"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
Shiya isn’t sure whether it’s his scent or her desperation that draws her from the treeline. Her legs are moving suddenly, but her joints groan from neglect. She has secluded herself from the world as constant turmoil shadowed every stage of her life. Joy has always been just outside of her reach, taunting her, torturing her. There have been multiple days that she drowned in her own sorrows and solemnity. Eventually, her thoughts somersaulted into a black void that she could no longer escape. It held her there, shackling her legs and forever – seemingly, at least – keeping her trapped in its unyielding grasp. It drained her, but she at least slipped by with her own survival. She ate when she was hungry, drank when her mouth was parched, but her mind was lost, cornered in a secured prison.
Perhaps, then, it was his scent that rattled the bars of her cage. It awakened something deep in her gut, churning her into life and reeling her thoughts toward the distant sunlight. For years, Shiya only knew darkness and despair, but the familiarity brings hope to her blindfolded eyes.
Her nostrils quiver to rattle the musky odor, testing it carefully, before a breath catches in her throat. Vulgaris, she thinks but doesn’t say. She wants to smile, but her eyes are too busy searching for him, wondering if this is just another ploy of her mind, still taunting her. There, surrounded by a blanket of snow, he stands, however, and he is exactly as she remembers. They’ve always looked at one another, near mirror images, and she realizes how impossible it is to forget him.
Everything rushes back to her as she closes the distance, never wanting to again be apart. A smile, jagged but tender, stretches across her lips when she stops to stand in front of him, almost too afraid to touch in case he disappears – incase this is all an illusion. ”Vulgaris?” She whispers into the cold morning air, her breath fanning out in front of her as her slit eyes drink in the sight of him. ”My Vulgaris?” As she draws in another breath, saturated with his scent, her heart begins to hammer against her ribcage, threatening to break free. The allure of him edges her another step closer. Her muzzle begins to reach for him, wanting to feel the touch of his scales across her lips, but she hesitates as her eyes lift to meet his. ”Please tell me it’s you,” she swallows down the lump in her throat, drunk with emotion, ”Please tell me you’ve come back.”
" when she's coming for my heart it feels like armageddon. "
He had finally smoothed the edges of his plan for his life, at least for the near future. His children were strong and abundant, each more beautiful than the last. Leliana bit into the apple of his heart and devoured him completely, keeping him warm each cold night. The serpent had even established himself within Loess and wore a prince’s crown for his efforts! How strange, he thinks, for life to be so kind after so many years of loneliness and anguish. Or at least he thinks this until fate mails a brick straight through his window and shatters all the peace he had gathered for himself.
My Vulgaris.
How many armies would he tear through to hear those words on her sweet voice? How many miles of glass would he drag himself across, belly first, just to see the twin to his soul? He thought he had extinguished the flames and laid to rest all the filthy thoughts he had of her, but two words and suddenly it engulfs him like some hellish inferno despite the winter chill around them. His head turns so slowly as he fears sudden movement might wake him from this dream, but then he’s staring at her in all her glory. It makes his stomach turn to realize how much he wants her.
She’s less like a brick and more like the Hope Diamond – priceless, perfect, and cursed. Her smile is all sharp teeth and glimmering like shattered pearls and yet the expression is so soft across her face. Their eyes are one and the same as they stare into each another, tasting the eternity of their bond and easily slipping back into old habits. But Shiya doesn’t bridge the gap between them. She just begs for the moment to be real and tangible, unlike the nightmares he’d had so many nights since he last saw her.
(How many times had he awoken with her name screaming from his lungs?)
But he says nothing at first. He just steps forward to press tight against her and kisses the scales along her face. Sweet sister, he’s seen her shape in every woman he’s met, remembered her delicate adoration so preciously. Vulgaris sighs into her mane and rests his fangs against her skin. She always made a home for herself in the worst parts of him and maybe that was why he could never quite shed his love for her.
“Shiya. Being apart from you has been agony,” he confesses shamefully.
In the back of his mind, he thinks of Leliana, heavy with their child. She would throw herself from a cliff if he so willed it, he knows, and yet he cannot bear to see Shiya without his body pressed to hers. His heart is hungrier than all the leagues of monsters within him and he is a slave to its every command. In the end, it will consume everything if it is allowed.
Vulgaris is still here, standing in front of her, drinking in the sight of her as she does the same. He is a drug that she has been needing. Every fiber of her being wants to reach out and hold him and never let go. Her heart, still threatening to punch through her chest, quickens in realization that this is all real. He, his voice, his scent… His touch… It’s all real. It surprises Shiya how easily and quickly she melts into his touch, missing the only one who has ever loved her. No one pined for her like Vulgaris, no one traced kisses down the length of her neck like him.
Maybe they were inferior? Perhaps they are unable to fathom a life with someone so closely resembling a serpent. But Vulgaris? He knows, because they are one in the same. They were even borne from the same womb and from the same beautiful conception between lovers.
Shiya shuts her eyes in the lull of his embrace, brushing her lips across his neck then shoulder. It’s everything she has imagined – no, remembered – from when they last curled into each other. They nestle so perfectly, their bodies seeming to mold into one; their scales merge into a single serpent. The heaviness of her breaths fan across his skin as she murmurs, ”Torture,” in absolute agreement to his statement. Her world crashed into pieces, shattered into oblivion, when he left. Shiya thought she could survive without him -
(He is my brother, nothing more)
(Lies)
(There is so much more)
But she faced her mistake. Time and time again, she was broken down by turmoil and despair. Happiness was a thing of the past, a forgotten light in her world of darkness. Often times, Shiya wondered if this was punishment. It seemed coincidental how everything crashed down when she no longer turned to Vulgaris. He must be the light, her joy.
She has learned her lesson.
The desperation for love blossoms through her as she stays tucked into him, savoring the moments as though they are her last. ”Don’t leave me,” she doesn’t think she could bare having her heart broken again. This could fix her and overshadow all the loss and pain she has endured since he left. With a smile cradling her face, and her eyes opening to search his own, she admits, ”I’ve missed you terribly.” Part of her had been missing in his absence, but it’s as though they were never apart with how easily they find reassurance and comfort in each other again. There is no anger or angst. Despite the years swimming by, their devotion never faltered.
Happiness is laced in Shiya’s words as she brings herself to repeat something she said years ago to him, something that she has yearned to say again. ”I love you,” and even as the honeyed words coat her lips, Shiya wonders if it’s love as siblings or something more primal, and somehow, something more beautiful.
" when she's coming for my heart it feels like armageddon. "
Shiya’s path to his heart had begun to overgrow and erase any trace of her ever being there but she blazes through it as if by magic now. Hell, he practically rolled out the red carpet and carried her there himself. He swore he’d boarded up everything he had left and abandoned it but it all comes back without a speck of dust to be found despite the time. The throne of his love is still warm from when she last claimed it, even. A slow sigh slips over his lips and across her skin as she trails her touch over him. Something reptilian and primal purrs in the depths of his throat as he reclines beneath her kiss.
His whole in one grain of sand, minuscule beside the enormity of her importance in his life, and he gives it to her like a mortal before his god. He nods slowly at her single spoken word as he savors every second of her heat melting into his until they are fused perfectly together. No one knew the burden of their curse; no one could ever dream to comprehend the ravenous hunger and the desperate aches of being so hated by whatever powers may be.
He lays his tired head across her back and basks in her radiance. The curves of her face are soft like their mother’s while he bears the sharp angles of their father’s stern expressions, a perfect reflection of the devotion that bore them. Vulgaris has always thought it was a sign that they were crafted for one another. Fate laid them in the same cradle so they would never know a life without the other. How lucky they are, to find their missing piece so easily while others die searching for their hand to hold. The pain of other disappointments and heartbreaks must have been punishment for denying what they were made for.
He lifts his head when she speaks again and rests his face against hers so that their scales touch. Shiya whispers how she’s missed him and he smiles softly. “I see you,” he says. Vulgaris knows that she will understand, that she will see him as well. Their pain is nothing but old scars when they are together, but they remember what it’s like to hurt. Each of the serpents can see into the wounds of the other without effort and find a masterpiece in the ashes.
“I love you,” he repeats as he closes his eyes. “I love you.”
Prince of deceit, vile wyrm, he knows that this is wrong. He should not slip so easily into her embrace and her words should not be a catalyst to the lust that fuels him. But still, he smiles in defiance of what should be. Still, he swallows all the sin that pours in and over his mind like nectar in a desert.
“I’m so sorry,” he says but not for what. Maybe it’s for leaving, maybe it’s for pledging his heart to another. Even he isn’t sure but one thing is clear to him even now: one of them will have to pay for this.
Shiya had fought the magnetism between them once before. Siblings, she had told herself as she progressed into tumultuous attempts at love. Desperation fueled her every move into the wrong man’s arms again and again. Her heart pattered whenever she was acknowledged and she pictured a life of happiness and love with him, only to be left empty-handed and alone. She wanted what their parents had, but it always seemed to elude her.
Perhaps, then, this is truly what is meant to be. They’ve known each other since they were babes suckling at mother’s teet. They loved each other then and they love each other now. Only they understand this curse and see the beauty underneath it.
Life was just chasing her back into Vulgaris’ arms.
His head rests across her back and she shudders with the satisfaction of being touched, of being loved. Shiya doesn’t try to hide the jagged smile that stretches across her lips. Slowly, her head turns to look at him, admiring the sharp edges of his face and the intensity of his green eyes. Like father, she muses. They are a beautiful family; they always have been. Why did it take her so long to realize?
Their scales kiss as he presses his cheek to her own. Their slit eyes search one another, drinking in the beauty that is their eternal love. ”You always have,” she breathes sweetly, never letting her smile slip away. It’s what makes them so perfect for each other, she realizes. Drunk with his scent, Shiya’s eyes slowly drift shut. His voice and his touch lulls her into a dream-like paradise. ”There has only been you,” he was the only one to truly see her, to love her, to hold her. The others had all been temptations that led her astray. She didn’t realize what love she could have in Vulgaris otherwise she would have never strayed from his side. They would have made a family by now, but she denied him when she should not have. Is that why she matches his apology with her own? As vague as it is, they must understand each other, right? He must also know why the words, ”I’m sorry, too,” press from her sweet lips into his cheek like a lover’s kiss. Open to interpretation, she assumes his remorse is from having left her in the clutches of this cruel world while hers are for having thrown his love into the dirt for all those years.
But that was then.
They can begin anew now.
Even as she tastes other women on his skin, Shiya knows that only she is the Queen of his heart. That is how it has always been and, now, how it always will be, she quietly vows. With a tender kiss on the curve of his jaw, she gives herself to him. ”It doesn’t matter anymore. We have found each other again,” her slit eyes flutter open and look deeply into his, smiling in his warm embrace. ”We are meant to be.”
" when she's coming for my heart it feels like armageddon. "
He wants to tell her the truth but he just can’t seem to find the words. He wants to be honest and tell her that he will never learn to be faithful to anyone but he doesn’t want to hurt her so soon. Wouldn’t it be better, though, to break her heart now before this continues on any longer? Vulgaris wants to throw himself from a cliff and just save them all the trouble, he thinks. Better to be scattered across the rocks than admit he’s gathering something of a harem without quite meaning to. Even worse, they are each the crown jewel of his collection and his head feels dizzy when he tries to think of which one to choose.
Nevermind, nevermind.
She’s promising the only one and his heart lies, swears up and down she’s only she reigns over his entire world. Would she try to devour the others if she knew of them? God knows he would if the roles were reversed. He’d rip anyone apart for even dreaming of the soft touch of her skin and sleep like a baby after. Every skull would be a trophy, a warning to any others.
Her lips find his jaw and he nearly purrs at her touch. It takes so little for her to wipe the thoughts of others from his mind, he realizes. He is a weak, vile creature. But none of the confessions find his tongue so instead he just lips at her cheek for a while and admires the wild green of her eyes a bit longer. A day without her is a day without light but her presence brings him to life.
“I’ve waited eons to hear those words, you know,” he confesses as he lightly presses his teeth to her neck. Of course, he won’t bite but he gets a thrill from the faith she places in him. Their love is a promise that he will never taste her blood or wield their venom against her. How intoxicating to know they could each kill the other so easily while others are hardly even a match to them.
“I’ve burned for so long.” The passion, the jealousy, the loneliness. It all tore through him to know she entertained others (hypocrite that he is) and only now can he express all the pain like an infection. His emotions had festered for so many years but she is the antidote, the elixir that wipes him clean again. How could she absolve him of all he’s done with just a smile from her heavenly face?
But he realizes he cannot pluck her wings and expect her to remain an angel. He has to lay his truths out as an offering to her and all that she offers him so freely. He steps back and avoids her gaze now, stares at the ground to shield himself from any sorrow she might bear.
“There are.. others..” he says softly. There is agony in the sound of his voice. It’s better to leave himself bleeding in the rubble of their love than harming her, then building up to everything he’s ever wanted just to suffocate her with it. “If you follow me then I will ruin you.”
For the first time in his life, he is entirely honest with both himself and someone else. He decides that the truth disgusts him.
She leans into his touch, unable to pull away as though her life would wither away without him. Hold me, she wants to say, never let me go, but the words go unbidden. They whisper and echo in her mind as her eyes close gently underneath his warm breaths. This moment is too perfect to end. Everything in her soul wants to be here, with him, reunited under the winter solstice. ”I’m sorry it took me so long,” she groans in response, hating herself for having rejected their love for so many years. She didn’t realize the magnetism between their hearts or the beauty that could blossom from something so sinful. What would their parents say? It’s a fleeting thought that Shiya barely recognizes. Their opinions matter naught now.
Vulgaris confesses his burning, his relentless ache for her company. The tenderness of his voice – something so very few have had a taste of – cradles her but it amplifies her greatest regret. A frown creases her pretty face – beautiful in his eyes, but ugly in others – and she shakes her head solemnly. ”I thought…” she begins, but she refrains from finishing, because it doesn’t matter. What blockaded their advances then is a figment of their past memories. It doesn’t hinder them now.
She isn’t afraid anymore.
But she should be.
Vulgaris’ hate and anger nearly reverberates through her as he forces himself to confess something he has harbored. This should be a sign for her to run away, but her past experiences have chiseled away at her. There’s very little left of her, and so she offers it all to him whether it’s for better or worse. Never has she been someone’s sole love. No one ever cared for her so deeply as to be monogamous. Shiya has always been the one looking in, standing in the rain enviously watching everyone else get the boy.
The question is now, will she remain the onlooker or will she actually take Vulgaris for herself?
”I don’t care,” she whispers as she notices how raw and chilled she is without him pressed against her. ”You’re mine. You always have been,” no matter how long it took to realize it, ”and you always will be.” Shiya inches toward him, stepping gingerly in the snow so that she may lift his chin with her scaled muzzle. Her veridian eyes search his face, wanting desperately for him to look back at her and to push away his self-hate. ”I rather be ruined by you than again by a total stranger.” Her voice is sweet, trying desperately to reassure him that he – they – will be okay. "I'm never leaving you again."
" when she's coming for my heart it feels like armageddon. "
This moment is the eye of the storm that is his life, he thinks as he sighs against her skin. He has been so patient, so devoted to the cathedral of her heart where his own love sings hymns every morning. His bones have waited to feel her near and they rejoice in the salvation of her touch even as he betrays every promise he makes. She apologizes and he can only kiss her temple in response. There’s no need for apologies or forgiveness but they each readily give them any way. He finds sanctuary in her words all the same.
Their father never taught him how to be like their mother, to be kind and soft toward the ones who deserved it most. Larva only told him old stories and hoped he understood the moral of each tale but instead, he idolized the old snake in the worst ways. It crippled all those bright parts of him and left the shadow of his soul to thrive instead. Now, his heart is gnarled and twisted into something hardly recognizable and still, it’s the only prize Shiya asks for.
How could he ever burden her with his tarnished gifts?
But then she claims it, snatches it and grips it tight between her fingers without hesitation, and he does nothing to stop her. Vulgaris obediently lifts his head to stare into the galaxies of emerald green within her eyes. Their slit pupils watch each other for a while before he leans forward to touch his lips to hers. All of this could be his if he only knew how to love someone honest if he only tried.
“I really do wish I knew how to be decent,” he admits finally with his lips still tickling over her face. “I’m so weak, Shiya, but especially for you. Life loses all its color when you’re gone.”
Then he’s tucking his face against her neck once more. At least they’re both suffering, he thinks to himself. A true monster would feel no remorse as it devoured the hearts of sweet girls like her. Instead, he’s weeping right alongside them, equally cursing himself for lacking the spine to just choose and end the games.
“Maybe someday we can have a happy family.”
And at least he means that. He imagines that something beautiful could somehow be born of two serpents, or maybe two wrongs really don’t make a right. He’s willing to find out though.
