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  • Beqanna

    COTY

    Assailant -- Year 226

    QOTY

    "But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura


    [private]  innocence died screaming, honey ask me I should know, agetta
    #1
    Ryatah

    — there's something tragic about you, something so magic about you, don't you agree?

    Being at peace was an unfamiliar feeling for her, but even more so was the fact that she was not interested in purposely sabotaging it. 

    Ever since she had returned to normal—no longer ghostly and half-alive, trapped in some kind of earth-bound purgatory—she had been content to remain in Hyaline, even more so than in the past.

    It was strange, not just being happy, but being content with being happy. 
    To not be brimming with a tension that begged to find relief in being torn apart by someone else, or any of the multitude of other ways she has ruined herself over the years. 
    To not want to take her happiness and mutilate it until one would wonder if it had ever been happiness to begin with.

    It was no secret of course that Atrox was responsible for it, and while she usually selfishly stole any moment he would spare her, she was alone this afternoon. 

    She was different than she had been before, even though she did not entirely know how yet. It was a feeling in her bones, in her veins; a strange humming that was different from being able to heal, something that seemed stronger. Outwardly, it is only the stardust that is different, golden and glittering along the edges and undersides of her wings, but she can feel the other changes. They are too slippery still for her to grasp, wavering just out of her reach, and she does her best to ignore it.

    From the corner of her eye, she sees a flash of white, and her first thought is Beyza. It is only when she fully turns her head that she sees it is not her daughter, but instead another very familiar white figure. There is a strange clenching in her chest, an unease that feels like remnants of jealousy, though she knows it is foolish of her to feel such a way. She had not had any kind of claim over Atrox back then, and it was not like she was free of sins, either—as he had so delicately reminded her during the fallout that had followed. 

    But she has never been the kind to hold a grudge against anyone, least of all someone that has been a friend for so long. When she approaches Agetta the smile that she offers her is a genuine one, quiet and small though it may be. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in Hyaline for a while,” she greets her once she is close enough, immediately reaching to gently touch her nose to her pale neck. “You must be here to see Maze?”
    there's something wretched about this, something so precious about this, oh what a sin —



    @[Agetta]
    #2

    Her youngest child now grown, Agetta finds herself wandering. Exploring Beqanna with an interest she had not been feeling in some time. Some of the lands she sees are familiar - Pangea where Anaxarete had taken her, where she had raised Beyza and Caledonia for a time. The memories are hazy and warm and mostly unremarkable. Though she is no longer as much of a ghost as she had been during her lost years, though she has formed some roots, Agetta has not seemed to find anything to anchor her here in this time beyond the foals she’s raised by herself.

    Today she finds her way to Hyaline, remembering the paths that Mazikeen had told her when they had crossed paths in the winter. Agetta travels as a snow leopard, enjoying the mountainous terrain and marvelling at the beauty of this place. Why hadn’t she settled here? It calls to something in her heart. So different than the rolling hills of the Gates but this favourite shape of hers feels at home as she navigates her way in.

    Once she’s free of the rocky paths, she shifts back into her equine form - thinking that if she stays as a snow leopard for too long she might enjoy it to the point where she just never changes back.

    Her dark blue eyes are taking in the general splendour when she sees someone approach, and her expression brightens into an easy smile. Ryatah. It is so good to see a face she knows, to be greeted by someone and know exactly who they are - even if she does not remember some of their mutual acquaintances. Her smile falters a little at her friend’s greeting, though. “Have I been here before?” She glances to the scenery again, trying to find anything familiar - but all of it seems new to her. “It’s so beautiful, you’d think I would’ve remembered. But I seem to be a little more forgetful lately. Old age, I guess.” She says this with a small laugh, though when she thinks of the dappled friend who she had forgotten she frowns for a moment before returning to the present. “I was looking for Maze, yes. She’s pregnant, you know. Thought I should check-in, she seemed a little freaked out about it when we spoke last.” First time jitters, Agetta thought, and though she might not be the best mother she could at least offer some support.

    Her expression warms a little more again as she refocuses on Ryatah, thinking that finding that wild daughter could wait a little longer. “But I am glad to see you! How’ve you been? Have you been living here long?”

    Agetta


    @[Ryatah]
    #3
    Ryatah
    She cannot mask her confusion at Agetta’s answer, at first. It flickers across her face in a way that causes the smile on her face to falter, and perhaps if this were anyone else she would think that her response was meant to be a barb, needled beneath her skin. Because, how could it not be? To say that she does not remember being in Hyaline—to imply that she does not remember being with Atrox, to tipping the first domino that had aided in what should have been their collapse (she is not entirely faultless, of course—her transgressions had been just as damaging as Atrox and Agetta, if not more so), felt like an underhanded way of trying to get a rise from her.

    But things like jealousy and anger are not readily available to her, not after having been trained to push them down for so many years, though there is a disquiet that stirs toward the surface.
    It shows in the shadow of her eyes, in the way she stares at Agetta for perhaps a heartbeat too long as she wrestles with the strange feeling that twists like vines around her ribcage.

    It is only because it is Agetta and she has never known her to be malicious that her suspicion is mostly just confusion at the oddity of the comment, and her own reply is slow, spoken in a careful way, “It’s been awhile, and I’m sure a lot has happened between now and then.” She does not know if Agetta’s life is as turbulent as her own; she thinks she might forget the places she has been and the flings she has had if they did not all have ways of branding themselves onto her—emotionally and physically.

    It would take an act of god—a specific god—for her to ever forget anything.

    “It’s nerve-wracking when you’re new at it,” she says with a quiet laugh in response to Maze being nervous. Does she even remember what it was like to be a new mother? Her first few had been born under far different circumstances; the first two in the jungles of a different land, and the next two under the careful watch and control of a man she did not dare stray from. “I’m sure she will do fine, though. Especially with you to help.” She has always considered Agetta to be a far better mother than she was, and she was grateful that Beyza had spent her formative years with Agetta as a mother, and not her.

    She asks her how long she has been in Hyaline and this earns another confused stare, and a further suspicion that something is wrong. “Atrox and I have been in Hyaline for quite a few years, now. Since the time that it was his, and through Breach, and now with Maze. And things are...surprisingly perfect.” To say it outloud, she cannot stop the slow, nearly hidden smile that accompanies the sudden heat that flushes her face. It did not always feel real to her, to know that she has someone that belongs to her so wholly, that was willing to ride out every chaotic storm her life seemed to stir.

    “And how are you?” She asks when she redirects her distant gaze back to her face, almost asking how’s Plume? before she catches herself, knowing better than most that asking about any kind of relationship does not always make for the best conversation. “I see you made it out of the eclipse seemingly unscathed.”
    EVEN ANGELS HAVE THEIR WICKED SCHEMES


    @[Agetta]
    #4

    Ryatah’s confusion is matched by Agetta’s, and it deepens for a moment when her friend kindly offers the solution that it has just been a while since Agetta has been here in Hyaline. Her gaze shifts again, a third check of their surroundings as if this might be the time when she sees an answer. Was there more she’s forgotten? She cannot sense any holes in her memory, there are no blank edges to her years that feel like they need to be filled in. Sometimes she feels disconnected with the memory of how sad she had been for so many years but even that does not linger, such thoughts are easily brushed aside.

    Where there might have once been a flattening of her ears at the mention of Atrox’s name, now there is only polite curiosity and a growing smile - which erases all remnants of confused frowns when Ryatah mentions that things are surprisingly perfect for her right now. “I’m so glad to hear that, and glad you’ve got someone too - especially someone who helps make things perfect.” What a wonderful thing, Agetta thinks, to share your life with someone else. It had never been a goal of hers, had it? To settle down with someone, to find love. She’d been too busy with the Gates, raising her assortment of children, and then being a ghost hardly afforded much chance at connection.

    As always, when she tries to think about the fathers of her children she’s left with a sense that they were nice but fleeting flings and then these thoughts too are brushed aside as if by an invisible hand.

    “Oh I’m fine.” It’s an automatic answer - and true for once. Agetta does feel fine, better than she has in a long time. She feels at peace. “The eclipse…” There’s a brief flicker of a frown as Agetta tries to recall a memory that is hazy, of snapping jaws and her wings beating at dark air as she searched for someone. She shakes her head and the thought disappears, a smile returning to her dark blue eyes. “Definitely unscathed, I mostly just spent it keeping my youngest out of trouble. I won’t complain if my next child can’t shapeshift.” Another small laugh, like when she had referenced her old age. There may not be any more children in her future but she does enjoy being a mother, so it would not be so terrible a thing.

    Agetta


    @[Ryatah]
    [Image: Agetta-by-Star-smaller.png]




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