[private] won't you let us wander; ainlif

[Revol]

Hold back the river, let me look in your eyes.

Well. That certainly puts a damper on things, doesn’t it? There’s no heat in his eyes when she touches him this time, only...oh. Wow. The disgust in his eyes as he turns away tears at that confusing place in her chest that’s been aching at the thought of him not wanting her anymore. Tears it right open, though she damn well isn’t going to let him see it. Thank whatever gods there may be that he’s finding it so hard to look at her, because it takes a moment for her to wipe the pain off her face, to still the trembling of her lower lip, to catch her breath when it’s suddenly trying to shake.

Hiding her emotions has never been a strength of Revol’s, nor something she’s ever even really tried before. There’s never been a reason to. But she does her best to play the carefree, wide-eyed wanderer she’s always been and not this new person who’s bleeding into her chest from some strange place inside that she didn’t really know she had before it started hurting so.

He makes it clear with just a few little words that even if he’s not nothing to her, she’s certainly not much to him. And he lies down on the ground, still not so much as looking at her. She walks closer, her steps hesitant, quiet. And when she reaches his side, she murmurs, “Okay, honey. If that’s what you want.” And she brushes silver lips against his cheek one last time before turning away. “Goodbye, then. I’m sorry--”

She manages to stop herself from finishing the sentence only because she has no idea how it’s supposed to end. And if her voice was a little shakier than she’d like, well, she’s doing her best, okay? She takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly. “Take care, honey,” she murmurs, and the words are steadier now. “I’ll try not to see you around, okay?” It isn’t like she’s run into him on purpose so far, but if he wants nothing to do with her she can at least try to pay more attention to where her wandering takes her so she doesn’t crash into him again.

Lonely water, won't you let us wander?

[Ainlif]

He heard her approach hesitantly, his body prone in damned aching despair. She speaks low, so gentle as if he wasn't totally ripping his own heart to shreds before her. He hears "if that's what you want" and grimaces. It wasn't at all what he wanted, but he was confused by what he truly wanted.

He wanted her here. Her body hot and wild beneath his again. He wanted it to mean something. No, he didn't want her, didn't want a mate. But there was no middle ground, not for him. His heart and his body ached for something his mind refused to accept from her. He didn't know her enough for a real relationship. Was he even ready for one? Would he have to survive losing another one?

His stare hardened but he wisely held back any response. She apologized and wished him well, with an almost-promise to openly avoid him. Those words that he'd wished she'd said when they first met, now scoured salt in his wounds. How hard he'd tried to push her away, and how easily it turned out to be to do it. Why did it torment him so? It was what he'd wanted.

Her retreat whispered to him, his mind dulled. He'd be content to just lie here, maybe forever. It was a pathetic thought, but what the hell did he care? He thought of the sire he'd never met. What would he think of this son of a king so broken on the ground? Probably nothing, he'd never bothered to meet his offspring, after all. Not this one, anyway. Did he even have siblings out there somewhere? Probably.

And then his mother. Fierce Amazon warrior, their General, even. Oh how she'd despise this weak coward he was turning out to be. I am not a coward. But he really was, wasn't he? He supposed there was far too much of his worthless father in him. Maybe he'd change that one day.

Bastard of an insignificant king, soldier-son of an Amazon General.

"I am... Ainlif," he sighed, the heat in his words dissipating on his murmured name. Maybe one day he'd actually tell it to her, this fiery Revol. If she still cared to know it.

If he ever saw her again.

Ainlif