"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
It was like a beast taking over his body, fighting for control, clawing and rending its way to the surface, and once again, he was slick with sweat. Running himself to exhaustion could only do so much. It didn't stop the primal urge, only gave him something to do to burn the energy. Thrumming, his blood humming with energy. There was a sharpness in his eyes, a wild edge. Hunter, predator. But the beast wasn't separate. Wasn't his wolf trapped away and so quiet.
This beast was him.
It came on slowly, this change. Had been so easy to suppress, to ignore, to brush aside as nothing. But as the season neared, it got stronger, wilder. It had never been this way before, but then, he'd always had his wife. Had never had to fight it off or try to bury it. Had never had to push himself until his legs were trembling just to keep from craving a body beneath his. Many times already, he'd been tempted, caught himself thinking maybe he should just take a stranger and be done with it. But no. It wasn't in him to have casual sex. His daughters looked to him as an example, and that wasn't an ideal he ever wanted to set.
God, but his nose was making things up this time. Maybe he was losing his mind. Maybe he was delusional as his blue eyes landed on her. A vision, a trick of the light and dark twisting through their forest. He froze in place, his chest still heaving, pale shoulders and hips darkened to silver with sweat. Another flare of his nostrils told him the truth though. She really was back. She really was here, and so close.
He walked steadily forward with purpose, eyes trained on her. If he blinked, would she vanish again? But she was still there as he got closer, and closer, and when he reached her, he sank fluidly to the ground and buried his face into the fur of her neck with a sigh. Real, she was real. She'd been gone for so long. He should ask her where she'd been, why she'd left, but he got distracted. She smelled of Jinju, must have met her first before they parted ways. But the rest, she smelled like her, the familiar scent of her skin and her hair and her fur.
"Circinae," he breathed into her coat, the dusky brown of a secret forest. There was a pang of hurt at seeing her again, though he couldn't place why. But it was neatly swept aside for the heat that came next as he nipped at her neck in soft rebuke. Too long without a word. That should have been it, but it felt good and he did it again. He trailed kneading little bites to her shoulder and leaned into her. It was a good thing he couldn't shift to wolf anymore.
But a spark of warning stabbed into him and he paused.
What was he doing?
He pulled slowly back to look at her, searching her eyes. They'd been friends once. Were they still? After so long? After she'd left? He was too close to her, and he eased back more, settling on the ground near but no longer touching her. His icy blue eyes stayed on hers, and he was quiet for a time, watching. Considering. Then he finally spoke again, his voice deep and quiet, but as just as steady and sure as that mountain in the distance.
oh, my love, don't forsake me. take what the water gave me ..
He was the last one she had expected. Jinju had been no surprise, anyone else would have been a pleasant curiosity, but not Ruan. Never Ruan.
In her silent, knowing way she simply wanders. Those soft, brown toes of hers dig greedily into the carpet of pine and leaf while she rambles, fluidly, over root and hill into the darkest hearts of her homeland. Her eyes are kept low to skim the earth absentmindedly while she thinks of each homecoming before this one and she remembers: at every return, Ruan had been present - the silent, wary sort of guide she always seemed to chase but never catch. A ghost of the Taiga, her leader. Her Alpha. But he was nowhere now and yet, simultaneously, everywhere at once. Peering out with hooded eyes from behind a bloodred trunk, wisping through the shadows some feet ahead, coming towards her with eyes that equal her own astonishment…
When he sinks before her, prostrate in his disbelief, and buries that ebony nose so deeply into her scruff that she can feel the vibration of his wavering breath, Circinae exhales and allows her eyes to flutter near closed. She’s silent, willing the moment to stretch impossibly while her heart cries out wearily from her chest. Pain and pleasure are twins, two sides of an equal coin - He’s whole, healthy, and he’s come to her once more. She could drink him in, if he’d let her, but of course … of course he won’t.
His retreat leaves her weighted like a stone to the spot, but the sadness never touches her eyes, her lips, when they rise to meet his own. She’s still the little brown wolf to him, still the one who came when he called. She always would be. From atop her shoulders her sleek head tilts, that creamy tail placed distinctly above her hips waving slowly as she steps hesitantly forward and arches her back, skin undulating and rearranging while she shifts fluidly up to horse again. A breathy sigh escapes her lips upon completion, those bright eyes disappearing behind soft lashes while she takes him in again, wholly different. “I missed you.” The blue-framed mare admits. She’s too old and too worldly for skirting around the truth.
“Missed home most of all, though.” She murmurs with a grin. Around her are the sights and smells of comfort, commodities she dreamed of those lonely nights away, but she has no wish to look at them now - only to watch him carefully and measure the space between them. “Am I that scary?” She prompts with the same tell-all tilt to her head, indigo locks shrouding her gaze. Or is it something else that scares you…
She didn't lean into him, but she didn't retreat either. It was enough acceptance that he felt at ease to greet her in this way, as old friends maybe, though a little darkened with his current state. He wasn't really sure, never really thought about it. Everything with Circinae had always felt more instinctive than deliberately considered.
He watched her as he pulled back, studying her with eyes just a little too sharp.
Her back arched with her shift and he rose to his feet. She studied him this time with "I missed you," but his eyes were on her figure. A coat of fur was a bit more forgiving to shape than a sleek side, and he could see now that she'd had a child. And recently. He didn't bother to look, knew she was alone, so it was probably with the father. It was clear now why she'd left. Why she hadn't returned, though she should have known her family would be welcome here with her. "Missed home most of all, though."
"Of course," he replied simply, returning his gaze blue-for-blue, feeling the chill of his winter settle over the sweat on his spine. At least she had missed home. At least she still considered this home despite being gone so long.
She was watching him still, her head tilting in that familiar way. "Am I that scary?" His brows pinched in puzzlement a moment, then smoothed away with a half-cocked grin. "Like a ghost." A ghost. Returning home? Or maybe she didn't plan on staying after all. This could easily be only a visit. Only memories. "Will you stay this time," he asked her, his own head tilting now. There was still a wolf in him somewhere, he supposed.
"And congratulations."
Children were always a gift.
oh, my love, don't forsake me. take what the water gave me ..
The Alpha has never asked anything of her. A quiet understanding between leader and follower has always been their best suit, Circy knows this. Once, she’d dared to dream impossible things, but now the only impossibility was that she had even thought it might have worked. It’s a sharp sort of feeling, one that strikes home when his eyes narrow before her shift. She can’t decide if it makes her sad or happy.
Like a ghost. A ghost doesn’t feel though. “Thank you.” She replies with tact, knowing all too well what he meant. “The boys will be here soon enough. I have hopes for the youngest, Crevan, to perhaps stay.” Circy tells him, a warm grin flooding her face at the thought of them. Her small, dainty hooves draw her forward and lend sway to her still swollen belly, giving her a decidedly aged looked. A mare hardly bounces back from twins, Circinae herself has already settled into the idea that she might never take that same, youthful shape she once bore so well. A mark of a woman made, one she’s proud to wear. “He’s a wolf too, though he doesn’t know it yet.” She grins.
When she stills once more they’re parallel at the shoulder, eyes trained not upon each other anymore but out into the wild expanses of their home. Acres upon acres of freedom and comfort. “The other, Corvus, is too much like his father to be tied down just yet. A free sort of bird.” She chuckles, the tones warm and lulling. Give a colt a pair of wings and you’ll never see him again once he learns how to flap them. Circy is more than fond of her get, it’s obvious in the way her eyes glaze dreamily, the tender hint of affection when she describes them. Ruan, though, would know all about that. His children, nay family, were his life.
“I’m sorry for disappearing. It wasn’t by any design of my own, I can promise you that.” She scoffs, remembering the endless days and nights on that godforsaken shore. “Turns out I’m a teleporter.” She murmurs, eyes flickering as they turn to peer at him.
07-25-2017, 01:53 AM (This post was last modified: 07-25-2017, 03:36 PM by Ruan.)
ruan
He was relaxed though it was hard to ignore the tightness in his chest. Not that he had a damn clue why it was there to begin with. It was good that she was home. It was good to have her back home, to see her again. Everything was good. He’d missed her, of course. Had wondered.. well. When she left and hadn’t returned, he’d taken it to mean that she wasn’t coming back. That the Taiga wasn’t her home anymore. And he wasn’t sure he would have expected her to visit. Friends, he thought. But wasn’t quite sure how closely anymore.
But she was home now.
”The boys will be here soon enough,” she said. Boys. His heart squeezed painfully and his jaw twitched, but he didn’t move. Pushed a warm smile to his face to match hers, even. He could’t help when his gaze caught her movement, the sway in her step and the soft curve of her belly. A mother. With boys. ”He’s a wolf too, though he doesn’t know it yet,” she said about her first boy. The corner of his mouth pinched in a half-smile, his eyes warming, and he wondered if they were quite a handful just yet. Though Iasan had never been, peace be with him wherever he is.
"The other, Corvus, is too much like his father to be tied down just yet. A free sort of bird.” His smile grew at her soft chuckle, finding a quiet happiness in her pleasure. And he didn’t miss the sound of reminisce. She missed her man, it was clear, and again, he was pleased that she’d found happiness. Couldn’t help the trickle of uncertainty if he ever would as well. But of course he was happy. He was home, those that cared most for the forest were home and at his side. And he was a father, even if it were only by adopting lately as it seemed. He may not measure up in other ways, but at least he knew he was a damn good father. At least he had his children -what’s left of them.
”I’m sorry for disappearing,” she added then, ”It wasn’t by any design of my own, I can promise you that. Turns out I’m a teleporter.” His brows rose as her brilliant blue eyes flickered to his and his head tilted. After a moment, he frowned softly. A teleporter, but maybe she couldn’t control it? Was that why she never came back to give word that she was well, didn’t leave any notice of where to find her to see for himself? Or maybe it was one of those polite things that people say, those white lies that harm no one but give a careful explanation or reason for something. He’d never really know. Wasn’t good at those, himself. Rather blunt and direct.
The concern for her was still there, though. ”You weren’t hurt, I hope?” she seemed fine, so it felt a bit pointless to say. See? She was right here and healthy. Didn’t mean he still wouldn’t like it if she were harmed previously. Somehow, that didn’t make a lot of sense and yet made perfect sense. He brushed the thoughts away. ”I’m really glad your home,” and the words held a weight to them he hadn’t meant to put there. But he meant it. ”The boys probably keep you fairly busy, hm? And your -”Husband? Partner? Friend?” - the father? Will he be staying as well?” But if they were together, then why wouldn’t he? How could he not?
But it wasn't his business, save to know who would be within their forest.
