01-03-2021, 12:30 PM
"
And then what? The question runs in circles in my head, mocking me with its repetition. So you go back and find them. And then what? Cirilla actually wants to see you again. And then what? Yadigar has a damn good reason for burning Nerine, while he knew we were there. And then what? What does my life become after all of these questions get answered?
I'm dithering, in a place where dithering can get you killed. At least it's dark. In the dark, I am so very nearly invisible, unless my skin feels alive, and then I flicker like a lightning bug over a bayou, erratic and eye catching. Not ideal. My chest feels tight with anxiety while I try to decide if I should stay or just go.
Alone isn't so bad. Not when it's your baseline for existence. And it's been so long... What's to say I'm even wanted, if no one has come looking for me in all this time. It seems stupid to go looking for rejection, just because there's a chance I won't find it. So I'm pacing the edge of the Cove. Jumping at every little noise, teeth bared at the darkness while I do my best to talk myself back out of this decision.
If I leave, then what?
I have no where to go. I really don't. They are the closest to family I have found. It feels wrong to raise my voice, but I did it anyway. Quickly, before I can convince myself not to. A wordless call of self announcement. Then I gather myself in case I'm answered by something less than friendly.
@[cirilla] @[yadigar] @Any
I've seen devils, i've seen saints
I've seen the line between them fade
And then what? The question runs in circles in my head, mocking me with its repetition. So you go back and find them. And then what? Cirilla actually wants to see you again. And then what? Yadigar has a damn good reason for burning Nerine, while he knew we were there. And then what? What does my life become after all of these questions get answered?
I'm dithering, in a place where dithering can get you killed. At least it's dark. In the dark, I am so very nearly invisible, unless my skin feels alive, and then I flicker like a lightning bug over a bayou, erratic and eye catching. Not ideal. My chest feels tight with anxiety while I try to decide if I should stay or just go.
Alone isn't so bad. Not when it's your baseline for existence. And it's been so long... What's to say I'm even wanted, if no one has come looking for me in all this time. It seems stupid to go looking for rejection, just because there's a chance I won't find it. So I'm pacing the edge of the Cove. Jumping at every little noise, teeth bared at the darkness while I do my best to talk myself back out of this decision.
If I leave, then what?
I have no where to go. I really don't. They are the closest to family I have found. It feels wrong to raise my voice, but I did it anyway. Quickly, before I can convince myself not to. A wordless call of self announcement. Then I gather myself in case I'm answered by something less than friendly.
TARTE
@[cirilla] @[yadigar] @Any