08-24-2020, 12:41 AM
She has often wondered what it’s like to be the one to leave, rather than the one left behind. Bethlehem didn’t seem to mind waking up to find her gone, nor did Ivar. Was she so easily forgettable? It carves a knife right into her heart and bears a new hurt for her to hide in the way she blinks her eyes quickly. How mortifying, to still be the sad little child after all this time. But she clenches her jaw and she doesn’t flee from this moment despite it.
He reminds her that he, at least, came back. And he’s right. Sabbath isn’t sure if this makes her happy or if she’s angrier at him for returning. He even has the nerve to summon her to him. Once upon a time, it would have delighted her to no end.
“You did,” she agrees, watching him carefully as her bruised heart lingers just beneath the surface. Eight says he got bored and she imagines it would be easy to grow tired of being here when infinity called his name. She can’t blame him, then. “Given the option, I would have followed you, back then. But you would never ask, would you?”
And she hates the question the moment it leaves her lips. The answer is already there, pressed into her palm no matter how she wants to refuse it. Sabbath can only shrug when he asks if the others could have stayed. Death had given her daughter back to her out of some kindness, but Prayer never had the choice to begin with.
“I suppose some of them could have stayed. But they didn’t, and I’ve spent enough time nursing my heart,” she says more to herself than to him. “Now.. Now I’m afraid to ever let someone stay. I’m afraid to not be in control. That’s why I got so mad when I saw you here.” And she pauses as she traces the whirlwind of emotions that lead to these words. She hates how talkative she’s becoming but her mouth refuses to be silent again.
“I can’t control you. I can’t make you leave, I can’t make you go. I just have to brace for whatever comes.” And at last, she stops speaking. Without even using that god awful magic, he reduces her to this fragility once more.
He reminds her that he, at least, came back. And he’s right. Sabbath isn’t sure if this makes her happy or if she’s angrier at him for returning. He even has the nerve to summon her to him. Once upon a time, it would have delighted her to no end.
“You did,” she agrees, watching him carefully as her bruised heart lingers just beneath the surface. Eight says he got bored and she imagines it would be easy to grow tired of being here when infinity called his name. She can’t blame him, then. “Given the option, I would have followed you, back then. But you would never ask, would you?”
And she hates the question the moment it leaves her lips. The answer is already there, pressed into her palm no matter how she wants to refuse it. Sabbath can only shrug when he asks if the others could have stayed. Death had given her daughter back to her out of some kindness, but Prayer never had the choice to begin with.
“I suppose some of them could have stayed. But they didn’t, and I’ve spent enough time nursing my heart,” she says more to herself than to him. “Now.. Now I’m afraid to ever let someone stay. I’m afraid to not be in control. That’s why I got so mad when I saw you here.” And she pauses as she traces the whirlwind of emotions that lead to these words. She hates how talkative she’s becoming but her mouth refuses to be silent again.
“I can’t control you. I can’t make you leave, I can’t make you go. I just have to brace for whatever comes.” And at last, she stops speaking. Without even using that god awful magic, he reduces her to this fragility once more.
may my enemies live long so they can see me prosper.
sabbath