"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
She had treated her unfairly. It had been wrong to look at her with judging eyes and an accusing look. There were many excuses she could think of, she wanted to think of, but none of them justified it. Her way of greeting an old friend hadn’t been the right one. And Jinju regretted it. She could not turn back time and erase what had happened, however, she could apologise.
That her father was unwilling to touch her, to talk to her like they had done, was not Circinae’s fault. Neither Ruan’s probably, but either way it wasn’t something in which she should get the other mare involved. Jinju hoped that the green and navy blue wolf shifter was willing to be her friend, even if it might be strange for father and daughter to share one.
”Circy?” she calls out, making her way through the Taiga’s pine tree forest. Jinju had never been afraid of the wolves that roamed her home. Well, except of that one time. She had followed the twins Alivia an Arete on adventure in the middle of the night, only to get lost and hear the howling of wolves in the dark. That was before her parents had become the Taiga’s protectors. The red eyed girl didn’t fear Circinae, just like she had never feared either Ruan or Reagan. Didn’t all those who lived here belong to their family?
Oh, my love, don't forsake me Take what the water gave me
Forgiveness comes easily to her. Where would she be if others hadn’t extended the same courtesy to her, after all? When she reveals them, her past transgressions, there hasn’t been a soul to hold it against her. That is, of course, every soul except the one she abandoned. Time tells her such a forgiveness may never come. Raeanne had not been seen or heard from in a very long time and Circinae had searched for her in vain. It’s the only stone she carries anymore in her heart, the only ghost that haunts her in the night.
This is why Jinju’s tepid call for her only arouses a smile where others might frown. Youthfulness, she knows, is a burden all on its own and the reaction she had garnered from some of the others had certainly put her out, but not off, of her game. It’s not hard to intercept the black mare, (she is a mare now, that much is clear) since Jinju had already been on the lookout for her, a faint but warm “Jinju, what a pleasant surprise.” offered in greeting. The bicolored shifter feels no tension, no reason to be short or ill-tempered with the other Taiga member.
She only smiles, extends that soft, forest green nose, and asks “Is everything alright?” before settling comfortably near to her inky companion. These past few weeks have been strained - for everyone - and Circy can’t help but feel a stab of joy that out of all the others she could’ve come to, Jinju’s chosen to come directly to her. It makes her feel, for the first time, like she might belong.
To someone who was capable of holding grudges, forgiveness didn’t come easy or natural. There was much she still had to learn, perhaps it was Circinae that could be her guide in that. Magic she had learned from her mother, Ruan had learned her the way of the wolf, her family had learned her how to love. Maybe Circy could learn her forgiveness. And on top of that, Jinju needed a friend. Yes, she could tell Ruan everything. But girls talk wasn’t included.
Circinae’s friendly greeting stirs something within her, makes her feel uneasy. Not because she didn’t like the navy blue and forest green shifter, but this made her only feel more guilty. It would be easier if Circy was angry with her, or at least disappointed, Jinju knew she deserved that. Don’t get her wrong, she was grateful that it was like this, but perhaps it would’ve been more in sync with her own feelings if it had been like that. ”Circy” she repeats, smiling and with a dip of her head.
”I.. I’m good. I just..” she pauses, ruby eyes travelling to the side to stare off though the pine trees that belonged in the Taiga. Taking a deep breath she forces herself to look back at the other mare, ears flicking around, everything around her screamed how insecure and uncomfortable she felt. ”Circy.. I’m sorry.” The words hung in the air between them, tense and waiting to be accepted or turned down. Not that Jinju expected Circinae to turn her down, but she didn’t take it for granted either. She hoped it would be like that though, that they could speak about it now and then leave it behind them.
Oh, my love, don't forsake me Take what the water gave me
Circinae has always had the uncanny ability to do the unexpected. She rather likes that part of herself, even though it has the indirect consequence of making others feel … uncomfortable. No, she can’t read minds, but the way Jinju’s unsettling eyes slide to the redwoods around them (and that regretful, almost painful sounding sigh) is clear enough to paint a thousand pictures without her ever having to say a single word. The russet wolf shifter tilts her head, contemplates what she’s about to say, and then decides honesty is the best policy here.
That warm smile falters, lips parting as she tells Jinju “Don’t be.” Circy cannot begin to understand what has happened here in their home or with Ruan and Reagan, but she knows exactly what Jinju is referring to. The meeting; the meeting where Ruan had come to her before all others, had chosen to openly display his preference for her company before his own mate. A moment that Circinae preferred to remember instead of shy away from - and Jinju should know that truth. “You were right to be upset. They all were. Ruan and I …” She begins, but she finds she cannot finish.
Now it is her turn to sigh, her turn to flick her tail irritably before letting her eyes stray away. “Ruan and I are simply alike, we find comfort in each other's company. Nothing more.” The green mare explains, mouth twisting downwards near the edges. “Though,” She murmurs, finding the words hard but necessary, “I admit I wanted it to be more.”
She was sorry, genuinely sorry, though she probably would react in the same way as she had before if it would happen all over again. It hurt, it had hurt badly, each time he chose someone above them. Above their family. That was how it had looked to Jinju, but it still didn’t justify her reaction. On top of that she was disappointed with herself, she had thought she had grown over the jealous feelings, but clearly she hadn’t yet.
So when Circinae simply tells her to not be sorry, the inky black mare can only shake her head. Slowly her head sways back in the forest girl’s direction. She was about to reply, to tell that she had wronged her, did het unjust. But Circy beats her to it. This has Jinju frowning a bit. Who is she referring too? It had been just them and Ruan when she had welcomed Circinae in the Taiga again, nobody else had been there. Or did, perhaps, Circinae think she was apologizing for something else.
There is silence between them, and Jinju does not know what to say, or perhaps she wants to hear what the other mare has to say first. Hearing that her father had gained a friend makes her lips curl up, he deserved that as much as anyone else, especially now, though, when Circy continues, it falters again. This time the silence is almost painful, but Jinju’s tongue feels almost immobile.
”Just.. give him a while.. Give us all some time..” she replies, only now noticing that she had taken a step back. Jinju could not say that she liked the thought. She rather treasured the memory of her parents together. But, at the same time, it wasn’t Circy’s fault. And Jinju couldn’t be mad at her for being honest.
So she steps forward again, her neck stretching as she reached out. She does not touch the navy and green woman, leaving some space between them for Circinae to close if she desired so. ”But.. That’s not what I was apologizing for. I’m happy my dad has a friend.. And I should’ve welcomed you warmer..” They had set off on the right foot, until Ruan decided to not accept the hug she had pulled him in. It had been like he had been disgusted with her touch, but she had seen how he had accepted Circinae close. That had hurt and upset her, accusing Circy of things she hadn’t done. And that was wrong.
oh, my love, don't forsake me. take what the water gave me ..
Ruan had been right. Jinju wasn’t a child anymore and she certainly didn’t need his protection. Regardless of the differences in bloodlines, it was suddenly so clear to Circinae that the black horse before her was Ruan’s daughter. It was in the way she spoke, the manner in which she offered to close the separation between them, even in her ability to accept the friendship that was growing between her father and the little russet wolf. The fire wielder and the ice king were cut from the same cloth. “The past is behind us. Let’s leave it that way, shall we?” Circy offers, stretching her neck forward so that her nose might clash gently against the satin black of Jinju’s.
It’s only when she pulls herself together once more that Circinae brings back the soft smile she’s so known for, a light “What will you do with your time now?” filling the empty space between them. It was an honestly curious question, because Circy was glad she’d finally begun to build a friendship out of thin air. The world was Jinju’s oyster now - she could do with it as she pleased, but Circinae’s intentions were to remain here and begin building something of a life out of the nothing she’d left behind her. Would the redwoods hold her captive? No. The forest green mare has always been a bit of a free spirit, that would never change.
Protection? No, that was not what she needed, or desired. What she did want was a loving home and contact with her family, with friends. And with the resent happenings those two both stood a little shaky. She would miss her mother around in the Taiga and she hoped that the gray mare wouldn’t mistake her staying as choosing Ruan over her. Jinju simply chose the Taiga. But a Taiga with friends would be better than one in which she would be lonely.
”Gladly” she thus answers. She’s not hesitant in moving forward, closing the last distance between their noses. The touch is brief, but Jinju welcomes it. In fact, she would like more of it, though it was a nice start.
Settling back she lets her gaze wander around for a little, wondering what Circinae meant with that question. It was not like she planned out what to do every day, Jinju preferred it to just see what a new day would bring her. ”It won’t be much different from before I guess” she thus answers after a while, and Jinju would’ve shrugged her shoulders if she had been able to. Her red gaze find Circy’s again, her dark head tilting. As if she was asking why the navy and green mare had asked that.
But it would be nice to talk to someone, about silly things, just to forget about all that had happened for a while. ”I’m not leaving the Taiga. I love my mom, and it’s not like I’m picking Ruan’s side, but I just want to stay home. I might want to explore a bit more though, perhaps visit some other lands?” Find someone that makes my heart skip a beat.
oh, my love, don't forsake me. take what the water gave me ..
The wolf shifter understands the calling of ‘other places’. How could one stay so grounded when the world out there was so infinitely grand? Horses roamed, it was true, but wolves expanded their territory, brought others with them, trekked and hunted and slept where others wouldn’t. Jinju is young, vibrant, filled with adventure and perhaps even seeking out someone or something to fill the emptiness that’s been brought to the Taiga so recently. Circinae understands.
She understands because that peace for her is golden hued. He smells of the earth and air, shares secrets with her and draws her in instead of pushing her away. “Go while you can, you won’t regret it.” Circy encourages with a smile, tail batting softly against her hide while the few insects of the woodland begin their assault. “I haven’t been to other lands yet, only to the wilderness. Everything else seems so far away for my shorter legs.” She laughs. Still, she remembers a time when she and Raeanne had braved the journey together. It had been easier with a companion.
“Your mother will always be your mother, though.” She tells her, turning the conversation back to the black mares mention of Reagan. “Something tells me Reagan won’t be gone forever, too. Perhaps I’m wrong … but I’d like to think otherwise.”
Honestly, she wouldn’t know where to start. All she knew was the Taiga and the forest from her occasional trips there. As a child she had felt exposed in other places. She had taken a habit of hiding under Ruan’s wings. Luckily she had grown over that habit, as it was no longer possible. And not only because her father had been stripped of his magnificent wings. ”I guess I will. Though I wouldn’t know where to. Does one just take off in a random direction?” She looks at her – indeed – shorter friend, grinning a bit. ”I’m sure your endurance should make it very much possible” she jokes back, reaching out to bump Circinae’s shoulder playfully.
With that the conversation grew from light to heavy, but perhaps it was time for Jinju to get it all off her heart. That was, if Circy was willing to listen. She could imagine how awkward it must be for the other mare. ”I’m not losing a mother again.. I can’t lose her” she admits softly. It had happened not once but twice before. The thought that Reagan would be taken from her too was enough for Jinju to grow restless. If she would go and travel, explore the world, she maybe first should look for the gray and emerald mare that had raised her. ”I.. I would like it for her to come back. But that’s something between my parents. Time will tell us I guess..” Who wouldn’t want to see their parents happily together? Jinju sure did.
But enough about her. Like Circy had been curious to her plans, Jinju was curious to learn Circinae’s. ”And you? What will you do now? You’ll stay right?” Before she could stop herself, it had already been spoken. Surprised by her own words the inky mare took a step back, somewhat flustered. She had not meant to speak out her wishes so directly. Nor did she want to force her friendship onto Circy. ”What.. what I meant. I hope you’ll stay. We could use a friend..” Who she exactly meant she wasn’t sure of herself either.
oh, my love, don't forsake me. take what the water gave me ..
So easy to forgive and forget. Circinae almost wishes she could be more like the ruby-eyed fledgling. The excitement in her voice carries the two-toned mare back to a simpler place of her childhood, when she’d wished so badly for a sibling and instead been granted with a visit from Wyrm. Horrible, terrible creature that he was, the shifter had been rather unimpressed with his whelp of a sibling and luckily, Circy hasn’t seen hide or hair of him since then. Perhaps … perhaps Jinju could fill that lost space for a while. It would be pleasant to think of herself as mentor, friend, and elder sister-like figure to the budding woman. But these are thoughts she keeps to herself, allowing only a bright smile to waver over her face as a gentle laugh parts her lips.
“I’ll stay, don’t worry about that.” She assures, knowing it to be true regardless of the outcome from the recent storm. Lightning would flash, thunder would roll, but the rains from such a disturbance always brought fresh peace and watered earth with it. Something new and wonderful always seemed to prevail against terrible odds. “In the meantime, while we all settle from this particular rattling of bones, I think getting out would be good for everyone.” Circinae muses, tail flippantly swinging in thought.
“We’re located in the heart of this world - so striking out in just about any direction would work, I think.” The elder mare advises. Truly, nothing was beyond Jinju’s reach if she grasped for it. “But my advice, if you’ll take it, would be to travel East. Nothing too broad or unknown that way. Go see the ocean, and then come back and tell me how it is.” The green mare laughs, turning about to begin a journey of her own. She trades her tail for a shorter one, covered in thick, mahogany hair, wags it a few times for fun and then turns back to gaze once more at Ruan’s get.
“I’ll be here when you get back, I promise.” She says, shifting wholly then before bounding off into the maze of redwood trees.
