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    version 22: awakening


    GHAUL -- Year 209


    "(souls are not meant to live more than once — death was not meant to be temporary, and she is so sure that every time her heart starts to beat again that irreversible damage is further inflicted)" -- Anonya, written by Colby

    [mature]  here it comes with no warning

    Here it comes with no warning; capsize, i'm first in the water
    “You are not worthy.”

    It hits her hard.

    “You have never been worthy of my love.”

    He throws another at her. The blow his her harder though.


    She thought she had been worthy of him. Perhaps she had never been. Maybe she was too broken from the very beginning to ever be worthy, to ever be loved. Her own father had never seemed to love her. He own sister had deserted her—never loving her too. Those nights she spent with others, full of lust, were only lies too. Lies that had blinded her and filled her with dreams that would never be a reality.


    She was never worthy.

    Her nutmeg gaze remains looking down, staring at the edge of her hooves. She breaths softly and slowly. Listening carefully to each word that falls from his lips. The same lips that had praised her and showered her with love and affection. Now they were destroying her, tearing every living piece of her until she was nothing.

    She is nothing.

    His next words surprise her. Lucrezia isn’t sure if she has even heard what he said right. She draws up her eyes to him. Her gaze is only met with a deathly gaze and a large crocodile smile—the look of a monster. The true monster he masked all these months.

    “What? No that cannot be.”

    Lucrezia mouth opens wide with shock. Her eyes widen with horror. She starts to shake with what she is finally connecting together, the reality she has been living in finally is brought into the light.

    When he comes closer to her, she does not move. She cannot move. His breath his hot on her skin. Every breath he takes in and out she can hear. It is hot and heavy. It boils her beneath, sending every fiber within her body on fire. She wants to scream. She wants to flee. But she does not. Her hooves are stuck where they are, rooting her deep into the earth.

    He touches her in ways she had been touched before. Like a lover he grooms her. But it is not the same as before. It never was out of love, but out of madness and lust for blood.

    The music of the song he plays is immediately felt within her bones. It rings throughout her entire body. It fills her instantly with horror and fright. She shakes uncontrollably now, shivering beneath his touch more than ever. Every part of her tells her to run, but she doesn’t. It is almost as if he commands her to stay without telling her to.

    When he tells her to run, her heart beats faster than it have ever before.

    “But it’s too late.”

    It was always too late in the end.

    Lucrezia is hit before she knows it. Knocking the air out of her lungs instantly. She coughs harsh and hoarsely from the air being knocked out of her. The blow from her side spreads pain. It runs like wildfire across the side of her body.

    She is pushed back, tumbling to the ground when she feels the second blow again. It’s harder this time.

    “No!” She screams, “Please stop! Please!” She begs for him.

    But her pleas are only meant with a laugh. His enjoyment of hurting her is obvious in the way he laughs at her. She wants to fight him, to chase him away from hurting her (from killing her). But she cannot, she could not. The fear within her creeps up even more, sending her into a hysteria of terror.

    She screams with horror. Stumbling to find her balance on her hooves. She slips at her first attempt. Her face falls onto the hard surface of the forest floor.

    Was this how she was going to die?

    No, no, no. She tells herself.

    It wouldn’t be like this.

    Lucrezia tries again. Putting her weight into her legs to lift her up again. The fear becomes her strength in these terrifying moments. She would not die here. No, she had to protect her child. Her only reason to live.

    She scrambles away quickly when he tries to take another blow at her again. Every part of her sends her flying forward, rushing through the forest. To anywhere. It did not matter. She had to get away. Away from the monster.


    She ran fast and far away.

    To anywhere he would not be. But where is here?

    Lucrezia slows down finally, realizing she has made her escape from the silver buckskin. She inhales deeply, finally catching her breath. The air fills her lungs, but it is sharp and harsh. She coughs, feeling the weight of the adrenaline slowly fading away from her.

    Carefully, she looks around from where she is. She can feel the cold breeze of wind on her face. Inhaling deeply, the smell of the salty ocean and death fill her nostrils. The waves of the ocean are felt at the bottom of her limbs. It realizes her for just a moment. Finally, she realizes where she is.

    The beach.

    Her ending.
    ...too close to the bottom.
    html © samshine| character info: here | picture reference: here

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    I call him the devil because he makes me want to sin

    He loves when they run.

    She is breaking apart and it is even more beautiful than he had thought it would be.

    She meets his laughter with screams and he drinks it in, bathing in this moment, letting each second of it seep through his skin and set his nerves on fire. He craves more of it, grows hungry on the taste of it, and he struggles to keep himself in check, to let the moments linger. All he wants is to drive to the ending now, to feel her crack open beneath the pressure of his hands so that he can finally pain his masterpiece.

    But she denies him. She finds the strength to get to her feet, to flee.

    Part of him growls with fury. Snaps his jaw together, shaking his heavy-horned head. The other part of him rumbles with delight, licking his lips as he imagines the inevitable ending to this story.

    Patience, he thinks.

    All in due time.

    So he reels himself back in. He grabs ahold of his own control and brings himself to heel. He gives her a head start because wouldn’t it be delicious to taste that hope crumble once more? But he is not far behind. His cloven hooves strike the ground hard and fast—faster than he has any right to move—and he chases her as they leave their area, as they set out for the beach, the soil turning to sand beneath him.

    Bruise watches as she comes to a stop, when she realizes where he has driven her. 

    And he takes his time in coming to her, letting her hear him approach. His mouth trails up her side, across the curve of her neck, finding the crook of her jaw. He keeps the Fear in hand, although she does not need much prompting now. Still, the duet between them is marvelous and the air is thick with the melody of it.

    “Don’t worry, love,” the word is genuine, heavy with emotion. “I will take my time. I will be patient. I have waited so long for this.” He presses a kiss to her neck, drawing in a deep breath. 

    He pauses, closing his eyes, savoring this final moment.

    When he opens them, they are dark and flat.

    “I have waited long enough. Let us finish this.”

    And so he does.

    (and every time he knocks, I can't help but let him in)


    Here it comes with no warning; capsize, i'm first in the water
    She stares off into the distance.

    Hypnotized by the waves that crash and thrash in the ocean that spreads out miles before her into the horizon. The cold water makes her limbs numb, spreading quickly to ever part of her body. She doesn’t feel it though—she is too numb, too caught up in the moment she has found herself in.

    Her death.

    She doesn’t hear him approach. It’s only when he speaks that she is drawn into the reality of it all. The monster has found her—the monster she let herself fall into the hands of.

    He touches her, and she accepts his touch. She cannot find the will to run. The hope that she will be able to get away from him has diminished. Her light has been put out by the darkness he wears so proudly like a crown.

    No longer does he need to play his song of fear. She feels it heavily with the way he touches her and the words he speaks. It’s thick in every word and every movement. She shivers at what he will do to her, but a part of her has come to terms with it.

    She was always meant to die.

    But not like this.

    No, not like this.

    But he is her god now. The divinity that weighs the worth of her life. To him it is worth something, but it is not meant to be alive anymore. And she agrees. Her life was no longer worth living. It never had been.

    She accepts her death with defeat.

    Her ending, her destruction by a monster.

    But her ending was not truly the end.

    With death, there would always be new life.

    Even within the darkness.

    As she lays there within the bleached-bone beach, she gives birth to something beautiful.

    A child.

    "Eva," she whispers with one last faint breath.


    Here lies Lucrezia
    The child of Evare and Rodrik
    A lover to no one truly except falling for monsters
    Mother to Rome, Brethil, and Eva
    A diplomatic at heart for the Deserts, but a failure at leading Tephra
    In the end she was the reason for her own death, blinded by her own faults

    Lucrezia extends her farewells to:
    Straia – I wish things could have been differently. I’m sorry for the way we fell apart, it was my fault in the end. All these years later I still love you. I hope you are doing well.

    Vanquish & Yael – You were always so kind and welcoming. Thank you for being the family I needed when I thought I had none. You did nothing but support me, and made me realize I was capable of more than what I thought I was.

    Kreios – My dearest friend. I miss you and hope your life has turned out the way you wanted. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend since we were children. You were always there giving me the support I needed, thank you.

    Magnus – Where would I be without you? You brought me back to life, but I ended up failing you. I never deserved your forgiveness, but thank you for it. Thank you for bringing me to Tephra and being the light when I needed someone. Please take care of Tephra, for me, for all of them.

    Warrick & Amorette – Our time might have been short, but I would never change anything. You were always so kind and great friends. You are both wonderful, don’t let yourself fall away from that.

    Etojo – You were always my favorite. I wish I could have said more, seen you more. Maybe I’ll see you in another life. You always did find me eventually. Maybe again.

    Tarnished – You were alright. I guess I should let you know now, your son is actually Rome. Oops.

    Bruise – Fuck you. I will come back for you.
    ...too close to the bottom.
    html © samshine| character info: here | picture reference: here
    Profile | Detailed Bio | Character Reference

    In the night, deep in the murkiest troughs of a forest somewhere far away Etojo twitched, the leaves of his coat rustling on a breezeless night as his body uncontrollably quivered. Normally a deep sleeper, and yet for some inexplicable reason, on this night he woke suddenly with a restlessness and an erratic beat of heart.

    Lucrezia… she was as clear as anything could be clear, as if she was real and before him. He saw her all young and silly and annoying, then grown and beautiful, with wings and without, embodying the beauty of autumn unlike him. She smelled of pine needles, and then something more. He remembered how he’d been left intrigued by the mysteriousness of it, along with the realisation Lucrezia had become so much more than just King Rodrik’s daughter, and in that same moment so long ago had also become so much more to him.

    His eyes opened abruptly wide and bright in the darkness. His breath grew raggedy and shallow. He thought of her often when the forest grew dark and he found himself cosily alone. But not like this. No, this was different. With his heart beating heavy for another reason and paired with an uneasiness that crawled just beneath the surface of his thin skin. The air around him grew chill and the dank foliage carpet he lay upon shrivelled away into nothing but cold damp soil, he could not control it. He felt both cold and hot and far from himself. His head heavy and filled with too much… too much… fear. It was fear. The sudden awareness of what he was feeling made it all the more worse.

    Etojo rolled from his side with a lurch and rose stiffly from his haunches. What remained of the forest foliage creaked and snapped in protest but all he could hear was the pounding of his own pulse overwhelming his ears. He did not know where he was going or how long it would take to get there. Perhaps he never would but he would try. He did not know that it was already too late… far, far too late. Did not know or understand the sorrow or the emptiness that would overcome him when he would search and search and never find her. All he did know was that she burned too real in his thoughts and that he was suddenly, inexplicably very afraid for her. Lucrezia, one friend of very few.


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