"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
Help me out before I drown Save me now before I give up
It is his first winter in Loess and so far the weather had been kind enough to dust a fine layer of snow over the cold desert landscape. When he had been a child, summers had once been his favorite season. He had loved the heat that penetrated through his chestnut skin and warmed him to the point where he was sweating simply by standing. It was sad, how the warmth of the sun could feel like an embrace. Ledger’s childhood had been a terrifying and lonely one. His earliest memory was that of his mother being slaughtered on the beach just mere hours after being born. Kidnapped and frightened in a strange world with a foster mother (his mother’s murderers mother) who didn’t pay much attention to him as she entangled herself in the caresses of his true father who hadn’t even known he existed. So he sought affection where he could, even if it was just a patch of sunlight.
Now it’s winter that he craves. Once he was cursed with the bear, he found he could no longer stand the humidity or the sweltering heat. The sun no longer felt like an embrace, it felt suffocating and overbearing. He found comfort in the feeling of a cold rain shower drizzling on his face, in the icy cradle of frozen snow that he could burrow deep within when the world became too much. Mostly he enjoys the soothing sounds of the ocean as the cold water rose over his furry skull and he can drown out all the noise, both in and out of his head. He hasn’t forgotten how he had tried to send himself to a watery grave in the height of his madness. How the bear refused to let them die. There is no fear of the depths of the sea anymore, not after that.
He’s lounging in the shallow surf now, for anyone else the freezing temperatures would steal the breath from your lungs but for him, it’s merely a pleasant sensation. He’s not in his ursine form although he considers it momentarily. Things have been quiet in his hidden cove of the kingdom, it’s been easy to shift without too much fear. It’s been some time since he’s seen the visions of ghosts in the daylight but they still haunt his dreams at night on the rare occasions that he can sleep. It’s not easy for him to let his guard down, he doesn’t trust his mind to not take advantage of him when he’s most vulnerable. He knows he’s less of a danger to himself or to others in this space Oceane has given him but it does leave him with a lot less stimulation and he’s often lost in his head which isn’t always the best place to be. His thoughts often turn to the past, to all the failures that he piles like weighted stones on his back, to everything that was and everything that should have been. A breath slowly exhales from deep in his chest as he closes the one eye he has left, feeling the soft brush of water against his sides as he focuses on the count of his breathing and does his best to let the memories pass by. This is how they come to find him, whoever has stumbled into his little pocket of Loess.
05-17-2021, 07:25 PM (This post was last modified: 05-17-2021, 07:27 PM by Cheri.)
a bright and dangerous spark
Oceane had told her to go out into Loess and explore, meet the inhabitants she could and either befriend or simply get to know them, so that is exactly what Cheri intends to do. The winter season here is less harsh than it would be in the north, and not nearly as cold as it could get on icicle isle even in the dead heat of summer. But it was still cold. Cold enough to keep Cheri near the ground on her flight that day, and eventually cold enough to the point she lands near the southern tip of the kingdom where the ocean meets the shore.
Her vantage point is one obscured by the high rise of canyons. They blotted out the ocean she approached steadily, but did nothing to hinder the sea breezes or dull the distant sound of crashing waves, so her legs got some use of the walking and soon enough her muscles warmed from the physical exertion. Cheri felt … happy. She had Loess now, Oceane’s confidence in her ability to be not only a good diplomat but a promising young start for the once-quiet (now growing) territory.
With the weight of so much assurance Cheri hardly felt like she could fail, and it was a warm but dark smile that fashioned itself to her mouth when at last she met the low-rolling dunes with her hooves and picked up a quick, brisk trot to navigate through them down towards the beach. Here, the smell of salt and brine was strongest. Cheri stopped just at the shore and threw her head to the sky, beams of light glancing like rays of shimmering color off her wings and off the crystals clustered randomly over her skin. She breathed deeply, at one with the peace surrounding her, and lowered her chin once more to look out across the vast emptiness of dark water.
It was then she spied the golden horse, nearly submerged in the rolling waves. For a moment she started forward in alarm, thinking he might be drowning or trying to harm himself, but she paused mid-step once she realized he was firmly unmoved by the curling sea.
“Are you alright out there?!” She called anyways, just to be certain.
Help me out before I drown Save me now before I give up
The bear takes to prowling around the desert lands to explore usually late at night now. It helps him avoid the other residents, still wary to alerting too many to his presence. The taste of his meeting with the rude stallion still leaving a slightly bitter taste on his tongue. He’s unsure if Oceane had ever warned the others of the predator that called this corner of Loess his home, to be wary to come this way. Or had she placed a faith in him that he lacked for himself, one that might not be deserve. Perhaps she was right to keep it to herself though... If he was going to play a part in Loess then it wouldn’t do to be scaring off his colleagues.
The nighttime wanderings sometimes helped battle the insomnia and he finds a strange peace in the shadows of the nocturnal world, quiet moments in a secret landscape that not many get to see when in the embrace of a deep sleep. Tonight though, it’s someone else that’s wandering. He hears her soft voice, uncertain as it calls to him. The single eye slowly opens but he does not see her as the side of his face exposed to her reveals only the empty socket, covered by a thin papery layer of healed skin. He exhales again, a soft breath drowned out but by the crash of waves, and starts to stand. The glow from his constellation (branded deep into the flesh of his flank) is bright as it rises, slick and wet, from the water. The X on his chest burning a hot white light as he finally curves his neck and angles his head to look at her.
Moonlight glimmers through the crown of crystals on her head, illuminating off the soft pale green of her wings. She is young and vibrant and he instantly thinks he knows who this is. This must be Oceane’s new charge, the young diplomat in training. Cheri. The request to look out for her (something he had not forgotten despite the anxiety that he had currently been battling) still lingers from his previous conversation with the Loessan Queen.
Ledger has found that his appearance can be intimidating and frightening to some and so he tries to ease that edge about him with a sideways grin and a friendly warmth that lingers along the gold flecks of his singular dark eye. “Perfectly.” A soft chuckle, his voice raspy and low but not unpleasant. “I enjoy the cold.” He explains with a roll of his scarred shoulder as he moves from the rolling surf and comes to join her on the shore. “You must be Cheri.” He guesses aloud, damp tendrils of snowy forelock plastering themselves to his forehead as he gets a good look at her. “I’m Ledger. Oceane informed me that we had a young diplomat in the ranks.”
In the pale light of a newly-born moon, Cheri had not expected the horse out at sea to double in size. He rose from the waves slowly, surprising her because she hadn’t realized that he’d curled down to actually sit in the waves. The season was off for moonlit bathing, but he contradicted her thoughts by telling her liked it that way: cold. Stunned, she watched the way he came shoreward to entertain her musings. His skin was a lovely shade of pale gold in the night, rich and offset by the white color of his dripping mane. He smelled like brine and called her out by name, which heightened Cheri’s concern into curiosity.
Coming closer, Cheri noticed the missing eye, the myriad pattern of scars, and the glowing markings covering his pelt. After that she kept her eyes firmly centered on his forehead, determined not to upset the stallion by glaring too long.
“Lady Oceane mentioned me?” The pegasus felt shy, tucking her wings close to her side. The glow of their light and the faint gleam coming off her white markings only seemed to accentuate how she tucked her heels closer to one another.
“That was kind of her.” She murmured. “I’m ashamed to admit I’m not as familiar with you, sir.” Cheri offered the palomino a hesitant smile, wondering why that was.
If Oceane had a reason not to divulge in her member’s lives while doing the opposite where Cheri was concerned, well then she trusted her decisions. The Queen of the South had been doing her job much longer than Cheri could imagine, though the young diplomat knew she’d been a ruler who’d out-reigned a few of her other kingdom neighbors. If she was doing her job poorly it would’ve come to the world’s attention. Besides, Ledger seemed to be pleasant enough and well-spoken, much like Tarian had been, and it was far beyond Cheri’s place to upset the delicate balance of lives spinning around the orbit of this vast, midwestern territory.
“Would you like to remedy that?” Cheri’s smile grew. “I won’t keep you long; I wasn’t coming here with the intention of interrupting your … night swimming.” She giggled.
Help me out before I drown Save me now before I give up
Ledger had long grown use to the stares he attracted, some would blatantly gape at the empty socket, at the brands, and would ask tasteless questions about his scars. Or some would stare pointedly at his face to avoid rudeness, like Cheri. There were still times when he felt incredibly self-conscious about his looks, something that hadn’t softened with time and age. However for every gaping onlooker there was one with a similar story, a story of survival. It lessened the sting, just a little.
“She did.” He confirms with a whisper of a smile, watching how Cheri shifts at the mention of Oceane. "She wants to please her" he thinks to himself and realizes why the twilight mare had been rather delighted with her newest apprentice. He can see the potential in her as well, he can understand why their Queen had asked for his help to guide her. Even without her request, he would have done so. She looks nothing like his long lost daughter but there is something about Cheri that hits a soft spot, that reminds him of Joplin. He had failed her, failed the twins, but perhaps he could try and make it right by looking out for those like Cheri. If he could shield her or any others from the type of hardships in life he had constantly faced then it would be worth it.
Speaking of hardships, she mentions not being aware of him and he merely offers his faint smile in return as he thinks of how to approach the situation with delicacy. At the start of his arrival he had been a hidden fixture of Loess, a secret in a way. But with his return to the political circle, that would have to change. “That’s not surprising, not many know that I’m here.” He says kindly, avoiding the conversations he and Oceane had shared as well as the breakdowns that had led him here. The bear within him feels calmer than it has in years and the wildfire of anger that had once controlled him now rests in a smoldering pile. Flickers of it spark with the return of painful memories but don’t threaten to catch as they once had. Not yet, anyways.
“I would like that very much.” He responds truthfully, finding he rather craves the thought of company since his last visit with Oceane. Visitors to his cove were a rarity and the distraction from sleep was always welcome. At her comment on his nocturnal habits, he laughs gruffly. A grin now spreading on his features and a twinkle in the molten gold of his flecked eye. “You say that as if it’s not normal.” And before she can bat an eyelash, his equine form morphs and shifts until the large white bear stands before her. It gives her a toothy smile, a wink from its one good eye, and then he is his normal scarred equine self again. It was better to get his dangerous counterpart out of the way now, when it was feeling kind and benevolent. “Night baths are his favorite when we can’t find ice or snow.” He says with a small shrug, aware of the anxiety that curls in his chest as he cautiously watches her reaction.
Cheri had been most nervous to meet her new neighbors in Loess, not wanting them to have the wrong impression of a young up-starter from the get go. She had expected that everything would be different: Taiga was no Kingdom Court, after all. There’d been no strangers there, only horses passing through or her family band. Loess was nothing like the Isle either, testing its residents against the very forces of nature and keeping itself as a home for modern dragons. She laughed at the thought of Leilan in her head, sardonic, loveable Leilan the dragon, and then realized that perhaps Loess and the northern territories were not so unalike.
Ledger put her at ease immediately, just like any familiar horse in the north would’ve done.
Even his inside joke about Oceane keeping him a “secret” wasn’t so much a sting. Cheri could understand wanting privacy. Her laughter died softly, eagerness replacing it now that Ledger had agreed to spend some time with her, but the very last thing she expected was for him to one-up her comment about night swimming with an animal shift.
She did stumble back a few steps, surprised and not afraid. He expanded in a burst of fuzzy energy, switching bodies as easily as Cheri would open her wings. One minute to the next and he transformed again, from horse to bear to horse, but Cheri’s eyes widened with an intrepid fascination. “That was incredible!” The pegasus mare breathed, wings fluttering in excitement. “I’ve never, ever seen a shapeshifter before! Impressive.”
She stepped closer to Ledger, a question on her mind. “You said that night baths were his favorite? So the bear is … separate from you?”
Help me out before I drown Save me now before I give up
He had been expecting some sort of fear reaction, some sort of exclamation of fright or anger at this sudden change of appearance. Most would react that way… Most had before. Cheri was not like most though and it takes him a moment to see that she is actually excited by the presence of the bear. Her wings flutter with energy as she grins up at him and he can’t help the rather sheepish grin he gives back. It’s easy to get swept away in the light of her enthusiasm.
The question she asks him next is more shocking than the lack of fear. Were they separate entities? No, he thinks and finds himself shaking his head. “We are One.” He hesitates, because it’s not as simply as all that. “The bear was given to me, a curse and a gift. It was not something I could control at first… sometimes I still can’t. We are one in body but our minds can form different thoughts and opinions.” On a subconscious level he knows that the bear holds a grasp on some sort of manifestation created by bits of him mixed with Carnage’s magic. It’s predator instincts and rage tied into his own mind and feelings, they were rooted to each other but it was hard to see where one started and the other ended.
He sighs softly, “It’s complicated. At least for me. There are other shifters who seem different then I.”
This was far from Cheri’s first encounter with something evil, so it felt natural that she should marvel over the power rather than fear it. The idea that Ledger could ever be associated with that word - “Evil” - seemed impossible to her, especially when she could see a tinge of humility and sheepishness coloring his expression. His bear, though mighty impressive, was really more of an alternate expression of himself (that was how Cheri interpreted his explanation, anyways) and not like a twin.
Technically, this was only her first encounter ever seeing a horse shapeshift as well. She had forgotten about her brief liaison with the manticore in the humid jungle of Tephra, back when the Eclipse blotted out the sun. It was only when she expressed her fascination over the matter that the memory came back to her completely. So she had seen a creature like Ledger before, but she hadn’t been able to fully uncover what lay underneath.
“Interesting.” She murmured, not realizing she’d drifted closer toward the palomino stallion. Her distant gaze betrayed her: she was full of curiosity and entirely preoccupied with storing every word for recollection later. His predicament was one worth puzzling over. “I understand if you refuse this request,” She perked up, suddenly struck by an idea, “but could I touch you?” Cheri asked boldly.
Now it was her turn to look sheepish.
Before he could refuse she spoke again, driven to explain why instead of letting him guess at the reason. “I’m, er … well I’m a healer you see.” The young pegasus mare grinned softly. “But lately I’ve been cultivating this process of healing that deals with ‘mental’ scars rather than just the physical ones.” Her words came quickly. “When I use my gift on a horse for the first time, there’s a deep connection between my patient and I; a sensation comes to me, where I recognize things invisible to the naked eye. I call them traumas.” Cheri explained.
She took a breath, allowing the moment to soak quietly for a second or two until she could finish up.
“Anyways, your past might make you the perfect candidate for me to practice familiarizing myself with these ‘sensations’, also I’ve never used my gift on a shapeshifter before … which makes me all the more eager to try.” She laughed awkwardly, trying not to sound so offensive while hoping Ledger wouldn’t outright spit in her face. “You’re so weird!” She thought of herself. “Why do you always have to be so weird?”
Help me out before I drown Save me now before I give up
Cheri had seemed to figure him out in a matter of seconds, had managed to unravel his complicated relationship with his shifting in a way that’s taken him years to understand. In fact he’s still figuring it out and it hadn’t quite hit him that the bear’s thoughts and ideas were a manifestation of all the tainted experiences he had lived, that it only spiraled out of control when his feelings were out of control. What he thought was bad, this evil counterpart to himself, had never been evil to begin with. It was hard to disassociate that when he can still vividly recall how he had gained this power and who had installed it within him to begin with.
She begins to drift closer to him, curiosity reflected in the gleaming green of her eyes, and he finds himself frozen, unsure. “Er..” He can’t help but physically flinch as she speaks of touching him, a reaction he wasn’t prepared for. She quickly dives into an explanation and his ears seem to curve forward as he listens, curious but hesitant.
He had not forgotten what had happened with Oceane (how could he forget?) when they had traveled through his past on the whim of an unintentional wish. The images that played before them were the same ones he thought of randomly every day, the painful memories that had burrowed deep into the flesh and bone that made him what he was. Even though Oceane’s unexpected magic had resolved the issue of his heart it was only one part of his brokenness. It couldn’t fix him completely. She speaks of traumas and he nods in understanding but the hesitance still lingers in the gold flecks of his eye.
“I appreciate you wanting to help me.” He manages with a gentle smile, feeling an overwhelming affection for this young spitfire who wanted to change the world and make it a better place then how she found it. “I’m just worried what that might do to you.” Perhaps part of it is deflection for how long had he just pushed all that hurt and suffering deep within himself instead of dealing with it directly? Old habits were hard to break. There is genuine concern for her though, if she could connect to these old wounds… They were dangerous and ugly things. Having cemented themselves so firmly to his being, they would be stubborn to remove.
“I’ve seen a lot of darkness Cheri. ” He admits quietly, watching her carefully. “I don’t know what that might do to you if you… connect to it.” His worry lies mostly in physically harming her. There had been others that had tried to help him and gotten only bear claws in return. He doesn’t think he could stand it if he hurt someone else again. But if he tried…. The image of Oceane pressed against him, her warm amber gaze looking at him as if she saw a gallant knight instead of a broken man… It’s almost enough to make it worth the risk. To be stronger if only for her. it's the thought that keeps him from flat out denying her, that has him consider her request.
However small, there’s still a very strong desire within Cheri to become a master at her craft. She knew it was rude to be so blunt with Ledger, having only just met him and puzzled out his reasons for existing on the fringes of courtly life, but what she desired to become meant that she would have to face several uncomfortable situations. To heal one’s self was a thoughtless act: it came as naturally as the pain that prompted it. But to heal others? That was a selfless craft, and Cheri was hellbent on being the very best and brightest at it. From the mundane to the morose, she wanted it all - and that meant she was going to face setbacks on the journey there.
If he refused her, she would understand. It wouldn’t stop her though.
“You make a good point.” The younger mare relented without further prodding. His concerns were something she’d thought about too: Cheri could easily get hurt if she pushed herself or her patients too fast, too soon. And dabbling in the dark recesses of a damaged mind was no fool’s game either. If she dug too deeply she’d run the risk of getting lost herself. The mistakes, when presented to her, seemed to obviously outweigh the risk.
But Ledger was hopeful - at least that’s what Cheri thought she saw lingering beyond the fog in his eye when he looked her way. Curious, if anything. She’d be a terrible liar if she denied that her heart grew wings at that moment, fluttering with anticipation that he just might be willing if she could prove to him that he shouldn’t worry. Her face betrayed her inner feelings, blossoming slowly into the beginnings of an encouraging smile before she answered him.
“Then I won’t.” She promised him. “We set our boundaries here, now, before I take a look underneath that tough bearskin.” The appaloosa failed to entirely disguise her eagerness by sounding professional. A wink slipped through anyhow. “I’ll give you a little shot of what I call the ‘good stuff’, and that should reflect any lingering damage back to me when I do. No real connection - just a glimpse of what else there is to mend.” She offered him, take it or leave it.
The ‘good stuff’ was a replenishing dose of her magic. A quick, potent dose of her energy that reinvigorated the body and left a horse feeling entirely refreshed and pleasantly awake. It did wonders, (or so she was told) and required very little effort on Cheri’s end. She would hardly deplete her mana giving Ledger a taste of it, and she even gambled he might be asking for more in the future if their little experiment fell short.
