"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
She should have come sooner, she thinks. Perhaps there was part of her that has avoided Heartfire and has avoided asking the questions that rest in the nooks of her heart. She is frightened to know the truth of how life is here. Is Dovev gone? Is he here? Is he safe or did he no longer care enough to check on her after the war? She is not sure what would hurt worse—she is not sure how she would handle the answer—and, if she was being honest, she did not want to have to process such things in front of Heartfire of all people.
But she knows that she cannot avoid it forever.
And so she doesn’t.
Eventually, she breathes in deep one morning and opens a portal on the outskirts of Tephra. It is so similar to the portals that she and Brennan had opened during the war that it almost takes her breath away. It strikes a nerve in her and she feels dizzy for a second—feeling that momentary inhale of breath when she thinks of magma falling from the sky and the ground opening beneath her and the screams around her.
She pauses as it sinks in and her vision blurs but she continues to breathe and it fades.
It fades and she takes a deep breath again and then steps forward.
On the other side, she is at the border of Nerine. The air is cooler, crisper, and the smell of sulphur fades almost immediately as the portal closes behind her. She closes her eyes as the breeze winds around her and she steadies herself for whatever she is to find during this visit—whatever is to come.
When she is certain that she is ready, she sends a winding ribbon of light forward.
It dances on the breeze and then makes its way slowly toward the Queen.
When it finds her, Leliana is certain that Heartfire will know and will come.
Until then, the magician waits.
it's only you and me there until the darkness calls let's face the dawn together; we'll brave whatever comes
Though Heartfire has never been one to avoid things, it’s true she had not made any great effort to visit the Tephran queen after the war. There is so much history there. And, for all that Heartfire might live with the pretense she has little emotions, she knows it is far from true. Better to let sleeping dogs lie, as it were.
Still, it cannot go on forever, to say that she is surprised by Leliana’s visit would be a great untruth. Perhaps in another reality they might have had some sort of real relationship, but when matters of the heart become too tangled with their reality, such things are… difficult, to say the least.
Perhaps it might even have been different had Heartfire any regret over her actions. But she doesn’t.
Still, she had taken care not to burn bridges. To many it might seem counterintuitive that avoidance had been the solution, but Heartfire knows herself well enough to know it had been the only solution. Even if it is not one that would last forever.
When the light finds her, she considers it idly for a moment before sighing softly and turn the follow that delicate trail back to its originator. She knows at some point others might take note of her recent activity. So it would only make sense this visit had to be coming sooner rather than later.
“Leliana,” she greets easily as she approaches the neighboring monarch at a relaxed pace. She settles a comfortable distance from her, blue gaze shrewd in the silence before she continues. “It’s been a while.”
Heartfire has always had a disarming presence and Leliana, for all of her gifts, feels stripped bare before her. This is the one woman who has seen her at some of her darkest moments. She is the one woman who saw her crying after Dovev, her heart scrubbed raw and the pain seeping through her. And it was Heartfire who had tried to warn Leliana away from him—only to show up later bearing his children.
Were she a jealous woman, she would come apart at the seams about it.
Instead, she feels a constant and dull ache at the thought of it; a confusion she can never quell.
Still, time has soothed some of the wounds, even though she knows the ones around Dovev’s memory are as fresh as ever, and she does not bear grudges well. Instead, she remains cautious.
Heartfire looks at her with her dangerously blue eyes and Leliana meets the gaze evenly with the hazel of her own. She reminds herself that she is not a young child anymore with nothing but a bleeding heart and the gift of healing. She is a magician and a Queen and a mother and such thoughts bolster her.
“It has,” her voice is calm, steady, and she shows no signs of whatever turmoil churns within her. She has always been so good at hiding away the truth of her emotions with the mask of serenity. “I am not well -earned in the arts of running a kingdom, but I have heard that visits to other lands are wise.” She almost says allies, almost says friendly lands, but she is not certain of her standing with Nerine and withholds.
Her head angles slightly, red wings tucking closer into her sides, and she studies the other mare.
“Magnus had told me that you and him had established an alliance.”
There is a pause, a breathy laugh, the roll of shoulders.
“But much has changed since then.”
And she is not Magnus.
it's only you and me there until the darkness calls let's face the dawn together; we'll brave whatever comes
As with nearly everything, there is so much unspoken in this story. So many pieces left out. Something Heartfire had never bothered to rectify. She would have perhaps, had she any faith it might make any sort of difference. But love is not logical, nor does it bend to such whims. And it is that understanding that had stayed Heartfire’s hand and tongue. Were she certain the truth might cause anything but pain, she might have offered it. Regrettably, she had never been certain of anything regarding Dovev and those who had come before her.
Were she a more virtuous woman, she might have tried anyway. But she is not, nor would she ever pretend to be. Better then, for Leliana to think the worst of her. Better for her to believe her actions had been intentional and their prior acquaintance a cold, manipulative lie.
She would never willingly admit how he had torn down each barrier she’d placed between them, or found his way past the walls she had so carefully erected around her heart. Nor would anyone ever know that he is the only living creature to have seen her vulnerable in grief.
It is to Leliana’s credit that she had not grown to hate her. Heartfire had certainly never given her reason not to. If she could be said to regret anything, it would only be that their acquaintance would forever be colored by the weight of their history. She cannot change the past, of course, but she does hope those personal grievances might be forgotten for the sake of their respective kingdoms.
After all, in the coming days, doubtless they would both need what allies they could muster.
She can see the ways in which Leliana so carefully chooses her words, dancing around the might-have-beens as she tests the waters, attempting to determine where they each stand. Heartfire, true to her word (despite what many believe of her), had upheld the alliance she’d forged with Magnus in the wake of his departure. Despite the two women’s differences, she’d never had any desire to alienate Leliana or Tephra.
“That’s true,” she agrees readily enough, her affirmation equally applicable to both statements the Tephran queen had made. “I will admit to some curiosity over your position after your… quarrel with Loess. But I have not abandoned the alliance.”
It is irrational, the parts of her that hunger for a friendship with Heartfire. It is irrational to want for such things when so much goes between them unspoken—so many half-truths and misunderstandings. But there are still pieces of her that desire such things. Desire her approval like the young girl she had been the first time that they had met. Desire her friendship and her wisdom. Things she will likely never have.
These things never reach her tongue though and instead she watches quietly.
Both of them, observing the other with varying degrees of cautiousness.
“My position?” she echoes with some surprise, a queer sense of being judged creeping underneath her skin. Perhaps she is simply sensitive to Heartfire’s observations and she does her best to quell it quickly, to rein her emotions in so that she can remain impassive and calm as they navigate these waters.
“After the attack on Tephra, I went to Castile to try and negotiate a truce—to claim responsibility for my part in the war. To find a way forward.” She no longer tries to hide her cards from Heartfire, knowing that it was a futile thing to attempt in the long run. “He had no desire for such a thing. I will not be attempting any offensive attack, Heartfire, but should war come to my shores again, I will not stand by.”
Her hazel eyes begin to glow as she speaks, even though her voice is measured. The pale green and gold of them bleeding away to reveal the molten magma of her magic—the power of it swelling in her breast at the thought of protecting her home, at the threat that she had previously been forced to face.
But she closes them, taking a deep breath, and when they open again, they are their normal hazel.
“I appreciate that you have not abandoned us,” the word feels slippery on her tongue and she finds that she dislikes the placement of it—dislikes feeling as though an alliance was Heartfire and Heartfire’s alone to abandon—but she dismisses such feelings. Reminds herself of the need for politics and alliance
“One of my kingdom, Jakub, let me know that Taiga is now with Wolfbane and Lepis.” She doesn’t try to obfuscate her concern here and she meets the mare’s blue eyes. “I had needed to come see you anyway, but you can understand why I felt the need to come sooner—the concern such a thing would cause.”
it's only you and me there until the darkness calls let's face the dawn together; we'll brave whatever comes
For all that Heartfire does not have a diplomatic mind or heart, there is too much resting on this meeting for her not to tread carefully. Tephra had long been an ally of Nerine’s, and she has no desire to change that. For all that her words are carefully chosen, she is, of course, not the only one with the ability to abandon such alliances. Perhaps she might have couched the statement more kindly, but it is not in her nature.
They may have a great deal of history between them, but Heartfire had never told Leliana an untruth. Leliana must know by now that Heartfire is not one to soften any fact or observation with platitudes.
“Castile thought I might bend the knee to him,” she offers in response to her revelations regarding the state of Tephra and Loess’ relationship. “Naturally, I declined,” a faint twitch of her lips is the only reaction she makes as she offers the insight, “but it seems he is dissatisfied with that and wishes to use other means to gain my cooperation.”
Her eyes harden then, blue eyes glittering dangerously in the dark mask of her features. Loess had chosen the wrong way to go about it, and the faint taste of betrayal still sits heavily on her tongue. She has never been a woman to go lightly into conflict. Always a woman slow to anger and slow to react. But when she does, it is with every domino placed perfectly so. One tipped pieces is all that would be needed to send the effects rippling through Beqanna.
She smiles faintly then, but there is no humor in the action. Instead it is laced with crystal clear intent. “Regrettably for them, they played their hand much too quickly.”
If there is one thing one should not do, it is give Heartfire time to plan.
“I am not a war-monger Leliana. I think you and I are alike in that. I also think our kingdom’s could greatly benefit from a continued alliance.” She leaves the rest unspoken. The neighboring monarch must be aware Loess would not remain quiet forever. And when the hush inevitably ends, Heartfire fully intends to tip the domino.
Leliana listens carefully, cautiously, as the Nerinian Queen talks of their relationship with Loess. She has never been politically-minded—she, unlike Heartfire, had never been suited for a crown—but she is a quick study and motived by her family, by her people. She may not be a political genius, she may not be able to make the wisest, quickest decisions, but she does not pretend that she has not learned anything.
“I cannot imagine anyone thinking you would bend the knee,” she says, the faintest hint of humor on her lips. For a second, she is silent, lifting her crimson head and looking out toward the sea, letting the breeze pick up her mane and lifting it from her neck. She breathes in the saltwater and marvels at how this kingdom is so different from her own; she marvels at the ways in which Tephra morphs the sea.
When she looks back, her face is still calm, but there is a fire barely simmering beneath the surface.
“I will do anything to protect my family, Heartfire,” her voice is steady and she punctuates the sentence with a nearly clipped version of the name. It does not matter what has been between them before. It does not matter because, in this, they are allies. In this, Heartfire is someone who could help protect them.
“I would very much like to continue our alliance,” she says, breathing in deep.
She knows that Heartfire is a powerful ally to have. If not for her unique gifts, for the sharp mind that lies beneath the surface. For the way that she so carefully studies the situation and then takes action.
But Leliana is no longer a meek child, and she knows that she is powerful too.
Even now, she feels the magic crackle under her skin, and she just smiles.
it's only you and me there until the darkness calls let's face the dawn together; we'll brave whatever comes
Truthfully, Heartfire had always thought well of the woman before her. Even when they’d first met, so many years ago now (Leliana heartbroken and face tear-streaked, Heartfire only marginally less hardened and harsh), she had not found her lacking. Perhaps that would be a shocking revelation to her. But that had been what drew Heartfire into that ill-fated encounter in the first place. Had she thought less of her, she would have continued walking.
Heartfire had not sought out all of Dovev’s paramours, after all. Only those who she felt the endeavor might be worthwhile. A dubious honor at best, no doubt.
Regardless, those ancient musings are neither here nor there anymore. They each have much more pressings concerns to consider. Though their mutual interests may not mend old wounds, she does rather hope it might bridge them. She would never admit to such things, but the crimson and mahogany queen is one of the very few living creatures who might have the ability to earn her trust.
For all their differences, their willingness to do anything for their families is something they have in common. And Leliana’s fierce oath resonantes with the blue and white woman. A stance she can fully respect.
Blue eyes gleaming, Heartfire tilts her head lightly at her companion, acknowledging her position. “Then we are in accord,” she agrees, sealing the renewed agreement without hesitation. Loess may choose to make a great deal of noise, but it does rather amuse her how much their noise seems to cause them to overlook. “And as an act of good faith, I will tell you I have managed to gather a great deal of information.” She pauses, the brief silence heavy with meaning. “I have also been having some… conversations… with their allies.”
Leliana feels something like the first step between them.
Perhaps it is just a breath or just a moment where they can relax, but she feels it like it is the first moment where she can feel something like common ground. Like perhaps they really will be able to move forward from all of this. Like maybe they would be able to build something like a friendship.
Maybe.
It doesn’t matter because they are moving forward and Leliana is not about to ask them to stop. She just nods and gives the barest hint of a smile. She has no doubt that Heartfire’s reach is impressive. Even without the unique gifts granted to her through her own abilities, she would have a similar reach.
Heartfire was simply the kind of woman who always knew what needed to be known.
It was a trait that Leliana both admired and would never wish for herself.
Still, she nods. “I am not surprised to know that you have been finding information.” She doesn’t prompt her for more information—even in the situation that she is in, and the people that she has sworn to protect, there is something off-putting about pushing for more information, for pressing for details.
Instead she just waits patiently, her kind face relaxed, her crimson lips curved in the corner.
Heartfire would tell her exactly what she wanted her to know.
And Leliana would be content with whatever that was.
it's only you and me there until the darkness calls let's face the dawn together; we'll brave whatever comes
Heartfire has never been particularly attuned to the gentler emotions. A regrettable circumstance, no doubt, but one she has never found the ability to rectify. Instead she had always sought to use it to her advantage, despite the obvious pitfalls such a lack might contain. Still, even she can feel the faint tendrils of understanding them seem to branch so uncertainly between them. A mutual desire to move past old wrongs.
Whether she is becoming softer with age, or whether it is simply because it is a peculiar magic unique to Leliana, she’s not quite certain. But she chooses not to question it.
She nearly smiles when the Tephran queen blasaically acknowledges her lack of surprise at Heartfire’s knowledge. Truthfully, it would have been far more shocking had Leliana not suspected Heartfire of gathering information so religiously. For all that she is older now, sharper and harder than she had once been, she has not truly changed that much. She had merely learned subtlety.
She had discovered much more than she would impart today. But then, there is much more than could be shared in a day. She is silent for a long moment in the wake Leliana’s unassuming statement. Her companion’s distaste for prying leaves her with the decision of what, and how much, to share. Always a double-edged blade, that choice.
Still, today, she hasn’t much desire to wield it. Not as she had when Lepis had offered her only silence.
“Castile’s reach is not nearly so long as he seems to believe,” she finally offers rather bluntly. She’d never been one to beat around the bush. “I only needed one weakness, but he has offered me many.” She does smile at that, though there is nothing joyful or kind in it. “And, as it turns out, his own alliances are not very… stable, as it were.”
She had gleaned much more, of course, but for the moment, it’s less relevant. She knows Nerine is in his crosshairs, but he had made a mistake in not moving immediately. A mistake she has every intention of taking full advantage of.
She would not begin any wars. But if war were brought to her, she would end it as quickly as it could begin.
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