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  • Beqanna

    COTY

    Assailant -- Year 226

    QOTY

    "But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura


    [private]  we could all be brought to pieces
    #1



    Altissima had come earlier in the autumn than he had expected. He had expected to be greeted by cooler winds before the pale mare even returned to the foothills of Loess. But she had returned, and Tarian didn't bother to hide his happiness at seeing her. It was as clear as a shining day, as bright and beaming as any glow that either might shine.

    The first few days with her had been just as Tarian liked them - quiet and secluded (though the white pegasus did draw her back to the sea, to show her that the aptly-named Altissimas hadn't grown dull on his watch), away from the rest of the world.

    But, as Champion of Loess, Tarian couldn't hide away from the rest of his country (or his duties) forever. While the night still lingered, the pegasus cast a tender glance to the sleeping mare beside him. He doubted Wildling would tolerate him for that long; that she would stand for idle even less. Pressing a soft kiss against her lovely cheek, the winged horse stepped away and out into a bruised world that had yet to bleed into daylight. Tarian glanced back once and knowing that the resting female would be alright, the gray slipped into the shadows for his first patrol of the day.

    ***

    Loess is quiet, as it always is. The hours are slow, and most of Tarian's trails remain empty. His morning is spent mostly in silence - until the sound of children's laughter - breaks it when the pegasus nears the canyon that he had seen Lady Oceane and the grizzled diplomat, Ledger, frequent. What he has to share can wait; the gray stallion turns away, giving the family their privacy, and his pace quickens, eager for a soak in his favorite hot spring and to return to Altissima.

    She wasn't already soaking, like Tarian thought she might be. He had come around the bend to find the cloistered pool they often shared empty. But their resting spot is not, and the silver warrior smiles. It wasn't like her to rest so long. His patrols aren't routine. Tarian chooses different trails and times but Altissima was almost always awake when he returned. As he studied the soft outline of her glinting in the morning sun, he found that he couldn't recall a time that she had rested so much.

    (His mind briefly flashes to the Eclipse, when she had been so weak from the absence of the sun, and Tarian wonders if he should find them a spot not so shaded.)

    Stepping closer, Tarian decides that the rest of his plans can wait. He's careful not to disturb her, though his wings struggle to settle neatly against his sides. If Altissima wanted to rest through the day to tease him for his glow at night, Tarian didn't mind. He'd wait, ready with his courtier manners and his wry humor, to see if he could bring the light where he loved to see it the most: her ever-changing eyes.

    TARIAN






    @Altissima <3
    #2


    Altissima had spent a good amount of time sleeping this autumn, which was incredibly unlike her. She was more at peace here in Loess, it’s true, but this was something else. It’d happened once before, the sudden feeling of wanting to root herself in one spot and never move at all. She’d suspected it for a few days now but today she had woken up when Tarian had kissed her cheek farewell and suddenly she felt sure. She was pregnant.

    It really wasn’t that much of a surprise considering how they’d been spending their time together - and maybe it was a little her fault for coming back earlier than planned - but it was still a bit of a shock. They hadn’t discussed starting a family and those insecurities that are never too far away rise up once again to soil the happiness she feels. They chase her through nightmares and dreams as she dozes through the morning until her ears catch the sound of movement. He is being quiet, and she knows it is for her benefit, but she wastes no time in opening her eyes and training them on him.

    They are a pale blue with her worry, but the colour blends with violet - she’s not sure she’s capable of not being happy to see him. “Tarian.” And then she’s moving towards him, closing the gap until she can brush her muzzle against his silver skin.

    A few ways to delay this conversation flick through her mind but she fears if she doesn’t talk to him now, she might lose her nerve. And she needs to know what he thinks about this development“Have…” Her voice shakes and she realizes with some horror that her body is as well. Her wings appear at her sides, as though they could hold her together. Altissima hates this fear, hates how uncertain she could feel after a year with Tarian never letting her down once.

    But this? This was a little bit bigger than flowers and making sure to return from patrols.

    There’s really no subtle way to ask what she needs to know so she just asks right out - and maybe he’ll understand what's behind the blunt question as soon as the words are out. They come quietly when she pulls back enough so she can watch his face - her own eyes that same pale, worried blue as they remain locked on his. “Have you ever thought about being a dad?” She wouldn’t blame him if he had no intention of ever bringing children into the uncertainty of whether he will be hunted, and if that meant any children would be too. He had been upfront with her about it - though it was already too late by that point. She was already caught up in him, even if she would have said otherwise.

    Altissima tries to get a handle on her thoughts, especially the uncharitable ones that try to guess his reaction. Part of her is already making plans, but she won’t run. She’d promised herself that time and time again since they reunited - not when she had discovered she loved him, not now.


    artwork by cal


    @Tarian
    [Image: willowsticker_by_space1993_ddeo27s_small.png]
    #3



    When he feels her stirring, the pegasus can't help it; he gently reaches for her. If she had been planning to rest for a few more hours, he wouldn't have waked her. Tarian had planned to stay nearby, and perhaps take a rest himself. They often lose rest in other activities, and it wouldn't be hard for the gray stallion to doze off with the sun warming his hide and the warmth of Altissima so close. '

    But she stirs so he smiles.

    He catches the first color of her eyes - a shade not far from his piercing blue - and then it fades to violet. Her mouth moves against his skin and it dances in reply, lightning still striking where she touches. He presses his winged shoulder into her side and lifts a white wing, wishing to draw her close. But something is wrong, he thinks. Tarian turns his head to look at her, because they have come together often enough now that is second nature to him.

    The shaking in her voice is new, and it immediately worries him.

    Tarian studies her as she pulls away, though he is careful not to give away his concern. Her wings have appeared, and wrapped around her sides. He looks down at the way she holds herself, before glancing up as she began to speak. It takes him a moment to realize what she is asking; that she is asking him about children, about a family. (He wants to say that he could barely comprehend that there would ever be more to him than just his solitary existence. He wants to think that sometimes he still thinks is dreaming, that he had never dared to imagine her. How could imagine more?)

    "No," he tells her honestly, "Before this...," he says, (before us, he means), "I was a soldier." After Paraiso, Tarian had planned on being a warrior until the day he died, until the day that a battlefield claimed him. He wanted no widow, no children. He's always stayed away from any lasting relationships because they would have to end with him, and Tarian never wanted to impart that pain on another. "And then came Loess."

    Not a battlefield, but another ending just the same.

    "Did you -," Tarian tries to continue their conversation, knowing that she already had a daughter. Did she want more? "I mean, do you want -"


    TARIAN




    #4


    That single syllable feels like a hit to her stomach, even though she knows that isn’t fair. He’s being honest, and he continues in broken sentences, much like she had been. Of course he wouldn’t have wanted it before - not where he had been from before Beqanna. And though she doesn’t truly understand his devotion to Loess, she knows that’s part of who he is. He is the champion, and she does not mind that this job pulls him away from her now and then. A few lost hours or days (or months) never seems to diminish what she feels for him.

    She’d come back early because he had been on her mind so much that it seemed stupid to stay away, to continue exploring the world and rest without him beside her at night.

    A small smile appears when he seems as much at a loss for words as she does. If they were talking about anything else, she would tease him about his eloquence.

    But she started this conversation and she needed to finish it. Altissima had never had to have this conversation before. With her daughter, the father had simply faded away and she had never seen him again.

    What was it like, to want this right from the beginning with someone? To say ‘let’s try’ and be delighted upon hearing the news instead of feeling like you’re standing on a sand dune and the particles are all slipping from beneath you no matter how still you try to stand.

    “I would have preferred to talk about it first.” She says in reply, even though it’s not quite an answer. “But it’s…” And then Altissima groans in frustration and a small laugh escapes her. When it does, a little more colour bleeds into her gaze as a bit of the tension eases out of her. “Oh hell we’re never going to get through this conversation if we both keep dropping off our damn sentences.” There’s a huff and she just says it. “I’m pregnant, Tarian. That's why I've been so tired - the same thing happened last time.”

    She intends to wait to see what his reaction is, though she’s wary after that no, but some more words tumble out of her of their own will. “I know it’s a complication, and if you don’t want…” But there she goes, trailing off again because her heart lodges itself in her throat and no more can get out - and though all of her instincts are telling her to look elsewhere, she doesn’t break away from his gaze.


    artwork by cal


    @Tarian
    [Image: willowsticker_by_space1993_ddeo27s_small.png]
    #5



    Tarian knew about the timing of the seasons. It had never bothered him that Altissima came until early winter because a child was never something that they had to worry about. And though she had come earlier this year, he had honestly been so happy to see her that the Loessian never thought about the consequences.

    He never thought of a child; he's never let himself think of a child.
    Until now.

    Altissima is always the exception with him. Tarian has always been a man of very few words, and he has never had any strong desire to keep idle conversation. He deplores small talk much the same way that his pale mate loathes the cold weather. There is so much that he wants to say but there is a stone on his tongue, and it weighs down his voice so that there is no sound. He watches Altissima with her wrapped wings and the small laugh she gives startles him out of his silence.

    I would have preferred to talk about it first.

    Talk about what? His mind is clouded with confusion, something in him refusing to put all the pieces of Altissima's words together. But she is direct, and gets to the point in a brutal honesty that he'll appreciate later. He'd thought that they might be talking about the possibility of children, of starting a family. But what she says is that they are already past that point. There already is a child and the gray stallion lifts his head, and his careful expression gives way to one of shock.

    "You mean," he starts, finally finding his voice though still lacking his ability for a complete sentence.

    "You and me?" he asks, letting the revelation settle in his head, before it starts to flow through the rest of him. It lightens his broad wings and suddenly, there is a bursting sense of sky at the center of his chest. "No," he says, firmly. "No, it's not that." He moves hesitantly to reach for her, to touch her but pauses to glance down at Wildling, with a smile stuck in the middle of awe and admiration. "A child, Altissima."

    Something - like her - that he had never imagined.



    TARIAN






    @Altissima
    #6


    Altissima is already retreating within herself as she watches Tarian. His short, dropped sentences bring out a smile but she is already too much in her head to tease him that of course she and him, who else would she be talking about? The affectionate word idiot never makes it off her tongue as she tries to sort out the part of her that knows Tarian, that knows he would not turn away from her, and the part of her that expects it anyway.

    It is too late to pretend she doesn’t love him, or that she could salvage her heart, but she could leave if he isn’t happy about this. She was strong enough to at least do that, even if she also knew her thoughts would never truly leave his side. So much races through her mind right up until he reaches for her - and she sees the smile growing on his face and feels her own brighten to match with relief.

    Her eyes deepen to a rich violet and she reaches to bridge the gap between them, her voice quiet. “A child. Ours.” Her wings disappear from her sides then and if he’ll raise his wing she’ll press against him again. There is not much difference in their heights but it is enough to make this comfortable. And, though she won't admit it, she is starting to like the idea of Tarian helping to hold her together instead of doing it on her own.

    “If it’s anything like Senna, it’ll practically raise itself.” She tells him, thinking of the rainbow-hued girl with blue hair that had followed Altissima on her wild wanderings until leaving for her own.

    Not all of the tension has left Altissima, so she tries to force it out of her with a quiet joke while tugging lightly on his mane. “You will, of course, not be allowed to name it. Can't trust your tastes.” As though it wasn't her that had come up with the nickname Glowworm - and the way her smile shines now should make it obvious she's well aware of this hypocrisy.


    artwork by cal


    @Tarian
    [Image: willowsticker_by_space1993_ddeo27s_small.png]
    #7



    Altissima reaches for him and removes any divide or doubt between them. Ours, she tells him. The soft murmur of her voice reverberates through him, echoing the word over and over again, until Tarian repeats it smoothly back to her. "Ours," he says, still lingering between the shock and marvel of it all. His dark muzzle gingerly traces the top of her spine, glancing down at the still slender sides of the female beside him beneath her blue-sheened wings.

    The moment they disappear, his silver one drapes over her and pulls her gently beside him. (Though there is a moment where he glances up, his blue eyes seeking hers out - not wanting to be too rough with her or their unborn child.) Altissima - even when she had been sick during the Eclipse - has never been a fragile thing to him; but he knows nothing of childbearing.

    She's done this once before though, reminding him of her daughter, and if she does not object, then he will not worry (or try not to).

    She tugs lightly on his white mane, and Tarian glances away from her barrel. He has no way to know anything about her condition, but his mind is suddenly full of questions. Did she know if it was a colt or a filly? Would they be winged like their parents, or would they be land-dwellers at Tarian's parents had been? Would they be as black as his grandfather Abaddonn, or would they inherit that lovely blue sheen of their mother?

    And what would they call this child, besides the word (ours) that still rings in Tarian's mind?

    "No?" the gray pegasus counters to Wildling, and though his voice is still quieter than his usual authoritative rumble and his touch somewhat still cautious against Altissima, the winged stallion teases her in a way that feels familiar for them. "I think Tarian the Second has a nice ring to it," he continues, attempting the courtier's lilt he had been taught during his days in Paraiso. He can't help but laugh quietly, the joy within in him having nowhere else to go but out. "Or how do you feel about Altissima Junior?"


    TARIAN






    @Altissima
    #8


    Altissima notices that he is more gentle with pulling her closer than he usually is, and she makes a show to press into his side firmly while keeping eye contact, her gaze intense as she knocks her hip against his. Not enough to try to unbalance him, but hopefully enough to get the point across. She was going to be very uncomfortable over the winter but she wasn’t going to be fragile - and it would quickly drive her nuts if he treated her that way.

    She didn’t want to feel like she had during the eclipse, someone who needed to be cared for and only having her companion to guard her because she avoided everyone so thoroughly. She would have happily died rather than figure out how to approach a stranger and ask them for help.

    And when Tarian had stepped towards her like he might hold her up, she had wanted anything else other than for him to see her weak even when she was dying.

    That feeling still remained - but like so much else between them it’s changed.

    His name suggestions make her smile but it is the sound of his laughter that turns her expression more radiant, a soft chuckle of her own escaping her as the tug on his mane becomes more playful than gentle. “Tarian the Second would be nice for a girl. Her nickname could be Glowy.”

    Would their child glow? It seemed likely, between the pair of them.

    She mulls over whether she has a preference for a boy or a girl - but can find no reason to want one over the other.

    “Does your family have any naming traditions?”


    artwork by cal

    @Tarian
    [Image: willowsticker_by_space1993_ddeo27s_small.png]
    #9



    The slightly smaller pegasus bumps Tarian - knocking a little sense into him - as her hip goes against his. He glances at Altissima, understanding her meaning well enough. He might be uncertain about the changes that would take place over the ensuing months - but this - his tentative touch would have to. His smile turns rueful, a quiet apology in place of his earlier reluctance.

    Altissima's tug on his mane becomes more playful, and his blunt teeth give an equally hard tug on hers, obliging in her request that he treat no differently than before.

    "What if I wanted to call you Glowy?" he asked teasingly, laughing against the lovely arc of her neck. "I think it suits you better."

    He stands there a moment, imagining their child. He has similar thoughts, that their child might share a shine similar to its parents. That it will have wings, as he and Altissima do. His blue eyes roam over the curve of her spine, wondering if it would be speckled like its mother or if it might share her ability in changing the color of its eyes. He wonders if it will be quiet like him, or fearless like their mother. There are so many possibilities that Tarian decides there is no way to consider them all, and it seems even less likely that they all could take the form in just one child.

    A child, he thinks again, still hardly believing the fact.

    "We did," Tarian murmurs, coming back to Altissima. It makes him think briefly of when he first arrived in Loess, and spoke to Lepis about his family history. The way that the Legacy clan had traced their heritage through the name of their forefather's. "My grandfather's name meant valiant in our language. And my father's name meant the good yet to come." He's never explained it this way, it's always been that he was the son of Malachi, who had been the son of Valerio, who had been the son of Ichiro. He smiles warmly against her, "Mine means to shield, to protect."

    Tarian had always wondered what Altissima meant; if the parents that left her in Pangea meant to give her name as strong as the woman she became. He wonders if they might start a tradition all their own. "What if we named them after you?"

    TARIAN






    @Altissima
    #10


    Tarian gets the hint, and Altissima relaxes a little more next to him - a small sound of approval escaping her when he tugs on her mane, turning into a breathly laugh as he teases her. But her breathlessness comes more from the sensation of him laughing against her neck - she will never tire of these moments. How they can send such delight through her.

    The twinkling air around her turns into a steady glow, the sunshine wrapping her blue-tinted skin and making her shine underneath his wing. “You can call me Glowy if you want, but I won’t respond to it like I do Wildling.” She teases back, wishing there was enough room to press into him more but she had already taken care of that and she doesn’t want to move her neck enough that he will take any attention away from it.

    There is still a thrill when they use each other’s names though, when they are Tarian and Altissima instead of Glow Worm and Wildling or any other nickname they can think of. She doesn't know if she'll ever forget what it was like to hear him say hers for the first time.

    Altissima feels an old ache listening as Tarian gives her another glimpse into his family. Sharing the meaning of his name, his father and grandfather. He had such a full history, knew so much of those that came before him in his family. She knew she must have grandparents, but she had no idea what their names were or if they meant anything.

    She means to tease him about his name, or to tell him how much she loves that meaning behind it (or a combination of the two) but his question causes a small frown to form instead - some light blue mixing with the violet as she glances away from him and watches the leaves above them instead. Name their child after her? “I don’t know what my name means. And Altissima Junior doesn’t exactly flow off the tongue.”


    artwork by cal


    @Tarian
    [Image: willowsticker_by_space1993_ddeo27s_small.png]




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