05-08-2023, 10:59 PM
KENSLEY
There is no reason that he should persevere, he knows that. There is nothing about him that makes him any more worthy of life than anyone else. Sometimes he worries that he survives purely out of spite. The heart goes on beating because there are so many others that no longer do. And surely there are hearts that have gone still that were far more deserving of a pulse than his.
(He thinks now of how Anaxarete had reached into his chest and frozen that heart in its ribbed cage and he had drawn breath for the first time in so long and it had not hurt. He remembers, too, how she had touched him and brought it back to life, too. How many versions of himself has he been? He has surely lost count by now.
But it is irrelevant, because he is reduced always to the most basic thing in her company. He has only ever been one thing when she is near and it is this: her brother. This is surely the only thing that matters, that she can count on him always to love her).
Still, there is a slanted smile because he knows that she’s right. He will go on living regardless. He will labor through life so thoroughly exhausted that sometimes it pains him simply to lift his head, but he will not falter. Not because he is especially strong or resolute, but because he has simply never entertained any other option.
Lost, she says and he studies her face for a long moment. How familiar the contours of it, so familiar that he could recall it no matter how many years had separated them. Because she is always Kennice, always his other half, always his sister. It has not changed except to take on the lines of worry over so many years, because she has weathered so much herself.
“You’re never lost as long as I’m alive,” he tells her, that smile deepening as he reaches out to bump her shoulder. “You could go to the very ends of the earth and I’d find you.” There is no question in it because he believes this completely.
(He thinks now of how Anaxarete had reached into his chest and frozen that heart in its ribbed cage and he had drawn breath for the first time in so long and it had not hurt. He remembers, too, how she had touched him and brought it back to life, too. How many versions of himself has he been? He has surely lost count by now.
But it is irrelevant, because he is reduced always to the most basic thing in her company. He has only ever been one thing when she is near and it is this: her brother. This is surely the only thing that matters, that she can count on him always to love her).
Still, there is a slanted smile because he knows that she’s right. He will go on living regardless. He will labor through life so thoroughly exhausted that sometimes it pains him simply to lift his head, but he will not falter. Not because he is especially strong or resolute, but because he has simply never entertained any other option.
Lost, she says and he studies her face for a long moment. How familiar the contours of it, so familiar that he could recall it no matter how many years had separated them. Because she is always Kennice, always his other half, always his sister. It has not changed except to take on the lines of worry over so many years, because she has weathered so much herself.
“You’re never lost as long as I’m alive,” he tells her, that smile deepening as he reaches out to bump her shoulder. “You could go to the very ends of the earth and I’d find you.” There is no question in it because he believes this completely.
( i worshipped at the altar of losing everything )
@Kennice