"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
04-03-2017, 12:49 AM (This post was last modified: 04-05-2017, 09:33 AM by Disastardly.)
Something was wrong with her.
Something had to be wrong. If it wasn’t just her hormones, wasn’t just being pregnant, why else was this happening? Over the next couple of days, Dizzy managed to work herself up into a frantic, shaking mess, until she finally decided to just face it, head on. It couldn’t get worse, and the wreck she’d become couldn’t be good for the baby. It sure as hell wasn’t good for her. So she hunted him down, went looking for her Zor, because she had to, had to, had to find a way to make things right.
And when she saw him, she pulled a move from Dov’s vast and delightful repertoire, stalking over to him and crushing her lips against his, desperately trying to wake her body, to kindle that same spark, to feel heat flicker to life and catch fire until all she could think about was touching him, holding him, feeling the hunger in his touch, the weight of him pressing her down, aching for him to fill her.
And instead, she burst into tears, shaking and sobbing and hiding her face against his shoulder. “What’s wrong with me, Zor?” she asked him, a tremor in her voice to match the trembling of her body. “Something has to be wrong. God, I’m sorry, the last thing I want is to hurt you, what the hell is wrong with me?” The baby wasn’t even born yet, and already she was fucking everything up for it.
Poor kid was already fucking doomed, and it hadn’t even gotten a chance to find out what Dizzy was breaking. Like she seemed to break everything she touched. Always before, that thought had been joined by a quiet little except my Zor. The only one she’d never broken except in all the right ways, the man who had stood by her side for years, who had been her everything for most of their lives. But now?
“I don’t know how to do this, Zor.” I don’t know how to do anything anymore without breaking your heart. God, I’m worse than they were, and I don’t know how to stop it.
"I love you. More than I've ever had the words to say."
The words echo in his mind like some song stuck on repeat. The first few days it had been pleasant, reassuring even when she didn't return to him the way he'd expected. But it'd now been more than just a few days. Not that he'd been counting, but it certainly felt like months. He'd found out she was pregnant, became excited over it, and discovered new and soul-churning feelings. He loves her. His beautiful sister. Of course he did. They were all each other had. Always there for each other. She'd helped make him who he is. And now, she'd changed him again. With one set of words, she made him realize that love went much farther than some sibling bond. Farther than physical attraction. He told her he loved her. Had always. Would always. The truth of it was profound, the answer to so many questions. And there was going to be a child. Zoryn was going to be here for that precious thing growing in Diz's belly. They were going to be better than their parents. He'd vowed not to be like them. She had too.
So where was she.
A month, at least. And she'd not returned to him. He tried not to think about why. Why she denied his urges when he'd wanted her so (did she not also want him?). Why she hadn't come back. He isn't worried. She is capable of handling herself, even with her bun in the oven. She is smart. Witty. Strong. God, and so sexy. His beautiful disaster.
A man has his urges, though. And since he'd been denied his (and damn it he is getting fucking tired of being denied), he had attempted to find other consorts. Dovev, but he'd been unable to find him. Some other chick, but those damned words rang in his head and he hadn't been able to fucking perform. Every time he would go to utter a provoking word, or deliver a bite or kick to illicit the responses he so often yearned for, he heard her voice in his head repeating those words. Or the image of her pregnant figure would flash to the forefront. He couldn't do it. Not to some random female. Not when all he wants is to be fully engrossed in Dizzy.
So he goes home, and he waits. He walks. And he grows impatient. His beast stirs and growls, begins to pace. Some time in the past couple of days, he smells Dovev on the wind right here in this forest. Taunting him. The beast roars and slashes its claws, yanking against its chains. Zoryn goes where his scent is strongest, but the creepy bastard is gone. And there, he smells her too. He sighs, a long slow hiss of a sound. And turns, turns away and goes back to his own corner of these woods.
Before long, she comes to him. Finally. He turns to her as she makes a beeline toward him. His face is an unreadable mask at first, all but the glimmer of anger in his eyes. He wants to be angry, wants to tell her just how crazy she's made him. Wants to give her a damn piece of his mind and make her explain herself. God, but look at her. The shadows caress her black and white body, bits of light illuminating the sheen of her coat and the lines of her curves as she approaches. Her belly has grown and he feels that zing right down to his groin. Fuck, she's so damn hot. Absolutely gorgeous. And she's marching straight toward him with purpose in her brown eyes.
He can't be still, so he moves to meet her. Embraces her as their lips crash together and sparks fly through him. Fuck, he's supposed to be angry. He IS angry. But it didn't matter right then. Her kiss is desperate and he rises to meet her, beat for beat. He groans into her mouth and deepens it, letting his desire trump the anger, though he does nip at her bottom lip. A heartbeat later and then her face falls away from his, and his eyes snap open to see her tears begin to fall. Confusion rides him hard as her sobs rack her and she presses her face to his shoulder. His gaze roves her body as she pours out words he doesn't comprehend at first through the haze of his need. What is wrong with her? Nothing, as far as he can see. No new bites or cuts, nor swelling that couldn't be attributed to her pregnancy. But, he sniffs. And then he remembers.
God damn it all. Fucking Dovev.
The beast snarls and paces from one corner of his mind to the next, its fury renewed. Zor stands frozen, the lines of his face drawn tight, jaw clenched. She says she is sorry. That she doesn't want to hurt him. And yet, she'd fucking left him after opening the gates of his heart. And she'd been with him. If he were capable of growling, he would. Now burning in a way that had little to do with desire. No, scratch that. He has a new desire. One that has his beast's maw dripping with drool as its lips draw back over its fangs. His heart races as he suddenly craves blood. Blood and pain. So much pain.
He comes to realize he is trembling himself, and snaps back to the here and now with Diz. It isn't her he will be tearing into. He isn't so furious with her. At least not mostly. "What's going on, Diz." He forces the red from his vision. Forces the words through clenched teeth. His voice is rough, like water over jagged rocks. He doesn't know what to say. He isn't good with words. All he truly knows is all these retched feelings warring in his mind, along with this damn beast with its snarling and rattling. Soon, pet. Very soon. He forces his gaze to her face, searching. He knows she will decipher his meaning. She of all people should understand him. He struggles to steady himself, the wildness of his breathing, the panging of his heart. There are things he should say, he knows, but he can't at this moment. Can't focus enough to know what to say.
04-05-2017, 09:00 AM (This post was last modified: 04-05-2017, 09:06 AM by Disastardly.)
God, he was angry. She could see it in his eyes. He’d always been so fucking hot when he was angry, when he was stirred up, when his blood ran hottest and his hard-won control slipped and he lost himself in the blood. And she’d reveled in it right alongside him, right beneath him, thrust back against him for all she was worth as he drove into her, and fucking gloried in the pain of those teeth tearing into her skin. The way he moaned when she bit him back, the way his blood trickled down her skin, mingling with hers as it flowed. His touch smearing it against the black and white of her body, it had all driven her fucking wild.
Before.
He didn’t wait for her to reach him, but came to meet her in her desperation, groaning and nipping her lip the way she loved so damn much and kissing her back, right there with her, ravenous after a month or more without her. Without so much as a word, god, how could she do that to him? And she should have been on fire, should have been out of her mind with need, what the fuck was wrong with her?
She couldn’t blame exhaustion. Couldn’t blame running on empty and going a couple of rounds with Dovev only hours before, because it had been days since she’d touched him. She’d made fucking sure of it. She hadn’t particularly hurt or ached or dissolved into a pool of tears over anything especially stupid today, thank fuck, and there was no goddamned reason she couldn’t drag her sweet little teddy bear into the dirt and wake the beast in him, the beast she’d helped put there in the first place, and fuck him ‘til they both collapsed.
So why the fucking hell was she messing it up again? Tears ran down her face, and she forced herself to meet those eyes she loved so much, brown flecked with a hint of their mother’s lavender. God, and she hated herself for the confusion and the anger she found there, and the hurt that lay deeper. Hurt she’d caused, hurt she’d put in her Zor’s gorgeous eyes.
A beautiful disaster, he’d called her. His beautiful disaster. Their mother had known it the first time she’d seen the tiny bundle of black and white and bloodshed lying at her feet, had named her a vicious, cruel, devouring disaster with a sick kind of pride in her voice. And named her well. Look what she’d done to her beautiful Zor. By the time he’d come along she’d long since learned the world was full of suffering. Life was pain, so she’d taught her sweet little teddy bear to love it bit by bit. Played such delicious, vicious games with him turning the hurt into something good, something he craved.
All in the name of love.
And when he’d gone and grown up on her and those games had taken on a whole new meaning, when she’d found him with Dovev and learned the agony and the ecstasy their bodies could reach, she had reveled in what she’d made of him. For months, for a year, she’d coaxed and provoked and driven him higher and higher, never thinking of anything beyond the rush, the need, the high of touching him. Of setting them both on fire and letting their bodies burn for each other.
And then they’d played with Dov again. So good, so fucking good, they were explosive. Their own glorious disaster, and somehow she’d forgotten just how disastrous it could be. One little word had changed the whole fucking world long before she’d spoken it.
Pregnant.
And then Dov had gone and fucked everything up showing her how it could be without the pain. Devastating and amazing, he’d changed something in her; she’d stripped away her defenses and left herself naked before him, and in that moment the whole world was new. Life wasn’t pain, life was him, the tenderness of his touch, the soft, slow kisses, the quiet intensity and the terrifying, beautiful something that had come to life while he held her, while he loved her.
And where the fuck did she go from there? She’d gotten it all so wrong, had from the start, and god, what if she got it just as bad with her kid? Fuck. Zor was trembling with the force of barely contained emotions, and Diz was right there with him, even if the ones she was struggling with were very different. “What’s going on, Diz.” His voice was just shy of a growl, rough with hurt and frustration and dammit, she usually loved it when he was growling but this was different.
“I don’t know. I don’t know, I don’t know, it’s all messed up, Zor. I messed everything up. I got it wrong from the start, I’ve always gotten it so fucking wrong and I don’t know how to fix it. How not to fuck it up for this kid when all I’ve ever done was fuck up. I’ve been hurting you your whole life, pain all tangled up in love ‘til it hurt so good, and I don’t know how not to do that all over again.”
She pulled away, curling in on herself, unable to meet those beautiful eyes a moment longer. Her voice dropped to barely above a whisper, losing the frantic edge as heartache slowed her words and weighed them down. “I should’ve been better. I should’ve done it all better, Zor, and I don’t know how. I’m getting everything all wrong and I can’t breathe when I think of it. How I treated you, how I’m still treating you. I’m hurting you with every single choice I make, everything I do, everything I don’t do. I love you so fucking much and all I ever do is hurt you. I tried to make sense of it, and all I did was leave you waiting for answers I can’t find.”
Her shoulders slumped, head drooping, and she forced herself to look up into his eyes again. “How do I fix it, Zor? How do I make it right, how the hell do I make sure not to get it wrong all over again? Tell me. Please,” she begged, her eyes brimming over with tears once again.
04-05-2017, 10:01 AM (This post was last modified: 04-05-2017, 10:11 AM by Zoryn.)
Do something.
Zoryn
His lungs burned for lack of breathing, but he welcomed it. Every inhale, he could swear he could smell the bastard, and for once, it's making him sick. The beast paces, crashing into its cage walls, wanting out- wanting to be free. He couldn't let it. Right now, even he is afraid what it will do. What it will make him do. Right now, that isn't what he wants. At this moment, the very thing he wants is pulling away from him. Slowly tearing in the most agonizing way.
He can't fucking handle it.
This has never been an option, losing her. Could that really be what was happening right now? That he could lose her. To him? No. Nonononono. Fuck that. He would kill him. He would do that for her. Anything, he realized. But would it be enough? God, what is this. Why. Love is a burning thing. More than he knew. He can't lose her. He won't. In his mind, the beast is frantic, clawing and chewing the walls of its cage. He had to get control.
He listens to her, moves close to her. Needs the contact, even while she tells him what a wreck she is. He shakes his head again and again as she says things like she's always done wrong and always hurt him. "No, Diz." Quiet, and she continues on. He loves the pain. The physical pain. This current pain is destroying him and he tries so hard to keep it together.
She moves away from him, and he feels the distance like a knife to his chest. Almost wishes it was literal pain, and not this. His brows are furrowed, muscles tight all over, twitching occasionally with the tension. Lips pressed into a flat line. Tears burn in his eyes, not yet welling up. He's never cried before, he wouldn't very well start now. His legs ache to step toward her, but he senses more, so he waits. Listens to her as she starts again, her usually sultry voice dropped into this hollow and aching, vulnerable thing. He tries to make sense of all she says, but he latches on to just one phrase. Clings to it like a lifeline. "I love you so fucking much..." The rest that followed is just words.
"Stop. You're not making sense." Suddenly solid, his voice. Firm. He steps forward, just a step, when she looks up at him through those brown eyes of hers. She begs him to tell her how to fix it, how to make it right. He shakes his head to clear everything from his mind. Everything but her. Diz, his Diz. He pushes his gaze into hers, urging her to see the truth of it and the way he feels. "I love you, Diz. It's never been more clear. I love you and I'm going to be here. Always. No matter who you go and fuck." He meant it as kind of a joke, one corner of his lips quirking up, but his tone fell flat and low with that last sentence. His beast roars, and he inwardly yells to shut it up. Slowly, he shakes his head, staring into her eyes and wanting. Just wanting. To soothe her, to lose himself in her. To love her. He wants it. All of it. Doesn't she? "All I want is you. Forever." The truth of it hurts, but it hurts so fucking good. He moves in on her, slowly. Brushing the side of his muzzle against the roundness of her belly- a sweet hello- before he trails his touch to her neck. Places a soft kiss there. He whispers. "There doesn't have to be pain." Another kiss, wet and warm and gentle. Up, closer to her jawline. He whispers. "Let me love you, Dizzy. Let me show you."
“Stop,” he told her, “you’re not making sense,” and he wasn’t wrong. Words were pouring out of her mouth without conscious thought, tripping and stumbling and rushing to explain something she didn’t understand herself. But he’d asked her, and she was trying. God, she was trying.
So she listened. She stopped talking, stopped trying to make a damn bit of sense out of what was happening inside her, what was happening between them, and just listened to her Zor, letting him hold her gaze, letting him be her anchor with his eyes and his voice if not his touch.
“I love you, Diz,” he told her, and her heart eased. She hadn’t broken everything, not yet, not entirely. “I love you and I’m going to be here.” They’d get it right, they’d do better than their parents had, and they’d do it together. It was going to be okay. “No matter who you go and fuck.”
She pulled back, startled at the words, at the flatness of his tone even as he tried to smile, tried to lighten the words into nothing important. A joke, a little teasing between siblings. Not a slap in the face, not a loaded barb, no jealousy there, not with that half-smile, really. Her stomach clenched, her eyes briefly clouding with hurt and confusion. He’d never given a damn before. Who she’d touched, who she’d tasted, who she’d fucked. Hell, more than once he’d watched Dovev taking her and it had only made him hotter, made him hungry for more.
But then, she’d never left him wanting before, never turned aside his advances, never failed to go up in flames right along with him. And she hadn’t just left him, she’d left for more than a month, not a word of goodbye, not a single explanation. She’d fucked up, no denying it. She’d hurt him.
God, she never wanted to hurt him.
“Okay,” she murmured, nodding as he trailed kisses up her neck. Maybe he was right. Maybe it wasn’t Dov, maybe it was the way he’d touched her. Maybe she could be with Zor the same way, feel the same way with him. Why should it only be Dov who could love her like that, only Dov she could strip herself bare and fall into with ragged breath and trembling limbs and a racing heart, shaking and aching and yearning to give everything she was to him. Every fragile, jagged, fucked up piece of herself.
Maybe she could be that way with Zor too. She had to try. She had to know. So instead of pulling back, she bared the line of her throat to his soft lips, letting him taste, letting him touch, letting him teach her all over again how it could be between them. “Okay, Zoryn. Show me.”
He watches every expression that plays over her as he speaks, catching every reaction. The way she recoils when he makes it apparent he cares who she fucks- even though he tried to convince them both otherwise, he'd clearly failed. His eyes go hooded and dark. Sudden realizations come to him like several punches to the gut in rapid succession. He does care. He loves her and wants her all to himself- at least her heart, if not her body also. And this is all his fault; now, where they stand, with this awful tension between them that had never been there before. His fault. He'd done this to himself.
He'd discovered sexuality in a wild way, mixed with so much passion and want. With Dovev, with her, and with them both together. Exquisite torture and teasing and pain, rising to new heights until it all exploded together in the most excellent ways. Satisfaction is a most addictive high. One that Zoryn had gotten lost in trying to achieve over and over again. With Dovev, with her, with them both together. With the occasional other, too, when he'd been denied from them.
He'd failed, however, to realize the cost. Hugely underestimated the concept of consequence. Whether through ignorance or negligence, it doesn't matter. Not now. Not anymore. Now he knows. With sex comes emotions. Emotions breed more sex. With sex and timing comes the most amazing surprise. A precious bundle of life growing in the womb of the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on. Her pregnancy led to more emotions. Which, apparently led to more sex, albeit not with him.
This was all his fault. If he'd known going into things that having the two of them- his love and his infatuation- together at the same time would have led to this moment, he might have thought better of it. Might have made different decisions. They'd been so fucking hot. So explosive. Disastrous. And he hadn't known just how much so, til now. All because of his greed, his desires, his selfishness. Nobody's fault but his.
She's all he's ever had. Always there, through everything. And now, more than ever, she is all he wants. But because of him, because of the delicious things he'd done, he could lose her.
NO. He can't. He won't. Not her, never her. He won't stand for it, no matter what that means he has to do. To start, he refuses to allow it as a possibility. He is hers and she is his, forever, undeniable. There is more at stake than him or her now. Now, there is the two of them together, growing into something amazing inside her body. Her beautiful body, sleek and gorgeous and shining. He had asked her to let him love her. Let him show her, and she'd agreed. So he lets the whole world fade away as he surrounds himself with Dizzy. Surrounds her. Focuses on nothing but her and the way he feels about her, pouring it out into her with his touch. He would not question if he was good enough. Not now. Now was all about her. His Dizzy.
He leaves no section of skin unattended or untouched. Gentle kisses and easy touches, exploring and seeking. He starts along her neck, where she tilts her head back for him, caressing her hair away to further allow for his attentions. He nibbles gently and massages away any tension. His kisses are strategically placed, tongue tasting and coaxing. He is wholly attuned to her, listening for every hitch of her breath, every little moan. He absorbs it, lets it fill him, encourage him. Pulls himself to her and embraces her as he lifts his head for a moment to see her face, to tip her head and deliver a warm, slow kiss. He hums deeply, moving his face to the side to slide his muzzle along the side of hers. Nuzzling the side of her face and letting his love for her be his guide as his lips travel down the other side of her neck. Massaging and kissing a path down to the crook above her shoulder. There, he sighs, gazing over her belly and then closes his eyes. Just for a moment, he presses his forehead to the soft place of her shoulder above her breast. "Dizzy, I love you. So much. I want you. Not only your amazing body, but all of you. I can't bear to lose you, Diz. Don't ever leave me. Please." His heart swells and races, pounding all the way up into his ears. The truth of his words tightens his chest, his throat, making his voice a deep, rough rumble. A single tear leaks from one eye, rolling down his nose and into her skin. He can't imagine life without her. It just wouldn't be the same.
Show me, she’d asked him, told him to touch her, to coax her body to catch fire the way it always had, the way it should, the way he needed it to. She closed her eyes, shut out the rest of the world, and tried to focus on the sensation, on losing herself in the feel of his touch. Lips trailing kisses along her neck, tongue tasting her skin, teeth nibbling gently, it felt good. Nice. Lovely. But it was supposed to burn, wasn’t it? Fuck, it had always burned, in this delicious, exquisite way, dragging gasps and moans out of her, pulling his name from her lips.
She tried, melting into his touch and making the right sounds, and gradually her body started to react. Quietly, slowly, warmth building where there had always been fire before. “Mmm,” she hummed against his lips as he tilted her chin and kissed her slow and deep. She rubbed her cheek against his as he moved in closer, sighed and leaned into his touch as he kissed his way down the other side of her neck. Okay, yeah. See, she could definitely still do this.
Then he spoke, and dammit, she should’ve felt a jolt of electricity at those words, at the naked need in his voice. Instead? Maybe it was some kind of maternal instinct kicking in, but all she wanted to do was wrap him up in her arms and tell him everything was going to be alright. “Shhh, baby, it’s okay,” she murmured, kissing away the tear that fell down his cheek. “You haven’t lost me, love, you’re not losing me. I’m not going anywhere, okay? You’re my family, Zor. I love you. I’m always gonna be here for you, baby.” She pulled him closer, wrapping herself around him and hugging him. “Always.”
Sighing against his skin, she finally let herself say the hard part. “But it’s not just you and me anymore, baby. Our family’s bigger now. This baby’s coming soon, and...and I don’t even know what to tell my kid to call you, Zor. Its uncle, its...its dad, I don’t know. What you want to be to it. How Dov fits in - and he does fit in, Zor, whether the baby’s his or not. I love him. He’s part of this family too. Part of my family, at least. I don’t get to decide if he’s part of yours, that’s between the two of you. But for this baby’s sake, I need us to figure our shit out. Before it gets here. Because life’s gonna be hard enough for it without...god, Zor, we have to do better for it, I have to do better for this kid, have to set a better example for it than our parents did for us. I don’t know how to do that when I don’t even know what better’s supposed to look like, but I think we’ve got to talk things out. Even if it’s hard. Even if we’d rather not, even if we’re no good at it. Can you talk to me, baby?”
He feels like such a fool. Such a selfish, need-driven, lustful fool. He brought this all on himself, and now, he stands to lose all he's ever had. His words spill from his mouth freely, dragged from the deepest part of him. Even after he'd spoken, they ring out in his head over and over and over with the truth of them. His need for her and the life growing within her far outweigh his desire for her luscious body beneath his. As the tear travels down his face, and he fights the beast inside hissing the word 'weak', all the fire from moments ago slowly dies. This new pain and fear run through him like a cool river, washing away the burn. Such a fool. His efforts of seducing her are futile, even as she'd slowly began to soften under his touch. He could do it; love her slow and easy, fill her and bring her to the edge. He knows it. But now, he must contend with the other in her life. The other he'd put there. His choice. His doing.
Fucking stupid fool.
His throat tightens more as he battles back more tears from falling, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his face further against her breast when she envelops him. His chest aches, clenching against his racing heart, against her soft murmuring that it will be alright. She kisses the damned salty-wet bead of weakness from his cheek and he shakes his head, moving to clutch her tighter to him as a ragged breath drags from him. He just couldn't lose her, he can't.
Like a foolish child, he clutches her, ears absorbing every word from her about never leaving. Family, that's what they are, and she says she will always be here. She pulls him closer and he adjusts so they are chest to chest, wrapped together as tightly as two equines could be. He hates himself in this moment, hates the way he almost asks her to promise, because for once he isn't so sure anymore. He hates the warring of fear and anger inside him, resentment and rage. All things there because of him. Because he'd been too young and greedy to realize the depth of what he'd had all along.
Maybe- Maybe it isn't as bad as he thinks. Maybe the damage isn't so great. He would have Diz forever. She would never leave him. She would be here with him always, just as she said. Zor relaxed his hold on her as she sighs into his shoulder, breath warm against his skin. Maybe things could be alright. Maybe he hasn't totally fucked up. He nuzzles his face against her, trying to savor the moment and let things go. Then, she opens her mouth.
"But it's not just you and me anymore, baby. Our family's bigger now. This baby's coming soon, and.." Of course. In response, his heart leaps, and he moves to caress her belly. Precious little bundle. Theirs, he thinks. Then.. "I don’t even know what to tell my kid to call you, Zor. Its uncle, its...its dad, I don’t know. What you want to be to it." He pulls back from her, brows nudged together. A solid look of sincerity snaps into his eyes as he bores his gaze into hers.
"I will be whatever our kid needs."
His voice is low, blunt. He is about to lower his head to her again, but she continues. Speaks of Dovev. The beast in him jerks his head up and growls, baring its sharp pointed teeth. Her voice holds affection for the other man as she insists to him that he does fit in. That Dov is a part of her family. That.. she loves him. And he could be the father.
Just like that, everything within him plummets and spirals downward. All his fault. All thanks to him. Visions flash to the forefront of his mind. Their bodies mingling, their blood and sweat and flesh blending together. So delicious, it'd been. Now he clenches his eyes and shakes his head to clear it. His nose wrinkles, his face tightening and eyes flashing. His head rises indignantly as she says he is to choose whether Dovev is to be a part of his life. Because he will be part of hers. But so will Zoryn. And so, what? He is to share her? Seriously? The beast in him snarls and hisses, spitting as it lurches into motion in his mind, quick and then slowly pacing the confines of its cage. He feels it building. The red-hot coals of anger and, with it, the need. To hurt and be hurt. But he works to tamp it down. She isn't finished speaking, and even if he is inching closer and closer to leaving, he will wait to hear her out.
"For this baby’s sake, I need us to figure our shit out. Before it gets here. Because life’s gonna be hard enough for it without...god, Zor, we have to do better for it, I have to do better for this kid, have to set a better example for it than our parents did for us. I don’t know how to do that when I don’t even know what better’s supposed to look like, but I think we’ve got to talk things out. Even if it’s hard. Even if we’d rather not, even if we’re no good at it. Can you talk to me, baby?"
Talk? Talk about what? His ears twitch, as do random muscles over his neck and back. He doesn't want to hear more about how he must share her- share the precious- with him. Even though he was the one to start it all. Zoryn. Him. It wasn't supposed to be this way. None of it. Never did he hate himself more. But she was right. They need to get past this.. shit, as she'd called it. So, he quieted his mind. If only for a time. She was right about more than that, too.
"This kid will have better. Whatever better is. He or she will have us. Both of us." He sighs then, peering off into the distance- into the forest around them. "It will know family. A family who loves it. We aren't perfect. Probably never will be. But we will be here like they weren't for us. Our story won't be theirs. Maybe that in itself, is better."
Our kid. Our. A smile softened Dizzy’s face, easing the tension written there by her worry over her child’s-- their child’s future. Zor tensed up in turn, and Dizzy waited, letting him work through things and find a way to put them into words. They had so little practice, and she knew damn well how hard it could be to find the words to say, to translate a maelstrom inside into something coherent and true. So she stood steady, watching her Zor twitch, watching him sigh and look out into the forest and let the words come out.
And they weren’t so bad. Hell, they were a relief, washing over her and soothing the fear she’d been fighting so hard since she realized she was going to be a mom. "This kid will have better. Whatever better is. He or she will have us. Both of us. It will know family. A family who loves it. We aren't perfect. Probably never will be. But we will be here like they weren't for us. Our story won't be theirs. Maybe that in itself, is better."
“Oh, Zor,” she murmured, leaning into him, pressing a soft, sweet kiss to his lips. She paused a moment, breathing him in, then brushed her cheek against his and nodded. “You’re right, baby. Of course you’re right. We'll love our kid, be there for it, show it that perfect or not, we’re family and family stands by each other. Right, Zor?” She stepped closer, her chest against his as she pulled him into another hug. “Do you really think it’s gonna be okay? That our baby will turn out okay?”
Maybe they really could do it. Raise this baby together, even with...everything. Dov had encouraged her to go work things out with Zor, maybe it would all really be okay. Ha, maybe she'd been worried over nothing. And she’d started to respond to Zor’s touch, even if it had taken a while. Maybe it was just stress and fear and worry over impending parenthood and how they’d do, how they’d cope, maybe she just needed to relax and let go. Take her time warming up, that wasn’t so bad, right? He loved her, he could be patient, could coax her slowly out of her weird hormone-induced frenzy and everything would be okay again.
Our baby. Yes. Theirs. He watches the smile spreading those sweet lips of hers and lets it warm him. It doesn't even matter to him that Dov may or may not be a part of this, or so he tells himself now. This precious child would live and grow with them, beloved by them, and Zoryn would be damned to hell if he let anything happen badly to it. Not if there was ever a thing he could do about it. He had to look away from her as he spoke, not wanting to see the softness in her eyes nor for her to see the deep anger growing well inside his own. He has matters to attend to if Dovev indeed was going to be a continued part in their lives. This was his fault, his doing. And he would see to it that it didn't get any worse.
Later, though. After he has had plenty of time with his Dizzy. "Oh, Zor." Gods, his whispered nickname on her lips.. He turns back to her in answer, sliding amethyst-flecked brown eyes back to her face. She leans into him, and he welcomes the pressure of her against his chest once more, tilts his head to return her sweet kiss. Oh, how he aches to deepen it and take it further. He groans, a soft rumble of a sound- like distant thunder- savoring the warmth of her against him in every way. Too soon, though, she breaks her lips from his, but at least she does not break contact. Her cheek brushes along his and he can hear her soft inhalation of his scent, closes his eyes as shivers creep up his spine with her exhale. Mm, yes. He is hers, always and forever. If only it could be the same for her. But that is his fault. The cost of his own selfish actions. One he must pay, and oh precious, he will pay his dues. Cheek pressed to hers, he stares out over her body into the wood, eyes going hooded and glazed as he imagines--
She is speaking softly in his ear, pulling him back from the edge of darkness where the red beckons him beyond, and quieting the snarling beast in his mind until it is just a bundle of restless energy shrinking back into its dark little corner. Such power she holds, as she steps further into him and embraces him once more. Mm, her woodsy scent fills his nose until he is drunk with it, pressing his lips to the soft edge of her throat under the corner of her jaw. His teeth scrape there, a light pinch before he kisses and lets his tongue soothe the pain. "Yes, my love. Everything will work out." He purrs the words into her skin, lips traveling up to her ear and up to brush her hair from those beautiful brown eyes- warm like a cup of hot cocoa on a chilly night.
Peering into them from under lowered lashes, he smiles and kisses the bridge of her nose before moving down to her neck and shoulder, nuzzling and loving every bit of the way down to her belly where he caresses and places a warm kiss there again. "Precious, you will be." Just but a whisper against the flesh of the curve protecting the very thing they'd never once contemplated having. The thing he couldn't wait to see now. "Everything will be just fine."If it's the last thing I do, I will see to that. Beyond where Diz can see, his eyes go dark again, just for a moment, and then he closes them and sinks into her. Feeling his way to her back, he goes to rub her, massaging muscles that are surely aching from the extra weight. Up and down her back, caressing and kissing now and again. Working the knots and working to prove he could love her without having to be inside her.
