10-02-2018, 03:04 PM
Part of her knew. As soon as the word slipped out, echoing in the vast chasm that had grown between them, part of her knew she broke his heart with one little word. Brother.
She wasn't blind. It had been play to her their first time, taking childhood games to new heights with the addition of his delicious new toy. Dovev. She wasn't sure when it became more than that for him, more than possessive jealousy and hormones setting his blood on fire. He’d never had to share her before; she'd missed the earliest signs.
Maybe it had been in the aftermath of their first time, all three of them coming together to drive each other wild. Or the second, when she’d come away from it a little less unscathed. Maybe it had been there from the start, from their harmless, vicious games as children. But she hadn’t understood, too young and dumb to understand the intensity in his eyes.
It wasn’t until she went and fell for Dov that she recognized it.
He shook his head, pulled away, breathing hard and fast, radiating enough frantic energy it pushed him into pacing, growled and pushed her through gritted teeth to just tell him. Just tell him what was going on. And she watched, knowing that a year ago her heart would’ve been breaking right along with him, but right now all she could feel was this deep numb that seeped all the way down to her bones.
“I’m not fine,” she said softly, her dark eyes following him as he tossed his head, as he tried to close the distance between them that was so much more than just physical. So much more than either of them could reach.
“I’m not fine, Zor. I’ve been trying, but I haven’t been fine in a long time.” She looked off in the distance where the twins had disappeared. “And I don’t know if there’s any fixing it. I’m no good at this, Zor. Worse than Mom was, ‘cause at least she was honest about it. I look at them and I don’t feel...anything. I try. I want to. But there’s just this empty...this void in my chest where my heart’s supposed to be.
“Sometimes I can’t breathe, and I don’t know how to make it stop. I feel like I’ve been drowning from the day they were born. From the day I started failing them. Maybe there’s just too much of Mom in me, or...or maybe I broke it all when I fell for Dov,” she murmured, making herself look at him when she said those last words. She was in love with him, and he barely had the time of day for her. Maybe she really was just like their mom.
Fuck, she was an idiot.
“I’m not fine,” she repeated softly, shaking her head. “I haven’t been for…a year? more? I’ve been trying to fix things, trying to be what you and the girls need me to be, trying to love you all like you deserve, but...but I don’t have it in me. I knew it the moment I saw them, and it’s not getting any better. I’m broken, Zor, and I don’t think there’s any fixing me.”
She wasn't blind. It had been play to her their first time, taking childhood games to new heights with the addition of his delicious new toy. Dovev. She wasn't sure when it became more than that for him, more than possessive jealousy and hormones setting his blood on fire. He’d never had to share her before; she'd missed the earliest signs.
Maybe it had been in the aftermath of their first time, all three of them coming together to drive each other wild. Or the second, when she’d come away from it a little less unscathed. Maybe it had been there from the start, from their harmless, vicious games as children. But she hadn’t understood, too young and dumb to understand the intensity in his eyes.
It wasn’t until she went and fell for Dov that she recognized it.
He shook his head, pulled away, breathing hard and fast, radiating enough frantic energy it pushed him into pacing, growled and pushed her through gritted teeth to just tell him. Just tell him what was going on. And she watched, knowing that a year ago her heart would’ve been breaking right along with him, but right now all she could feel was this deep numb that seeped all the way down to her bones.
“I’m not fine,” she said softly, her dark eyes following him as he tossed his head, as he tried to close the distance between them that was so much more than just physical. So much more than either of them could reach.
“I’m not fine, Zor. I’ve been trying, but I haven’t been fine in a long time.” She looked off in the distance where the twins had disappeared. “And I don’t know if there’s any fixing it. I’m no good at this, Zor. Worse than Mom was, ‘cause at least she was honest about it. I look at them and I don’t feel...anything. I try. I want to. But there’s just this empty...this void in my chest where my heart’s supposed to be.
“Sometimes I can’t breathe, and I don’t know how to make it stop. I feel like I’ve been drowning from the day they were born. From the day I started failing them. Maybe there’s just too much of Mom in me, or...or maybe I broke it all when I fell for Dov,” she murmured, making herself look at him when she said those last words. She was in love with him, and he barely had the time of day for her. Maybe she really was just like their mom.
Fuck, she was an idiot.
“I’m not fine,” she repeated softly, shaking her head. “I haven’t been for…a year? more? I’ve been trying to fix things, trying to be what you and the girls need me to be, trying to love you all like you deserve, but...but I don’t have it in me. I knew it the moment I saw them, and it’s not getting any better. I’m broken, Zor, and I don’t think there’s any fixing me.”