"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
What Leliana said to him sank in so very slowly, hard to believe it, hard to accept that she could want him even after all she knew. And she didn't even know the half of it. He thought it would be enough to turn her away forever, but it wasn't. Not yet.
But he smelled him before he could continue.
His black eyes immediately hardened, gleamed like polished obsidian. His teeth clenched tight and nostrils flared as if the choking smoke of hell could come billowing out from within him. The hate wafted from him, sharpened every line of his body like eager blades as he slowly, slowly turned to the one man he never wanted to see again. The man that had hurt his Cerva's heart as he, her black colt and the very beat of her heart, stood at her side and watched the light dim in her eyes. As she buried her face in his crested mane and breathed him in for comfort to steady herself, and as he stood strong for her when she needed him most.
Dovev, said he, a lethal pop in the air, and his ears pinned back and teeth bared. He hated the soft way the man's name left Leliana's lips, Magnus, and he hated him for that too. That his name could sound so sweet from her precious lips as his own did.
Your daughter was looking for you.
And so quickly, intense distress blanketed the raging fire and brimstone as his black eyes fell to his baby. She had followed him across that treacherous land bridge on her own? She could have died, could have been swept away in the tide and he'd never have known it. He would have thought she slept so peacefully still, even now. A tear fell openly down his cheek and his head shook. His breath caught painfully in his throat. He could never leave her alone, would never leave her again. Never.
Distress turned to rage again as she pressed herself into Magnus, rubbed herself along him so blatantly like a feline in heat. And rage turned to heart-shattering pain, a slap in the face that she would so willingly touch a strange man but not him, not her father. Anyone but her own sire. His beautiful Atrani. How he ached for her to touch him that way, to seek his warmth on her own as he so eagerly sought hers.
He choked on that pain and jerked his eyes away, heart-bleeding tears flowing freely. Maybe he should leave, maybe that's what a good father would do. His head shook more and legs trembled, unable to breathe, unable to think through the suffering in his fragmented chest. It was as though shards of his own protective bone splintered within him and pierced his heart, betraying their guarded purpose and stabbing deep to kill him slowly.
He could only stand their mute, trying to work through these emotions slowly suffocating him, slowly squeezing the life from his lungs and causing his breaths to come short and ragged. When he could finally speak again, he lowered his head to her level, forced himself to look at his beautiful little heart. Atrani.. he croaked, a broken whisper as he tried to call her to him, tried to coax her from the warmth of his enemy. His heart was stabbed again at that, that she stood so comfortably in his arms, and he lost his breath as he waited with unabashed hope in his eyes.
“I knew her,” he confirmed, his voice sad and twisted. “Just a little. Our paths crossed.” It had always been the worst timing for them. She had arrived as he was leaving the Gates, when he was broken and angry. She had arrived just as the kingdom had erupted, as Ellyse had been exiled. Magnus had followed.
Their encounter had been brief but he had treasured it. He had seen the softness in her eyes, the goodness in her. Had he stayed in the Gates, he was certain that he would have become friends with her. But he hadn’t stayed—and when the Reckoning happened, he cursed himself for it. He should have been there to protect her and the rest of them. He should have swallowed his own pain and endured it all—for them.
And then, then, he hadn’t been fast enough to find her after the Reckoning. He had done his best to gather together what was left of the Gates residents, to find them a home in Tephra, but he hadn’t found her. Not fast enough. Not before the boy had latched onto her. When he had finally found them, it was too late.
She wanted nothing to do with him anymore.
“She was a wonderful woman,” was all he said. “I wish I had know her more.” Because why burden the child with things left unsaid? The maybes of life? The things he wish he had done or the ways he wished he had protected her? At her next question though, his face grew puzzled. “This is Tephra.” Did Cerva want her daughter here? The thought of it grew painfully in his chest as he began to lead her away.
***
It was hard for Magnus to focus on just one thing.
Leliana, for all intents and purposes his ward, stood there, clearly shaken, clearly breaking apart, the tears visible in her gentle eyes. Atrani, an innocent child, was pressed to his chest, her voice steady but her loss clear. And then, Dovev, the man clearly responsible for it all, breaking apart in front of him.
Rage warred with sorrow and melded with the need to protect. He reached down, the ink of his muzzle touching the child’s shoulder reassuringly—letting her know that he was there still—before he glanced back up, focused on Dovev. Fury still exploded within him, but it calmed at the sight of his distress. Good. Clearly whatever mess this was belonged to him. At least he had the good sense to look distraught.
As he called for his daughter, Magnus glanced down to the girl.
“What would you like to do?” His voice was quiet, meant only for Atrani but likely heard. “I can guide you to him,” a pause, “if you want.” Because suddenly, he wasn’t so sure that is what she wanted at all. If she did, he would take her to the man—despite his internal loathing, his mistrust. But if she didn’t…
It was clear in the protective stance, the hardening of muscles beneath his golden coat, what he would do if she didn’t want to go. He remained steady, his head dropped to her shoulder, ready for her instructions.
out of the blue out into the loneliest place that you'll ever know I carried the world just as far as I could but the damage had taken its toll
It’s all there. She doesn’t need to be an empath to feel it, to taste their emotions. For one so young, her intuition is strengthening every day. There is no need for her eyes to see how their group is so quickly crumbling.
Magnus’ heartbeat is nearly pounding against her, hammering into her shoulder and overwhelming her own increasing pulse.
Leliana is being crushed under the weight of her choices and her devotion.
Father is bursting at the seams, confused, torn, broken.
And then there is Atrani.
She is lost. She is confused. She is quiet.
Magnus is warm against her side and his skin is a soft reassurance when Leliana speaks to her. The apology falls on deaf ears because Atrani is tilting her head away from the group. Her mind reels. She wants to hate Leliana for destroying her family, but she also wants to hate father because this is all also his fault.
But somehow, she can’t.
Happiness doesn’t last, she knows, but she has a large enough heart not to purposely destroy jollity. So, she hears father whimper her name and hears Magnus ask her what she wants to do. An answer doesn’t come at first. She blindly searches the landscape to her right. There is still the titanic volcano towering above them all, watching them bicker and mourn and scold. She can almost sense it breathing down her neck with its acrid smoke, waiting for her to respond.
What do you want to do?
The question echoes inside of her. She doesn’t know. It’s a losing game either way.
When her heart turns back to father’s direction – his voice, too, echoes through her – she sighs. A slow, groping step is taken in his direction, but her hip still remains pressed to Magnus to feed off his strength. ”Father,” she whispers as her ears swivel desperately to hear their ragged breaths, ”you want her. You’re happy with her.” Happier with her than me, she doesn’t add. ”So be with her and be happy.” She chokes on her emotions. Her heart patters against her chest uncomfortably. This is so hard. Nothing of this is easy. ”She is who you sought comfort with. So keep her.” She can be your toy, she can try to be mother’s replacement.
Atrani bristles for a fleeting moment but simmers down quickly. She places herself neutrally among them now, her own individual identity. A child among adults.
”Tell me,” she breathes with mustered strength, ”why would mother say Tephra to me, and nothing else?” What does that mean? What did she want for her eyeless child? What can Tephra possibly give her?
dove into her eyes and starved all the fears
picture by haenuli shin- HTML by Call - words: ________
goodbye, my almost lover goodbye, my hopeless dream --
Suddenly, she felt very much like an intruder in this scenario.
She was not a mother, she was not related, she was not even a guardian like Magnus. She was just the girl who tore it apart—the girl who, like Atrani said, had broke her family. It didn’t matter that Leliana had no way of knowing there was others. It didn’t matter that when Dovev had found Leliana he didn’t have his memory and had no way of knowing there was a woman and a child waiting for him. None of it mattered.
The only thing that mattered was Leliana had come and ruined it all.
She took a step backward, her hazel eyes widening as she took in the entire scenario, gaze moving from Magnus who stood with head bowed, to Dovev who stood cracking apart at the edges, to the one at the center at it all, the one who mattered most: Atrani. It felt like the air was being squeezed from her lungs.
She couldn’t do any good here. She couldn’t heal them, she couldn’t bring them together. For the first time in her entire life, she was utterly and completely helpless. Her wings shifted at her side, moving from onyx to the gold of Magnus coat to red of Atrani’s chestnut. Finally, they turned a deep scarlet, flickering to orange and then back again, the result living flames at her sides, burning as the insides of her burned.
Her mouth parted for a second as Atrani gave her father permission and then she closed it again, shaking her head in disbelief and fear and shame. This was not what Dovev wanted. He didn’t want to forfeit his very family for her; he didn’t want to lose everything. But she had put him in that spot. She had put him in a position where his very daughter was trying to cut ties with him…all because of her.
There was a strangled noise in her throat as she looked toward Dovev.
No words came but the apology writ in her eyes was clear enough.
The wild rage almost flared back to life. The bastard touched her. But he was too consumed just then to make him pay for it, too busy laying himself at her little feet like a starving, beaten dog eager and whimpering for her affection.
But she'd rather be in the arms of the enemy.
The very bastard that abandoned her mother.
Father, she whispered, finally turning toward him. He stiffened, jerked his had back up. Already, her answer was there, settled into that endearment only she had claim to. Angry and bitter tears streamed down a hard, chiseled face. His jaw clenched so tightly he thought his teeth might shatter. Knives slid down his tightened throat, blades dulled and dragging as more clung to his breaking heart.
He looked at that little face and saw Cerva; her life, her love, her happiness. His, too. His life. His love. His happiness. The last bit that hadn't died with Cerva, living through her instead. Now shattered and thrown to the side like nothing.
He looked at that little face and saw lives wasted.
Wasted.
His back was to them before she even finished speaking, her perfect voice forced from his mind. Each step was solid and steady despite the life draining from his heart, his every rigid line screaming hurt and disappointment. He never turned back, didn't look at any of them as he became the weapon once again. The magician's lethal tool. His path took him away from Ischia, because Tephra lay between it and the rest of the world. And he wasn't setting foot in this living Hell again unless it was for a bloody massacre, for bodies ripping apart and flesh tearing. For the melody of screams and the echoing pain in every last beat of his heart.
His own child callously scraped away every last remnant of everything that ever mattered to him.
He was born of the mountain. Immediately placed into Cerva's life when she had no one, he'd never even spoken to another creature. She was everything, and he was too. Everything to each other. He knew no other way of being, only at her side. Until he sacrificed his life, his love, to train so he could always protect her. Always shield her from those that would bring her more pain. Sacrificed his memories, his body to brutal pain and ruthless instruction. Sacrificed, even, the one -the only- happiness he'd found in that dark time. Sacrificed his love again.
It hurt to see Leliana in so much pain and it caused a dull ache to form in his chest as he watched the unspilled tears in her eyes. He hated that he wasn’t able to protect her from this, that he wasn’t able to sooth this wound from her. His dark gaze turned to Dovev, drilling into him there, as if he could get the answers from him—but the thin stallion was breaking apart so quickly there was nothing for him to glean.
And then there was poor Atrani.
Her words caused him no small heartache and while part of him wanted to pull her close, to hold her and protect her from more pain, she was clearly strong enough to stand on her own, and he let her. He had no real claim to the child. She wasn’t his blood, and her mother was little more than a passing acquaintance. Still, he felt tied and bound. Somewhere within him, he believed that he owed Cerva, that he’d somehow done wrong by her. If he could do right by her in this, if he could do right by her daughter, then he would.
Dovev turned and left the group and it took everything within Magnus to not rage, to not storm after him and tell him what a coward he was being. This was his mess and instead of facing it, he was abandoning them—abandoning her. For a brief moment, Magnus’ hard face turned terrifying, the molten gold of his eyes simmering, his onyx lips turning into a hard line. Whatever pain Dovev felt, he should have bore it.
Instead, he simply turned tail—leaving Magnus with the woman and the child to care for.
Tears finally began to fall down Leliana’s cheeks and although she opened her mouth to speak, no words came out. Finally, she closed her lips, shook her pretty head and turned to the coast—to where her sister was, to where the water lapped against the shore. To where she would be able to grieve in quiet.
Magnus let her leave but his heart wrenched in his chest.
Forcing himself to draw a careful breath, he settled his gaze on Atrani, standing quietly there. He took a step forward and then paused, dropping his head to her level but leaving distance. “I’m not sure why your mother told you to come here.” He paused, considering. “I would soften this for you, but you have felt a lot of adult emotions today, and you deserve to know the truth, so I am going to be very honest.”
His voice was steady and quiet, whatever rage he had early felt compartmentalized for a later day.
“After all the kingdoms went away, and Beqanna granted our group Tephra, I found your mother and your father in the meadow.” He didn’t mention that Dovev had been but a child at the time, a child who had called her mother his own, because even though he was being honest, he didn’t want to be cruel.
“I told them about Tephra and invited them to it, but your father did not want to come.” He shrugged, although he knew she couldn’t see the motion. “I never fully understood why, but I think perhaps your father blamed me for some of your mother’s unhappiness—and perhaps he had a right to.”
Another pause as he studied her, made sure she was okay.
“A long time ago, I lived in a kingdom called Heaven’s Gates. I met your mother when she first arrived there, but I left shortly after. I had…fundamental disagreements with the King and he had exiled a close friend of mine.” His words were even despite the pain. “Your mother stayed behind. I should have looked out for her. I should have made sure she was okay.” Here the frustration leaked into his voice more and he took a moment to steady his breathing, to center his thoughts. “I should have done right by her, Atrani.”
And he should have. Even though he didn’t know the full story. Even though he didn’t understand the depth of Cerva’s pain or her loneliness, he knew that much. He knew that he could have done better.
“So, to be honest, I am not sure why she told you to come here, Atrani, but I can tell you that I am here to help you in whichever way you wish. If you want to return home, I will take you there. If you want to live here, I will look after and protect you. I will do my best by you.” He just had to hope that it was enough.
out of the blue out into the loneliest place that you'll ever know I carried the world just as far as I could but the damage had taken its toll
Leli left so it's just Mag and Atrani now, Aeris. <3
Totally up to you whether you want to have them continue, end the thread, start a new thread, etc. etc.
There is no residual sting when Leliana abandons their group, her heart ripped from her chest and beating in the most painful of ways. She had (unknowingly) destroyed a family, and now Atrani is the barb ruining her love and life. The child spares no remorse or regret. The heartbreak won’t last; it will heal and someday Leliana will find happiness again, although it may still lie in father’s embrace.
No. She cannot let them be.
What she has said – offered – to them is a life together, and yet Atrani is already regretting it. She doesn’t want father to find joy and pleasure outside of her and mother. Is it selfish to want him suffering for his disloyalty? Is it cruel to throw a wrench in the love he had developing with Leliana?
Did she really know her purpose in having come here?
The questions build, brick by brick, in her mind as her head tilts from one side to another, scouring the area for sounds and smells. Leliana’s footsteps recede which leaves just three of them together, alone in their own perspectives of what is right and wrong. Father has been trying so desperately to keep her in tow and yet she branched away from him and found herself curled against Magnus as though she were his own. A greater part of her wants father to squirm and to lose himself for what he has done; this is his punishment, her rejection, but she doesn’t plan for it to last. Perhaps, even now, she has dragged it along too far because he has said nothing since whispering her name. There is no sense in trying harder, he must think, as he watches his daughter rest her hip against Magnus’ chest and shoulder.
He is tasting defeat, rejection, and loss. Atrani can nearly taste the hurt clouding over him before he takes his leave. There is no attempt to call him back, no tear (humor there), no solemn frown to crease her pretty face. Her expression is hollow, her breaths steady even as she inclines herself to better hear Magnus against the silence. ”I can handle honesty,” she murmurs into the brisk air between them, but she isn’t entirely certain if she can. Electricity courses through her veins and stabs into her heart as the sound of father’s footfalls replay again and again, muted by the distance he places between them.
Father is gone, taking a piece of her heart with him, but she doesn’t say this. Punishment, she assures herself, that’s all this is. This, too, will end.
An uncertain tremble overtakes her, but then she can hear Magnus speaking again, telling a story, and so she pivots to face him when he first mentions mother. Every sentence, every word, is mulled and scrutinized. The tale is brief, but long enough to hear the emotion – disappointment, mistrust, regret – coating his tongue. Atrani reaches toward his neck, the whiskers along her muzzle guiding her to the warmth of his skin. ”Maybe she wanted me to meet you,” she whispers hopefully, wanting to believe it, ”Maybe she wanted me to get away from dad after whatever he did.” That, she isn’t so quick to dwell on; she doesn’t want to picture father harming mother – no, Cerva – in any other way than what she had heard.
”She wasn’t your responsibility,” the girl tries to reassure him, ”Your burden.” Would that be a better term for such a weak woman? What about for a sightless child?
A sigh escapes her as she shrugs and turns her head away. ”I don’t want to be one either,” she admits with a soft uncertainty staining her lips, ”but I have nowhere to go.”
dove into her eyes and starved all the fears
picture by haenuli shin- HTML by Call - words: ________
His heart aches for her, for the pain she was experiencing, the loss—so much so that he forgets about the anguish he feels for Leliana who has turned to the coast, to her sister, for comfort. So much so that is is able to forget the white hot rage that boils in his chest at the thought of Dovev, at the destruction that he had wrought and the way he had simply turned his cheek to it all. Instead, Magnus’ world focuses in on the small girl pressed to his chest, her sightless eyes searching for truth, for the despair write on her face.
She reaches forward, tries to comfort him (him) and his lips quirk in the corner, his own velvet lips reaching down to brush against her forehead in a paternal manner. “I would like to think that.” Because if Cerva had sent her daughter to him, perhaps forgiveness had blossomed in final hours, perhaps she had been able to bridge the gap to forgive his sins. “I wouldn’t deserve that from your mother, but I would like to think that she wanted us to meet, Atrani.” He was no stranger to receiving gifts he did not deserve.
He shook his head lightly at her dismissal, his voice hushed but filled with warmth, with honesty. “She should have been my responsibility, but she would never have been a burden.” His charges never were. “It would have been an incredible honor to have helped her, to have looked after her.” Again his lips brush kindly against her poll, ruffling her forelock just slightly. “In the same way that it will be an honor to look after you, Atrani.” Because in those moments, Magnus had adopted her into his heart, folding her into himself as he had his own children. “I would love it very much if you made Tephra your home.”
out of the blue out into the loneliest place that you'll ever know I carried the world just as far as I could but the damage had taken its toll
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