I can remember a time when I was so afraid
when even my shadow wouldn't follow me
Thoughts. they were always at their loudest during the night, or so it seemed for the palomino girl. They wrapped themselves about her senses, begging to be admired and turned over for the thousandth time. They were very much like a peculiar stone that one would turn over and study so intently that they could remember where each and every speckle and cracking was etched into it. She remembers the story. About her mother and her father, how they had explored out to the beach on the edges of Paraiso and watched the white caps roll and crash upon the shore. How they had seen the dolphins jumping in and out of the water, as if enticing her parents for a game. Her father told her that they had only been each two years old at the time. It makes Elaina think about when she was two years old.
She had already watched her mother grow weak and die, she had been threatened to be taken away from her family, watched that same stallion that threatened her kill her father, and she had run away to Murmuring Rivers to be taken in by her cousins. By two years old, Elaina had moved with her family to the ancient land of Paraiso. By two years old, Elaina had known loss, sorrow, she had lived in multiple homes and kept building her life back up with little toy blocks only to have them knocked down again. Collapsing before her eyes, but still, that hand reached forward every time, and again and again she would stack. Her tower growing ever higher as she reaches for another block with shaking hands, just wondering when it was all going to tumble back down.
Her parents had already found love at two years old, even if they hadn't admitted it too each, and perhaps that is the similarity Elaina shares with her deceased parents. But, the difference lies in that they would have died for each other, they would have never left each other, it would have broken them. When Elaina had left Aerwir and she hadn't look back. She left him there and while her heart ached, she kept waiting for it to crack, but it never came. It was as whole and intact as it has always been.
These are the thoughts that rattle her brain as the sky begins to turn dark. She cant seem to make it stop.
Despite, having moved so much her entire life, this is the first time Elaina has not had a home to go to. She always had a family member nearby, and the case here was still the same. She had a family member near, a cousin she considered a sister, but Elaina just had no idea where she could be. She would search all through the day, which were getting considerably shorter due to the winter months, rest fitfully at night, and then start all over the moment the sun rose. But tonight, tonight is different. The sunflower girl with that heart shaped birthmark upon her brow, she had found a patch of dry area beneath some sparse trees, making it her home for the evening. But she felt restless, as if her legs could not settle. There was no way that she was going to sleep tonight. Might as well make it useful then.
She rocks upwards and shakes herself off, letting any debris tumble from that golden coat of hers. A sigh touches her lips before releasing itself into the air in a cloud of frost pluming out in front of her, only lit up by the moon and the stars. Perhaps, this would be considered dangerous, reckless, or even careless to be wandering around at night, alone none the less. But Elaina is exhausted, not so much physically (her anxiety of finding her red haired cousin keeps her wide awake) but from this constant repetitive pattern without making any progress. “Come on Lilli,” she finally says into the cold night air. “Give me a sign, a hint, something,” she says out loud to fill the whole of a silent winter night.
This is when she finds the river once more. Great, she was walking in circles. But there is something soothing about the sound of the water rushing, a noise she can attach her wild, unorganized thoughts to and for once, Elaina finds her mind emptying, filling only with this one sound. Maybe, there is hope yet for this restless girl to find some peace.
No, it would never be that easy.
benjamin and beylani's sunflower-girl
GHAUL -- Year 209
"(souls are not meant to live more than once — death was not meant to be temporary, and she is so sure that every time her heart starts to beat again that irreversible damage is further inflicted)" -- Anonya, written by Colby
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