"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
You've got a heart as loud as lions, so why let your voice be tamed?
The rest of tiny little moonbeam’s first night passes in cuddles and snuggles and a big cozy ball of love, broken up only for meals and the occasional very small wander around our little corner of Sylva, tucked away by ourselves the way Rhory and I spent most of my pregnancy. She loves the light just as much as I do, and beseeches me with those big blue eyes of hers to coax it into dancing for her, her own happy little nightlight.
God, I love it. That’s what helped me sleep when I was little and alone, and the fact that she loves it so much too makes my heart feel so much bigger. Her big sisters were way more enamored with their father’s fire, for the most part, especially little Anni. Rora though, I can already see the way she lights up when those happy little ‘roras dance around her. She figured out how to say the whole word on the second try, but oh I’m never going to forget the feeling of that first time, the way it lit up my chest and I just knew, that right there, that’s my baby’s name.
My little Rora.
I don’t think Rhory got a wink of sleep from the moment I went into labor ‘til now. So when he finally does drift off, I brush a kiss against his cheek and let him rest. And when our tiny moonbeam, with her cute little crescent moon on her forehead that kind of matches the crescent scar around my left eye, wakes up and is somehow bursting with energy despite how very much adventure today already held before it even got started, well. I slept some during the night, curled up with my two loves, and the aching in my body is begging for me to move. So I press another quiet little kiss to his shoulder, and little bitty Rora does the same, and by the time she’s bounding around in the snow I’m up and ready to follow.
Snow. Sassy little squish would wait ‘til winter set in to show up, wouldn’t she? All the more reason for cuddles, to keep her tiny shiny new little self all safe and warm. Sneaky wee beast. I grin and follow her, making sure she knows to keep close, making sure she doesn’t push herself too hard, making sure she stops to fill her belly when she needs to.
And somehow I’m not even a little bit surprised when she stops abruptly, her little blue eyes going big and wide, as if they already weren’t. She cranes her head around to look at me over her cute, bony little shoulder, and says, “Momma, look, I made a friend!” I snort and grin and tug her close to my side, nuzzling her and rubbing my face against the softness of her shoulder.
“Not yet you didn’t, baby, but let’s go fix that, huh? That’s your uncle Kade, and I bet he’d love to meet you.” My lips quirk into an amused little grin as I walk on over to Kade, my little girl glued right to my side and peeking around my shoulder to peer up at him. I give him half a minute ‘til he melts. It’d be ten times longer than I lasted, but I’m feeling generous. It’s been a damn good day, after all.
“‘Scuse me, hello,” she says in her sweet little voice, smiling that goofy, adorable half-grin of hers that makes me glow just a little bit every time I see it. “Uncle Kade? My name’s Rora. You look nice and also very warm and soft, d’you wanna be my friend?” She turns to look at me for a second, those thick black lashes of hers fluttering as she blinks and tilts her head a little and asks, “Friends are for cuddling, right, Momma?”
I laugh and nod and nudge her toward Kade. “Yes, little moonbeam, friends are for cuddling.”
You've got the light to fight the shadows, so stop hiding it away.
12-22-2016, 03:19 PM (This post was last modified: 12-22-2016, 03:20 PM by Akkadian.)
She was well and gone. He couldn't make out any trace of Josie or his son. He tried not to let it bother him, tried to bury the agitation that had him pacing restlessly from one end of the territory to the other. His first born, his only child. She wouldn't take him away, would she? Or had he failed them.. Had something happened to them? Maybe she left for Tephra; she knew people there. He should search for them there..
Arrya's scent drifted to him on a lazy breeze. He closed his eyes and inhaled, a bittersweet pang in his chest. Happy, yet painful. Warm brown eyes turned to her, only to fall immediately on the dark little child at her legs. Bright blue eyes danced merrily as she introduced herself. Rora. He stood entirely dumbfounded, only staring at her. It took him a moment to register what she'd asked her mother. Cuddling? Friends? He grimaced. And then Arrya confirmed it for her. Yes, friends were indeed for cuddling.
He stiffened and jerked his eyes to her. Joke, right? Just a joke? But looking down at little Rora, all her expectant glee.. nope, not a joke. He cleared his throat. Uh, yes. Friends and mommies are for cuddling. Uncles are not for cuddling.
He was still very awkward around children, still unaccustomed to them wanting anything to do with him. Always, he'd been in the background; silent and deadly. Now he almost seemed a novelty to them.
It's nice to meet you, Rora, he said with a noble bow of his head, almost a little wary. Like at any moment she might launch herself at him. I am Akkadian. Or just Kade, if you prefer. It had been a while since he used his name, and it still wasn't his full name. Perhaps he'd grow into this Kade person, and Akkadian-Shakkad would cease to exist. It might be for the best.
12-26-2016, 11:14 AM (This post was last modified: 12-26-2016, 01:32 PM by Rora.)
You need never feel broken again.
Friends are for cuddling! Oh, good, I think I like both those things then. I grin back at Momma and hop closer to my new uncle friend, and am about to snuggle up next to him when he clears his throat. I pause in my frolicky approach and blink up at him, puzzled by his response. Uncles are not for cuddling? I look back at Momma, my brow wrinkling and a little frown twisting my lips just a teensy bit. In a direction that is a lot less cozy and nice than when a smile happens. Huh.
“Not for cuddling?” What is this ‘not for cuddling’ business? Momma isn’t looking at me, though, she’s looking at Uncle Kade with an expression I don’t know yet. “I don’t get it,” I tell her, and she glances back at me, her expression softening into a familiar little smile. “Why would uncles not be for cuddling, Momma? They aren’t mean, they’re family, right?”
She reaches out to brush her soft, soft nose against my neck and my shoulder, and I wiggle all happy-like and my eyes drift closed as I nuzzle the side of her face. “No, baby girl, some uncles are just a little more shy than others is all. But if somebody doesn’t want to be cuddled, we don’t cuddle them. Just like if for some reason you ever don’t want somebody cuddling you, they need to respect that and not cuddle you anyhow. Right?”
While the idea of wanting somebody not to cuddle me is a very strange one, I suppose Momma is right. If I DID want that, it would not be nice of somebody to cuddle me anyhow. So I sigh and nod and tuck myself back up against Momma’s side and don’t snuggle my new uncle even if he looks very snuggly. Just, well, a secret kind of snuggly that’s hidden under layers of bashful.
He bows to me instead, and I follow suit, because mimicking is I guess my best bet when cuddles aren’t the answer - who knew there were times when cuddles aren’t the answer? “It’s nice to meet you, uhh..uh-KADE-ee-an. That is a lot of sounds to make all in a row, but it is a lovely name. It’s got a pretty sound, and it flows like water dancing across pebbles. Kade is nice too though, and easier to say. Is it okay if I use both? Not all at once because that would be silly, but sometimes one and sometimes the other and probably sometimes Uncle if that’s okay but if you don’t like Uncle I guess that’s fine too.”
Momma breathes out that quiet little laugh again and tugs me a scooch closer with her chin, tucking me against her in a little hug that makes my whole body feel warm and cozy “Breathe, little squish, give him a second to respond, huh?” I wiggle happily in her embrace and rub my face against her shoulder and breathe in her special Mommy smell and nod. Okay. I like breathing. It makes my chest all happy, and I guess sort of helps keep me alive now? Which is still kind of a new thought, but it means I get to be cuddling all sorts of people, or at least a few apparently, and I get to be out and about and exploring the whole wide world.
Oooh.
“Hey so if you don’t want to cuddle with me, which is fine even if it’s weird of you, I guess that’s your…” I trail off and glance up at Momma because there’s a word and I don’t know it and I want it and Momma’s smart and knows lots of hard words, and she smiles and lips at my mane, oooh, I like that. Mmm, I like that lots. And after a quick little mane-nibble, she supplies just the word I was looking for. I assume. Probably.
“Prerogative?”
“Okay! I guess that’s your preror...perga...what she said - Momma, what’s a pergative? progative? purrogative? - would you like to tell me a story? I like stories probably too!” And even if I really, really want to go snuggle up against his side and get all nice and snuggly close, I listen to Momma and respect his boundaries or whatever and just look up at him with my eyes as wide and hopeful as they go. Maybe if he's not a cuddly uncle, he'll be a talky one.
He watched her with a blank face as she tried out his name, pulling just the faintest hints of a smile from him. She was a lot like her mother already. Especially when she spoke, going on her own little rambling rants. How'd such a little one have that much breath in her? Too much like her mother.
Her little face turned to the sassy woman, requesting a word she had no name for just yet. He quirked a brow and smirked at her mother. But watching her play with the girl's little mane did something to him, tugged at something almost painful. Something he couldn't really decipher the meaning behind, and one of those many faces he wore slid into place like a familiar mask. Hard eyes, blank face. Safety.
He studied the girl. So adventurous and lively. He'd been like that once, so long ago. It was nice to see it again, even if he couldn't feel it for himself anymore. Something not at all wise was leaking to the surface, and it wasn't long before his stupid mouth surprised him and spouted out a question he surely shouldn't care about. Has she had enough to eat for a while? Toneless, as though he didn't care. He shouldn't, really. What the hell was he thinking? But his mistakes for the day were not done yet, oh no.
Why don't we give Mommy some time to herself, hm? Would you like to see anywhere in particular? Forest or Meadow? Playground? Oh, God, not the playground. So many little people. What the hell was he doing? He looked again to Arrya, wondering if she'd allow it. Did she even trust him enough to leave her in his care? He may not be able to feed her, and he may squirm a bit at the idea of a leech sucking cuddles from him, but at least she'd never have to worry over her safety with him.
12-26-2016, 05:45 PM (This post was last modified: 12-26-2016, 05:53 PM by Rora.)
You need never feel broken again.
I just smile as Uncle Kade looks me over, trying really, really hard to be patient and still and wait for a story. The wiggles have to go somewhere though, and my little ears swivel about, and my little tail waggles, but I tryyy. And that’s the important thing, right? Right.
He finally opens his mouth, but it isn’t to tell a story. Aww, man! Those swively little ears are suddenly much more droopy than swively, and my head is heavier and my shoulders slump a bit and I blink sad eyes up at him as I try to figure out the answer to his question. Even if it WAS directed at Momma. My belly isn’t exactly rumbly, but it isn’t full to the tippy top either. I could eat, if I needed to, but I don’t really need to. What a weird question.
Momma smiles though and licks my little scruff of a forelock. “She just ate, but she’s still really new. They eat a lot of tiny meals, especially for the first week, and she was just born during the night. Can’t believe how much she’s getting around already. You should be exhausted, little one. How are you not ready for a nap?”
I snort and nudge her shoulder with my nose. “Dunno, why would I nap when there’s a whole wide world to see?” And then the reason for Uncle Kade’s weird line of inquiry sinks in and my eyes get all wide and I stare up at him, a grin slowly growing and spreading across my face, first one side, then the other. Ohhh my. Oh my goodness gracious, this idea is so much better than a story! Ohhh I can’t even begin to contain my excitement. My whole body wiggles and wriggles and squirms with energy and delight and impatience to go, go, go! “Oh, Momma, can I? Can I please? I’ll be so, so good! I’ll fill up now so I won’t be hungry for ages and ages, at least like ten minutes, that’s a long time, right?” Oh, we could have such grand adventures in ten whole minutes!
Without waiting for a response, I dart back and duck under Momma’s leg to fill my belly with happy cozy warm tasty milk, only half-hearing her snort and add, “With as little as she is, I’d need to tag along on any adventures you might have, even if only to act as lunch. But we can go for a bit of a wander if you like. I’ll hang back and let you two have some fun, and she can rush on over any time she runs out of fuel. Forest or playground is fine. Just...not the Meadow.”
Her voice gets funny when she says that part, grim and dark and not-Mommy. Or not the happy cuddly cozy Mommy I know anyhow. I pause, pulling back to look up at her with milk dripping down from the corner of my mouth, my head tilted and my ears pricked forward, curiosity holding me absolutely still for about a heartbeat and a half, which is probably the longest I’ve ever managed in my entire life ‘til now.
“And when she’s a little bigger and can go longer between meals, you’re welcome to take her on more adventures on your own if you like. Her daddy would like to meet you, by the way,” Momma adds, and then I’m too distracted thinking of all my best people all in one spot and how cozy and happy and lovely that sounds to dwell anymore on strange tones and why the Meadow is off limits. Ohhh I wonder what it would be like to be cuddled by all three at once! Best cuddle! Though it’s pretty darn comfy with me and Momma and Daddy in a cuddle pile already. Where would he fit? Maybe I could climb up on Momma’s back and he could cuddle on her other side, but then I wouldn’t be squished in between all soft and warm.
Hmm.
“Momma, Uncle Kade could come home with us after, and he could meet Daddy then, and we could all have a great big cuddle pile sleepover together! Isn’t that the best idea ever? Or maybe second best, because exploring is the very bestest I think, right, Uncle Kade? Better than a story, that’s for sure, good job!”
He had a faint smile as they bantered a bit about her napping. Then it broadened easily when Rora brightened with excitement at the prospect of a day out. Such an expressive girl. So vibrant. She turned to beg her mom, but mothers are fun-ruiners, aren't they?
And so it seemed they would not be going out just yet, not until she was bigger. He felt like he should have known that. He really was clueless when it came to raising children, wasn't he? It only further drove home the fact that he hadn't been able to see his son, still couldn't find Josie. He would have learned these things from her. His son...
He frowned at the tone Arrya carried when she talked about the Meadow, peering at her curiously. Brash and fearless Arrya, sassy Arrya was unsettled by a meadow? He wondered why and what had caused it, but didn't pry. A question for another time, perhaps. He didn't think she'd tell him in front of Rora anyway, if she would at all. He looked over the girl a moment more, intrigued by what sort of adventures they may have one day. Hopefully she would keep by his side and not cause him to have to search for her. He wouldn't put it passed Arrya's daughter to be difficult.
His eyes jerked back to Arrya at what she said next. Her dad wanted to meet him? That felt... sour. But he smoothed his face, Of course. And then Rora was back on another rant. She definitely got that from her mother. Cuddles and sleepovers and exploring. He grimaced.
Right. Well, no cuddling for Uncles, remember? But yes, I think exploring is the best too. Definitely better than cuddling, he said pointedly. Maybe there was hope for this kid yet.
So what would you like to do then, since mummy dearest can't let go of you? He grinned and winked.
