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You could say he was a total fuck-up.
He’d say it too.
But goddamn, did he fuck it all up real bad this time. Eh, well. Every time. Seemed to be the way his life goes, and he was tempted just to say --Well.. “Fuck it,” obviously. He was sick of the pain. And no, he didn’t mean the miniature rivers of blood cascading down his bone-ripped body. That was nothing, barely felt it anymore. Trained to accept it, the physical pain, push it aside. Came naturally to him now. It was the internal pain that he couldn’t deal with.
Yeah, that’s right. A murderer.
With a heart. Sort of.
Or something.
Laugh it up. His emotions drove him, made him what he was. His rage was swift and consuming. Powerful. Merciless. Control? He had none. That’s how he ended up fuckin’ up the little threesome they had goin’. Weren’t supposed to fuck just the one, had to keep it at three. Failed that, yeah. Fucked her without her brother. Oops. Takin' her like that.. Well. Accident. Definitely hadn’t meant it to go that way, but goddamn he'd been so hurt and vulnerable after losing Leliana, and he really can’t seem to help but push boundaries. Actually, he’d rather not continue down that train of thought; leads to more pain. His Leli.
Boundaries. Right, boundaries.
Well, hell. Now he was stuck on her. Boundaries was exactly how he’d met her. Pushed her to the ground beneath him, didn’t even know her name, didn’t even speak. Just took from her what he wanted. A memory. The best memory. Then he fucked up, because that’s how it goes for him. Lost the best goddamn thing that ever happened to him. Was that melodramatic? Whatever. Now she was gone forever, and he’d sorta lost it just a little. He couldn’t seem to keep anything steady anymore, couldn’t sit, couldn’t rest. Couldn't think without the taste of blood. Couldn’t do anything but train to exhaustion or wander off and kill shit. Wander off and fuck Dizzy some more. Still without her brother, yeah. Lesson not learned. He’d already fucked it up, he couldn’t fuck it up more, right?
And goddamn that fucking dream was driving him insane.
Luster at home. Luster in the dream.
Kill shit. Right. Maybe he’d do that today. Maybe that’s why he was in the meadow. Where he’d lost everything. Cerva. Atrani. Leliana. Goddamn it, now he was thinking about that dream. Fuck, if Luster was anything like that, like how she’d been in that random ass dream… Oh, man, he wanted her. And he'd fucking have her. No, wait. Can’t have her, never happened. Dizzy. Dizzy was his. Dizzy was fucking incredible. His Dizzy.
Until Zor comes to take her.
Until he loses everything again.
It was all slipping out of his control. No Cerva, no Atrani, Leli, Luster. God, not even Luster. Now his Dizzy. And that meant Zor, too. He was losing everything again. Everything.
Fuck.
Yeah, a good day for a kill.
You've only got ten more paces to live
Enjoy your last moments. They're my gift to give
