He passed through the rays of light with steady steps, each one flaring the pale of his coat to a startling white before dipping it back into shadow again. He once loved this forest. A home away from home. Now just haunting memories. The loss of a son that was never his, his wolf pup. Of his blood being spilled, his limbs being ripped from his body. His heart having dealt a great blow. All here in these trees that once comforted him, put him at ease like nothing else could.
Now he hated this forest.
Hated walking through it.
No, not the forest. Just the memories.
The wild winter around him gusted even colder in answer to his bitter emotions, surrounding him like his own personal rain cloud. Or blizzard. Each step he took shattered another layer of ice as his magic froze the ground before him, only to melt away again into the damp soil of a sunny Spring once he got far enough away.
It hadn't always been this way. It used to be properly contained within him as most magics were. Too much tension, too much stress. Too much heartache. He'd taken a beating of the worst kind and couldn't seem to control his Winter anymore. Couldn't seem to care enough to keep trying to. So it swirled freely around him, steaming the heat of his breath into little clouds, shooting out errant little flakes of snow on occasion like the sparks of a firework. It wouldn't always be this way. He'd be back to normal again. Eventually.
When he gave a damn.
He came to pause at a place that, to anyone else, would be like any other in these woods. But it meant something different to him. It was the last time he'd seen.. a friend maybe. Hawke. Probably off on yet another adventure, the wild thing. It didn't matter though, he hadn't come in search of her, only the memory. To soak in the last one in this forest that might have been good in someway. Until it had ended in disaster. But the beginning, at least, had been a brief moment of good. So brief.
Expressionless, he stared down at the earth, at the place he'd come crashing through that night to collapse in exhaustion, only to wake to the sound of her voice. For such a short time, he'd put away for a while the turbulent reasons he'd been racing like a madman through the forest.
He barked a quiet, bitter chuckle to himself.
Even that good memory was riddled with bad.
She had kept herself hidden away. Waiting for that moment when she could put her heart back together again—waiting for someone… or something, to make sense. Poor little Enfys, her only purple child, had reminded her too much of him. It seethed inside her heart until she was burning from the pain of it. Those sad eyes full of so much love, her touch made of such ice. It was too much for Reagan to bear and she knew she could not be a good mother to her little princess. Ever present Reagan could always sense them.
Iasan.
Heda.
Enfys.
Terra.
Ruan.
And so when the Grey Lady had sensed her daughter Jinju’s fire was as strong as ever, her heart turned over with love and affection—and pain. And so, into the loving embrace of her older sister, Reagan had placed her smallest child, knowing that her husband—exhusband—would take her in, and look after her, better than the deranged magician ever could. The Irish eyes of the All-Mother were shaded to the goings on of the Taiga, but she knew that there was love and protection there. Protection away from the disastrous life that comes from being a child of Reagan.
And so, she had diminished into nothingness, favoring the fog and the trees and clinging to the outskirts of an abandoned life—free of love and bereft of loneliness. Until that second heart, that withered thing that had shriveled up inside her all those years ago, began to rattle.
And then it burned.
She could not scream from the pain of it, for her voice is rusty from lack of use, but she knows whose presence in these woods has not been seen since---
then.
There was nothing she could say. Nothing she could do to ever mend the hurt. And like a curtain that hangs in an old abandoned house, she is not sure of her place. Should she stay? Should she go? These woods were her home—her only solace in a world of nothing. His presence here could be… per chance… or it could be his way of seeking her out… though the latter is a far fat chance in Hell of that.
She scoffs slightly, an image of her old self perhaps peeking through the shroud of darkness. A fog rolls in, and she shutters herself away once more, looking at him with bright emerald eyes, before shifting into the silent wolf who stands upon the bluff, looking down, and saying nothing.
Would he even notice her?
Was there anything left?
reagan 
He sensed the very moment something more entered the immediate area. With a slow, cautious pan around, he tried to place it. Nothing but familiar shadows, silently judging trees standing sentry, rocks, brush, more reaching shadows, an eerie quiet, a--
A wolf.
There were no wolves in this forest.
He flinched. His body tensed and he jerked his eyes away, his feet moving of their own will as they took him farther and farther away. Each step was steady and sure despite the ragged pain ravaging his heart. He probably should have stayed for his daughters’ sakes, should have demanded her reasons for abandoning them, letting them down. But even that was not reason enough for him to stay. She'd made her choice, and she could explain to them herself why she didn't bother with them anymore. If she even chose to. That was between her and her children.
His Winter billowed and whipped around him and he didn't care that it displayed how upset he was, how much he still hurt. A year was not long enough, clearly. It was not enough to move on, to get over her. Loyal to a fault. Loyal and trusting. A damned fool.
Well, not again.
So he made his departure, his pathetic heart trying to remember how to beat, bitterly grateful she'd heeded his wish for her not to return home. Now if she'd just continue to keep the hell away from him. Leave him in peace instead of pieces, this time.
05-25-2017, 11:59 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-25-2017, 12:00 PM by Reagan.)
His Winter. The power he’d been born to. The power he never used.
Until now.
She watched him with eyes made of stone as she walked after him, her words echoing in his head softly, subtly urging his heart to beat again, dip-dying his body in a warmth of comfort—for even if he did not choose her again, she would not wish to see him in pain any longer. Not as she was.
Not as she deserved to be.
And so, as she speaks to him, a luscious warmth of drunken desire meant to ease his suffering and not as mind control, she also wills the trees to close, to bind his exit, to at least have him listen to what she has to say, for her heart cannot stand to see him run any longer.
Not while he is in pieces.
I’m sorry she says weakly. I was a jealous, stupid woman. And after the Bear… we were never the same. That one night. That Hunt. We…I was going to tell you that night about your daughter. But we never talked after. I’m sorry, she says again, sloping her shoulders forward as her claws dig deep into the ground beneath her. He is still turned away from her, but her heart is beating once more.
Warm words like honey are lathering his brain, hoping he is hearing what she has to say with an open mind—and perhaps, an open heart.
I was brokenhearted. I was drunk on power and loneliness. You had them. They loved you as I did. And I got jealous. And lonely. I thought you were slipping away.
And now, though she speaks in his mind, she is sobbing openly now, her tail tucked low, ears back. I just wanted to be wanted again.
And then, a whisper. “I know you must hate me. But please know, I have never left these woods. I am always watching them,” she says, referring to their children. “I am a broken creature. That is why I sent Enfys to Jinju. So that our daughter could be free of this madness.”
“Terra has fled, and Iasan has gone with her, to keep her safe. Heda and Jinju are grown, and have little need of a mother, least of all a broken one.” Her voice, rusty from lack of use, balls up in her throat and she cannot speak any longer out loud. I have honored your wish to stay away. But I have not left them. I just cannot let them see me this way.
And then, she gets on the ground, exposing her belly in the way wolves do, allowing the Alpha his reign if he wishes… the magic and desire to transform himself into a wolf once more if he would desire it. And then, a shadow of a thought, one that she does not even know in herself that slips through, unable to completely control her abilities anymore. For as she lays there, in the dirt like a broken thing, she would be mortified if she knew that this last thought had broken through her barrier.
I still love you.
reagan
He walked away, his heart cold and shattered with icy fractals of lingering pain. Why wasn't he over this yet? Why wasn't he okay again? It had been so long already. What was wrong with him? His chest was gripped tight in a vise, and his movements felt stiff and forced though he still walked steadily away. Back home. He shouldn't leave his forest until he was healed. She would just find him again and make it worse.
He just wanted to be over this.
The trees before him slowly bowed together to stop him. He knew what he would do and he kept walking, feeding his magic to this wall of entrapment, but a warmth slid into him, spread through him, and he slowed. His steps grew heavier as he tried to trudge on, tried to ignore it. But it felt so good. His cold skin heated through and his muscles warmed. Before he knew it, he was stopped with his eyes closed and a quiet hum in his throat.
He'd intended to do something though, and he held onto it. Like being numb, and telling himself to push a knife into his palm. It didn't sound like such a good idea anymore. Why had he wanted to do this? Why was he still making himself do it, as he flexed his ice like a clenched fist over a blade.
God, this warmth felt good.
How long had he been so cold?
Her voice was there, thick and sweet like smooth honey, slipping into his mind with silent apologies. Explanations.
Justifications.
He weaved his magic as he slowly turned to her, freezing the trees from the inside out, strengthening her barrier, fortifying this wall she built to stop his retreat. A latticework of ice glimmered on the outside as the temperature dropped, and he continued through the warmth flowing through him and coating his mind with her voice.
I was brokenhearted. I was drunk on power and loneliness. You had them. They loved you as I did. And I got jealous. And lonely. I thought you were slipping away.
"Excuses," he whispered as he stared down at her, because he couldn't manage anything more through the conflict in his body. He was cold but he was heated. He was so alone but they were together again, here in this place. Alone, together. His eyes flickered dark and hot, then bright and cold, and back again. His heart raced and he yearned for things he shouldn't want anymore. Not after all this time. Not after everything. She betrayed their marriage. There was so much wolf in his heart.
And loyalty was everything.
She lowered herself further with more self-justifying excuses. She was sorry, she was broken, she still watched them from here. She was speaking apologies to the wrong person. He was not the one she abandoned, not anymore. And he said nothing, even as she mentioned his son. His first born, his first child. His only son. He'd had higher hopes for a relationship with him, that special bond, but his son was as much a stranger to him as she was.
I just cannot let them see me this way.
Her wolf rolled submissively to her back, exposing her body's vulnerable places, and he could sense the reach of her familiar magic to him, the offer to become himself again. A bribe.
"You're a selfish fool," he said dimly, still fighting this warmth that begged him to give in, to fall into it as he dearly wished to. She didn't care that her children had searched endlessly for their mother, didn't care as she watched them do it and remained hidden from them. It wasn't her fault that she felt the need to find another man, because she was lonely and she wanted to feel wanted. Everything she did was for herself. How had he missed that when they were together?
He felt along his barricade of ice with his senses, still gripping that blade in his mind. Then he turned, and like a clench of his fist it suddenly exploded outward with an echoing bang, a crack of dynamite into this once peaceful forest. Shards of ice and debris flew in all directions, clacking against trees and rocks like stray bullets. And for once he welcomed the bitter cold that surrounded him. At least it was real.
"Stay away from me."
05-26-2017, 03:32 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-26-2017, 03:38 PM by Reagan.)
The wolf dissappered. On the ground, was a woman, grey and dingy with green in her hair. A short, dumpy woman with tears in her eyes, on the floor of a forest, begging her husband to take her back.
Loyalty that he spouted. Faithfulness.
And yet he was unwilling to give loyalty one more chance. She sniffed, her grey coat muddied from her place in the mud. Her scratchy throat echoing her words out loud, showing him the images inside her mind from this last year. A small girl huddled in the corner of her den while Reagan’s magic flashed dangerously out of control. Images of uncontrollable shapeshifting, bearing her teeth, losing her sanity. Flashing wild colors and shifting moods. “It takes…all that I am…” she says, “to stay this way. All the energy, gone. Dangerous. I almost… I almost killed her.” Enfys. She is speaking of the girl. “She was safer with you.”
She groaned, arching her back, wings appearing and disappearing out of nowhere, flashing her colors uncontrollably as she was beginning to lose her sanity. “I could not, put them… in danger.”
“You’re right, Ruan. I am a selfish fool. I selfishly kept my children from me… because I could kill them when I am like this.” Her voice is a growl, her fangs protruding and receding rapidly, her lips cutting up badly with the sharp movement of her teeth. “I am not perfect. I never pretended to be.”Her lips are bloodied up, and her knees are scuffed up, cut up from the rocks and tree roots. “I am 160 years old. I have had and known many. There has only ever been two great loves of my life. I never thought I’d find another after Plug died. Please don’t crucify me because of your anger. You are a better man than that. You have always been better…than I would ever be.”
She tries again, a cold wind from the north blowing into their souls—that familiar scent of love clinging to the air, and she begs him to remember. Her body is still convulsing with a power out of control, And she hopes he understands…that in losing that effervescent beating in her heart, that she had gone crazy. Lost control of herself, her magic. That she was scared.
That she was allowed, to make mistakes. That, despite the pain, she still loved him. That loyalty was perhaps, in the giving of second chances.
But then, an explosion, blindsided her. She should have known it, seen it coming. She could not. His Winter blew up the fascade of her trees and shot out like ricocheting shrapnel off the side of a trench.
She gave out a scream as they hit her, shredded her skin, lascerating her face, hearing his final words in her ear, Stay away from me. She cries softly, her body lacking any energy, she stops convulsing, slows her breathing. Unable to do much, lays there, looking at him. “I… I’m sorry. I will do as you say. But just know…” she squeaks helplessly. “I will never stop loving you. ” reagan
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