At first, when she speaks, it eases him. Quiets the buzzing in his mind, in his chest. He can't stop the smile turning the edges of his lips upward as she tells him how good he is with them and that she's proud. He is too- proud of himself, of the girls, of her. They were doing it. This thing they weren't ready for- either of them. This thing they hadn't anticipated on having so soon. This.. thing that they were so unsure of. Before. But Zoryn isn't so worried now. Not about the girls. Their wonderful baby girls were doing just fine. As were they. Or so he would have himself believe. Until the moment the hollow omission of words she wasn't saying clicked into place in his head. He's great with them. She's proud of him. They're lucky to have him. He frowns, but tries so hard to hide it. To deny it. To shove it away. A growl from deep within in answer of the roaring of thoughts in his head. The sinking of his heart into his gut sends the monster inside him pacing again, but he tries- oh, he tries- to hush it.
He'd pulled back to look at her, and damn the hesitation in her returning gaze, but he told her anyway. Told her how much he cares for her, and always would. His eyes soften with the truth and weight of his words, and he makes himself so goddamned vulnerable in those next few moments. But fuck, the way her eyes just don't shine. Like there is this wall of fog he's trying to see through, but it blocks the deepest parts of her he wants- needs- to see. She returns the sentiment, "I know, Zor. I love you too." Oh, fuck. He used to be able to feel those words go all the way through him. Knew the truth of those words throughout his body. A snarl, a flash of fangs, a twitch of muscles. Tension builds inside him, turning him even more restless. He has to do something. But what? So badly, the urge rises to grab her and shake her from whatever this was that had a hold on her.
He knows she loves him. That was something that just couldn't be taken away. Not from them, not ever. But this distance isn't something he can stand much longer. This... loss? No, not loss. Never that. A swipe of claws on the edges of his mind. It climbs the walls of its cage, dragging those piercing talons down dreadfully slow as her next words come after a sigh. “I love you too, Zor. You’re my brother, and I’m always gonna love you.” That does it for him. Confirms thoughts he hates, thoughts he has tried to purge. There's this awful burn in the back of his throat that travels down to swirl in his stomach. This deep, awful ache in his chest as something breaks.
He's her brother.
Mother of fuck. His head is shaking, his beast rattling its cage. He's her brother. It's true. Always would be. But he'd come to feel like so much more. Saw her as so much more than his sister. Hell, they have kids together. And the love he feels for them all had ruled over all else for him since before the girls were conceived. Since he'd felt her body writhing beneath his, felt the way they burned so damn good when they came together. It had consumed him. She had consumed him. Become so much a part of him that he was blind to see she... doesn't feel the same. The beast roars as a wave of pain rolls through him. A deep throbbing ache settling deep in his chest. He pulls back from her, steps away, mind reeling. His breaths come shorter with his need to do something, but not knowing what. So he paces slowly in front of her, mimicking a milder version of that of his inner mind-beast. In that moment, he wishes for the claws of it too, so he could rip into something. Himself, perhaps, or something around them. How did this happen.
A deep growl comes from somewhere in his chest, real this time instead of that which he hears in his head all the time. He stops with his body perpendicular to her, not looking at her. He can't right now. The purple in his eyes is bright within the brown, but he clenches his lids shut over them. "What is it, Diz? What is wrong." Speaking through gritted teeth, he doesn't elaborate. Feels he doesn't have to. So tense, his whole body becomes, that he begins to tremble with it. Ears go back, head lowers just slightly. Breaths forcing themselves through his lungs and out his nose. He doesn't know how to do this, but he has to. Do something, anything. His eyes reveal themselves, burning holes in his sockets. Turning to look at her, he forces the words out, voice echoing his ache and tension. "How long has this been going on? I know you love me, and I you. But you're pulling away, and I-" can't take it. He tosses his head in the other direction for emphasis. "I don't know. But something's wrong, damn it.. Tell me how to fix it."
The fire in his belly expands and grows, his eyes bore into hers. He steps closer to her until their noses almost touch. "Do you think you're not a good mom? Because they love you. You're doing fine." His tone finally softens some, even as his anxiety grows. "We are fine." Trying to convince her, or himself. Either way. "What is it, Dizzy? What can I do?" Ducking his eyes so as to blink away the burning wetness that suddenly came, he wants to move closer to her, bring her back into him. Wants to fill some of this void that was yawning within him. Wants to put his mouth on her, touch her. Do anything. But he can't bring himself to move forward. Not with this brick fucking wall between them. So he waits.
He'd pulled back to look at her, and damn the hesitation in her returning gaze, but he told her anyway. Told her how much he cares for her, and always would. His eyes soften with the truth and weight of his words, and he makes himself so goddamned vulnerable in those next few moments. But fuck, the way her eyes just don't shine. Like there is this wall of fog he's trying to see through, but it blocks the deepest parts of her he wants- needs- to see. She returns the sentiment, "I know, Zor. I love you too." Oh, fuck. He used to be able to feel those words go all the way through him. Knew the truth of those words throughout his body. A snarl, a flash of fangs, a twitch of muscles. Tension builds inside him, turning him even more restless. He has to do something. But what? So badly, the urge rises to grab her and shake her from whatever this was that had a hold on her.
He knows she loves him. That was something that just couldn't be taken away. Not from them, not ever. But this distance isn't something he can stand much longer. This... loss? No, not loss. Never that. A swipe of claws on the edges of his mind. It climbs the walls of its cage, dragging those piercing talons down dreadfully slow as her next words come after a sigh. “I love you too, Zor. You’re my brother, and I’m always gonna love you.” That does it for him. Confirms thoughts he hates, thoughts he has tried to purge. There's this awful burn in the back of his throat that travels down to swirl in his stomach. This deep, awful ache in his chest as something breaks.
He's her brother.
Mother of fuck. His head is shaking, his beast rattling its cage. He's her brother. It's true. Always would be. But he'd come to feel like so much more. Saw her as so much more than his sister. Hell, they have kids together. And the love he feels for them all had ruled over all else for him since before the girls were conceived. Since he'd felt her body writhing beneath his, felt the way they burned so damn good when they came together. It had consumed him. She had consumed him. Become so much a part of him that he was blind to see she... doesn't feel the same. The beast roars as a wave of pain rolls through him. A deep throbbing ache settling deep in his chest. He pulls back from her, steps away, mind reeling. His breaths come shorter with his need to do something, but not knowing what. So he paces slowly in front of her, mimicking a milder version of that of his inner mind-beast. In that moment, he wishes for the claws of it too, so he could rip into something. Himself, perhaps, or something around them. How did this happen.
A deep growl comes from somewhere in his chest, real this time instead of that which he hears in his head all the time. He stops with his body perpendicular to her, not looking at her. He can't right now. The purple in his eyes is bright within the brown, but he clenches his lids shut over them. "What is it, Diz? What is wrong." Speaking through gritted teeth, he doesn't elaborate. Feels he doesn't have to. So tense, his whole body becomes, that he begins to tremble with it. Ears go back, head lowers just slightly. Breaths forcing themselves through his lungs and out his nose. He doesn't know how to do this, but he has to. Do something, anything. His eyes reveal themselves, burning holes in his sockets. Turning to look at her, he forces the words out, voice echoing his ache and tension. "How long has this been going on? I know you love me, and I you. But you're pulling away, and I-" can't take it. He tosses his head in the other direction for emphasis. "I don't know. But something's wrong, damn it.. Tell me how to fix it."
The fire in his belly expands and grows, his eyes bore into hers. He steps closer to her until their noses almost touch. "Do you think you're not a good mom? Because they love you. You're doing fine." His tone finally softens some, even as his anxiety grows. "We are fine." Trying to convince her, or himself. Either way. "What is it, Dizzy? What can I do?" Ducking his eyes so as to blink away the burning wetness that suddenly came, he wants to move closer to her, bring her back into him. Wants to fill some of this void that was yawning within him. Wants to put his mouth on her, touch her. Do anything. But he can't bring himself to move forward. Not with this brick fucking wall between them. So he waits.