i think your love would be too much, starsin.

[Starsin]

and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.

Her emotions continued to war with each other, with anger and hurt so evenly matched that she never knew which she was feeling. They switched back and forth so rapidly that all she feels is that she is spinning, splintering, and so close to falling apart that she can nearly taste her own self destruction on her tongue. Sometimes she wishes that she couldn’t read his mind. That she couldn’t stand there and scrutinize every single thought that passed through him; all the guilt that he felt, all of his newfound insecurities over what she had done, and even worse, still the genuine thoughts of adoration.

She can feel her anger wither away, as it so often does when she is forced to see the sorrow in his beautiful eyes. But it is not replaced by peace; when her anger is gone, she is left only with her sorrow and her own insecurity. Two children that were not hers. Two different women that he had touched and held, and likely told all the same things that he tells her. The anguish at not being enough filled all the holes her fury left behind, until she was brimming with it, and trembling from trying to keep it contained. His thoughts are an echo to her own, and she finds that there was no satisfaction in succeeding at making him feel exactly as she does.

Her touch softens, as her delicate chest presses into his and her lips leave a trail of kisses along his neck. He was her weakness; he always had been, from nearly the day they had met. “I love you, Ophanim.” I wish I had been enough, she wants to say. I wish you had been the one I could count on to not turn away despite of how I am, but the words never make it to her tongue. Instead, she rests her forehead in the strands of his mane, her blue eyes closing as she whispers in a voice that shakes with the tears threatening to form in her eyes, “What happened to us?”

starsin

it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted.
( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )