12-05-2020, 11:45 PM
despite the overwhelming odds, tomorrow came
The sun was high in the sky, shining down between the branches of the redwoods, dotting that forest floor in patches of light. It was warm, but the shade of the large trees provides some relief from the heat. Memorie was busy chasing butterflies, laughing and giggling and prancing through the ferns that litter the ground. Meanwhile, I stood off to the side, simply watching her with a sad smile on my lips.
I’m still not sure coming back here was a good idea, but it had gotten lonely, with only a child for company. I adore Memorie with all my heart, but still, I missed adult conversation. Most of all, I missed Yanhua. At the same time, the thought of him sends a wash of sadness through me. My heart hurts. Was it wrong to think that I could keep him all to myself? Well, that was certainly the impression I had been under when we were romping through these forests together, like children.
I feel like I was a child, naïve and innocent, ripe for a broken heart. And that’s exactly what I have now.
Memorie stops playing to look at me, and I quickly shift my features back into a smile. She didn’t need to be a part of my sadness. Little did I know that she shared her father’s gift of empathic echoes, so she knew more of my sadness than I could have ever imagined. She returns my smile and turns back to her antics, her little hooves dancing so delicately through the ferns, and I can’t help but feel a lightness in my chest, and hope in my heart. She certainly is the most amazing thing I could ever have hoped for.
Suddenly, Mem stopped. There was something–or someone–out there. As the filly turns, I raise my head and peer into the depths of the forest. I hear my name before I see her. The sound of her voice is kind and pleasant, and at first I’m not sure of what to think, but then she moves into view. The sight of her sends shockwaves through me. Emotions that I couldn’t even name begin to run rampant within me. I recognized her. How could I not? I had followed Yanhua to her, unbeknownst to him. And I had run away from it.
In fact, that’s what I feel like doing now, running away. But something keeps me rooted to the spot. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was curiosity. Maybe it was something else. Either way, I stand frozen in place as she speaks again.
I didn’t even notice Memorie as she slips in beside me. She seems to understand the situation, for she brushes gently against my side, a comforting gesture, then steps forward. Her eyes are for the mare, even though two little ones are at her side. “Hi, @[Amarine],” she says. Amarine. That was her name, the name of the mare that Yanhua’s heart beat for, and the sound of it coming from Memorie’s mouth makes me shudder. I don’t know whether I should hate her or not. Did she even know about me when she fell for him? Or had she found out after the fact? For now, I choose to reserve my judgements. After all, she was here now, and she didn’t seem angry or distressed.
I nod my head, a stiff motion, but not an unfriendly one. “Hello, Amarine,” I say. The sound of her name on my tongue feels like poison. It tastes horrible. Still, I had made up my mind to be open-minded about this, and I was determined to do just that. So I swallow, trying to push the large lump in my throat down. I glance down at the two foals by her side. I can see Yanhua in them, as much as I can see him in Memorie. “And who are the little ones?” My voice is obviously strained, and it cracks a time or two, an indication of being forced out. “Oh,” I glance back at Memorie, “This is Memorie.” I wonder if Amarine is looking at Memorie as I am her children, seeing the resemblance that is glaringly obvious.
I’m still not sure coming back here was a good idea, but it had gotten lonely, with only a child for company. I adore Memorie with all my heart, but still, I missed adult conversation. Most of all, I missed Yanhua. At the same time, the thought of him sends a wash of sadness through me. My heart hurts. Was it wrong to think that I could keep him all to myself? Well, that was certainly the impression I had been under when we were romping through these forests together, like children.
I feel like I was a child, naïve and innocent, ripe for a broken heart. And that’s exactly what I have now.
Memorie stops playing to look at me, and I quickly shift my features back into a smile. She didn’t need to be a part of my sadness. Little did I know that she shared her father’s gift of empathic echoes, so she knew more of my sadness than I could have ever imagined. She returns my smile and turns back to her antics, her little hooves dancing so delicately through the ferns, and I can’t help but feel a lightness in my chest, and hope in my heart. She certainly is the most amazing thing I could ever have hoped for.
Suddenly, Mem stopped. There was something–or someone–out there. As the filly turns, I raise my head and peer into the depths of the forest. I hear my name before I see her. The sound of her voice is kind and pleasant, and at first I’m not sure of what to think, but then she moves into view. The sight of her sends shockwaves through me. Emotions that I couldn’t even name begin to run rampant within me. I recognized her. How could I not? I had followed Yanhua to her, unbeknownst to him. And I had run away from it.
In fact, that’s what I feel like doing now, running away. But something keeps me rooted to the spot. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was curiosity. Maybe it was something else. Either way, I stand frozen in place as she speaks again.
I didn’t even notice Memorie as she slips in beside me. She seems to understand the situation, for she brushes gently against my side, a comforting gesture, then steps forward. Her eyes are for the mare, even though two little ones are at her side. “Hi, @[Amarine],” she says. Amarine. That was her name, the name of the mare that Yanhua’s heart beat for, and the sound of it coming from Memorie’s mouth makes me shudder. I don’t know whether I should hate her or not. Did she even know about me when she fell for him? Or had she found out after the fact? For now, I choose to reserve my judgements. After all, she was here now, and she didn’t seem angry or distressed.
I nod my head, a stiff motion, but not an unfriendly one. “Hello, Amarine,” I say. The sound of her name on my tongue feels like poison. It tastes horrible. Still, I had made up my mind to be open-minded about this, and I was determined to do just that. So I swallow, trying to push the large lump in my throat down. I glance down at the two foals by her side. I can see Yanhua in them, as much as I can see him in Memorie. “And who are the little ones?” My voice is obviously strained, and it cracks a time or two, an indication of being forced out. “Oh,” I glance back at Memorie, “This is Memorie.” I wonder if Amarine is looking at Memorie as I am her children, seeing the resemblance that is glaringly obvious.
borderline
