and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.
She can feel an electric tension brewing inside her chest, and the way that it builds and grows it feels like liquid spilling into her lungs until she might drown in it. The way his muscles grew taut at her touch is like someone brutally squeezed her heart, but she can’t even find it within herself to blame him for that. She has locked herself out of his mind, but she doesn’t need to be reading it to know what is coming. She hears it in the sigh that leaves his mouth, she sees it in the sorrow etched in his beautiful blue eyes.
But before he actually says it, before he tells her no, there is the faintest flicker of hope. She tries to ignore it, she tries to not feed it, because she knows everything is going to hurt so much worse if she let herself think there was even a possibility that he might say yes.
I don’t think that’s a good idea, he says, and even though she knew it was coming, it still causes her breath to inhale sharply against her throat. For a moment her dark blue eyes close, and she swallows away the tears that she can feel forming. When she opens her eyes, there is a forced smile on her face, but even that trembles at the edges as she says in a voice that she hopes doesn’t sound as bruised as she feels, “I understand. I didn’t think you would want to, but I couldn’t leave without asking.” She has never really done anything without him, she realizes, and the weight of that crushes her.
“Worse than you?” She repeats what he says, slowly, with a confused disbelief casting a shadow across her silver face. “You are the only one I would ever want next to me for something like this. You are the only one that knows every single part of me.” The bad – and there was so much wrong about her, and there always has been – and then what little good she possessed. He was the only reason she had ever learned that she could love, in any capacity; he was the only reason that a good side of her even existed.
She clenches her jaw against the desire to reach for him again, because she can’t stand the thought of him reacting how he did a little bit ago. But she shifts closer anyway, her muzzle lingering close to his neck, her forehead inches from where she usually pressed it against him, but she doesn’t close the space entirely. There is a pause, and even though it is short, she is sure he can feel the heaviness of it, that weighted moment before the words come, before she asks the question that has been aching to be asked, “Do you want me to stay away from you?” She would let him have Loess. Even though it had been her intention to come back, she knows she could find the strength to force herself to stay in Sylva. She would do anything if it meant she didn’t make him feel like this anymore.
starsin
it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted.
( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )
@[Ophanim]
