are like the great trees of Windskeep, far out of her reach. Both in height, and now in distance too. “There are good people who do not make good kings, and there are kings who do not make good people,” she says. What category Valerio fell into more so was an unanswerable question, and one Elaina did not like to think about. She loved her brandished gold godfather, admired his bravery, and worshiped his stories. It still doesn't stop the fact that he hurt those he loved, even if it was his love that was doing the hurting. “I think it is hard to be both,” she admits. What Lilli’s thoughts were on the manner Elaina lets the chestnut harbor them to herself. She listens carefully and quietly to Lilli’s words. Their friendship had always been the perfect balancing act, executing it perfectly with give and take, listening and sharing. Amber eyes watch the planes of Lilli’s face, gathering the emotions that have settled underneath. “He loved you, all of you, all of us,” she says, knowing that this cant fix things, but she says it all the same. “I dont know, Lilli,” she says and she wishes she could give her some wisdom, but in truth, Elaina has so little to spare and what she carries with her, a little backpack worn and weary, she flips through and agonizes over wondering if what she knows if even right. “Love is fickle, duty is reliable, but both can be lonely,” she says. But in the end, hasn't Elaina already chosen? Aerwir sleeping alone in Beyond and Elaina slumbering in solitary was evidence enough. “You always had the best wishes and dreams, I miss hearing about them.” So much, she misses them, you. She misses you, Lilli. She then giggles like she was nothing more than a wild eyed filly. Images of sleepovers come to mind and suddenly Elaina is so elated with possibility she thinks she may cry or laugh or dance under the moonlight. The emotions all fall together and so she settles for resting her head closer to Lilli’s and dreaming of their past adventures repeating themselves. They have never really outgrown their childish, girlish antics you know. “I love you too, Lilli, forever and ever.” benjamin and beylani's sunflower-girl |