"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
The new island is beautiful, one could by right call it a paradise, but it is not Ischia. It is not home. And with all these insecurities and fears, the lavender lady desperately longs for home. But she knows she cannot. Which only makes it harder.
Kylin has left the pearly white beach behind her, and treaded into the sea slightly, only front knee deep. If she’d go any further, she does not know if she would stop. In the distance, she can see Ischia, and her heart cries for the fate of her home. All those years Ischia had been her home, her go to place, her safe place. It is all she knows, the only thing that always had been part of her life, except of course during their short vacation to Hyaline. The thought of leaving has always made her anxious, and afraid, and yet she now finds herself looking at her beloved home on the shore of another island.
Tears wet her hazel eyes, and her transparent fins are retracted against her sides, almost as if she’s trying to wrap them around herself to offer comfort. If not for her family (all of them) and especially Kharon she’d still be in Ischia. He had begged, cried and pleaded, and Kylin had only be able to cry and panic from the thought alone. But she’d trusted him. Trusts him, and had reluctantly agreed to leave.
Things still confuse her. They had not been away for a week, but six summers has passed since they had all left. Left her, under the watchful eye of Ea and Caw, who both disappeared over time too. More than once her life had been turned upside down, from hostile take overs to potential lovers who asked her to leave with them, and, when she refused, left without her.
It is probably a good thing that Kylin does not remember her own death, and revival, or she might have fled into the cave on Ischia where everything had started, and refused to leave.
It was hard to see his twin look so different from him. They used to be nearly identical. Now she looked a little older than him, and in reality was much older. With children. By someone else. It stung, cut him deeper than he should feel, he knew. Dad probably wouldn't remember, wouldn't realize what Kharon was hiding. But this hurt worse than anything he'd ever felt. She wasn't just gone from him. She belonged to someone else. Multiple someones. He could understand Mom a little better now.
His face held no particular expression as he approached her though, his heart clenching tightly in his chest. Even seeing her was painful. And he would rather he could just avoid her. Never hear her thoughts, find a way to forget how much he cared. Too much, Dad would say. Too much. He'd been too successful with his distance from her, trying to follow Dad's guidance. Getting trapped in another realm of time. Well, he'd given her time and distance unintentionally. And it sucked.
Maybe he never should've listened.
He hated thinking that. Dad knew best.
"Hi," he said carefully, feeling guarded. His spine was stiff and his wings were held close to his body like an armor. His grey eyes were weak and vulnerable. He was weak. "You had kids." It was flat. Just a really unfortunate fact laid openly between them. She'd had kids. With someone else. It was too late to take the words back, too late to take back her life she'd lived without him. How could she have loved anyone else, though? Hadn't they been made for each other?
No, he was wrong. Dad had been right.
I wish I could scrape away the dirt that's on my mind
The waves gently roll against her legs, wetting her pale lavender and creme coat, but it is the sound of the waves that offer her most comfort. Even though the island is different, wrong even, the sea that surrounds them is still very much the same. Or at least, that is what Kylin tries to tell herself, and what she holds on to, as it is the only thing keeping her sane.
The lavender lady is aware of his approach, and it would be a lie if she would say that the anticipation does not make her heart race and abdominal muscles clench. Kylin wants nothing more than to snuggle underneath his wings once again, it had been supposed to be her place all along. And yet, looking at him hurts too, makes her remember everything. The good and the bad, but never able to forget or ignore that she had been the only one to be left behind.
Perhaps not on purpose, but the reality nonetheless. One that hurts.
So it is a good thing she does not know of Kharon’s feelings, that he would rather avoid her, and quite possibly forget about her. She had never forgotten about them. Had always hoped for their return, and cried herself to sleep too often at night. Lonely, Kylin has been incredibly lonely, and on top of that insecure. They must have left her for a reason, not? But not just them. Ea had, Caw had, even Circinae, Krone and Klaudius had. Was it that bad that she had been vulnerable for their attention? For the imagination of a better life, one in which she was cherished?
A lavender ear turns in his direction, and then slowly her neck bends so her hazel eyes meet his. Like his, her body is tense, in both anticipation and fear. “Kharon,” she whispers, insecurities written all over his face, like readable in his. Only to be replaced by a flash of pain, and a flinch as he drops his words next. Instantly her gaze is down, and her transparent fins press more tight against her barrel.
There is nothing to she can say, except confirm it, which she does with a sharp nod. Her girls, to whom she never had been a great mother, but who she loves with whole her motherly heart.
He listened to her. He always had and always would. Couldn't even help it though he dearly wished he could. This time he was thankful for it, even with the pain that came along with it. He hadn't thought of how alone she would've been. With everyone gone but her. Mom and Reilly, and even little Baddie. Him and Dad and Kali. Everyone had been gone from her. She hadn't chosen to live without him. She hadn't had the choice.
"Kharon," she whispered, and he softened just a little, still wary that it would hurt him so badly to be here with her. Her beautiful face dropped to the ground the moment he mentioned her kids and he almost regretted it. But it hurt too damn bad to regret it. She'd had kids without him. She'd... If they had ever.. She'd had sex without him. And maybe it was so stupid and childish to think of it, but she was his twin. His other half.
And the other half of him was gone.
He hesitated a moment.. What was with women always thinking they were terrible mothers? She must've got those insecurities from Mom. He probably got a lot of them too.
Then he took a careful step closer, wings still clinging guardedly to his sides. He swallowed, and reached out, touching a soft breath to her neck. That was all he could give, though, and he pulled back again, swinging his eyes away. It hurt to be near her. It hurt that she was so different. That everything changed. She wasn't his twin anymore, she was his older sister. With kids. She was his mom's age. His mom was his sister's age.
He swallowed, cleared his throat. "Kali missed you."
He'd missed her.
I wish I could scrape away the dirt that's on my mind
There is nothing she can say. Nothing would make either of them feel better, so what is there left to say? Kylin wants to scream, to shout, to cry. But her lips are sealed, as her head hangs low and her glistering fins are pressed to her sides. She surely must have done something wrong at some point, why else would she get punished again? First when she had been left, all alone, and now again as she is here with them, but at the same time is not.
Everything has changed. Everything is different. And not for the better. Kylin has never felt more alone than now.
She looks away, her gaze directed at the ocean, towards Ischia, now wondering why she had agreed to leave. Their return should have been something magical, something wonderful, but instead it only brings them heartache.
She is painfully aware of his approach, the way it is hesitant and the wings are defensively against his sides. Out of the corner of her eye she glances at them, shuddering as she realises she wants nothing more than to snuggle under it. It had always been her place, there, under his wing, at his side. Kharon. But then he’d left her. Like his careful, brief touch, painfully reminds her. Nonetheless, Kylin is unable to not lean in, shifting her weight ever so slightly, and even ghosting after the touch once he pulls back. She does not look at him, instead casts her gaze down again, as her body is trembling.
Her ear twitches, and carefully she glances up, but through her lashes she is unable to hold it. Like Kharon, she has to clear her throat, and wet her lips. “I..”I have missed you.“.. have missed you all too..” she murmurs in response, and although her words are genuine, an outside might not believe her words seeing the pain and fears written all over her face. She remembers crying herself to sleep a night, all alone in the little den where they’d used to sleep together. At one point Kylin had even sought out a goddess, to beg for answers. And her girl’s hadn’t been born in the same cave where Kharon and Kylin had taken their first breaths for nothing.
She has missed them terribly, but could not have felt more lost at their return.
“How.. are you?” Her question is hesitant, as she is afraid to hear the answer. Afraid that it might hurt more than the hurt she already feels now. But it is not the question she wants to ask, nor would its answer be the one she wants to hear. What happened to you?
Or more precise. What happened that took you all, but left me?
Her pain and ache was so loud, and the shudder that passed through her as she glanced at his wings sent a shiver down his spine. She wanted them over her again. As they used to. Honestly, he ached for it too, so deeply. He wanted everything to be as it was before, not all this change that had ruined them.
But it was so much like the Kylin he knew.
She ignored her own pain and leaned into him, and he took a quiet breath, his heart racing. His wings both lifted of their own, letting her in against his naked side. He loved his name crossing his mind in her voice, and hearing that she'd missed him. All of them, but definitely him.
He heard how she'd cried herself to sleep where they used to curl up together, where he used to hold her, and his heart broke more. She really had missed him? He wasn't meaningless to her now? She'd had kids though. He didn't understand how she could've had kids. How she could be with someone if she was meant for him. Tears threatened to brim his eyes just thinking of it, and he carefully didn't look at her.
She'd even had her babies in their home, their cavernous den where Mom had given birth to them.
"How.. are you?" she asked, and he was fucking terrible, is how he was. All of this was so damn hard and painful and he just wanted everything back to normal again. But it could never be the same again and that killed him.
He ignored her question and the silent ones that followed. He just needed to see how much of her was still left, how much was still his at all. If any. And he turned to her, draped his wing gently down over her back as he leaned in and swept his lips over her cheek. He trailed them back near her jaw, the soft muscle in her neck that held her scent so strongly. He kissed it softly, took it gently in his teeth with a light nip.
Kylin.. he whispered to her mind, aching to feel that she was still here. She was still the same, only older. Only changed so much. Only with kids and maybe a husband somewhere and not at all his after all. Ugh, god, it made him want to pull away, walk away and stay away from her. He should, probably.
Especially before someone saw him being this way with her.
I wish I could scrape away the dirt that's on my mind
