10-31-2019, 02:17 PM
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<font face=times size=4 color=black><i>i swore the days were over of courting empty dreams</i></font>
<font color=929292>-----------------------------------------------</font><font face=times size=4 color=black><i>i worshiped at the altar of losing everything</i></font></p>
<p align=justify><font color=2f2f2f face=times size=2>
He hears her, the ghost.
But he feels her words in the marrow of his bones, too.
It’s time to go. And maybe he thought himself impervious to the sharp sting of panic here in the afterlife. He is dead now, he knows, and the heart in his chest is just as useless now as it was when he stepped through the rift. But he doesn’t want to go. What does he have left back there anyway?
‘We’d better get you back,’ Keiran says and nudges his shoulder. He shakes his head, tightly closes his eyes, exhales his useless breath. “<b>I don’t want to go,</b>” he murmurs. This is the fate he deserves. It should be him here, not her. He should have done more. He should have driven himself between them – his sister and the vicious animal desperate for her blood. He should be the one condemned to this. But even this seems too peaceful for what he deserves.
‘Come on,’ she says and extricates herself from his fierce grip. He grits his teeth and studies her face. So much like their mother, he thinks. Fitting that she should have inherited all of her kindness, too. He kisses her head again. ‘I’ll show you the way,’ she adds and then turns from him and he can feel the edges of the moment dissolve into mourning. The useless heart twinges in the cavern of his chest and he swallows down his sudden want to weep as he follows behind her.
He imagines digging in his heels. Collapsing himself here in this ghostly meadow. Dissolving himself into the soil. Can he do that? He is dead now, he thinks and then wonders if there is a certain set of rules the dead must subscribe to. But he follows his sister, obedient. He asks about her afterlife here, he asks about her life on earth. He can sense her sadness as she relays her stories. So he coaxes out memories that make them both laugh and it makes him ache. Because it could be this way forever. She would not have to be alone because he would be here with her.
He says none of this out loud, just fits it into the space around his dormant heart. ‘Will you tell mother that I love her?’ Keiran asks and he knows without having to ask that they are getting close. “<b>Of course,</b>” he whispers and the voice catches on the rust collecting in his throat.
‘We’re almost there,’ she mutters and he nods but does not speak. He does not know how much time has passed – minutes or hours or even days – because time is not the same here. It is not linear and he does not try to understand it.
It happens so quickly that he is left reeling, wondering where he’d lost time. The landscape transforms so suddenly that he is convinced great swaths of time have passed without leaving an impression at all. The meadow has given way to a great ridge of mountains and he follows Keiran closely as she leads him to the mouth of some great pit. He feels no fear, just a sliver of trepidation slipped between his ribs as he moves slowly to the edge.
‘This is it,’ she says. He blinks down into the pool of hot magma, glowing brilliantly. He cannot feel its heat. “<b>This?</b>” he asks, his brow furrowed in confusion. The ghost had mentioned a gate. Keiran nods and then casts a glance over her shoulder as a darkness falls over them. He looks up sharply in time to see the darkness take the shape of a dense shadow that vaguely resembled a horse but more closely resembled something else entirely. He thinks of the soft edges of the ghost on the beach, how brilliant white she had been. Such a stark contrast between the two of them.
<i>You will not get far,</i> the figure says but it does not make a sound. Instead, Kensley can feel the words burning holes through him. They echo in his chest and all the empty space in his head. It is a warning, of that he is sure.
<i>Can you feel it?</i> Before he has time to consider the question, he is awash in brutal heat. It would have stolen the air out of his lungs if he had not overcome the useless habit of breathing on the way here. Instead, it merely sets the nerve endings ablaze. He can feel pain again. He can feel the exhaustion in his muscles from the climb. He can feel every inch of his skin on fire.
‘It’s a trick,’ Keiran says, fiercely. ‘It’s not real, Kensley,’ she continues as he fights the urge to sink to his knees beneath it. ‘It can’t hurt you, it’s all in your mind!’ she shouts.
But it does hurt. The pain is blinding and then it is gone.
<i>That was only a taste.</i> He sucks in a sharp breath purely for the small glimmer of comfort it provides. <i>Go back to where you came from,</i> the figure breathes into the marrow of his bones, <i>there is nothing for you here.</i>
‘Go,’ she says, insists, and he shakes his head. He turns to her then, studies her face, his gaze imploring.
“<b>You,</b>” he counters, “<b>you go. You deserve to be there, Keiran, not me. They’re right, there’s nothing for me there anymore. But mother, she will be so happy to see you. This is my fault, Keiran, let me pay for what I’ve done.</b>”
She glances between him in the pit and then grimaces sharply and he knows that the figure has injected a message into her this time. Her expression collapses around the barbed edges of her pain and she seems just as paralyzed by it as he had been.
‘It will only,’ her is strained and it catches, hitches before she continues, ‘work if it’s you.’ He can only imagine the dark force she is fighting against, the phantom pain the figure has ensconced her in. He cannot fight this but it does not stop him from wanting to fling himself across the pit to rail against the dark force. But this would be just as useless as trying to tear the tiger’s teeth from his sister’s throat had been. He stands there and wishes again that he could take her pain on himself.
‘I will see you soon, Kensley,’ she coughs out and then, before he can brace himself, she is throwing herself against him. It knocks him off-balance and he scrambles for purchase but finds none as he hurtles toward the magma. He does not have time to cry out as he plunges into the pool. He can feel himself fall, fall, fall. The pain is extraordinary but he cannot open his mouth to scream as he falls. He does not know how long he plummets until he crashes into the sea. The ice cold water immediately soothes the burning of his skin as he frantically swims for shore.
He staggers onto the sand and out of the surf before turning sharply. “<b>Keiran!</b>” he screams it at the sky, the voice hoarse. His chest heaves as he sucks in a sharp, world-swallowing breath. The heart beats useless in his chest and his skin tingles with the memory of all that burning as he collapses in the sand.
<p align=right>
<font face=times size=4 color=black><i>but you had a halo made of diamonds resting on your head</i></font><font color=929292>-------------------------------</font>
<font face=times size=4 color=black><i>i should be dealing with my demons but i'm dodging them instead</i></font>
</center></tr></td></table><img src=https://66.media.tumblr.com/bf3389c60f0751bac0afcff05bee7280/e916798fa53fb2c5-00/s640x960/7036f9882581995c755e6d898bff90f7e6288390.png></center>
<font face=times size=4 color=black><i>i swore the days were over of courting empty dreams</i></font>
<font color=929292>-----------------------------------------------</font><font face=times size=4 color=black><i>i worshiped at the altar of losing everything</i></font></p>
<p align=justify><font color=2f2f2f face=times size=2>
He hears her, the ghost.
But he feels her words in the marrow of his bones, too.
It’s time to go. And maybe he thought himself impervious to the sharp sting of panic here in the afterlife. He is dead now, he knows, and the heart in his chest is just as useless now as it was when he stepped through the rift. But he doesn’t want to go. What does he have left back there anyway?
‘We’d better get you back,’ Keiran says and nudges his shoulder. He shakes his head, tightly closes his eyes, exhales his useless breath. “<b>I don’t want to go,</b>” he murmurs. This is the fate he deserves. It should be him here, not her. He should have done more. He should have driven himself between them – his sister and the vicious animal desperate for her blood. He should be the one condemned to this. But even this seems too peaceful for what he deserves.
‘Come on,’ she says and extricates herself from his fierce grip. He grits his teeth and studies her face. So much like their mother, he thinks. Fitting that she should have inherited all of her kindness, too. He kisses her head again. ‘I’ll show you the way,’ she adds and then turns from him and he can feel the edges of the moment dissolve into mourning. The useless heart twinges in the cavern of his chest and he swallows down his sudden want to weep as he follows behind her.
He imagines digging in his heels. Collapsing himself here in this ghostly meadow. Dissolving himself into the soil. Can he do that? He is dead now, he thinks and then wonders if there is a certain set of rules the dead must subscribe to. But he follows his sister, obedient. He asks about her afterlife here, he asks about her life on earth. He can sense her sadness as she relays her stories. So he coaxes out memories that make them both laugh and it makes him ache. Because it could be this way forever. She would not have to be alone because he would be here with her.
He says none of this out loud, just fits it into the space around his dormant heart. ‘Will you tell mother that I love her?’ Keiran asks and he knows without having to ask that they are getting close. “<b>Of course,</b>” he whispers and the voice catches on the rust collecting in his throat.
‘We’re almost there,’ she mutters and he nods but does not speak. He does not know how much time has passed – minutes or hours or even days – because time is not the same here. It is not linear and he does not try to understand it.
It happens so quickly that he is left reeling, wondering where he’d lost time. The landscape transforms so suddenly that he is convinced great swaths of time have passed without leaving an impression at all. The meadow has given way to a great ridge of mountains and he follows Keiran closely as she leads him to the mouth of some great pit. He feels no fear, just a sliver of trepidation slipped between his ribs as he moves slowly to the edge.
‘This is it,’ she says. He blinks down into the pool of hot magma, glowing brilliantly. He cannot feel its heat. “<b>This?</b>” he asks, his brow furrowed in confusion. The ghost had mentioned a gate. Keiran nods and then casts a glance over her shoulder as a darkness falls over them. He looks up sharply in time to see the darkness take the shape of a dense shadow that vaguely resembled a horse but more closely resembled something else entirely. He thinks of the soft edges of the ghost on the beach, how brilliant white she had been. Such a stark contrast between the two of them.
<i>You will not get far,</i> the figure says but it does not make a sound. Instead, Kensley can feel the words burning holes through him. They echo in his chest and all the empty space in his head. It is a warning, of that he is sure.
<i>Can you feel it?</i> Before he has time to consider the question, he is awash in brutal heat. It would have stolen the air out of his lungs if he had not overcome the useless habit of breathing on the way here. Instead, it merely sets the nerve endings ablaze. He can feel pain again. He can feel the exhaustion in his muscles from the climb. He can feel every inch of his skin on fire.
‘It’s a trick,’ Keiran says, fiercely. ‘It’s not real, Kensley,’ she continues as he fights the urge to sink to his knees beneath it. ‘It can’t hurt you, it’s all in your mind!’ she shouts.
But it does hurt. The pain is blinding and then it is gone.
<i>That was only a taste.</i> He sucks in a sharp breath purely for the small glimmer of comfort it provides. <i>Go back to where you came from,</i> the figure breathes into the marrow of his bones, <i>there is nothing for you here.</i>
‘Go,’ she says, insists, and he shakes his head. He turns to her then, studies her face, his gaze imploring.
“<b>You,</b>” he counters, “<b>you go. You deserve to be there, Keiran, not me. They’re right, there’s nothing for me there anymore. But mother, she will be so happy to see you. This is my fault, Keiran, let me pay for what I’ve done.</b>”
She glances between him in the pit and then grimaces sharply and he knows that the figure has injected a message into her this time. Her expression collapses around the barbed edges of her pain and she seems just as paralyzed by it as he had been.
‘It will only,’ her is strained and it catches, hitches before she continues, ‘work if it’s you.’ He can only imagine the dark force she is fighting against, the phantom pain the figure has ensconced her in. He cannot fight this but it does not stop him from wanting to fling himself across the pit to rail against the dark force. But this would be just as useless as trying to tear the tiger’s teeth from his sister’s throat had been. He stands there and wishes again that he could take her pain on himself.
‘I will see you soon, Kensley,’ she coughs out and then, before he can brace himself, she is throwing herself against him. It knocks him off-balance and he scrambles for purchase but finds none as he hurtles toward the magma. He does not have time to cry out as he plunges into the pool. He can feel himself fall, fall, fall. The pain is extraordinary but he cannot open his mouth to scream as he falls. He does not know how long he plummets until he crashes into the sea. The ice cold water immediately soothes the burning of his skin as he frantically swims for shore.
He staggers onto the sand and out of the surf before turning sharply. “<b>Keiran!</b>” he screams it at the sky, the voice hoarse. His chest heaves as he sucks in a sharp, world-swallowing breath. The heart beats useless in his chest and his skin tingles with the memory of all that burning as he collapses in the sand.
<p align=right>
<font face=times size=4 color=black><i>but you had a halo made of diamonds resting on your head</i></font><font color=929292>-------------------------------</font>
<font face=times size=4 color=black><i>i should be dealing with my demons but i'm dodging them instead</i></font>
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