"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
Though Aten had taken the trip to Hyaline as Circinae requested, the golden stallion just found himself drawn back to the Forest for some reason. He hadn't necessarily given up on his friends, on finding them to at least make sure they were okay. If they didn't want to reunite and form a band after the destruction of their home, okay, that was their business. Aten would just do his best to conceal his sadness over the fact that his life wouldn't be the same now.
He would go on, yes, and perhaps make new friends, find some of his family, or maybe even start one of his own. But right now, the golden stallion just wished for some brief time of peace. And all this meant was getting accepted into the Hyaline kingdom, or at least being allowed to live at the edge of its borders so he could feel some of the security he had back before Taiga was destroyed.
Aten was also not one to hold a grudge, but if he had to pick, it was toward Gryffen. He held no hatred in his heart for the cremello stallion; he just found it incredibly coincidental that, shortly after his arrival at Taiga, everything had gone to hell and the one home Aten had known since the Reckoning was taken away. Gryffen could be blamed just as easily as any other horse, for Aten truly didn't know why Beqanna had decided to take the Taiga away. She must've had a good reason, it just wasn't clear to him yet.
The Forest was quiet today, as usual, which put Aten at ease. The stallion's gait was still a bit choppy while recovering, but over the past few weeks he'd gotten much better. His legs no longer ached when he walked, his limp was pretty much gone, and it didn't hurt anymore when he laid down on his stomach. The burn scars would forever be apparent as his golden fur hadn't grown back over them to cover, but such knowledge didn't bother him. Aten wasn't one to fret over his own appearance, and he didn't get self-conscious when anyone asked about his scars. It was usually a simple enough story, even if it had to do with his home's destruction.
The sound of running water made the stallion's ears turn; he was closer to the river running through the Forest than he thought. Suddenly aware of how parched his throat was after making the long walk from Hyaline back here to the Forest, he decided to stop for a short drink. He changed course and headed for the river, taking in the scenery as he went. There was a sort spring breeze in the air, the mid-day sun shining down and breaking through the canopy of leaves that covered the Forest floor. The light calls of birds of prey could be heard echoing throughout the Forest, a couple ground critters scurrying across the same well-worn path Aten was using to reach the river.
The foliage finally broke enough in front of him for Aten to see what he was looking for. The golden stallion walked to the river bank, not stopping until he was right at the edge of the water. He lowered his head, sticking his muzzle partially into the water before taking a long drink. This continued for a few moments until he was fully satisfied, lifting his head back, up, ignoring the water he sprayed in a couple directions.
The stallion's large head turned this way and that, just to see what was around and if it could be trouble. Satisfied that he was alone, Aten lowered his head to graze, the sun bouncing off his coat and setting off its well-known sheen of color. Despite this, he kept his ears up and alert, always on the lookout for approaching danger that could otherwise mean his end.
A certain longing for or affinity with the forest was something some of the Taigans shared. Even without no knowledge of Taiga or her past, the forest still appeals to Jinju. No matter how often she slipped away when neither Ander or Terran was looking, she still enjoyed herself dartling around the forest. Little did she know they always kept an eye on her, even if she thought they weren’t near.
Usually she kept to the forest, avoiding going near its borders, and instead only going deeper. Today, not so much. Something else calls to her too, luring her in like a moth to a flame. She can hear the river, the water finding its way to lower land, crossing stone and trunks. Jinju could look at it for a while, just watch the water flow by, but today it’s not the water that captures her attention.
Instead it’s the redwood forest that stood across of the forest. The river was like a boundary separating the forest and that was left of a once kingdom. Of course Jinju doesn’t know about that, but she cannot say the lands don’t appeal to her. She’s eager to explore them, to dart around the massive trees, to discover all its hidden treasures. Something holds her back from it, and it’s not the river that blocks her path.
She’s so lost in starting at it, that she doesn’t notice the golden stallion. Well, not right away that is. Letting her eyes wander over the forest’s border, she eventually finds herself eye to eye with him. ”Oh” she lets out startled, taking a few steps back as she glances up. Something tells her he is familiar, that she should know him, and for Jinju that’s enough. She doesn’t even think of questioning herself, nor is she upset that she cannot remember him. ”Hi!” she instead greets. There is curiosity in her ruby eyes, and a small smile on her lips. ”Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”
Well, he certainly didn't expect this event to unfold. Even though Aten was keeping on the alert, his senses didn't warn him that he was in any immediate danger when he sensed another being approach. Figuring it was one of the small forest creatures that he'd bumped into several times during his escapade here, he ignored it for now and continued pulling the grass from the earth to fill the hunger gnawing at his belly.
But when he heard someone speak to him, the golden stallion turned and lifted his head, only to almost end up hitting the filly that had suddenly appeared next to him. Any other horse that saw a foal in this situation might look around and ask where the sire or dam was, but Aten could only stare in shock when his almond colored eyes met those of the filly.
He could've sworn he'd never seen those eyes of blood again. The eyes that had captured the searing hot fire of the sun, eyes that flashed dangerously when she was angry or threatened but could turn as soft as a patch of snow when she was displaying care towards those she loved. He thought for sure that she would've gone to make a life elsewhere after the Taiga had been destroyed, and it seemed she had, only on an entirely new level that Aten could not have suspected whatsoever.
The filly greeted Aten with a hello, apologizing in that she hadn't seen him when she wandered up. Aten was still frozen in stunned silence, even his brain having difficulty processing what exactly was going on around him. After some moments passed and some words began forming in his brain, the only thing that Aten could get out was a stunned:
It was clear that she wasn’t the only one who hadn’t noticed the presence of another. The golden stallion seems just as surprised as she is and Jinju releases she is a lot closer to him than she had meant to. After all, he almost hit her with his head because she’d startled him. ”Oh, sorry.. I didn’t meant to startle you..” she apologizes, backing away from him right away. And she didn’t want to get hurt, on accident that is, because Jinju is sure that this stallion doesn’t form a threat to her.
Though she would have to admit that the look he gives her, kind of spooks her. Her ruby eyes study him, take in the expression on his face – or the lack of it, other than shock. Did he know her? Her head tilts to the side and she carefully takes another few steps back, ending up a few steps into the water.
The silence makes her uneasy, causing her to sidestep a little before glancing around. No, nobody else was here. Next was a quick glance in the water, to check her reflection, but other than a pair of familiar ruby eyes, there’s nothing strange to see. Then, before she can look up, he stutters her name.
This time it’s Jinju’s turn to look the stallion, a slight frown on her features. ”You.. know me?” she eventually asks after the silence stretches too long. She’s torn between curiosity and some natural hesitance. It was strange, right, that he knew her name? She surely didn’t know him, other than that she didn’t feel threatened by or uneasy in his presence.
More silence and then a step forward, curiosity is winning. ”Who are you?” she then asks, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. ”You know me, shouldn’t I know who you are too?” she teases, childishly enjoying her own little victory.
Aten didn't really hear the filly's first few questions, the gears in his brain having ground to a stop. Even while the filly - Jinju - steps forward toward him, her ruby eyes bright with curiosity, he couldn't really process anything. Not only, if this was really her, was she standing in front of him, alive and in good health it seemed after Taiga's destruction, but she was no longer a finely built and beautiful mare.
Now... she was a filly... and what in the hell had happened? Aten knew she was one of the gifted but she had to have had some extremely powerful spell that did this to her. Or was there some other gift she possessed that Aten had no idea about, that she hadn't informed him of, and that was why he was now facing a younger self of Jinju?
Aten racked his brain to get it working again, and by the time that worked out, the filly was asking for who he was and making a joke that she should know since Aten himself seemed to know her. The golden stallion wanted to blurt out that he did know her, that he knew her as a grown mare, he really did. But given she was now a filly, would she even understand him? More importantly, would she believe him?
Aten faked a cheerful smile, knowing that a young foal such as this filly couldn't see past it; only those who personally knew him had been able to, like Ruan, and Jinju when she'd been a mare. He lowered his head again to look into the filly's eyes, "I suppose that is fair," he tells her gently, "My name is Aten. I heard about you when I met your father."
Whether the stallion, if it was one, watching over her now was Ruan, or, dare he say it, Terran, since he was the sire of the colt she'd born shortly before Taiga's destruction, he did technically know both of them, so it'd work out either way. Even if she asked too, he just wouldn't give away too many details. She didn't need to know anything, not while she was still this young.
Though there isn’t anything threatening about the golden stallion – instinctively she knowns he is alright – he does scare her. He’s strangely silent and stares at her like he had seen a ghost. First, she had just brushed it off, but it doesn’t stop. Jinju takes a step back again, as a child she doesn’t know how to deal with the situation. ”Everything okay?”
Then he breaks free from his thoughts, as if he was coming back to the here and now. Whatever had worked on her nerves before, vanish as shadow for the sun the moment he smiles. Jinju relaxes a little again, his smile meeting one of her own. She’s just not able to notice that the smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
Not even when he lowers his head so he meets her eyelevel. Her ruby eyes twinkling in delight. The first part of his answer is enough for her to step closer, but what follows holds her frozen. Almost like she lost the control over her own body. Her father? She didn’t know who her father was, how come that he knew? And he had said he knew her too. ”My.. my father?” she repeats with a shaky voice, looking at Aten with shocked red orbs.
Soon she starts to tremble, shaking uncontrollable as she stumbles back. How could he knew who her father was? Jinju didn’t know her parents herself. All she knew was Terran and Ander, who were like a father and brother to her, but from which she knew they weren’t. Neither does she know what drives them, but they seemed to genuinely care for her. ”Who.. who is my father?” by the time she manages speaking, tears are welling up in her eyes.
Jinju doesn’t know if she’s pleading him to continue speaking, or for him to say that he had mistaken her for another. That there were more inky black and red eyed girls out there and he had simply thought she was another. His carefully spoken words turned her life upside down in a way Jinju didn’t even knew was possible.
Oh son of a... he said the wrong thing just now, didn't he? The filly was so eager to get to know him just now, but as soon as he said he knew her father, her personality turned a complete 180. Tears began welling in her eyes, which troubled the stallion. He was fine around foals, tolerating them better than his older brother, but when it came to offering them comfort, he didn't know what to do at all. He knew stallions were just as capable, but considering he'd been on his own for a long time after the Reckoning, even under Sirana's care, he just didn't know how to handle a troubled foal.
According to Sirana, during the limited time he spent with her, he was an easy-to-manage foal, not bothered by most issues and hardly ever crying for whatever reason that arose. He just seemed to understand what was going on, and knew how to handle it. So Sirana apparently never had a reason to comfort him, other than when she said goodnight and gave him the comforting nuzzle he so adored when he was young.
Would that perhaps help the filly calm down? If he showed her the same comfort Sirana showed him? He thought about stepping forward to allow his presence to reassure her, but decided against it for the time being, considering it was his fault that she was breaking down like this in the first place.
He stumbled over his own thoughts, not sure what was safe right now. Could any words regarding the truth damage her more than what had already been done? Or could it perhaps help her in some fashion? If this 'gift' she had turned her back into a filly, considering she didn't have memories of Ruan, would she all of a sudden get them back if she mentioned the roan's name?
The golden stallion had to tread even more carefully right now. He put on a calm facade to try and keep Jinju relaxed while he spoke to her, "Yes, young one. I... I knew your father, to speak. I have not seen him in a very long time... his... his name was Ruan. He loved you, very, very much. I was proud to have him as a friend. I am not sure where he went, or what has happened to him. But, I know that whoever is looking after you now, I am sure he takes good care of you, does he not?" he questioned, wanting to see what she had to say about how her life had been since Taiga's destruction.
An attempt to offer comfort through a hug or touch by a stranger wouldn’t be much comforting. Though she knows Aten is familiar in one way or another, he is still very much a stranger at the same time and his words kind of upset her. Confuse her too, as he seems to know so much more than she does and Jinju is simply not able to wrap her mind around it.
The longer he stays silent, the more the urge to flee rises. She doesn’t know how to deal with the situation at hand and the silence isn’t helping much. Jinju wants to find Ander, or Terran, to press herself up at their sides. To have them comfort her, tell her it’s okay. Yet, at the same time, she does want to hear what Aten has to say.
So when he finally continues speaking, her attention is focussed on his words. The distance between them now larger than before, but she’s still standing close enough to hear. He speaks about a male, Ruan, of which she hadn’t heard before. Aten tells her this Ruan loves her very much, but he hadn’t seen him a long while. Then how could Jinju not remember him? She’d been a baby when Ander and Terran took her under their wings, she’d never seen or heard about this Ruan. It simply didn’t make any sense.
”Then.. Then why d-did he l-leave me..?” she manages to get out, the tears now rolling down her cheeks. Why would someone who loves you, leave you all alone? Not that she wasn’t content with Ander and Terran around, but deeply down she knows she’s missing something, someone.
No. This couldn’t be true. A true father wouldn’t leave, like Terran wouldn’t leave Ander. She’s sure of it. Oh, right, Aten had asked about her current caretaker. She numbly nods, confirming his words. ”They do..” she mumbles with her hoarse voice. Crying never did any good for one’s voice.
Damnit, he knew it; he said the wrong thing. This is what he gets for opening his big mouth and saying the honest truth to a filly who no doubt, based on what she said, did not remember a thing about Ruan, anything at all, from the fact that he was her father to that she was actually Ander's biological mother.
He can see the anxiety creeping into her veins, her muscles twitching, and her posture tells him that she is ready to turn and run, back to the safety of the dark stallion that guards her, and the colt that treats her as his own little sister. Aten honestly wouldn't blame her if she did decide to leave him standing here like the dumb fool he was, with only his loud mouth for company.
Jinju's words that those who protected her took good care of her reassured the golden stallion a bit, but he knew he couldn't leave her tear-ridden words hanging the way he did. In regards to Jinju's question about Ruan, Aten took in a small breath and gave him a soft look, his brown eyes struggling to not break down in front of her. He was trying to keep strong, for her, when in reality the pain losing Ruan hurt just as much for him. The roan had been like a father to the golden stallion as well, even if neither truly acknowledged it to one another. It was more one of those comfortable friendships shared between two horses, but at the same time a bond developed that was closer than what the golden stallion shared with his own sire.
Aten had been born before the Reckoning, so he did grow up knowing who Archam was. But shortly before everything went down, the stallion disappeared, and unknown to him, Aten was not there to help his dam through one of her darkest hours when she found out that the stallion she loved was dead. Aten had found out his own way, and while it hurt to know that Archam, his father, was gone, it didn't phase him like it did his mother.
Did it have to do with how she'd spent so many years with him? Had given him four foals who all bore a striking resemblance to her in color? Whereas Ruan, he'd been there to give Aten the support he needed, even if they knew each other for an even shorter period than Aten and Archam did. Ruan entrusted the golden stallion with responsibilities for the kingdom; he knew how to make him feel important, like whatever he was doing mattered in some small way. Perhaps if the Reckoning never occurred, he might've had a chance to do that with his own father.
But something in Aten's gut told him that Archam would've turned to two of his other colts, since they were older. Aten didn't want to admit he was jealous of those two, that one would grow to inherit the herd, and the other Archam's position in the kingdom, even if that had to be earned. It had once upon a time told the golden colt that his own sire didn't have as much faith in him as he did the other twin colts, which pained Aten. Still to this day, some of his motives were pushed by an unconscious desire to please his sire, even in death, though he didn't consciously know that.
Not yet anyway.
The golden stallion spoke softly to the filly, as if trying to take back the pain of the words he'd just said, "I... don't know for sure why he left Jinju. There were things Ruan kept hidden from me. But what I do know, as I said, is that he loved you. If he had to leave, more than likely, in some way, he was doing it to protect you. I know that Ruan, like my father, had some enemies. And Ruan would've done whatever he could to protect you, as I'm sure your guardians would too."
He didn't want to let it slip again... he pretty much for certain knew that Ander and Terran were looking after her. But if she found out that he knew, it might already pushed her beyond the edge of the breaking point she was so carefully balancing at right now. And he couldn't exactly afford that.
