Please don’t leave me.
The thought is more prayer than plea, a tremor sent into the evening air. Having been reunited with her cousin, the russet mare realizes how utterly stupid, how selfish she had been to make this journey without Elaina. The pair could have done it together, faced the wrath of the elements and whatever obstacles stood in their way. The two could have, as Elaina so eloquently put it, blazed a path together.
Her golden cousin’s comment makes the words come out dry, so deprecating to be mistaken for humor. Lilli has made plenty of wrong turns, too many mistakes and she still feels their burden. It is only here with Elaina that the load lights and seems bearable, that she might be able to shoulder it. Lilli wants to shake her head, to tell her beloved cousin that no – she too often miscalculates or misconstrues the path. It leads her to any place but the destination. The blue eyes dull, trying to prevent her doubts from taking shape in the night air. ”Only because you light the way,” she murmurs.
Elaina’s lyrical laughter brightens something in the young mare. Her words bring back the images of that beloved river bend, the flowers fragrant and the air full of secrets, much like this night. They might not be there but the atmosphere they create, the memories they share between them, bring a sense of self to Lilli. Their little bend might not exist anymore but this bond does, whole and unbroken as it has always been. ”Then we wouldn’t be such mysterious creatures,” she teases, mirth lurking behind each word.
Her cousin’s question causes her to falter. Lilli repeats the question in her head and looks away, trying to formulate an answer. ”Do you?” she asks as if they are fillies again and Lilli is still too scared to go first. A heartbeat, two and then she sighs, knowing her answer. ”I did,” she says, ”in the beginning. But it always felt like Father’s home. Everybody seemed to.. belong there.” And then comes the confession, ”I’m not sure that I ever did.” When the words come out, she searches for Elaina in the darkness again, wondering if this admission might deem her as something less worthy.
As if there might be something wrong with her.
Elaina’s certainty makes her beautiful. It has always made her so in Lilli’s eyes. It reminded the crimson girl of her father, of her elder brother and sister, so secure in their certainty. Lilliana has always cocooned herself around her cousin’s assurance, a barrier that has protected them both from so many hurts. There is a slight nod as Lilli loses herself in the remembering, the ache of their absence becoming tangible at the moment.
It hurts. It tears at the cracking parts of her heart, the place where so much love flows in and out like a tide. But with the warmth of Elaina beside her, with her heat, her light, her love, the grief doesn’t cut her as sharply as it often does. It serves as another reminder to Lilli that whatever may come, whatever happens to them, they will face it together.
”It was a dream,” comes her whispered voice. It had to have been. The simplicity, the joy, the beauty of it had been to perfect to last. Even Lilli, who would rather see the world for what it might be than what it is, isn’t blind to that fact. Elaina challenges her then, dares to broaden that horizon. The places that Lilli might not be brave enough to go on her own are always illuminated by her beloved cousin. Elaina’s gazes drops and Lilli feels her head drop, her blue eyes looking for the answer on the ground.
”How does anyone choose?” Impossibilities. All of it. Thinking, Lilli tries to imagine what she would do. Where would her allegiances lie? Duty over the heart or the heart over responsibility? The actions of her parents, the decisions they made, the sacrifices they offered at the alter of realm and responsibility are one of the reasons why the chestnut has skirted around commitment and responsibility. It is the reason why Elaina stands here as an emerging Politician for Hyaline and Lilli has done her best to find obscurity.
”I always thought he broke both their hearts,” comes the dreamy tones of Lilli’s melodic voice. ”I never understood why there couldn’t be any in-between.. a compromise.” But then here, Lilli stops. Elaina had been in Windskeep. She had known the horrors, had lost her father to that senseless war. Valerio, the vanguard of old world order, would have never left any to suffer. Any injustice that he might have prevented or eradicated, that he might have extinguished, he had.
The consequences of those decisions present themselves here in the slender form of Lilliana. So in a way, the silence admits to Lilli’s refusal to accept that a decision has to be unmitigated, that it has to be everything or nothing.
Her blue eyes seek out Elaina’s again, always and forever wanting her approval. ”What about you? What would you choose?”
Another series of thoughts swirl through Lilli’s mind. For a moment, she thinks about seeking a place here in Hyaline. She and her cousin could see Hyaline in the daylight, they could.. what? Be as they had been? As soon as the thought materializes, Lilli knows she is wrong. A loving glance to Elaina gives rise to the feeling of warmth in her chest and the crimson girl knows that Elaina is a creature of freedom. As much as she loves her, Lilli couldn’t tether her the way that Aerwir had tried too.
”I’ll keep wishing then,” she teases and flashes a glean of white in the moonlight, her smile broadening. Perhaps not an anonymous existence or one without purpose but Lilli thinks there might be something lovely in the ordinary. ”I’ve got a few spots in mind..” and the memories do catch, playing in her mind. Beloved, beautiful things that she treasures and she keeps tucked firmly in her chest, saved only for moments like this one.
Lilli leans into Elaina then, pushing out the last of the darkness and the emptiness of the night around them. She doesn’t know how she has gotten this far without her. How did she even manage to find Beqanna without her? Her golden cousin looks to the stars and Lilli is seized with the sudden terror that someone she loves might not be here in the morning. There is an urgency, some unknown reason for her to know how loved she is. Everything can change upon daybreak.
”I love you,” she murmurs again to her stargazing cousin and allows herself to stare up at the stars: marveling at the sheer expanse of it all, of how small their existence is and how much of her own existence is tied to Elaina’s, of how utterly lost she would be without her.
The thought is more prayer than plea, a tremor sent into the evening air. Having been reunited with her cousin, the russet mare realizes how utterly stupid, how selfish she had been to make this journey without Elaina. The pair could have done it together, faced the wrath of the elements and whatever obstacles stood in their way. The two could have, as Elaina so eloquently put it, blazed a path together.
Her golden cousin’s comment makes the words come out dry, so deprecating to be mistaken for humor. Lilli has made plenty of wrong turns, too many mistakes and she still feels their burden. It is only here with Elaina that the load lights and seems bearable, that she might be able to shoulder it. Lilli wants to shake her head, to tell her beloved cousin that no – she too often miscalculates or misconstrues the path. It leads her to any place but the destination. The blue eyes dull, trying to prevent her doubts from taking shape in the night air. ”Only because you light the way,” she murmurs.
Elaina’s lyrical laughter brightens something in the young mare. Her words bring back the images of that beloved river bend, the flowers fragrant and the air full of secrets, much like this night. They might not be there but the atmosphere they create, the memories they share between them, bring a sense of self to Lilli. Their little bend might not exist anymore but this bond does, whole and unbroken as it has always been. ”Then we wouldn’t be such mysterious creatures,” she teases, mirth lurking behind each word.
Her cousin’s question causes her to falter. Lilli repeats the question in her head and looks away, trying to formulate an answer. ”Do you?” she asks as if they are fillies again and Lilli is still too scared to go first. A heartbeat, two and then she sighs, knowing her answer. ”I did,” she says, ”in the beginning. But it always felt like Father’s home. Everybody seemed to.. belong there.” And then comes the confession, ”I’m not sure that I ever did.” When the words come out, she searches for Elaina in the darkness again, wondering if this admission might deem her as something less worthy.
As if there might be something wrong with her.
Elaina’s certainty makes her beautiful. It has always made her so in Lilli’s eyes. It reminded the crimson girl of her father, of her elder brother and sister, so secure in their certainty. Lilliana has always cocooned herself around her cousin’s assurance, a barrier that has protected them both from so many hurts. There is a slight nod as Lilli loses herself in the remembering, the ache of their absence becoming tangible at the moment.
It hurts. It tears at the cracking parts of her heart, the place where so much love flows in and out like a tide. But with the warmth of Elaina beside her, with her heat, her light, her love, the grief doesn’t cut her as sharply as it often does. It serves as another reminder to Lilli that whatever may come, whatever happens to them, they will face it together.
”It was a dream,” comes her whispered voice. It had to have been. The simplicity, the joy, the beauty of it had been to perfect to last. Even Lilli, who would rather see the world for what it might be than what it is, isn’t blind to that fact. Elaina challenges her then, dares to broaden that horizon. The places that Lilli might not be brave enough to go on her own are always illuminated by her beloved cousin. Elaina’s gazes drops and Lilli feels her head drop, her blue eyes looking for the answer on the ground.
”How does anyone choose?” Impossibilities. All of it. Thinking, Lilli tries to imagine what she would do. Where would her allegiances lie? Duty over the heart or the heart over responsibility? The actions of her parents, the decisions they made, the sacrifices they offered at the alter of realm and responsibility are one of the reasons why the chestnut has skirted around commitment and responsibility. It is the reason why Elaina stands here as an emerging Politician for Hyaline and Lilli has done her best to find obscurity.
”I always thought he broke both their hearts,” comes the dreamy tones of Lilli’s melodic voice. ”I never understood why there couldn’t be any in-between.. a compromise.” But then here, Lilli stops. Elaina had been in Windskeep. She had known the horrors, had lost her father to that senseless war. Valerio, the vanguard of old world order, would have never left any to suffer. Any injustice that he might have prevented or eradicated, that he might have extinguished, he had.
The consequences of those decisions present themselves here in the slender form of Lilliana. So in a way, the silence admits to Lilli’s refusal to accept that a decision has to be unmitigated, that it has to be everything or nothing.
Her blue eyes seek out Elaina’s again, always and forever wanting her approval. ”What about you? What would you choose?”
Another series of thoughts swirl through Lilli’s mind. For a moment, she thinks about seeking a place here in Hyaline. She and her cousin could see Hyaline in the daylight, they could.. what? Be as they had been? As soon as the thought materializes, Lilli knows she is wrong. A loving glance to Elaina gives rise to the feeling of warmth in her chest and the crimson girl knows that Elaina is a creature of freedom. As much as she loves her, Lilli couldn’t tether her the way that Aerwir had tried too.
”I’ll keep wishing then,” she teases and flashes a glean of white in the moonlight, her smile broadening. Perhaps not an anonymous existence or one without purpose but Lilli thinks there might be something lovely in the ordinary. ”I’ve got a few spots in mind..” and the memories do catch, playing in her mind. Beloved, beautiful things that she treasures and she keeps tucked firmly in her chest, saved only for moments like this one.
Lilli leans into Elaina then, pushing out the last of the darkness and the emptiness of the night around them. She doesn’t know how she has gotten this far without her. How did she even manage to find Beqanna without her? Her golden cousin looks to the stars and Lilli is seized with the sudden terror that someone she loves might not be here in the morning. There is an urgency, some unknown reason for her to know how loved she is. Everything can change upon daybreak.
”I love you,” she murmurs again to her stargazing cousin and allows herself to stare up at the stars: marveling at the sheer expanse of it all, of how small their existence is and how much of her own existence is tied to Elaina’s, of how utterly lost she would be without her.
LILLIANA
i left home on account of snow
(buried all the things i know)
(buried all the things i know)
@[Elaina] <3 we can wrap this up? if you want to post one more?
but it's all in the past, love
it's all gone with the wind