"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
04-02-2017, 02:43 AM (This post was last modified: 04-05-2017, 12:33 PM by Dovev.)
dovev
There was more to this.
The words wouldn't stop repeating, and he hated them. He'd be busy, not even thinking of her. Then there they were again. There was more to this.
No. There fucking wasn't.
There couldn't be.
He didn't want there to be.
He'd said goodbye that day. Given Diz a hurried, hungry last kiss and walked away. Or tried to. Wasn't goddamned good enough for her, of course. Pulled him back in for another delicious go, won him over all over again with the taste of her, that look in her eyes he still couldn't get out of his head, her breath against his skin, her desperate moans and aching body. Who the fuck was he to say no? The first time had been amazing. The second time, fantastic. This was nothing like what they normally did, and it was so damn addicting. So unexpected.
Dangerous.
Catastrophic.
So of course he ran like hell as she slept, got the hell out of there. Obviously, they couldn't do that again. They'd laid themselves as bare and naked as they could, each with someone else in their hearts. She had Zoryn, could only love Zoryn. And he was still so hung up on Leliana. Sweet Leliana. Their time together was just a lie, wasn't it? Just a really incredible lie that felt so terrifyingly real.
No, it wasn't real.
But even as he thought it, he knew he'd have to be sure. He couldn't give himself fully if he wasn't sure. He had to see her again, just once. Just to see that it was only a crazy moment, a fatal lapse in judgement. Because he hated her, after all, didn't he. Fucking Diz. And she hated him too. Certainly after that, she must. That would be a good thing. A good thing. They should just hate each other and return to normal. They did hate each other. He just had to see, that was all. Needed to confirm.
And then he saw her. Rounded and pregnant -and still beautiful. That should matter, somehow. His eyes locked with hers and he kept walking, straight for her. He should wonder if it was his -no, of course it was Zor's. He should wonder if she wanted, expected anything from him, help raise it or something. No, but it was Zor's, of course. He should consider if she hated him, didn't want him anywhere near her, wanted him to stay the hell away. He should stop. He should think.
But he didn't.
He went straight to her and caught her mouth with his, crushed hungry, passionate kisses between them, suddenly so aching and desperate. How long had it been now? How long had this festered in his mind? And then he slowed, gradually eased into the deep and tender she'd known so briefly as he stepped closer, felt her body heat in the small space between their skin. Finally, he carefully broke away, his breath short with his face held so near hers.
You always were such a damn distraction, he said quietly, brushing lightly against her beautiful face, the corner of his mouth sweeping against the corner of hers, his teeth barely grazing against the soft velvet of her. His stupid heart pounded so hard, and he lifted deep, black eyes to hers once again, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. She was consuming; stole her way into his thoughts when he least expected it. Inserted herself in his life without even being there now.
Now you're just fucking distracting.
I'll take my bow, I won't make a sound I whisper truce as the ashes hit the ground
04-02-2017, 09:10 PM (This post was last modified: 04-05-2017, 09:14 AM by Disastardly.)
She’d only meant to be gone for a day or two. Just to take some time to think, to walk and move and get her head on straight before going back to Zor, curling up in his warm embrace, and giving him what he needed. What he wanted, what she could feel him craving with every touch. A day or two apart, to figure out what was going on with her and why she was...so fucking different.
Who she was becoming.
But days turned into weeks, and she was no closer to understanding. Weeks turned into a month, and all she wanted was to curl up in her brother’s arms and let his warmth wrap around her, let him hold her and croon soft words of comfort and encouragement in her ear. But any time she imagined those touches turned heated, she froze, inexplicably afraid when she knew he would never hurt her.
Or.
At least not in ways she didn’t love.
So what the hell was wrong with her? Was she broken? Were her hormones fucking with her libido? Maybe when you were pregnant, you just didn’t want it the same way. Maybe bodies just...just sort of shut off? She wanted her Zor, her teddy bear brother all soft and sweet, fangs tucked away and claws sheathed. Did bears have claws that could sheath? Didn’t matter. She wanted home, and safety, and comfort, and...and while she wanted to be able to give him more than that, her body was just...quiet.
Like it was sleeping. Or, well, fine, like it was a little occupied growing a child and didn’t feel super interested in getting laid.
Or so she fucking thought. Until Dovev showed up and shot that theory all to hell and ruined her fragile peace of mind in an instant. Because all it took was a glimpse of him stalking toward her to wake a nervous fluttering in her belly. And he just kept coming, crashing into her, his lips finding hers and stealing an endless, desperate, ravenous kiss, crushing her against him and dragging a groan out of the depths of her throat as that nervous flutter caught fire and heat spread through her.
Fuck.
How did he do this to her?
And then the kiss gentled, tempered, and she swayed against him, caught up in him all over again with just one kiss. He stole the breath right out of her lungs, and she gasped as he eased away, already wanting him back. He murmured something delightfully sexy, or maybe it was just the sound of his voice that sent sparks flaring to life and dancing through her veins, begging her to taste, to touch.
She grunted a quiet little laugh. “Yeah, well, you too, babe.” And she brushed her lips against the corner of his mouth where blue sparkled with stars, so tempting and delicious. She trailed kisses along the hard line of his jaw, lingering as always at that irresistible little spot just beyond, where his pulse thrummed and his scent was just a little more intoxicating, begging her to breathe him in.
“God, how do you do that? One look and I’m yours all over again.”
God, why did it feel so good to have her lips crushed with his? He was supposed to hate her. They were supposed to hate each other. He hadn’t really meant to kiss her, had he? He didn’t even know anymore. Couldn’t remember what had gone through his mind before he’d seen her. But it didn’t really matter, did it? Because this felt good, and she wasn’t pushing him away, wasn’t telling him to back the fuck off. Wasn’t hating him so he could pretend to hate her too. So naturally he continued, took from her what he had been unknowingly craving.
She groaned into their kiss, Ohh, fuck yes, and his pulse immediately quickened. He slowed into the sweet and savory as his heart raced, tasting her, drinking her in and breathing her -silently noting the lack of Zoryn’s scent. Why the hell was that so damn pleasing? Why the hell did that make him never want to stop.
Mine.
No, not his.
Fuck, where was his mind.
She leaned into those deep kisses, encouraged him to take more and more. Fucking gladly. And when he finally broke away, though unable to really distance from her at all, she gasped as though he’d sucked the very breath from her lungs. His lips curved with a satisfied little smirk and he brushed the corner of his mouth with hers, told her she wasn’t a distraction like she used to be. Instead, so goddamn distracting. God, and why did that grunt of a laugh of hers sound good too? It was just a damn chuckle.
”Yeah, well, you too, babe.”
And her lips toyed at the patch of night-blue, that tender spot she had always enjoyed biting into and tasting the blood of his stars. His smile faltered, faded, and his breath stuck in his throat as she trailed kisses along his jawline. He was frozen, held so still as she lingered there at that perfect place. ”God, how do you do that? One look and I’m yours all over again.”
I have a solution for that, he murmured without thinking, barely breathing. Be mine all the time.
But he sure as hell didn’t say it, couldn’t believe he even thought it. He didn’t want Diz, dammit. He wanted Leliana. Leliana. And she wanted Zoryn. They were just an amazing lie, weren't they? Ah, man, what the fuck was he doing. He was screwing everything up again. Just as he always did. Why’d he have to go and break this weird, fucked up relationship, push it into new and unfamiliar territory. What did he think they were going to do, sneak away to have sex with each other on the side? Some kind of secret lovers or something? Yeah, Zor would get a real kick out of that.
Dizzy.. Fuck, but she was incredible. And she was still there, so agonizingly close to the delicious spot they both loved so much just on the other side of his jaw. He should definitely stop them before they made things worse. He never should have, god, made love to her in the first place. But it was so damn good. And her sweet breath fanning against him, her lips barely touching his skin, was stealing away any chance at thinking clearly. He never was good at thinking things through. Always acted without considering the consequences. Maybe that was just who he was. Maybe she liked it about him.
Do it, he whispered, his voice husky and thick. Do it, Diz. Taste me.
God, please taste me.
I'll take my bow, I won't make a sound I whisper truce as the ashes hit the ground
Fuck. Fuck, she was on fire, her body desperate for his touch after so long away. A quiet, hungry, pleading little sound she refused to call a whimper dragged its way out of her throat as he offered her a solution for her problem. A solution she craved like her lungs craved oxygen, if the one he meant was him, his body, his lips, his teeth, god, that tongue. Mmm, and of course other parts…
“God, yes please,” she groaned at that hinted suggestion, pressing into him as her name dripped like honey from his tongue, slow and sticky and sweet. Her lips hovered just above that intoxicating spot beyond the point of his jaw, and his voice when he urged her onward had her trembling with want. She brushed her lips against his neck, slowly, so damn slowly she thought it might kill her. Chased that soft little kiss with her tongue, teasing him with a long slow stroke and indulging her craving for the taste of him. Fuck. She’d barely even touched him yet, and she was already high off Dovev, dragging in a ragged breath against his skin as her heart raced in her chest.
Her lips explored the curve of his neck, sharp and angular and wasted and so fucking delicious, lingering between plates of bony armor, her tongue darting out to trace the sensitive skin just at the edge of one plate. “Dov,” she groaned, rubbing up against him, pressing into the sharp edges and harsh angles of him, craving him like a fucking drug. “Touch me.” A command, a plea, she couldn’t tell and she didn’t care as long as he gave her what she wanted. What she needed.
She should tell him...fuck, something. There was something she should stop and talk about, but she couldn’t think, didn’t want to, not when touching him felt so damn good. Later. They could figure it out later. After. Mmm, maybe a whole lot of after. They had to run out of steam eventually.
Probably.
(looool so this having them talk thing is going swimmingly so far then...XD)
Goddamn, those noises she made; the moans and groans and hungry little whimpers that were far too deeply wanting to really be called such a feeble thing. Each one was like an extra shot of adrenaline to his system, racing through his bloodstream like a flame to alcohol and so swiftly taking him over. His heartbeat pounded in his ears, against his sunken skin, made his breath quick and shallow as though they’d already reached the climax of their first round, or second. Or third.
Fuck, he couldn’t even think.
She threw more fire into him as she pushed her body against his, chasing out a helpless groan from his throat. They hadn’t even begun and he was already gone, already lost in their erotic madness, already hers. He tried to say her name again, only got as far as the first syllable, Diz-- before it was cut off with a gasp as her lips finally, finally brushed against that perfectly sensitive place.
So slowly, she moved, bringing back all the perfect details of when they’d made love, when he’d taken her so slow and deep and watched her fight it, try to claw her way back to something more familiar, something wilder, something safer. And then watched her succumb to it, surrender to it, to him, and meet him in the middle of that uncertain fear, in their shared vulnerability as he opened himself so bare for her, gave her all of him. Every piece of him she was missing.
The darkness and cruelty, she knew. The tender passion, she learned.
God, and then the heat of her tongue followed that agonizing tease, dragged another groan from him as she dragged across his flesh, tasted the salt of his dark skin, lapped up that scent that was his alone. His muscles were bunched and taut, panting and trembling as he fought so hard to hold still, to not launch himself at her and take everything he wanted. Give everything she wanted. Shaking, quaking, when all he wanted was to launch himself at her, slam into her and fuck her so good.
He breathed her name between gasps, Diz-- Ohhh --Diz, moaned as she trailed down his neck, over and between his armor, tasted the sensitive edge of his ruptured skin. If she hadn’t learned how strongly that simple touch could affect him before now, she certainly learned today. Because he couldn’t take it anymore. His body ached, his heart was nearly exploding, his blood running so fast and so hot. God, and he could smell her, the heady scent of her sex; knew what it tasted like, what it felt like wrapped around him. His skin was pulled so tight, and it fucking hurt, he throbbed with the pressure and he just couldn’t take it anymore.
”Dov,” she groaned, pushing herself against him again and driving him further over the edge. ”Touch me”.
Oh he was going to do so much more than that.
Dizzy, his voice was as hard and desperate as he was as he locked their eyes, a roaring fire and unyielding purpose in his, heart slamming against his chest. It was good that she wanted it too. Because he was taking it. There was no escaping this, not for either of them. I need you, he whispered, his gaze sliding to her body before him, feeding off every detail, every intoxicating contour, so hungry. Starving. The last time they did this was so controlled, so methodical and sweet. She wouldn’t get that this time, not yet. This time, he could only pretend he had any control. He’d lost any grip on that when he saw her, when they’d kissed, when she touched him.
He grabbed her, shifted her roughly in urgent need as he rose above her. He only waited long enough to find her eyes again before he pushed inside her, rocked to coat himself and wake all the right aches in her, hear her scream and moan. This was a lot closer to what she was used to from him, and yet it was still so different. No vicious, hateful bites tearing apart her beautiful flesh. No Zoryn joining in with his own sexy madness. Just the two of them. And it meant something, he made sure of it. You’re mine, Dizzy. You’re Mine. He made his point with the force of each thrust, claimed her and claimed her again. Mine. My Dizzy..
God, but she felt so good, too good. She’d driven him so close already before even starting and it wasn’t long before he had to slow, had to still.
But she was lost in this blissful madness with him, and fought the inaction with her own rhythmic movements. He groaned and tried to hold her. God, not yet!Shhh, Dizzy baby. Be still, he crooned to her, dipping his head to kiss and taste her damp, salty skin, running his tongue along her. Be still. I’m not done with you yet, he promised darkly, waiting out the high a few moments longer, coming down from it just enough.
Then she got the slow and sensual again, the deep rocks against her as he bathed her in kisses and affection. Adoration. He built her up, made love to her and took her higher and higher. He didn’t stop even when she cried out in her ecstasy, soaking in the sound of her, the feel of her, the look in her beautiful face. He didn’t stop, kept them going, felt her rise to meet a new pace, a new perfect rhythm, rode the waves of passion with her until they came together. Until they collapsed together, and he held her.
He’d never slept so soundly, his breathing so deep and his heartbeat steady and strong. He didn’t even feel the bone plates shoving uncomfortably beneath him as they always did. Didn’t feel anything but… peace, for once. Serenity. He woke up with glow inside him he could never deserve, a radiant calm, as though living in a dream state. A different reality. Infinite, black eyes found her lying next to him, so tranquil and still, and he settled closer, kissed her in her sleep before sinking into blissful unconsciousness again.
Fuck away the pain. Erase him from your brain. Fake it like you love me, come on baby touch me.
04-07-2017, 01:38 PM (This post was last modified: 04-07-2017, 01:48 PM by Disastardly.)
Dizzy slowly came awake, a smile flirting with one corner of her lips as she shifted just a little closer, nestled up against her lover, her head pillowed on his shoulder. She rubbed her cheek there, breathing out a content little sigh, pressed her lips to the bony plate of armor that felt so right somehow, so him. “Dovev,” she murmured sleepily, opening her eyes and trailing her nose along the underside of his neck, brushing a kiss to his jawline. “Mmm...good morning.”
He stirred just a bit, and his reluctance to wake made her smile spread, engaging her whole mouth, softening her eyes. God, it felt good to wake up next to him. Her chest felt light, buoyed by hours spent tangled up in his embrace. She hadn’t slept so soundly, so peacefully, in...hell, maybe forever. And she couldn’t quite seem to stop touching him, her lips wandering along the line of his neck, her leg brushing lightly against his, her back arching to press her just a little closer, as if closer were even possible.
“Wake up, honey,” she crooned, tracing the curve of his ear with the soft of her nose. They really should talk. Even if she’d much rather lie here forever, coaxing him slowly awake with soft touches, quiet whispers, gentle caresses. Mmm, forever didn’t sound long enough.
There was heat kindling in his eyes when he finally opened them, and she wondered with a smirk just how long he’d been awake. He kissed the smirk right off her lips, and she lost herself in loving him all over again, long and slow and so sweet it made her heart ache for more, more of this, more of him, more of the two of them. More of that look in his eyes, the way he stared into her and saw everything, saw all of her, and claimed every jagged, broken piece for his own. The way she didn’t feel so broken when she was lying in his arms.
She wanted him, all of him, all the darkness she’d seen in him from the start, and the fiercely burning brightness that warred with it. Complicated and fractured and utterly beautiful. Rough and urgent, soft and tender, he was everything she’d never known she wanted, never known she needed. She caught his lips in another kiss, pressed her forehead against his, and claimed him right back. “Mine.” Pulling back just far enough to lock their gazes again, she nodded and said it again. “You’re mine, Dovev.” Her voice shook with the force of emotions she couldn’t name welling up inside her, and she stared into the endless black of his eyes and gave herself over completely.
“And I’m yours.”
A rough, shaky breath, and she pressed her lips to the blue studded with starlight that decorated the corner of his mouth. “Mine,” she said again, and she set about claiming every last inch of him, slowly exploring his body, every sharp edge of him, every seam where skin met bone, every taste of star-studded blue. Hers to touch, hers to taste, hers to…love.
And fuck, if that didn’t scare the hell out of her. But the word rang like truth in her chest, just as real and honest and implacable as the one she spoke, the one she was ready to give him when love was still so new, a secret sweeping through her and changing the whole world all over again. “My Dovev,” she purred, pressing her lips to his chest, looking up at him as she made her way down his belly and lower still, claiming him with every taste, every touch. Taking her sweet time reminding him why exactly he loved her damn mouth so much.
God, the sounds he could make. Dragging them out of him made her heart pound harder, faster, heat and pressure and need building inside her until she gave up the taste of him on her tongue to pull back and gasp, “Dov, please.” And Dov was never one to deny her when she was in need. So very, very accommodating, her Dovev.
This time when they were through, she collapsed against him, not quite convinced she could move if her life depended on it. A pack of wolves could have howled in the distance, and she would have been dinner for far less delightful lips and teeth and tongues than Dov’s. She grinned and a tired little laugh shook her chest as she pressed a kiss to Dov’s sweaty shoulder. “Mmm...I was gonna talk to you. Keep getting distracted. Not that I mind.” At all. God, he could distract her any day.
Shit, what did she want to talk to him about?
A well-timed kick reminded her of the answer to that question. “Oh. Right. Uh. Guessing you probably noticed this part, but I’m...sorta pregnant.” She snorted. Sorta. Sorta pregnant, like it was anything other than a yes or a no. Pregnant or not pregnant. “On my way to very pregnant, as it happens. I don’t…” She looked away, her lips pressing together, her jaw clenching as she pulled in a rough breath. “I don’t know if...I mean, with the timing, it could be Zor’s, or it could be yours.”
She didn’t know. Might never know, unless the baby came out obviously one of theirs or the other’s. She might have to look her baby in the eye and tell it she didn’t know who its father was. God, the kid was gonna hate her and it hadn’t even been born yet. “I...I’ll understand if you don’t want to, so please don’t feel pressured. But if you do?” She looked up at him again, naked and vulnerable before him as she always seemed to be somehow. “If you want to be a part of this baby’s life, I’d like th--”
She cut herself off, not wanting to put her wants on him. It was his decision, all his, and she wouldn’t try to sway him with how damn good it would feel to have him at her side in this. She took a breath, let it out slowly, and tried again. “I mean, you would be welcome. You don’t have to make any decisions right now, there’s months yet ‘til the baby comes, and if you want to wait and see it first, that’s okay too. And I can...I can do this on my own, I don’t want you to feel...obligated, or...fuck.”
She sighed. “I just mean...god, I’m no good at this. Let me try again. Hey, Dov. I’m pregnant. Could be yours, but I don’t know. You’re absolutely welcome to be involved, if you want. No pressure.” Wincing and wrinkling her nose at the fumbling, awkward mess she’d made of the conversation, she looked up at him and shut her damn mouth so he could get a word in edgewise.
(Hey, look, she got to the talking part eventually!)
He wasn't really sure at which point a dream became reality, the moment when deep sleep slipped so slowly into a waking breath. Mmm, that breath.
Her scent was soaked deep into his skin, surrounding him with the intoxicating smell of her, the smell of them together. Their sex, their love-making. Fuck, and he should be spent. He should be exhausted. But he wasn't, not with her touching him again. He hadn't stuck around the last time; had slipped away as she slept. Didn't know what to expect. Definitely didn't know to expect those sweet touches, so gentle caresses, the sexy purr in her voice as she tried to rouse him from sleep. But maybe she was far more arousing than she'd meant to be, and it glittered in his dark eyes when he finally opened them.
He covered that amused little smirk on her face with his lips, buried it in a deeply sweet kiss as he fed from her heat, poured his own desire back into her. His mouth moved against hers, with hers, giving and taking as his body pressed into her, letting his tongue lightly tease at her lips, coax them further apart so he could slip inside and taste more of her. She obliged, of course, his Dizzy. He moaned his pleasure and stole more, gave more, savored the wet heat of her mouth, the sweet taste of her tongue against his. Stole more, gave more.
When they finally broke the kiss, she rested her forehead against his, pulled back just enough to meet his eyes and burned his own words into his mind. "Mine. You're mine, Dovev." He couldn't speak, could barely breathe as he only stared back at her. Nobody had ever claimed him before, not even Cerva. He was the one to do that. And these words from her felt so heavy, so meaningful, almost binding. Somehow he just knew she wouldn't say them if she didn't completely mean them in their entirety. She wanted him. All of him. The cruel and the kind, the vicious and the tender.
"And I'm yours."
But she wasn't done with her claim on him. "Mine," she said again, kissing the stars of his mouth. That was only the beginning though, he soon learned, as she explored more and more of him. She stoked the fire in him with every touch, wrote her name all over his body with every press of her lips. His pulse kicked up and he drank in the experience, focused on every little sensation she lit across his skin, and soon it was even harder to breathe. Harder to think.
"My Dovev," she sealed with a kiss to his solid chest, and their eyes met again, locked. The hazy black of his stare sharpened and he was captivated, enraptured. Couldn't look away as she moved just a little lower with another kiss, stole the air from his lungs. And lower still. His lips parted with his quiet, shallow breathing, his eyes bright, so bright. He didn't dare move, couldn't bear to break this spell as she so slowly continued even lower, and lower, until she reached exactly where she wanted, and put that delicious mouth to amazi-
Oh, fuck! Oh my god.
Fuuuck.
He gasped, closed his eyes as she had him struggling for air, felt his pulse thunder in his neck. Ohhh, god yesss..
Fuck, fuck, fuck yes.
His head tipped back with a deep, keening, desperately needing moan. Goddamn, she was so- Ohh, god, fuck yes. Don't stop.
She had him begging for more -god, and more- with the wordless sounds he made, the ragged gasps and fevered moans. He could barely stand it anymore by the time she pleaded for him too, so perfectly breathless. "Dov, please." And maybe he'd never be able to deny that frantic look in her eyes, the urgent strain in her voice, the sound of an aching plea on her tongue that was as desperate and needing as he was. Not especially after she did that.
God, and he fucking loved it when she begged.
He threw her back and rolled on top of her, buried his face in her neck with wild kisses of lips and tongue and sharp little stinging nips as he immediately drove into her, forced himself through the barrier of her heat again and again. She always did like a little pain with her pleasure. His whole body rocked with the movements, threw his weight into fucking her, into claiming her more, claiming her for himself again, finding the deepest parts of her and working out those addicting moans of hers. And it was good, so goddamn good, and soon had him crying out into her skin before they collapsed into each other, bathed in the slick sweat of their love.
Fuck, she was incredible.
God, he could never get tired of this, could he.
Goddamn Diz.
She kissed his sweaty shoulder, gave a soft little laugh that tugged a crooked smile to his lips. Mmm, yeah it was fun being a distraction for her. He loved how the world disappeared, how every outside thought just dried up and withered away, every stress and worry. Every heartache. But maybe that was a little over with for now as she mentioned being pregnant -yeah, like he hadn't noticed, he thought with a smirk- talked about the timing of it. His smile slowly faded away, his face blanked again as he listened.
"I don't know if... I mean, with the timing, it could be Zor's, or it could be yours."
He swallowed, forced himself not to look away from her. His? No, of course it was Zor's. It was always Zor. Her and Zor. And then him, the sometimes afterthought. But always her and Zor. His chest felt heavier, tighter, and he made a conscious effort to breathe slow and steady. It wasn't his. He didn't have kids, only Atrani. God, and that didn't make his heart any lighter, did it? Look how that turned out. He didn't want his child to break her, to break him again too.
It was so hard to breathe, and not in the way they liked. Couldn't they just go back to the sex and forgetting the rest of the world? Maybe he should have left before she woke. Fuck, he didn't like thinking that. No, he didn't really mean that. Why the hell did this hurt so bad? "If you want to be a part of this baby's life, I'd like th--"
He blinked, his eyes refocused on her. God, what? She wanted him around for it? Him? What about Zor, where the hell was he? Had they had kids before? He didn't think so, had never heard anything about it, though it was surprising that they hadn't with how much they- whatever. So, their first kid then. Her and Zor's. No, their first child that could be his. Oh, fuck.
Wait.. Oh, god. Her first child.
And he finally focused on her instead of himself, the selfish bastard. Finally noted the nervous fumbling of her words, this woman who'd always been so sharp and brutal, so confident and abrasive. Now opened for him, and soft. Vulnerable. Worried? Afraid? God, he'd cracked and broken her open for himself, to lose himself in the secret parts of her, drown so blissfully in the deeper places of her soul, and maybe hadn't bothered in putting her back together again. Or considered that he even should.
She finished with a wince and suddenly his own needling thoughts and fretting dissolved. He shifted closer with eyes gone dark and deep, rose above her and eased her carefully to her back beneath him. He balanced his weight, settled comfortably on top of her. Because he needed it. Did the pressure make her feel safe too? He'd always been glued to Cerva's side, always always touching, and the lack of contact now seemed to drive him into a destructive madness. He needed to feel her. Needed her stability, the safety.
Dizzy.. he began softly, brushing his nose lightly against hers. He dipped his head to her neck, breathed into her, What about Zoryn, Dizzy, kissed her. What about Zor? Where was he? Didn't she want him, didn't she rather him at her side for this. He ignored the prick in his heart to think it, after everything they'd done. He didn't question that it meant something to her, he could see that it had. But did it mean enough. Did he destroy the life she'd made for herself, or did he only create a distraction, a side path to get temporarily lost in. And which answer did he even want?
So, what about Zor.
And what about him.
Damn, he should never have done this, should never have pushed at boundaries that disintegrated to show a completely different picture. This was never supposed to happen. He should back away, he should leave her alone. He should disappear. Maybe he would. He should, he should. Ok, he would.
God, if he could.
Just let her life return to normal, let her forget him again and lose herself in Zor. That's what she wanted, right? He was so very good at running, at disappearing. Could he even have a relationship, with his place in life? He belonged to someone else; their weapon, their tool. No, wait, she didn't mean for a relationship, only for him to be around with the kid. Ah hell, his head was spinning. Don't panic, don't panic. Just focus.
He pulled back, brushed his cheek with hers, met her eyes again and held them steadily. I have something... A job- he shrugged -that keeps me busy, keeps me away. Maybe it wouldn't always be that way, but he wouldn't make that promise. There was a time when he wouldn't give a fuck what the hell she was going through; let Zor deal with it, he wasn't a part of them. But damnit, after everything how could he not care? It was Zor's kid, not his. Zor's. But also Dizzy's, a tiny little Dizzy. And that was enough to matter to him.
But I'll come for you. His eyes traced her expression, memorized this moment with her. This moment that felt so damn terrifying and somehow painful. He'd come for her. If it's what she wanted. If it would help and not harm, for once. If he could do good and not destroy. Every chance I get, he promised. He felt so vulnerable, so afraid, needed the reassurance..
Tell me its what you want, and I'll do it.
At night the earth will rise And I'll think of you each time I watch from distant skies
04-08-2017, 04:25 PM (This post was last modified: 04-08-2017, 04:27 PM by Disastardly.)
How did it keep getting more and more intense? Every time she touched him it felt a little more dangerous in this delicious, inescapable way that made her heart race out of control. Dangerous, because she was falling hard and fast...but it also felt so perfect, so safe, so right.
Even with the fear freezing his face to a blank stare, fighting to steal the breath from his lungs -- and she wasn’t blind enough to miss that, especially as nervous as she was about how he’d react -- even with the unexpected news that hey, he might have a kid on the way, he still took care of her. Settled on top of her, anchoring her with the weight of his body, the pressure steadying her, soothing her, relaxing her in ways she didn’t expect.
He always seemed to know exactly what she needed. Even before she knew it herself.
“Dizzy,” he murmured, and she melted beneath him, angling her head to give him better access to her neck. His breath on her skin, his lips, every touch felt like home. So safe, here in his arms. Somehow the rest of the world fell away, and all that mattered was him. The weight of him pressing into her, the scent of him surrounding her, mingling with hers, lingering on her skin, so goddamn right. She should always smell like him.
And then he asked the question she’d been wrestling with for weeks, the one she still couldn’t answer, as much as she hated herself for it. “What about Zoryn, Dizzy?” She closed her eyes, pressed her lips together to keep them from trembling. Took a couple of ragged breaths. And answered the best she could.
“I don’t know, Dov. I don’t know. I went to talk to him, after…” She met his endless black eyes, her own softening with affection as she remembered. After the last time she’d been with Dov. What had felt almost like the first time. The first time it was something real and breathtaking and so much more than just fucking him for the thrill of it, for the high, for a taste of him on her lips and the feel of him inside her, taking her over.
Though hell, that part was still pretty goddamn good too.
“After us, last time. I was maybe freaking out a little, and I wanted to talk to him, you know? It was so intense, so...god, just amazing, and I needed to, I don’t know, breathe? Convince myself it was...less...less everything. Well and tell him about the baby, which is all I really managed. He wanted...I mean, he touched me like he wanted more, you know? I thought it was just that I was tired. Or that maybe being pregnant changed things, changed what my body wanted, what I could do.”
She snorted. “Though I think we’ve proved me wrong on that one.”
Another deep breath, let out on a sigh. “I couldn’t, though. Couldn’t give him what he wanted, what I’d always wanted. Everything’s...god, Dov, everything’s different now, and I don’t know. I asked him to just hold me, and then...I just fucking ran like a coward, slipped away in the middle of the night to try to get some air, figure out what the fuck’s wrong with me. Haven’t figured out shit though. I miss my brother, and I’m fucking things up so hard there, and I just have no idea what to do. But every time I think of…” She groaned, pressed her forehead against his again. Solid, steady anchor, he was her anchor, god and she needed it.
“I love him. He’s my brother. My best friend. I’ve been there his whole life. And ever since I found out about the baby, I just...fuck, Dov, I just want to cuddle him. I thought the rest of me was broken or something, or shut off, some weird side effect, hormones or something, I don’t know. I don’t know, Dov, I don’t know anything anymore. Except that I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to stop. I should find him. Talk to him. Try to...I don’t know, fix what’s broken, but I don’t know how.”
Way the fuck more than he needed to know. Probably a sentence or two would have been enough, instead of rambling on for ten minutes about her confusing relationship with some other guy, even if the other guy was one Dov had a history with too, hell, one they’d been with at the same time more than once. Fuck. Dizzy groaned. “Sorry. That’s...probably too much. Didn’t mean to...I don’t know.”
And thank fuck, he brought the conversation back to what she did want to talk about, what only he could tell her. What he wanted. He held her gaze, and calm washed over her, chasing away all the confusion and the anxiety and the worry over what she was doing to Zor. She could fix it. She could go back and find him and talk to him. Soon. Not today, not tomorrow, but soon. How did he do that? One look from those endless black eyes, one real, solid look all the way into her, and she found strength she didn’t know she had.
So she took a breath, and she listened.
“Okay, baby,” she murmured, reaching up to brush the hair out of his eyes, leaning in to kiss his cheek softly, so softly. “That’s okay. I don’t...Dov, I don’t expect to be the only thing in your life. Do what you need to do, love. Be where you need to be. But yes. Please. Come back to me, keep coming back to me. I’ll take you any chance I get.” God, she could look into his eyes forever, seeing so much more than she'd ever expected in those depths of endless black. “I meant it, Dov, I’m yours. You’re mine. I know you’ve got a life, baby, I wouldn’t expect you to give everything else up. Just keep coming home to me, okay? That’s all I need. That’s what I want, Dov. You, with me, whenever you can be.”
He couldn't stop touching her. Why couldn't he stop touching her? It wasn't enough to be settled over her, weighted down and feeling her so solid and soft beneath him. No, he had to brush his mouth, his cheek against her, press his lips anywhere that wouldn't interrupt her. It wasn't enough. He had to breathe her like oxygen. He'd suffocate when they seperated. Drink it now and hold his breath.
It also turned out the perfect excuse to hide his face. He didn't have to at first. He was able to admire that soft glow she got when she mentioned the last time they were together, felt it spread and soften his face too as he traced the beautiful details of her face, barely holding himself back from kissing her more and breathing in that quiet affection.
Fortunately, he happened to lower to kiss her neck again just as she mentioned Zor. That he'd touched her, that he'd wanted, tried for more from her. It wasn't surprising, of course. That was who they were, what they did, was even expected. But knowing that truth had no effect on the possessive fire that ignited in his eyes, burning brightly, the tightening in his jaw and stiffening between his shoulders.
It lessened, just barely, when she said she couldn't follow through on it. But he still had to fight it back, take a few moments to batten it down and smother it as best he could before he was able to pull back to look at her again, met those eyes that had once infuriated him and now seemed so necessary to breathe at all anymore.
She groaned and pressed her forehead to his again, and that helped too, feeling more of her against him, her need to touch him too, grounding him and carefully tugging him away from the swift rage that always seemed to crawl just under the surface. And as she continued again, the distress in her voice making him hurt for her, he trailed more gentle affection over her, tried to press a calm into her and ease her tension. He'd never done that before; calmed someone. Most often he was one to make tempers flare and rational thoughts burn away.
He pulled back as she groaned again and apologized, and he shut her the hell up with a firm kiss that, somehow, he desperately needed just then. God, she tasted so good. He let her go and pressed their foreheads together again. He just... couldn't seem to stop touching her. Like he might drift away if she wasn't here to hold him down with her.
She seemed to relax when they talked about... Well, the future, sort of. Though, that was an unsettling way to think of it. Heavy and more than a little scary. But that possessive blaze finally died out completely as she gently brushed his hair from his eyes and kissed his cheek. He closed his eyes and the tension in him released, slowly melted away.
It was stupid, foolish, and completely annoying that it bothered him how easily she would let him go to do his own thing, this bond with his magician. Because it wasn't who he'd been before, it wasn't him being a constant presence at Cerva's side, glued to her hip and living every single moment with her. The way he perhaps wanted to be again, maybe even needed. And he knew it wasn't fair to compare them to his relationship with Cerva. She had Zoryn. Would always have Zoryn. There was a promise he still wasn't sure she could keep.
Maybe she didn't understand how he was when he was really with someone. Maybe she didn't want that. He was possessive, he was controlling. He was jealous and raging.
He should keep it to himself. He shouldn't look for a way to really seal this with her, to tie her to him so firmly. Did either of them really want that? This should be enough. He should just let this be enough. He would have her when he could, give her himself when he could. That could be enough, couldn't it? Just leave it alone. Just take what he could get. Don't ask for more, don't want more. Maybe he should want less, even. Yes, he should want less. What the hell even was this? No, it doesn't matter.
"Just keep coming home to me, okay? That's all I need. That's what I want, Dov. You, with me, whenever you can be."
He swallowed his doubts and opened his eyes, stared into hers that made him feel so connected and secure, so.. so... He couldn't even think the word. Too frightening. Too strong. But home sounded nice. Home with her. Him, with her, whenever they could. He nodded slowly, solemnly. That was a promise he could keep. This gaping, aching, swelling emotion in him would agree. He wouldn't name it, couldn't name it. But maybe home was exactly where she was.
Okay, Dizzy, he answered quietly, his chest tight but breathing so steady and calm. Then I'll come for you. Every moment that I can. God, and he would. He'd need oxygen, wouldn't he. He'd suffocate without her. He almost felt like he was suffocating now, even. Already. One more thing first, even if it sucked to say it, to think about it, and then maybe she could breathe into him again, fill him to last through their time apart. You'll find him. You'll be able to fix things and make him happy again. And I'll be back regardless.
Do those things.. but not yet. Not now.
He needed her first.
He leaned down and kissed her, met her lips gently with his. Tasted her, savored her, filled himself with the feel of it. Then he deepened it, slow and sensual and right. In a fluid movement, like a soft caress through warm, smooth water, he shifted them again, rolled carefully beneath her. Met her eyes with his heart in his, afraid to breathe, afraid to speak.
Love me.
Cheers to the end, the bittersweet You have my dreams and all of me
It should have been terrifying, falling into Dov’s eyes. Endless black, infinite, and staring right into her soul. Could he see the truth she wasn’t quite ready to speak? It seemed like he could see everything, every piece of her, seemed impossible that he could not know when those eyes, those beautiful eyes of his told her she was home. Told her he was right there with her, standing at the edge, on the verge of falling into something unfathomable, unknown, and so goddamn much bigger than she could have imagined.
He nodded, promising with his eyes and his body and his lips that he’d come home to her, be with her whenever he could manage it. It was as much as she could ask, for now. And she sure as hell didn’t want to push him too far, too fast. So fast, god, she was falling so fucking fast, but those eyes said without words that he was there too, that he’d catch her. That he was worth the fall, worth the risk, worth the nervous vulnerability of cracking herself open and letting him inside.
She smiled softly, leaning in to kiss him, but paused when he spoke again. “You’ll find him. You’ll be able to fix things and make him happy again. And I’ll be back regardless.” Her brow furrowed, and she glanced away, confused by the odd clenching in her chest, the way her throat tightened and the muscles of her shoulders tensed.
“Yeah. I...yeah, I guess.” Did the thought bother him at all? She’d noticed the way he’d tensed at first, the way he’d stiffened, the way his body had gone a little rigid, but by the time he’d looked at her that had faded, and now...it sure as hell sounded like he was giving her the all clear to go fuck Zor.
Not that she’d asked.
Not that she’d ever needed anyone’s permission.
But it should have eased something tense and confused and nervous in her, not aggravated it. Hearing he was at least kind of okay with it, that it didn’t jeopardize what was between them, it should have made things easier. Right? That she could make things right with Zor without losing him, that should have...made everything okay, or something. Set her free to mend what she’d damaged, to make Zor happy, to...
Fuck.
Oooh. Hello. Suddenly her tangled feelings for Zor were a problem for another day, because Dov’s lips were on hers again, and everything else fell away. She let go of it all, the only thing left was the two of them, the weight of him holding her in this moment, the taste of him burning itself into her memory. Not a drug, no, she’d been wrong about that. He was something so much more, not a craving, not an addiction. He was becoming something vital to her existence, infusing himself into the beating of her heart, into the breath in her lungs, instilling his essence into every cell of her body, making her his. As he was hers.
He rolled beneath her, stared into her eyes, and she couldn’t look away, never wanted to look away. She wanted to fall into the endless expanse of black, into the midnight sky of his eyes, their starless expanse stretching and spiraling out into eternity. Words like love and forever were so goddamn big, too big to say out loud, but god, she wanted to, felt them in her bones and ached to share them. Too big, and far too soon, but she could show him.
God, she could show him.
And show him she did. Her eyes never left his, gazes locked and love welling up there, building and leaving her expression soft and startled, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. A hint of fear, a nervous rush, all drowned out by awe. They moved together, slowly, savoring every stroke, and she was lost, and found all over again with every touch. Breathing him into herself with every inhale, pouring her heart out into him in turn with every exhale. She didn’t say a word, trusting her soft gasps and breathy sighs to tell him what she couldn’t quite say yet. Trusting her eyes and her body to tell him everything he needed to know.
