"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
My very first memory is a memory. Mother had just pushed me from her womb and lay breathing heavily on her side. This was before she had even raised her head. Her labor pains had translated into a memory of my father and another mare, and was filled with so much emotional agony–the only equivalent to the physical pain she was now in–that I had lain there dazed and confused for a time, unsure of what was real and what was all in my head.
When finally I lifted my head, mother had risen to her feet and was already licking away the afterbirth that coated my baby fur. The residual feelings attached to the memory were mine, and mine alone, for she was so overcome by her love for me, and no pain in the world could take that away. It was then that I realized she was real, and whatever had happened to me was something that had happened in my head. The pain, while scary at first, had become something like an anchor for me, grounding me firmly in reality where the memories could not harm me.
It would take time for me to understand that what had happened was a memory of my mother’s. In that time, Borderline had done everything right by me. She had loved me as deeply as anyone could love their child. She had taught me about life and joy and love as well as pain and anger and heartache. For a while, I was confused about why she was so sad, because she seemed to understand life in ways that most never will, and she always seemed so happy. But the memories continued to tell a different story.
With each memory, and each lesson I learned, I came to understand my gift more and more, as well as the pain that my mother harbored. And the more I thought about telling her of my gift, the more I felt it would be a bad idea. After all, these memories would often tell me just when she needed me to be with her. Sometimes that meant pressing my warmth against her, sometimes it meant doing something silly to make her laugh, and other times it meant a gentle brush against her side to remind her that I was there with her. She never seemed to notice, but it always made her so much happier.
It must be easy for @[Yanhua] to worry that my gift might be a burden, but it had been what had shaped me and molded me into a stronger, better Memorie. Though mother had a lot of credit for that as well.
One day, I would share this story with my father, but right now, I’m still a nervous little filly, barely beginning to open up to him, even struggling to call him dad.
I smile shyly when he says that I could call him that, but that shyness ebbs away as we move into a meadow. It’s so easy to get lost in the forest of massive trees that it seemed almost alien to come across a clearing. It makes me stop for just a moment in wonder and glee. And while he took a moment to grab some grass, I took a moment to grab life by the horns and shot like a bullet through the meadow, stopping at the other end and prancing with high steps back around to face him, laughter on my face. I trot back to my father, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” I said, but my tone says “not sorry.”
Now was time to get back to business, though, so when he says that he’s going to send me an echo, I close my eyes, waiting to feel some sort of familiar sensation of someone else’s memory. I had never really thought much of it, but I’m sure there must be some difference in how it feels. It was in this concentration that I could feel the ripple before I could see the memory. As it came through, I could also sense a very subtle difference between the feeling of my own memories versus those of someone else’s. It was a very minute observation, though, as the rest of the memory came flooding through my mind–a happy one of father with his…twin?
A thrill of excitement runs through me, and suddenly I have a thousand questions for him about his own childhood. “Did you grow up here? Did you have a twin? What is it like to have other foals around to play with? What did you do when you were younger? Did you chase butterflies?” The rest of the stallion’s words of wisdom were lost to the torrent of questions spilling from my mouth.
But then I realize that my manners are seriously lacking right now, and I stop asking stupid questions and tuck my chin into my neck, looking ashamed. “Sorry,” I say, trying to remember all of what he had said, but alas, I am still a child and my memory is pretty shoddy at best. “What were you saying?” I was genuinely curious about his life as a child, but I also wanted to prove myself as a diligent student and a daughter to be proud of.
And when all the lights are broken, You keep the fire going
They had forever and a day to share stories with one another, Yanhua and Memorie. Forever and a day to reminisce, but for now her father simply soaks up this moment - unwilling to let it become the memory it certainly will be, someday. He doesn’t mind the way she shoots off into the meadow, leaving him to chew plaintively on a clump of sweet grass. Let her be a child now, so she has room to grow as long as she likes. Her reveries remind him of what brought her to be in the first place, and not for the last time Yanhua longingly wonders how Borderline is doing.
He knows that the discord between them can be mended, given time and patience, but it causes his heart to ache, thinking that Memorie might be alone in her lineage. His daughter is certainly one-of-a-kind, but he thinks it would be nice to give her responsibility in the way of a full sibling or two.
Eh, the stallion waved away the thought as Mem returned, mind yourself Yan.
And so he tried to be studious instead, guiding her towards an echo that did exactly as he hoped it would. It gave Memorie something else to think about, but it also gave her reason to stray from the purpose of the exercise just as quickly. Her hundred rapid-fire questions over his boyhood with Nashua pulled a smile over Yan’s face, and he flicked an ear to try and hold back the laughter bubbling up to the surface.
“Nevermind.” Yan forgave his daughter easily, knowing that she would be welcome to come and study with her half-siblings later on. There was time for learning and time for engaging her natural curiosity over his past, and the latter of the two was what she wanted so that was what Yanhua would indulge her with. “I’ll tell you what you want to know instead. You can visit and practice with Reynard and Cheri later - your half brother and sister.”” He informed Memorie.
“I did lots of things when I was growing up here as a boy,” Yanhua regaled her, starting with her last question, “My twin brother - your Uncle Nashua - led me on all sorts of adventures. We even went to Tephra together, once!” He told Mem with a wild look in his eye, turning his head to the west where the fabled kingdom was. “For a long time it was just him and I, no other foals. But we always made time for each other.” Yan sighed happily. “Here, have this.” Yan told his daughter, tucking his own nose to his chin as he broadcast a newer memory for her to tuck away.
This one was Nashua grown, flaring his handsome wings and trotting toward Yanhua with a devil-may-care smile. Now, if he came to visit, Memorie would know exactly who he was.
“‘Little lady, you have plenty of aunts, uncles, and siblings to keep you company these days. Your grandma Lilli and I made sure of that.” Yanhua chuckled. He paused, though. Borderline might not like him making light of such a thing, even if Yan was more than happy to have such a large family here in Taiga again. “But if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or if you have a million questions with no answers, you can always come to me. Your father. I will always be here to guide you and support you, @[Memorie].” Yan promised her, reaching down to nudge the crown of her head.
And when all the nights feel like they're closing, You're leaving an opening
There’s not many things I’m sure of, but one thing I am sure of is that mother and father would eventually make up. I could see it in her eyes, that she missed his company, every time I shared any memories that pertained to him. She would get this kind of longing look. Sometimes she would look around, as if expecting him to appear over the next ridge to sweep her off her feet. Still, the pain was something she couldn’t just wave a wand and do away with, so time would be the deciding factor there. Either way, I do believe that I will eventually have a sibling or two to play with.
For now, though, it was just me and him, father and daughter, and it felt right. Soon it would be me, him, and Amarine’s twins (of which I don’t currently know about), but for now, I can enjoy the peace and comfort that comes along with having him all to myself.
When he mentions Reynard and Cheri, I feel another round of twenty questions bubbling up under the surface, but this time I bite my tongue. There is still the matter of the twenty questions I’d already asked that needed answers, and he seemed eager to oblige on that front. So I look up at him with a kind of wonder and excitement in my eyes that only a child could give, eager for more. He mentions Tephra, an unfamiliar name to me, but I bite back the new round of questions this brings up.
I doubt that I needed the memory of Nashua all grown up to recognize him, but it was a welcome memory nonetheless. I close my eyes, feeling the memory out carefully as he’d instructed me to do earlier. What can I say? I’m eager to learn more about my gifts as well as more about my father’s life. It is a pleasant memory that speaks a lot of Yanhua’s brother and the relationship they shared together. I could read it on his twin’s face, in that devil-may-care smile. I’ve always been good at reading others. Perhaps it was because of my gift, or perhaps it was because I had spent enough time trying to puzzle out my mother.
When he pauses briefly after mentioning that Lilliana and him had made sure that I have plenty of aunts, uncles and siblings to keep my company, I didn’t need a memory to tell me that this made him slightly uncomfortable, as though he was worried he’d offend someone (no doubt my mother). It gives me a slight twinge of discomfort myself. Would what I was doing offend her? After all, I hadn’t told her I was leaving, let alone going out in search of the father that had hurt her so bad. I shift uncomfortably beneath his watchful eyes.
@[Yanhua] is quick to change the topic, though, and I’m glad for it. I could deal with mother later. I’d already come this far, and there was no sense in not enjoying it while it lasted. Mother knew I was always off exploring on my own, and she didn’t have much care before, so hopefully she wasn’t panicking when she woke up to find me gone.
I’m glad that he offers his support, especially since I still have a million unanswered questions to ask him. At his offering of support, I give him a warm smile and press forward to nuzzle my head against his broad shoulder (which I have to stretch to reach, because he’s so tall). “With that being said, I still have a million more questions!” I laugh. “What in the world is a Tephra? Who are Reynard and Cheri? When will I get to meet them?” The questions could go on and on, but I stop there to give him a chance to answer (and produce more questions on my end).
And when all the lights are broken, You keep the fire going
Every day there was something new to enjoy about being a father. Yanhua delighted in watching his children grow and develop, each one of the three growing in vastly different directions. Reynard was his handsome little destrier, full of bravado and inner strength. Yan hoped to do his son justice, raise him up well as a young colt ought to be so that his courage never failed him when the situation depended on it. Cheri was his tender, sweet adventurer. She always wanted to travel, but her love for family kept her from striking out on her own. Yanhua wanted her to see that someday, she could make a family wherever she went. Memorie was his curious, lovely helper. She was clearly full of questions - questions Yan enjoyed answering - and he hoped to see her talents fulfilled to their greatest potential.
His little filly stretched up to return the embrace, trailing her fuzzy nose over the lower-half of Yanhua’s shoulder, and her father chuckled. “A million more?!” Yan faked exasperation, nudging her back towards the foggy embrace of Taiga’s treeline. It was time they made their way home again, in case Borderline started to worry.
“Tephra,” Yan began, picking up a slow trot he expected Memorie to follow easily enough, “is a kingdom to the west of Taiga. There are four Kingdoms.” Yan explained as he passed through the woodline, striking out into the forest on a small deerpath. “Tephra, Loess, Hyaline, and our kingdom - which is Icicle Isle.” He told his daughter, clopping down a little hill that put them on a trail which cut a path along the side of a steep embankment.
“I told you who Cheri and Reynard were, little busy bee.” He laughed as he kept on, taking a trail that forked left towards the heart of their home. The ground evened out, making it easier to trot along. “Weren’t you listening? They’re your half brother and sister. My mate, Amarine, is their mother.” Yan explained, looking ahead and flicking his ears to-and-fro.
He relaxed his jog and slowed to a halt, pausing near the spot he’d found Memorie at when they’d started this trip. Tipping his nose to the air, Yanhua whuffed the invisible trail of interwoven scents until he found one that seemed old but familiar. It was his daughter Memorie's, and he intended to follow it backwards from the source. He left the trail then, flicking his long legs out in graceful strides to cut through the ferns and undergrowth so Mem could follow behind.
“And you can meet them as soon as you like.” Yan told her with a smile, brushing away low limbs and pushing through obstructive bushes with his horns. “I’ll talk to your mother about collecting you for morning lessons. You and Reynard share similar magic gifts; It would make sense that you both learn at the same time.”
As he parted the saplings and bracken, Yan came to a halt with his head held high. Borderline’s scent was strong here - Memorie should have no trouble finding her now.
“I had a wonderful time on our walk today, Memorie.” Yan told his daughter as he nodded for her to continue on without him. There was warmth in his voice. “I’ll see you again very soon, alright little love?” He promised her. Yan waited and watched, a silent sentinel over the family he’d created, and then when Memorie had said her goodbyes and wandered off to her mother he turned back - bounding off into the woodlands again to continue on his rounds.
And when all the nights feel like they're closing, You're leaving an opening
Cheri wasn’t the only explorer daughter that Yanhua had, as he would likely come to find out soon. After all, I’d ventured out on my own today, into an unknown land that proved scary and large. And Reynard wasn’t his only child with inner strength. I had to have a kind of inner strength to cope with mother’s sadness. I shared these qualities as well, and I’m sure that the twins shared many of my qualities, too. I like to think that every child is inherently curious, and you have to be in order to be an explorer, as Cheri is.
“Maybe a billion,” I joke with him as I turn to follow his lead. I have to pick up a light canter in order to keep up with his casual trot. I give a half buck in play as I settle in beside him.
As we move, he answers each question carefully. My ear closest to him tips in his direction, a gesture that would become a habit living here within the bustling forest–my new home. I listen closely as he describes the four kingdoms. “Icicle Isle,” I repeat the name, half to myself, in a whimsical voice. I find myself longing to venture there, just to learn more about the land that I now lived. “If Icicle Isle and…” I trail off for a second, trying to remember the other three kingdom names, but failing (even though I’d heard Tephra twice and even said it once), “well, the other three kingdoms” I continue, “if they’re kingdoms, does that mean there is a king? …Or a queen?” The thought excites me. Royalty, I think to myself, that would be such a cool thing to see, or perhaps even aspire to!
I find my thoughts wandering, so I bring myself back to the conversation, just as @[Yanhua] mentions that he’s already told me who Reynard and Cheri are. I feel kind of dumb for asking who they were, so I give an embarrassed laugh at this. His mention of Amarine as “his mate” bothers me slightly. Wasn’t mother also his mate? I felt a kind of loyalty to her in this moment that causes me to falter in my steps. Even still, I look up at him with a kind of matter of fact look. “Well, I want to know more! You should tell me about them!” I try to push the thoughts of Amarine from my mind for now. Maybe him and mother would work things out soon, and he would call her his mate as well?
His mention of Reynard’s similar gifts to mine brings back my curious nature. I follow him as he cuts through the undergrowth of the forest, now being more careful of my steps as I went. “Similar magic gifts?” I ask. Does this mean he has empathic echos as well? Does he have flora revival, too? No, that was mother’s gift, something she had passed to me, and she wasn’t Reynard’s mother. But Reynard’s mother was Amarine, and Amarine must have special gifts herself, but I didn’t want to ask about her, so instead, I ask about the other twin. “What gifts does Cheri have, then?”
But alas, my questions would have to wait for another day, because the land became more familiar as we neared the place mother and I had spent the night, and I knew what came next. A king of sadness washes over me in that moment. I was having so much fun with father that I didn’t want to leave, but mother was probably sufficiently worried by now. Hopefully she’d had the sense to stay where she was and would expect Yanhua to bring me home safe and sound. So I give him a brief nuzzle on the nose, brushing the whiskers under his chin that I would soon share, and then I turn in the direction I had come when I first left mother’s side. “Bye,” I hesitate for just a moment, “dad. And thank you for everything!” I finish, giving him a bright smile.
