"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
03-31-2017, 02:41 PM (This post was last modified: 04-17-2017, 10:13 AM by Kali.)
Quiet. Oh, she liked the quiet. Warmth and darkness all around, and lovely water everywhere that felt just exactly like home should feel. And it wasn’t a lonely kind of quiet, not at all. Not with the steady beat that thrummed through her, rhythmic and soothing and sweet. Oh, and she liked the way the world sometimes rocked, back and forth, back and forth, wrapping her up in dreams and a feeling that had no name beyond safety. The beat was sometimes faster, especially when muffled murmuring reached her, meaningless sounds sometimes deep and rumbling, sometimes coated in silk and sparks.
She was always very quiet, very still when the world rocked and moved, or when those murmurs washed over her, or when anything at all changed. But when the world was still and quiet, only then she stretched and turned and explored her slowly forming body, learned how muscles still taking shape pushed and pulled and worked together to make motion. The tilt of her head, or rubbing her nose against the edge of the world, or the sudden jerking of a limb that she didn’t actually intend to kick out with. She learned to turn and twirl, to swim and dance. But as the world got smaller and smaller, it got harder and harder to twist about and move freely, until it was all she could do to stretch her legs a little, squirm about and press back against the constant, steady pressure of the walls of the world holding her in.
But even though the world was getting smaller, it was getting a whole lot more interesting, too. Because the smaller the world got, the more often she felt a strange tingling at the edge of her awareness, a quiet little whisper of something new. Something else. Something different. Oh and that was maybe her favorite part, that gentle, cautious brush of intangible something that checked in, quiet and curious and waiting.
But waiting for what?
When that tingly something came again, gentle probing awash in questions and maybe a hint of impatience, she reached out with a flutter of curiosity, wondering if maybe this time there could be more than just a faint hint of presence and then another stretch of nothing but the rhythmic beating sound and the gentle rocking of the world. Maybe this time, she would be not the only one here.
Oh.
Oh. A soft ache somewhere in her middle, forward some though, just above where her front limbs attached to the rest of her. A hushed whisper, the very first stirring of want, of yearning. For the first time, she realized she was lonely. So she reached again, trying harder to touch something untouchable, something far beyond her limited reach. Even if all she could manage was that feeling, that quiet-aching-yearning curiosity.
Every few days or so he would search with his mind, sweep silently through Mother's belly for the life growing within. It still wasn't ready yet, still forming into something that would surely be as divinely beautiful as he and his sister. But it was taking so long, so very long. He kept trying though. And as time passed, as Mother's sides grew larger and larger, he felt like the moment was coming. Soon, finally soon.
His search gradually went from every few days, to every few hours, every few minutes. He was becoming consumed in his curiosity, often so still and distracted, often not hearing when someone spoke to him as he focused his mind in seeking it out. It would be soon now, though, he could feel it.
And sometimes, he would settle his conscious self there, as though curled and comfortable and waiting. Always waiting. It was hard not to press, not to nudge and pry and try to find that awareness. But he was learning patience, a hard lesson, and resigned himself to his brief naps in there as outwardly he often lay curled with Kylin or Mother, or even Reilly or Father.
Sometimes, he'd return to find himself in the middle of something like chewing, the food gone all gross and mushy in his mouth. Or his breath fanning against the water with a dazed look in his eyes and his mouth still dry. Or he would wake to be staring at absolutely anything, absolutely nothing, wake to Kylin's urgent, worried touch pressing into him, trying to find him and bring him back with his wing draped so naturally over her as he held her pinned to his side.
With time, he grew more attached to his mother's side.
It would be soon, he didn't want to miss it. He had to be there.
And finally, finally, there was more than the endless quiet. Finally, he could sense her -her!- discomfort, her longing and her ache. Her newly-discovered loneliness. And as she reached out, he was there, settled around her and with her where he more often could be found as of late despite how it exhausted him and forced him to nap and rest more and more. He almost thought he was still sleeping, his body in one place and his mind in the other, when he felt that imploring little brush across his mind as he'd so many times done to her.
I'm here, he thought softly to her, confident and quiet with a wistful smile in his still-sleepy voice.
I'm here.
I'm Kharon.
He forced an image of his face to his sluggish mind and pressed it to her. He felt it flicker and die, and wasn't sure how much she would have been able to see of it.
Hmm, he mused in sleepy amusement. He hadn't really tried images before, but it felt like it would work with practice. And a little more rest. I'll try that again soon. I think I've pushed myself too hard lately, he sighed.
04-17-2017, 10:13 AM (This post was last modified: 04-17-2017, 10:14 AM by Kali.)
Oh! Oh, how exciting! There was far more than simply presence in return, far more than just the quiet, impatient tingle of awareness that had come more and more often. Oh! A greeting, how delightful! I’m here, she thought, reveling in the words and everything they meant. I, oh, what a glorious concept! Self, individuality, separation from the whole, uniqueness, personhood! Oh, I! I was a fantastic word! And am! Ohhhh how beautiful and sweet, rife with potential, to be. And together! Ohhh, together, I am. Such a complex, layered, powerful statement, compressed into one little sound, I’m.
And here. Oh, she could bask in that one for ages, the very essence of presence, oh how lovely! I’m here. Such a simple sentence, but how very, very much it meant! I’m here, she repeated back, melting into the touch of mind to mind, sparkling and shimmering and dancing with excitement even as her body stayed still.
I’m Kharon. Now that one was different, that one was a truth that belonged to this other I, this other mind, this other person, and the last, that was...ohhh, how intriguing. Identity.
Kharon, she echoed, chittering and rumbling and purring with delight, rubbing up against his presence wrapped around her, curled up next to her, oh, she liked that very much. I’m…? she asked, curious and craving a sound to give back, an identity to share in return for his. A name. So she could answer, so she could greet him back.
Oh! Oh, goodness! And then there was something new, something brand new, not a sound or a feeling but a very different sensation, and she let it wash over her, let the intent behind that brand new something filter in. Eyes, she had eyes, oh, of course she had eyes, but she didn’t know they could do that! Color, and light, and the understanding that she was seeing. Seeing his face!
Well.
Sort of.
More words, quite a few of them all at once, and she just let them be, let them exist in her mind, felt the warm comfort of companionship and smiled. And then a question. Are you comfortable? Oh. Hmm. Curious. Her head tilted as she considered. Cozy, warm, snug, dark, safe. Comfortable? Oh, yes, the world was quite comfortable, in fact. So she agreed, open and guileless and delighted by his company.
04-23-2017, 01:05 AM (This post was last modified: 05-13-2017, 10:08 PM by Kharon.)
I'm here, she repeated in her thoughts with such excitement. His smile widened, unaware of whatever he was doing outside of this moment, out there where his body was. I'm here, she thought again, then repeated his name. He felt himself nod, wasn't sure if that translated in this mental place they shared, but felt that it might have. Especially when he could sense her presence dance in her joy and wrap with his, press and snuggle as he reached to gently clutch her tighter.
A baby sister.
Like Kylin, but so much very much smaller.
And for now, entirely his alone.
I'm...? she tried to give a name back, but of course she didn't have one yet. He hadn't thought of that, and was instantly thrilled that he could be the one to name her! Mother had named him, and Reilly had named Kylin. Now it was his turn to name her!
His excitement swirled and tangled with hers, blended and twisted in delightful ways that only made the feeling stronger. You are... he paused, hesitated. She was perfect, like them. Of course, she was. But he couldn't name her Perfect, that was just silly. Nor Treasure, or Precious, or anything else that may describe her. These were just words, and not enough. It wasn't her and her beautiful individuality. He mused quietly, thinking, thinking. It must be perfect. Kharon, Kylin... Kara? No, not that one. Kelly. Kali. Kahlen. No, wait.
You are Kali! he exclaimed proudly.
Ah, it was just right. So beautiful, and playful-sounding, soft and sweet, but a little bit strong. Just right. And then he asked if she were comfortable and after a moment of reflection, she confirmed that she was. Good, he thought with a warm smile, nudging sweetly against her awareness as if he could nuzzle into her. He backed off a little to give her space, and settled his Self near, not ready to leave though he knew he would have to after a while.
I bet it's dark there right now. But you'll get bigger and bigger and then one day it will be so bright. You won't have to worry, though. I'll be there. Kylin, too. After I rest more, I'll show you. Would you like that? More pictures?
He wanted to bring up Mother and Father and Reilly, too. But too soon she would be here and smothered in their affection, surrounded by them all. So maybe he was selfish, but he wanted her to himself for a least until then. And then he could fade to the background so she could be loved by the rest of them. Maybe if he could have this time alone with her, it won't hurt so bad to be forgotten.
Kali. And just like that, she had a name all her own. Oh, how delightful! I’m Kali! she repeated back to him, to Kharon, as his mind bumped affectionately against hers, all warmth and joy and enthusiasm. It’s okay, I like the dark. It's warm and cozy. It's getting smaller, though, and I do miss being able to move about more freely. All said more with impressions than words themselves, since words were so much newer. But she felt...understood, whether she knew the words to express herself of not.
So new. So exciting, this...communication. I would like more pictures of you, yes, please. And if anything else you’d like to show me, of course. But especially you. Her first contact, her first friend, her...hmm...family. Oh, that was a new feeling, like the safety of the dark, but bigger somehow, and she could barely wait to explore it.
When? When will it be bright, so I can see you with my eyes for myself? Oh, that sounds so lovely! She gave an excited little kick, oops, or maybe a big kick. Hard enough to move the walls of the world. When you’re with me, can we still talk and touch like this? Oh, I do hope so. Such fierce longing, she had never felt such a thing before, and now her skin ached for contact, for stimulation. Her throat tickled like it wanted to vibrate with excitement. She wanted, and the things she wanted were barely comprehensible, phantom whispers echoing in her ears. A body nestled around hers, holding her close, wrapping her up in those colors. Lavender and white. Her new favorite.
He chuckled softly as she repeated it back to him. I'm Kali! Her delight was infectious and had his belly tingling and his veins lighting with electricity. A jolt shot down his spine and he felt his skin prickle, though it was a little distant-feeling while he was so focused on this mental place with her.
Nothing thrilled him more, though, than when she agreed she would like more pictures. Especially of him. He wrapped himself around her again as if he could squeeze her and hold her so very close, wishing she was here already so he could rub his cheek with hers. And smell her! She'd smell just as beautiful as she certainly looked. And feel so good and warm. Soon, she would be born. He couldn't wait.
And that's what he told her when she asked.
It will be bright for you soon. Maybe a few more days or weeks, but not much longer. You have grown so much, it can't be long now. He could hardly wait anymore, so he sure hoped he was right. What he wouldn't give to finally be able to really see her and feel her. She would be so small and fit into the curve of his side so perfectly. And he could protect her and keep her safe, fight off any nightmares as he tried to do for Mother. Kylin could brush and groom her hair as sisters do for each other, or he would if she were busy. He could tend her scrapes when she falls, dry her little tears. God, he couldn't wait.
When you're with me, can we still talk and touch like this? Yes, he answered easily, sinking against her mind with ready affection. He clung to her, pressed lovingly into her, filled the space with his billowing presence.
We can't tell anyone though. I have to keep this secret. The rest of the family can't do this like me, can't come and be with you this way. I have seen it hurt people, and so I have to be very careful and keep it secret. You will help me do that, won't you?
He retreated a little, wishing he could peer down at her. Soon, though. It had to be soon, now.
As if he could nod off to sleep, he felt his Self fade then snap back. He rolled his shoulders, trying to loosen the tension and ease the quietly growing headache back there in his body. He was fatigued, reaching his limits for the time. That was something he would definitely work to improve, so that he could always be available for her. Always able to listen for her. So tired. But he wasn't ready to leave yet, he didn't want to rest.
Then he Faded again, dimmed and flickered. Determined, he fought his way through and covered her, wrapped her up in unseen arms and held her to him. I think I have to go now, he whispered, quiet and suddenly so weak. With a last sweet nudge, a mental kiss to her little cheek, he reluctantly let go.
His body collapsed to the ground with a faint exhale, but he felt no pain as unconsciousness claimed his weary mind.
