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  • Beqanna

    version 22: awakening


    GHAUL -- Year 209


    "(souls are not meant to live more than once — death was not meant to be temporary, and she is so sure that every time her heart starts to beat again that irreversible damage is further inflicted)" -- Anonya, written by Colby

    [open]  tell me that it's all okay, any
    When she was young, she never dreamed her life would ever reach a point like this. She never sought out love and never asked for it but it had found her, time and time again, only to leave her in the dead of night. Virgo cried tears of joy when she conceived the twins and again when Caw gave her the unborn child. Her young gave her something to live for, something to anchor her when life felt as though it would surely cast her into the stars once more. But tonight she has realized that she is cursed through and through. This life was never meant to find rose-colored love with a heart that’s true or eternal. No, her soul is grown from nightshade and brambles.

    When the first contractions find her, she seeks out the den were unwanted children go. But she wants this baby. Virgo wants her more than anything else in her miserable life, but she has to say goodbye before her life has even begun. The tears come running down her cheeks as she settles amongst the children who cry and whimper out of fear. Her chest aches as she listens to their soft pleas for help and food. She closes her eyes tight and tries not to listen as she labors. Her sides heave with the effort and she gasps for breath around the pain.

    Hours pass like this, her sobbing and pushing while the winter air bites at her wet cheeks. When her newborn baby finally slips onto the den floor, she’s quick to stand and look at her precious daughter. Her silver marbling glimmers beneath the full moon and her eyes reflect its light like a cat caught mid-hunt. Virgo’s breath catches in her throat and her sobs quake through her anew. She’s beautiful in a way that she had never imagined.

    She kisses her face as the baby whimpers in the cold, crawling closer to soak up her mother’s warmth. Virgo quietly grooms her and whispers soft affections in her ear before finally rising onto her hooves. The newborn stumbles up with her and nurses greedily for a while, eyes closed and content.

    I love you. More than anything, I love you. But I cannot keep you,” she explains in a voice so soft it almost doesn’t survive to be heard. It feels like someone else is speaking and she cannot stop. “It would be selfish and you might not make it. I will not take that risk.

    The girl finally lifts her head, mouth framed by the milk on her lips as she listens.

    Risk?” she repeats curiously. Virgo kisses her face and begins to walk away. The girl shivers as the cold wraps around her in her mother’s absence. She assumes that she will return for her soon, so she lowers herself carefully to the ground and tries her best to nap.
    may my enemies live long
    so they can see me prosper.

    i never said that i would be your lover
    i never said that i would be your friend
    i never said that i would take no other

    Returning to the den is an accident. The first time she had come here it had been because she craved motherhood so intensely that it could not be helped, she had to look, to see what little creature might be waiting for the love she was so desperate to give. The girl she found had been waiting so long, all but forgotten in this sad little place. How had no one come to choose her?

    It is by accident that Kensa sees Virgo, a stranger, walking away from the den. The two women do not speak as they pass one another. Kensa does not learn her name, or ask her what she has done or why. The sabino would not have understood a few years ago but after giving birth to Kelynen… Her topaz eyes only pass over the mare’s brown ones calmly and quietly and then they each go on towards their own lives without ever meeting.

    Passing among the trees and into the den she notes that there are more of them this time. More than she can take home with her and it breaks her heart. She can only take one. She is already nursing the small palomino boy and must make sure she has enough for him. One other will be okay but no more. So she follows the path the prism marbled woman took out of the den until it leads her to the rounded bundle of black fuzz and silver shine. The babe is dozing in that rapid-breathing infant way and Kensa tries to resist touching her but cannot help reaching out to brush the narrow delicate spine and then the sweetly rounded little barrel, finally exhaling softly over the small drooping ears. “How new you are. Don’t dream your first dreams in this place.” She murmurs to gently to coax the girl back to the waking world.


    love is madness

    She wakes easily when Kensa touches her small back and lifts her head to look up at the woman, wide-eyed and afraid of everything new. Her green and blue eyes stare up at her when she speaks so gently. But this is not the mother who kissed her face and left her in the cold, she knows. Still, she rises slowly and carefully onto her thin legs and bony knees so that she can reach out and touch her nose to the stranger’s chest. Her body is warm and comforting in the chill here so she huddles closer without thinking much of it.

    Risk,” she mumbles against her new mother’s soft skin. It’s the only word she knows so far and so she uses it as a simple reply to her commands. The silver brindling along her sides shimmers as her ribs move with each sweet breath until she decides she’s ready to try her legs out. The dark girl carefully shuffles from Kensa’s side and toward the entrance she came from, looking over her shoulder to make sure the woman is still there. Her soft hooves hardly make a sound as she edges closer and closer to the rest of the world outside this sad little den.

    Outside, the sun is almost too bright and she squints her eyes as she remains in the shade, waiting patiently for the woman to join her. She doesn’t dare stray out of sight or allow her new mother to wander from her. Her little legs move timidly in place and she takes a deep breath as she edges ever closer to that brave new world beyond the room she was born in.
    may my enemies live long
    so they can see me prosper.
    Kensa I kept it short so we can fast forward to after the war if you wanted to lol.

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