"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
She had told the Curse that the children weren’t due until late spring, but Isilya had told her - via the flower bird - that they’d arrive early in the season. When Mazikeen had spun that simple lie she hadn’t known what she planned, just that she wanted more time. And now she’s glad for it as she presses a farewell kiss to Gale’s sleeping form as sun glints on his iridescent coat.
She still isn’t tired of seeing him in the daylight.
She wishes she could warn him about what she’s about to do, that when she comes back it’s going to seem like she’s putting herself in harm’s way but really, she’s going to find a way to save them all. This just needs to come first.
Mazikeen takes her time leaving Hyaline, leaving trails of her scent in case she’s missed, and then as soon as she crosses the border she’s moving as fast as her body will let her. She’d noticed the early signs, sharp pains rolling through her body, just before dawn and she had no idea how long she had but she needed to put as much space between herself and Hyaline before it really began. Flying feels dangerous but it’s the fastest way and the one that will not leave a trail behind her to be followed. She uses large black osprey wings, ones that she trusts.
Gale had asked her to keep herself and the twins safe, and she could only do one of those things today so she is going to try her best to make sure she at least does it well.
She’s near the border of Tephra and Taiga when she realizes she’s out of time and she scrapes up her body as she finds the ground in a thicket of trees. There, in a hidden spot, Mazikeen gives birth to the twins and the ache she feels for Gale’s absence is a weight on her the entire time. She can almost feel his touch against her face, brushing aside her hair, soothing her as her heart races. But he’s not here, that’s the whole point. And throughout the delivery, Mazikeen’s orange eyes are wild and white-rimmed as she watches the surrounding area - both wishing that she weren’t alone for this and fearing that someone will find her.
Once they are both born, she gives herself a short moment to let the fear and uncertainty wash over her. She has no idea if her plan makes sense, if it’s the best choice, but she doesn’t know what else to do. Everything she’s involved in feels too big for her - she never wanted to be alpha, to be a mother. She hadn’t expected to fall in love, or for her promise to Gale to lead them here. None of it felt like a choice. She once told Firion she would never stop running, had once thought she’d blaze wild and without bonds all her life, but then she had found roots worth keeping. And all that came with them.
Mazikeen’s legs shake much like the newborn foals when she stands and then, with a deep breath, she shuts out those fears and looks at her children for the first time.
She both loves and hates that they look so much like Gale. Why couldn’t they be plain and easier to hide? But she cleans them, names them, feeds them. She whispers warm nonsense words she vaguely remembers hearing from her own mother and kisses them both twice to welcome them to this world, once for their sire and once for her.
She leads them then into Tephra where they find her friend. “Wishbone. I have a favour to ask.” She swallows thickly and looks back to the twins, Malik and Sickle - each blinking at her with an orange and a blue eye. And when she looks again at the purple mare her eyes shine with all the emotions churning inside of her - heartbreak, love, anger, fear and that resolute determination that overshadows all the rest. “And it’s a big one.”
we have a greed with which we have agreed. you think you have to want more than you need; until you have it all you won't be free. and when you think more than you want, your thoughts begin to bleed.
In those early hours of the morning, when Mazikeen feels the beginning pangs of childbirth, Wishbone dreams of her daughters. Her memories of birthing the twins are hazy, and her sleeping mind twists it so it’s something she treasures rather than forgetting. They smell warm and familiar, and when she presses a kiss to their noses, she sees the world through their young eyes. In the mysticism of dreams, Wishbone watches Rivuline and Delphi grow up in ways she had missed. She watches them discover the world, fall in love, and have their own children.
She experiences the love and life she had lost in the Afterlife, and her heart feels full by the time her eyes flutter open.
The sun tells Wishbone she’s slept longer than she normally does, but she remains slow to move from her overnight spot. Her dreams of the twins leave her heavy, pulled down by a strong mixture of affection and grief. Despite the years since she last saw her children, Wishbone still has not fully come to grips with the loss she feels in the wake of her death. Ivar had taken more than just her life on that day — he had taken her role as a mother.
She’s so absorbed in the emotions and thoughts triggered by her sleep that Wishbone doesn’t recognize Mazikeen’s scent until her friend is within sight. The purple mare pushes through the heavy undergrowth to meet her friend on the trail. She notices the dark, hours-old twins at Mazikeen’s sides first, and the remaining signs of childbirth second. Her glowing amber eyes widen while her heart simultaneously tightens at the sight of the newborns, so new and wide-eyed. She sees her daughters’ innocence reflecting in their orange-blue eyes.
“Oh, Maze,” she whispers in her roughened voice. Wishbone listens quietly to her friend, watches the way Mazikeen’s gaze shifts with an unmeasurable range of emotions. It hadn’t been that long ago when she had been in Tephra with a vibrant joy simply mentioning Gale’s name, though Wishbone had noticed an underlying hesitancy on that day. Mazikeen reveals the origin of that doubt, and the purple mare’s ears twist as her friend explains the Curse.
The memories are a tsunami that threatens to overwhelm her (the sound of rain melting with the scream of Longclaw’s rage; the slippery darkness in Wolfbane’s face as he prowled around her; feeling her best friend cower against her as his father stormed through the jungle). The dream melts with the memories, which tumble into the bottomless pit of her emotions. What was lost sings a melody with redemption, and Wishbone knows her answer to Mazikeen’s favor and she wonders if she has been crafted for this purpose.
The purple mare steps closer, lowering her head so she can look into each child’s face. “Hello, little loves,” she says softly, and her heart swells in adoration. When Wishbone lifts her head to meet Mazikeen’s face, her eyes speak of a mixture of steely resolve and a mothering warmth she hasn’t felt in years. After looking into those pure soft eyes, she knows that she will protect the children with her life. Even if she must protect them from someone who looks like their father (and oh, does she know the pain that comes with this). “They will be safe here,” she tells Mazikeen, and it’s as much of a promise as she can offer.
And Wishbone offers a story in return. She tells Mazikeen about Ivar, how she carried and birthed their twins during the worst sickness in Beqanna’s history. Her voice softens as she mentions Rivuline and Delphi, and then it becomes heavier as she tells the story of her death. And when she finally mentions how she has yet to see them, the purple mare presses a sincere kiss to Mazikeen’s cheek. “I will consider Malik and Sickle my own, and Tephra will know them as mine, to protect them. You are always welcome to visit, Maze. You are family now.”
There is a moment while Mazikeen is telling Wishbone all that she can when she thinks this is too much. It is too much to ask of her friend, too much to ask of anyone. She wanted to protect everybody from getting involved in this story, wanted there to be only what casualties had been decided at the beginning.
So it is with no shortage of relief that she watches Wishbone greet the twins, when she hears the confirmation that they will be safe here. Her eyes close against the shine of tears that threaten, thinking this is a very foolish time to cry - especially when this was part of her plan. She had been hoping for this. Her heart aches at the story she is given in return, about Wishbone's own children, and it solidifies something in Mazikeen. Makes her feel like this was absolutely the right choice. Her friend will love these twins, maybe even more than Mazikeen herself was capable of.
When Wishbone presses a sincere kiss to Mazikeen’s cheek she leans into it slightly - smiling, thinking how wonderful it is to have friends. How glad she is that so much kindness has shown up in her life recently. “Thank you.” Those two words aren’t enough but it is all she can manage. She isn’t sure what she’d do if Wishbone had told her no - found her mother and dragged her here, maybe. Not that Agetta would’ve needed much convincing. She might still do that, though she had complete faith in Wishbone’s ability to protect the twins. Having an extra, slightly fight-prone shifter around might not be the worst.
Her orange eyes open again and she lowers her head to brush against each of the twins. She wishes the world were kinder, wish she hadn't had to build a warning into her story for Wishbone not to trust Gale if Mazikeen wasn't with him. She wishes that she wasn't having to think about covering her tracks when she left, hiding the scent of Tephra on her coat in whatever way she could. She wishes that she was bringing the children here to meet their aunt, and then stopping off to visit every single one of Gale’s brothers and parade the perfect twins she had made with him in front of them.
She wonders if Wishbone will tell them about her, even if she can’t come to visit. If they’ll know she’s their mother or if it’ll be easier to let them believe the fierce purple warrior birthed them. Mazikeen can’t even begin to sort out her thoughts on the matter - it feels like her head might split into two if she tries to come up with any more plans or lies.
Her attention turns back to Wishbone and uncertainty creeps back into her. It feels strange to be asking this question but she asks because she is worried there's a chance it'll be a no. “Do you think it’ll be okay if I spend the rest of the day with you?” She’s tired - so tired - and she’s not sure she could make the trip back to Hyaline even if she wanted to. And she wants today with them, this part of her family. Mazikeen doesn’t know if the feeling in her is love, and if it is it’s so different than the other forms of it she has known. She just knows that whatever it is it's strong enough to root her here, just for a little longer.
we have a greed with which we have agreed. you think you have to want more than you need; until you have it all you won't be free. and when you think more than you want, your thoughts begin to bleed.
Wishbone had never been able to properly say goodbye to her daughters. Watching Mazikeen touch her childrens’ heads, the purple mare isn’t sure what she would have said to them anyway. The love of a mother is stronger than anything; Wishbone hadn’t fully understood that when she was a child, but it became more clear to her in the weeks she spent with her twins. And even then it had been mysterious and incomprehensible in some ways. Perhaps she might’ve been able to untangle it more if she’d had more time.
Her heart already aches, knowing what Mazikeen will experience when she leaves Tephra. Wishbone understands that, despite her best efforts, her friend will feel the absence of her twins. It’s impossible to ignore after the time spent feeling them fidget and fight from within, after experiencing the hardships of labor, after watching their eyes open for the first time. At least, it had been for Wishbone. Whether Mazikeen loves her children like a mother or not, the sudden absence of two little bodies who had once been so close will be felt.
Her dark face is soft and understanding when Mazikeen asks for more time. “You don’t even need to ask,” she says. Wishbone imagines the journey the white mare took to reach Tephra, probably using whatever means necessary to make sure the Curse didn’t trace this day back to the volcano. And beyond that, to have had the twins during the trip — the purple mare had been certain she would die during childbirth, as weak as she was from the plague, but she knows that bringing two children into the world is no easy task even in full health.
“Come with me, we’ll get you cleaned up.” The purple mare turns toward the trail ahead and begins leading them through the jungle. There’s a shallow section of the stream the sun warms, providing water at the perfect temperature to soothe the soreness Mazikeen must be feeling. Wishbone walks at a slower pace, and her amber eyes dance when she watches the twins stumbling over their new legs.
“I’m worried for you, Maze. I know you can hold your own, but I don’t want to see you hurt.” She can’t help but feel alarmed for her friend, especially as she remembers Longclaw’s rage at the peak of his Curse. Wishbone had seen her friend pulverize a monster, and she had survived the eclipse, but the Curse is entirely different than darkness or beasts. The purple mare has seen how the weapons of the Curse go beyond physical; she knows how it can infiltrate their minds and make their hearts bleed. And she can imagine Not-Gale will not be pleased to find out the twins have vanished. “What’s your plan for when you get home?”
05-19-2021, 03:57 PM (This post was last modified: 05-19-2021, 03:58 PM by Mazikeen.)
Relief courses through her again and she nods at Wishbone’s suggestion of getting her cleaned up. Mazikeen hadn’t even noticed she needed it, so focused had been her drive to get here and take care of this part. She follows Wishbone, feeling as weak as the freshly-born foals as they make their slow way through the jungle.
The smile she offers her purple friend after Wishbone says she’s worried is a sad one. Mazikeen knows what likely waits for her when she goes back to Hyaline - but she doesn’t think there’s any other choice. If she never went back, just as Gale would probably want, eventually the Curse would come looking for her and the children she offered to it. If she never went back, she couldn’t do all that she could to make sure no one else got hurt.
This is the first time Mazikeen’s spoken her plan out loud, and even she has to admit it feels a little thin on the details - but she shares it anyway. Both so Wishbone knows what to expect and in case the other mare has any ideas that Mazikeen's too-stretched brain cannot think of. “To confront it, to tell it that it can’t have them.” This part, at least, she feels is the right choice to start with as she watches the twins. “I have to go back so it won’t come here, so it won’t go looking for us. And even though I’ll likely get hurt, I won’t die.” She says this with certainty and she means it to be comforting, just as she had when she told Gale the same, even though it’s really just a theory. She hadn’t died after the attack in the forest even though she should have, and had even managed to eventually drag her shattered body to Silver Cove. And then she had been healed, just as Ryatah had healed her the second time she should have died.
She wasn’t sure she’d be so lucky the third time, but she doesn’t share this with Wishbone. Mazikeen does not have the words to explain that she truly believes whatever happens to her is okay so long as the twins and everyone else are safe.
“And then I’m going to try everything Gale’s mother did and whatever other ideas I can think of to try to get rid of the Curse, and if that fails then I need to try to find a way to take his healing so I can… so I can make good on the promise I made.” That’s no longer an option she’s willing to entertain for more than the briefest of moments, she’ll try everything else first.
They arrive at the stream and Mazikeen sighs softly, moving towards it as she speaks in a voice choked with the weight of her affection for Gale. “I know it probably doesn’t make much sense it’s just… I’m not ready to give up on him. I need to try.”
we have a greed with which we have agreed. you think you have to want more than you need; until you have it all you won't be free. and when you think more than you want, your thoughts begin to bleed.
It doesn’t occur to Wishbone until after she said the words that she asked her friend what her plan is, not if she has a plan. Perhaps it’s wrong of her to assume that Mazikeen’s thought far enough ahead to understand and expect the consequences of hiding the children. Yet she’s had the pregnancy to think and scheme, and Wishbone thinks about their conversation soon after the eclipse ended. Mazikeen had known about the Curse then, had known that a time would come where she would need to put her emotions aside to minimize casualties. She might not have predicted that children would be involved, but after hiding the twins her plans might be able to resume as she’d intended from the beginning.
Wishbone assumes correctly, and perhaps this is guided by their kindred hearts. The purple mare listens quietly as they make their way slowly across Tephra’s landscape. When a twin stumbles, Wishbone carefully nudges them upright so they can continue. Meanwhile, her mind is racing as she absorbs Mazikeen’s sentences and imagines how her plan might become a reality.
Her stomach churns when the white mare mentions getting hurt, but not dying. There’s such a certainty in Mazikeen’s voice that the Tephran queen wonders what might drive that confidence. There are more stories to the scars that flex with Mazikeen’s steps, and perhaps even more that Wishbone can’t see. It makes her curious, makes her wonder if there is some gift from Beqanna that renders her friend incapable of dying. Or is it just luck? Friends with healing tricks appearing at the right time and place?
Wishbone knows it would be dangerous for Mazikeen to come back to Tephra after leaving the twins, but she can’t help saying, “You know Tephra’s healing falls are always available to you. If you do get hurt, and there’s a way you can come back, you don’t need to ask.” She knows she’d regret it if she didn’t make that perfectly clear, and her glowing eyes are soft as she studies her friend’s face while she tells the rest of her plan. Her heart tightens at the thought of Wolfbane and Lepis. Would she have tried everything she could to save Wolfbane if it had been her instead of Lepis? Wishbone knows that she would, deep down, and it’s why she offers her friend a consoling touch as they walk.
The queen remains silent as they reach the stream, and she steps her dark legs into the waters alongside Mazikeen. Malik and Sickle dance and splash in the shallows, curious and yet tentative with the newness of the waters. Her amber eyes watch the twins in her peripheral vision, and after a moment she responds to her friend’s plan with thoughtfulness in her voice.
“You love him, Maze. There’s no reason to explain away what you’re willing to do to bring him back.” She still doesn’t completely understand just how powerful love is, but she knows that it’s a strong emotion. It’s ruthless, forgiving, and selfless, and Wishbone can see these characteristics reflected in her friend’s face. “It sounds like you have a good plan. I don’t know where the Curse came from originally, but I know it’s been part of Gale’s family for several generations. Maybe the beginning of the Curse will give you clues on how to end it.” She pauses and turns her eyes up, where the bright spring-blue sky peeks through the thick greenery of the jungle, and then moves her gaze back toward Mazikeen. “If there’s anything more I can do to help, please tell me. You don’t have to do this alone.”
When one of the twins stumbles, Mazikeen watches as Wishbone helps it and she does not understand the source of the sadness she feels. It does not seem fair, to be both sure that this is the right choice and also saddened by it. These twins will do better with Wishbone, with someone who has the instincts to be right there to help them, not Mazikeen who would have clumsily come to their aid a second or two later. She wonders if there will be a day when she has those mothering instincts but she quickly shuts down such thoughts. She can’t imagine a future where she wants to have any others or where it wouldn’t feel like she was replacing the ones she had willingly given up the chance to know.
At least it is a comfort to know she doesn’t sound completely insane and that her plan doesn’t immediately alarm her friend. Mazikeen had half been expecting to be told she’s a complete idiot but she gets some encouragement from Wishbone’s words - and tucks away the purple mare’s suggestion to look into the beginning of the Curse and try to find some clues there. Something to think about when her brain isn’t as foggy as it is now.
When Wishbone tells her that she does not have to do this alone, Mazikeen closes her eyes for a moment, wills the tears to go away and leave her alone. She doesn’t know how to explain that she feels like she should be strong enough to do this since it was her promise that had gotten her into this situation in the first place. No one else should have to get hurt because she couldn’t complete one little task - even if it had turned out far more complicated than she had ever imagined. But that was her fault too, wasn't it? If only she didn't have a heart that felt things so intensely, if only she had been able to hate Gale instead of love him. If only.
“I think I do.” She admits quietly, opening her eyes again only to look away from Wishbone to watch the twins play in the shallows as Mazikeen wades deeper in, letting the water wash away the surface-level hurt and knowing it can’t do anything for what lies deeper. She finds a small smile though, and looks back to her friend when she says “But I appreciate the offer all the same. My friend Sabal told me something similar.” She is lucky to have friends that want to help, even if she cannot justify to herself getting them more involved than they already are. Her orange eyes slide back to the playing foals and that smile brightens, becoming a little more real. “And you’re already helping me a great deal.”
we have a greed with which we have agreed. you think you have to want more than you need; until you have it all you won't be free. and when you think more than you want, your thoughts begin to bleed.
Wishbone understands her friend’s dedication to handling Gale on her own, yet she also feels apprehension curl in her chest. It would make sense for Mazikeen to carry out her plan alone, to limit all the friends and family who might be involved. Wishbone knows she would feel much the same if she were in her friend’s place. Hadn’t she done something similar with her twins? Ivar certainly hadn’t been a great father, and she’d recognized this by limiting the time Rivuline and Delphi spent with him, trying to protect them.
Despite this, Wishbone can’t stop the doubt that finds its way to her. After all, this situation — this relationship — has extended beyond just Gale and Mazikeen. It includes two little, innocent lives now. The twins are undeniably a part of this puzzle and they always will be, despite what Wishbone might do to protect and love them as her own. She wonders if Malik and Sickle will ever be enough to convince Mazikeen to seek out help. She’s taken a step by bringing them to Tephra, but will there be a day that she will admit she needs help beyond her capabilities?
Wishbone knows her own stubbornness, and she’s seen it reflected in Mazikeen. The queen expects it will take a lot of pain before her friend calls on the help that’s been offered to her. She watches as Mazikeen wades deeper in the water, waiting in the shallows with the twins (and isn’t this an example of how Mazikeen, alone, goes deeper into the Curse’s trap?). When her friend looks back, Wishbone gives her a soft smile. “I’ll always be here for you, Maze.”
