[private] love is for fools who fall behind, ana

[Anaxarete]

LIKE WATER FLOWING INTO LUNGS. She wants to make it go away. To destroy whoever it was that did this to him. This thing that she cannot change. That does not mean she is powerless.  She knows this and she years to pour whatever she can of herself into him to make this go away. She feels his pain so acutely because she’d live it. She remembers so vividly what it was like to go from vibrant and mortal to something else.  She remembers what it was like to watch time and circumstances come for those she loved but never for her.  It was what had led her into the darkness and the cold.  And ultimately it was the cold which kept the pain away, and the darkness that kept her company. “Shhh,” she breathes into his cold skin. “You didn’t ask. I offered.”  She feels the need to reassure him since there was no one to reassure her that she had done the right thing so long ago. But his palpable pain makes her willing to look past the consequences that come with what she offers. “I can,” she says, softly.  “I can make it stop. I will make it stop.” She knows she must do this. Not just for him, but for herself too. She doesn’t want to watch him live in such crippling pain. She doesn’t think she can. “I know it works,” she begins, “It’s how I’ve survived so long,” she says, oh so softly. This admission is sheer vulnerability - letting him in on the secret she’d kept for so long. There is no other she’d trust with this information. Only him. She would never try something with him she wasn’t sure was safe. And while there were likely other solutions that could have the same result, she felt confident in her ability to give him this.  The pain would be blunted by the ice. The cold soothed and the ice protected the vulnerable flesh. The most painful memories could be frozen and tucked away.  Safe. Harmless. Painless. She moves closer to him still, pressing her shoulder to his and draping her head and neck across his withers and down the other side of his barrel. “Hold still,” she breathes, as she calls upon the ice.  Her breath becomes icy cold - condensing in the still-warm air. Frost and shadow leech crawl up her dark legs, her chest, and finally to where her skin pressed against his.  And then it consumed him too - covering every surface of the pair - leaving them frozen there together for the span of a single heartbeat. And then the ice seeps beneath his skin.  The cold travels through his veins until it seizes upon his heart - freezing it solid in his chest. She did not let go. Not yet.  She holds him there for another moment before finally stepping back to find his eyes - hoping that the pain she saw in them would have lessened. “Say the word, and I’ll make it stop. I’ll take it back,” she says - her voice still cool as always but dripping with honesty. A N A X A R E T E been there, done that

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